lucyverse

[lucyverse]

This is a long ramble of the current mental state I’m in. It kind of almost explains the need for this new blog as well. 

I've been reading blogs for a long while now and it's actually sad to see that most of them seem to be some sort of "how to" blogs nowadays. I guess it's because people tend to update their lives on other forms of social media, but so much is just.. seemingly perfect all the time you know? And it's very easy to get lost in that perfect world and somehow feel less of yourself because you might not be putting so much of yourself out there because you never feel as perfect. And I think we do know that everything is cultivated but seeing how many of the popular blogs are 'how to' blogs, I cannot help but wonder why. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Maybe it's just me and the depression talking, though. Or maybe I've just been on social media for too long and need to detox or something.

It's been hard to like myself lately. I love my boyfriend (he's honestly the best), but my emotions are doing super rollercoasters now. Whenever I'm with him, everything is fine. I feel happy and content and.. you know. In love. And I feel pretty good about myself, too. But past 2 weeks, when he leaves, it's been hell. He's currently in military training, so he only gets home on weekends and doesn't get to interact much online on weekdays. And it should be fine. I'm a competent woman and I can be alone. But the stupid emotions are killing me here. When he's not here, I cannot muster up any willpower to do anything.

To put this in perspective, starting this new tumblr took me a week.

Anyhow. I'm going to see  a psychologist in 2 weeks and we'll see what happens. What I actually meant to say with the blog post was that sometimes when being with someone, one might forget about self-love. And when that someone is gone, even if temporarily, it feels as though you have to start practicing self-love all over again. Like with getting fit. Or learning to be creative again. Which is why I wanted this new tumblr/blog. I’m going to try and learn to be more selfish now. And I don’t think I can do that with people I know in real life following me on tumblr. 

Anyhow. Expect there to be more ramblings and potentially some fanfiction and fanart too, as I try and get my life back on track. Or hell, maybe even the fitness journey I’m currently trying to get back on.