maddcastle

[maddcastle]

I told one of my friends yesterday that I think I’m a maladaptive daydreamer, and she said it was cool, and I was just sitting there like: ....uhm... no

sorry for that, anon :/ it sucks that most people don’t, won’t, and truly can’t understand. it can feel isolating. i’m so thankful for the community here. it’s helped me immensely. 

[maddcastle]

Hey! :) I'm trying to do more research on madd to figure out whether I really have it or im just exaggerating my normal daydreaming. So far it seems like I have most, if not all, the symptoms besides one really common one that's come up: pacing. I do not pace regularly, most of the time I sit or lay in bed daydreaming but can think of times I've gotten up and acted out entire conversations in the middle of the night. But uhm my question is: is it particularly pacing or anything repetitive? 👉👈

hi! not everybody paces. some sit still or lie down for hours at a time, some do different repetitive movements like flicking a pen between their fingers or spinning or swinging, some don’t experience this particular symptom at all. you may still have madd.

[maddcastle]

Yeah, the dependence eating your time, ruining your relationships, and making you neglect yourself and your needs are definitely a big part of the miserable side of MADD. But I don’t see a lot of people talking about 

The loss of identity from containing dozens of massively different personalities, each with their own mannerisms, voice, beliefs/practices etc

Your body feeling alien because you’re not your paraself

Loss of memory; memories being replaced with events from your paracosm

Becoming unaware of your surroundings, zoning out for weeks and just getting deeper and deeper in your paracosm to substitute

Life starting to feel like a movie because of the semi-controlled and cinematic nature of daydreams warping your perception of everything

Predisposition to mood swings from oscillating between paracosm and thisverse quickly and oftenly

On the other hand, complete numbness; especially in paracosm, when your paras can’t cheer you up/take your mind off things anymore

Like I don’t know, maybe that’s me conflating MADD with other things. Just feel like they’re connected

[maddcastle]

me when my paras are partying and i'm alone in my room experiencing the party

[maddcastle]

I really don’t understand why some people insist that the madd community on this website is anti recovery inherently? I feel like perhaps some people don’t understand what a massive expense therapy is in the USA where it is privatized to begin with. Also many people in the community are either underaged or still in the traumatic environment that caused their madd. Stack on to of that the fact that our issue isn’t actually recognized or understood. I’ve told many mental health professionals about them and in my personal experience they’re more often baffled and not sure how to tackle it. we’re not lucky enough to have a roadmap to treatment for this and people do not magically become cured of a condition on their own. There is no use in shaming people for how they daydream, be it how much, how little, how often they post about it, ect. People who can’t afford therapy or can’t go for whatever reason still deserve a space and exist. Mentally ill people do not need to be “fixed” or to your standards to become more palatable to you.

[maddcastle]

things to do when you’re caught pacing

just immediately throw yourself onto the ground and flop like a fish

do a split

crawl under the nearest piece of furniture

t-pose

just run and at fucking offensive tackle the offender

scream to express dominance

say “what the FUCK is up kyle, what the FUCK is up”

act possessed

start dancing. don’t stop dancing. just dance for hours. mom is scared

[maddcastle]

hello!! i would like to thank you for all of the madd games you’ve put out (ik they’re mostly from 2017 but still) i hope ur doing good!!

thank you!! i hope they have helped people find some comfort and joy 💙 

[maddcastle]

[maddcastle]

“I am always in too many worlds,”

— Ada Limón, Carrying: Poems; “Sometimes I Think My Body Leaves a Shape in the Air”

[maddcastle]

hi, i just wanted to say that your blog is really nice, and i didnt know a madd community existed but it does!!!! and i feel so nice!!! :))

thank you 💙💙💙

[maddcastle]

[maddcastle]

Do you think it’s stil madd if someone daydreams of themselves??? Like I spend hours and hours putting myself in a scenario and enacting them. Like music and acting like I’m in that world with gestures and moves and so on. But there are no universes, or new characters or anything, Just me but better, in a better circumstance with people that I know. I have always thought it is madd because it takes over my life, I spend hours imagining new scenarios where I am amazing.

having MADD isn't so much what you're dreaming about but how much of a nuisance the daydreaming itself is on your life, and there are many MDers who daydream about their own lives rather than fantasy ones. you're not alone. hope you find some comfort in the community 💙 

[maddcastle]

Maladaptive

Her hair is a beautiful rose gold, cropped up short and pinned behind her head. Eyes are ablaze with her signature honey coloured pupils, sprinkles of gold slumbering on her pretty pink cheeks. They blink once or twice, long eyelashes fluttering at me with anticipation. I feel a bit like a deer caught in the headlights, her beauty distracting me from what I been pondering on earlier.

It’s so easy to let her allure draw me into the world behind her, which has evolved from a grassy field speckled with dragon snap flowers and wheat to a civilization composed of so many foreign elements. Years back most of the concepts would be alien to me, but my hunger for human knowledge had sent be spiralling into an adrenaline rush mothering intense studies.

Most prominent were phases when I locked onto ideologies and fantasies that outstretched even mine. A simple video game took an idea of mine so tiny and delusional and enhanced it until the tip of my fingers couldn’t reach the summit of the outcome. Had a stranger approached me on the name of Amaterasu five years ago and asked me to explain who it was and what it meant I would have no answer, no response. It was a name that once held no weight, but now it clips my wings. 

Keep reading

[maddcastle]

me: brain, i’m pretty sad, may i have a comfort daydream?

brain: no, but you will be forced to endure unwanted scenarios of violence and psychological trauma that will make you feel even worse

[maddcastle]

Your blog makes me so happy :)

i’m glad to hear that, darling 💙 

[maddcastle]

Hi! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE ignore this if youre not comfortable answering. Ive never heard of maladaptive daydreaming. I came across a post of yours describing it more and I was alarmed at how much I relate. Id hate to go to a therapist all self diagnosed over 1 post with things I do, or be a typical ~ooh I relate I'm awkward and cool~ so idk what to do. Are there certain symptoms (wrong word?) that would cause for needing to speak to a professional or is it something you just have to be aware of?

Hi, Christina. I understand you completely. The concept of maladaptive daydreaming was only really introduced to the field of psychology in 2002 by Eli Somer, and even now it’s widely unheard of. It is not in the DSM yet, as there has not been enough research to know how to diagnose or treat it yet (scientifically speaking, we’re still not entirely sure what it is; it has been proposed that it might be a behavioral addiction, a dissociative spectrum disorder, an attention deficit-related disorder, an OCD spectrum disorder, and others), so it is not professionally diagnosable, and all who currently identify as maladaptive daydreamers are self-diagnosed. Therefore, I hesitate to point out specific symptoms to be especially concerned about, except that I have noticed a small trend in extreme maladaptive daydreaming sometimes leading to suicide ideation and (sometimes completely unintentional) self destructive behaviors (such as forgetting to eat and sleep). So, yes, definitely seek help if you feel that you are in danger. But here is the proposed diagnostic criteria (2017), and I will say that if you are significantly distressed by anything, whether you believe you have MD or not, you are absolutely valid in seeking therapy, even if it’s only to work out a single behavior/stressor. Therapy can help you even if you don’t have an illness. Lastly, please check out @madd-information, they are incredibly helpful.

If anyone has anything to add, please feel free.

[maddcastle]

Hiya!! Is this blog still active??

Hi! I’m still around, but I don't regularly update.