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i sent the bee movie script over imessage to my friend who lives overseas but it didn’t send as an imessage and sent as 315 text messages instead and i’m gonna be charged for international texting for all of them
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“makeup actually expires!!!” not if it costs more than $5 it doesnt
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wHEN THE MUSIC GETS ALL INTENSE AND U CAN’T FIND THE ENEMY
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one time at h&m i thought a guy was a mannequin so i started feeling the material of his coat and i screamed when he moved and we were both really freaked out
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This is maybe my favorite existing tweet
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Conversation
Me: *successfully avoids social event* nice
Me: *is really lonely* shit
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American belongs to THESE HANDS
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why are there waiting lists for preschools!!! babies are so small!! 800 could fit in one room just stack them
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My Wedding
Husband: *Gives long 10 minute vow about his love for me*
Me:
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