lycoris-radiata-entries

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dreams

well i mean i had this one where you where getting home all tired from the day and i got to greet you in the entry way and just hold you while you where all sleepy like that and give you little kisses

and like one time like we where sharing a blanket and watching a show together and i got to play with your hand and like smush you’re fingers and stuff while we leaned on each other

but i mean also like

i had just gotten out of the shower and you where just sitting on the bed reading and i tried to make advances on you. but you just tucked my hair behind my ear and sliding my hands down my sides before saying “don’t you have to get up early tomorrow?” in like a warm sweet way LIKE OMFGG

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

i waittt i want i want 🙏🙏

- [ ] spaghetti strap cropped tank tops

- [ ] baggy grunge t-shirts

- [ ] fake thigh highs (pert of leggings)

- [ ] sheer leggings

- [ ] skin tight black dress

- [ ] lingerie

- [ ] a machine that i can forcefully tie myself down to the bed so that it pushes deeper than i can take will rail me and overstimulate me till i’m crying and can’t pick my legs or move to stop it so it just keeps fucking me until i pass out as it destroys my sopping wet pusy to a pulp and i can’t feel anything else and i wake up because i’m in so much pain because my pussy is raw and bruised and it’s still doing deep deep inside me as i scream out thrusting inside out inside out screaming as i cum again and again constantly streaming begging for it to stop as my mouth fills with spit and i scream to make it stop barely able to hear me screaming because i’m moaning too much i can’t stop moaning the pain the overstimulation as i get fucked for days on end stuck with the machine fucking my raw throbbing bleeding cumming pussy until the battery dies and i’ll never be able to recover because moving makes me cum moan and fall to the feelings deep inside me

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

Philippines 10.85cm 4.27in

china 13.07cm 5.15in

Vietnam 11.47cm 4.52in

hmong 12.7cm 4.83in

stefan 11.77cm 4.55in

i don’t care what size i just want to feel how warm he is in my mouth the hesitation the widened jaw as i move it deeper into my mouth the softness squishyness as i bite down on it

i want to hear him moan out my name i want to see his eyes tear up his clenched fists see him in pain and pleasure i want to feel his hands in my hair his hands on my hands as he holds on tight eyes pressed shut as he starts to jar into my mouth the change in texture as he gets desperate i want to pleasure him i want to taste him i want to tell him that he’s a good boy i want to praise him for how good he did

i want to see him get nervous when i get on my knees. i want to explore his every inch i want to run my fingers along his trail kiss down his sides i want to hear him get defensive when i make comments about his slick. i want to praise and reassure him as i explore eagerly. i want to watch him blush and get hard i want to hear him gasp and tell me how it feels when i slip it into my mouth hear him mumble and muffle himself as i swirl around the tip and feel it against my teeth. i want to hear his breathy nervous accent, his tilted head so nervous and ashamed that he’s like a hostile animal, like he wants to run away and hide, push him till he can’t take it anymore. i want him so bad.

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

hey i know this is kinda out of the blue but i’ve been thinking about it a lot recently but i think we should take a break for a little with finals coming up and so i can work on my emotional stability.

because i went into this knowing that you would chose lola over me in the drop of a hat, which is understandable. she’s better than me at quite literally everything. but even if i know that, i still feel a sinking feeling in my heart like i’m about to cry every time you talk about her. and maybe i’m just insecure, or maybe i’m possessive and a terrible person. either way little things you do keep leaving a large emotional effect on me and i don’t want that to be the reason i fail my finals or we stop talking

so again if you’re alright with it i think we should not talk for a week or so or at least until i become more emotionally self sufficient

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i just want him to like me to love me to love me so unconditionally that he wants to forge himself on me so much he doesn’t care what i do what i say what goes on i want him to want me so unconditionally that i’m the only one he want to talk to the only one he thinks about the only one he hangs out with i want him to show up on my doorstep randomly just to tell me how obsessed he is with me and force his lips on mine slip his hands up my shirt get needy needy for me he needs me he needs to have me or he would die im his world im his everything

i want him to praise me shower me with his words hold me tight and protect me from everything the world my knight in armor who won’t let anyone else touch me won’t let me get hurt hold me while i laugh hold me while i cry like a little girl face pressed into his shoulder until his shirt is soaked as he hold me close to him so that i can feel his heart beat against mine so i know that i’m not alone that he’s there for me that i don’t have to be alone and cold anymore hold me and run his fingers though my hair and hold me by my waist hold me as i cling onto his shirt hold me while he pleasures me i need him i need him more than he needs me and he will never know how much i need him i can’t live without him i cant breath without him i can’t function talk walk i can’t exist without him next to me, i cant do it.

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

your daily farming for kazuha 

im trying my best to do well at school, but a stupid game is the only thing that makes me feel safe, like its going to be okay. I love you and talk to you soon.

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶23

It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay I miss my friends. Did I ever have friends? Who am I talking about? When did I have friends? Who are my friends? Who? What were their names again? I don't remember their faces. I don't have friends. I want to be wanted. I want to be loved. I was never happy. Everyone thought I was happy. I wasn't. I wasn't okay. From a young age I wasn't okay. Why didn't anyone notice? Isn't it weird for someone not to smile for over 4 years? At the age of 8? To not smile once until I was 12? and then never again? I never asked to be here. I never asked to be alive. I don't want to be here. I want to disappear. I'm sorry. Please be my friend. I'll take care of you. Okay? I love you so much. I want to go on picnics. I want to spend time with you. But I never will, I will never meet you. Except for my dreams. If I'm in eternal sleep I can be with you forever. I don't have to be alone anymore, because I have you. Right? Take my hand, it will all be okay. Call out to me because I'm there to listen to you.

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𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶22

I got up the courage to talk to my friends again. then they all left me. for the first time i’m alone and it’s not my doing. it’s all my fault. I made it okay to invite people without permission. I set the example, i’m so sorry.

I keep telling myself it’s not my fault. they where the ones who posted the photos. it was just a waterfall effect. I wasn’t involved. but in reality I can’t believe that. it’s bullshit. I hate myself. it’s my fault. its all my fault.

now i’m alone again. alone with no friends. I cant make new ones. i’m scared to. where do I start in the process? it’s so confusing, and I know i’ll fail if I try.

so now here I am. I have to accept that I hate myself. that I am a terrible person. that I will never do anything right.

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𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶21

I don’t know if i’m happy because I cut off all my friends or if i’m just numb.

I haven’t had any bad spin outs, or mental breakdowns but now i’m bland. the same thing every day. it’s almost sickening. but that’s a good thing, right? that means i’m happy now, right? I don’t really know...

I don’t really know what i’m supposed to do, sorry.

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶20

woot woot! entry 20! I don’t know why I get happy over these little achievements... but to celebrate, ((with myself I guess?)) here’s some photos from earlier today. it was originally a request from one of my friends qwq- but hey, they shouldn’t mind it’s my body and the photos are of me.

I need to have more self worth-

but without further ado... HAPPY FEMBOY FRIDAY WOOO! ★彡

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶19

I want to be wanted.

I want to be loved.

not in a lustful way.

but if that’s the only way then I will tuck my feelings down and take what I can get. physically he makes me feel gross, but mentally i’m getting what I want if only for a moment.

but is it worth the sacrifice?

do the pros outweigh the cons?

I don’t know... I shouldn’t be greedy, sorry.

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶18

I haven't been as sensible as I have usually. I tend to scare myself with my thought, with my feelings. sometimes I question why people aren't afraid of talking. when people talk its scary. do other people not fear failure. do their heads not fill with thoughts when they are in public? am I not normal? probably not but that's okay. I don't want to bother people with my issues. everyone says I can talk to them, that they are there for me. they all talk to me open up to me, dump feelings and then leave. why trust me? I want to trust people. I want to talk about what I'm going through, I don't want to be alone. but how can I do that when the only person I ever opened up to left me. he never talked to me about himself. we would just go and stare at the stars, we would ballroom dance uner the street lights. I could escape in the moment. for that time it was all better. then why? why didn't he talk to me? why did he end it so early? I have so many questions. questions that ill never know the answer to.

this sounds stupid, I'm sorry.

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶17

I don't know why I still do this. but that's okay. 

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶16

do you ever wonder what happens when you die? people tend to hope for a haven, dread a hell, or have beliefs in reincarnation, ex. I hope there is nothing. I hope that once I die I am gone. I hope there is nothing that happens once I'm gone. it would be cool if dieing was like advancing the map in a video game, or unlocking a new universe. dieing is like the little key to the next world and then you have to unlock from there to another universe. people killing themselves are like fast advancers, and people who die of old age are like the ones who thoroughly check the map before advancing and they dont have anything more to adventure. that would be the second best outcome, but form where we are  now will advancing be that cool?

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶15

I'm a bit relived now. they are happy now everything is back to normal. well of course it is. I had no influence to them. they did not view me highly in anyway. I was the only one who needed the other. they don't need me to be happy and that's okay. I'm happy to know they are happy without me. at least I can give them what I could never have myself. at least I can disappear knowing that they will be okay, that they will be happy. I could with nothing more. they mean the world to me, and I mean nothing. 

[lycoris-radiata-entries]

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶14

I really need a hug.

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𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛y 𝟶13

I just want to feel good. not about anything but just feel good please. please its al I want just a little. I dont have anything anymore why arent I happy hwhy cant I smile without crying why why dose it hurt so much why dose evringthing I do hurt why is it all scarry why I dont understand whats wrong there is sonthing wrong with me im not normal this feeling isent normal why I want help why cant I ask for help I need help im alone and scared I dont want this I wouldent wish this on anyone with me im confused. whenever my mom comes home when I see my granpa in the main rooms they all scare me it hurts for me to keep it all bottoled up but I dont want this I dont want to be scared I want to be wanted but o one wants me no one wants me anymore im not wanted im alone and that scares me I dont want to be scared I dont want it to hurt I want to be happy I want to be happr just a little bit just for a little I want to escape form this I cant find bliss anymore I cant find happyness like how I used to I want to go back and be happy content even Ill settle for anything I wil do anything to feel okay again anything i dont care what it is anymore I just dont want to be scared anymore I dont want to be scared its all so scarry and it hurts it hurts to be alive it hurts to keep living why am i still living if all it dose is bring me pain it only brngs me pain why why wy why why WHY WHY I dont know anything I dont want to know anymore I dont want to think anymore its overwllming it all so overwelming I have to take it I have to seem like im talking it well I have to look like im put together like im doing well like im responcibe like I know whats going on I cant keep it up I want to keep it up I want to be the person I act like I am I want to be like that Im not like that why cant I why? she would hate me and thats fine she scares me thye scare me why am I so scared why Im so scared it scares me its overwelming like its going to swollow me up without notics and that scares me why cant I take it why cant I keep bottleing up I want to keep bottleing up lease go back I want them to go back I dont want to let out my feelings I want to go back t when it wasent scarry when my feelings where bottoled up when I was a sociopath that only potrayed f3eelings when I had to not this mess im a mess and it scares me is this how it feels to have feelings scared aftarid confused at evrything they are so overwelming why did I start this why did I think it would be a good I dea to express myself why why why why I need to go back I want to go back now. right now. I cant keep this up I cant keep being scared like this. please im begging you please.