magic-miss-me

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tired of toothy mimics. i want a mimic to just fucking deck me

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I hate explaining my homebrew to people sometimes. They come to play and already have this idea of a character they wanna play I have to break it to them, that’s not … my game doesn’t support that.

Listen, there’s a reason I have certain races based on certain real cultures. So I’m sorry you can’t have a white elf, my story doesn’t allow that.

Other times I just don’t like certain things in the book. Evil orcs? Gone. They’re peace loving nomads now. Tieflings only being red? WRONG, they can and will be any color I want.

So, what I’m saying is, Nicole, is no your character can’t be straight. We don’t have straight people in this world. I’m not sorry.

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I couldn’t find anyone making a big deal out of this so I willl

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Because I saw someone say this should be the new meme for the rest of the year

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griffin mcelroy created the most relatable and compelling villain of our generation, the embodiment of nihilism and the desire to burn the world in search of answers, and trusted his father to come up with a counter. the man delivered in an astoundingly simple but powerful way and this is a large part of what makes taz balance a great story. in this essay i will

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TRAVIS REALLY PULLED THIS SHIT 😂😂😍😍

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vicious mockery is my favorite spell in dungeons and dragons because like

A) it does decent damage

B) it’s a cantrip

so canonically, a talented musician can murder commonfolk by hurling a single insult at them (average damage at 17+ level is 10, max 16.). imagine a chaotic evil bard who becomes a serial killer and the local guards are afraid to pursue him because you might go up and say “you’re under arrest” but then he just retorts ‘your mom is under arrest” and you fucking die on the spot

that same musician, if he can manage to successfully insult the world’s most fearsome ancient dragon 55 times without dying first… it dies. a process which would still take only about 11 minutes (assuming the bard has a spell DC of 19, meaning the dragon would fail about 50% of the saves.)

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The Director leans forward over her desk, her face drawn and intent. “So I suppose you’re wondering why I called you three in h–”

“Actually, Madam Director,” Taako interrupts, “I’m wondering how you got this lavender tea so right.”

The Director blinks. “I simmer the lavender blossoms in a saucepan with water and honey, because I’m not a fucking barbarian. Twenty minutes, dash of vanilla, the whole thing. Anyway–”

“It’s good tea,” Merle pipes up.

“Thanks, Merle. So–” 

“Hold up, hold up. Holllld up.” Taako actually raises his hand. “How– okay, I mean, what the hell, that’s exactly how I make lavender tea, how’d you know?”

“I know everything, I’m the Director.”

“Are you spying on us?” Magnus says, suddenly interested. 

“I can, uh, no, I can’t confirm that, or, deny, that horrific breach of employer-employee confidentiality. I probably just know that stuff because of all the cool superpowers you get when you’re in charge of a secret moon-based operation.”

Merle waves his hand enthusiastically. “Hey, what’s tattooed on my butt!”

“Kenny Chesney, which I know on account of you came into my actual office with your whole entire ass hanging out.”

“It was like three quarters, max,” Magnus says. “Hey, what’s my favorite tea?”

“You think tea is for chumps.”

“I do,” Magnus says, earnestly pleased. 

“Does anyone have any non-tea related questions?”

Merle waves his hand again. “Do you know about our secret st—“

“Taped under Magnus’s bed. Yes.”

“Aw,” Magnus says to his tea. 

“For someone with such extensive woodworking proficiency, I really thought you’d have, like, a secret drawer somewhere,” the Director says thoughtfully. 

“Hey, taped under the mattress is a classic,” Taako says. 

“It’s very, mm, very college hijinks, reminiscent, very Animal House.”

“Bullshit, you never watched Animal House,” Merle says.

“I may— I might have. You don’t know.”

“Name one— name one scene! Just one! Gimme a quote!”

“I don’t have to, because I’m your boss. Can I get back to telling you about your new incredibly important mission to save the whole— basically the whole entire world, already, or do you want to waste more time playing Fantasy fucking Trivia?”

The three Reclaimers look at each other, and then Taako uses mage hand to pour himself more lavender tea. 

“What’s Merle’s favorite tea?” he asks, grinning, and the Director drops her face into her hands. 

“Chamomile,” she says, in the grave, sorrowing tones of one who must bear the unbearable, year after thankless fucking year. “He thinks it’s sexy.”

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Turns out the knife was cursed

“I pick up the knife” is now a mini-meme among my party and obviously it just means “I did something impulsive and now it’s going to take two sessions to solve.” 

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thanks for playing

(Cantrip scars)  

(1st level spell scars)

(2nd level spell scars)

(3rd level spell scars)

(4th level spell scars)

(5th level spell scars)

(6th level spell scars)

(7th level spell scars)

(8th level spell scars)

>9th lv spell scars

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Dungeons and Dragons: A new generation.

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Ordinary Kid™ falls into fantasy realm.

Ordinary Kid™ gets told by local fairies he’s the chosen one.

Ordinary Kid™ told he needs to defeat the evil wizard.

Ordinary Kid™ immediately gets his ass killed.

1st Fairy to the 2nd Fairy: “You’ve really got to stop telling them that.”

2nd Fairy to the 1st Fairy: “Well sooner or later, it’s bound to be true for one of the little fuckers.”

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nila: firbolgs don’t need money

clay: i like this one

nott internally: then why????? did pumat sol????? charge me????? for my endless flask???????

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Taliesin really be out there liking all the tweets about how he lost his queer character and just made one that is even more powerful. So real. So good. 

Anyways, nothing about this forest living eco-goth mushroom man is straight. 

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E27 (July 24, 2018)

This is a special SDCC edition featuring the cast… some of the cast! Marisha Ray, Taliesin Jaffe, Sam Riegel, Liam O’Brien, and Matt Mercer!

This episode was pre-recorded on Saturday, and hence there is a tragic lack of After Dark content. Please turn off all your lights after the episode airs to simulate the After Dark experience. Thank you.

Vox Machina: Origins will be back in 2019! The next arc (the first arc to really kick in for the home game) will be about meeting Pike and Percy.

Matt is going to have Taliesin design him a Mollymauk tattoo. Sam: “Does Taliesin get to pick the body part?” Marisha: “No, I do.” Taliesin: “We’re in committee.”

Realizing how much the dynamic was going to change has thrown everyone a bit off-balance. Liam’s glad Keg stepped up when she did after Molly went down. Caleb’s mental process was “How many can we save?” and knowing he’d have to just cut and run if he couldn’t bring anyone with him. He was very aware of the Scroll of Invisibility in the pocket.

An older game of Matt’s where Taliesin played had only two out of five characters survive after a disastrous fight. That session was Marisha’s first time watching the game after she and Matt started dating.

Leaving the coat was mostly a respect thing since it was such an intrinsic part of Molly’s character. It is pointed out that they might come across a bandit mugging people in that coat. Anyone who stole that coat would just be liquified. Liam points out that if Lucien/Nonagon/whoever returns as an NPC Big Bad of the series, leaving the coat might keep them on their good side.

Beau has a family history with tarot cards, which is why she always had a thing about them. The last meaningful conversation she had with Molly was over those cards. Taliesin: “I was watching, going, ‘Yeah.’” Marisha: “It means something, and Beau has some regrets about how that conversation went.”

Nott didn’t want anything? “Of course I wanted things. I wanted everything.” But it didn’t seem respectful. Taliesin: “I was backstage screaming, ‘LOOT THE BODY, just loot the body, what’s wrong with you!’”

Taliesin had several moments last episode where he had to drop everything and get ready to go when his new character almost made an appearance… but never quite did. 

Taliesin’s opinion of the funeral? “I feel like more money could’ve been spent. I mean, you ended up in a brothel. You could’ve done something.” Seriously, though, he cried. To Marisha: “You were a lot.”

Sam’s getting to the point where Nott’s point of view is like second nature. “It helps that I have had a lot of drinks in the past, and I know just from sense memory what that’s like.” Liam: “Nott shares your unbridled sense of id, Sam.”

According to Matt, the hardest part about preparing for the new campaign was creating something that simultaneously felt new and set itself apart from the first campaign without deviating too dramatically. He also felt like if the first episode was a dud coming off of the very dramatic ending of campaign 1, that would be on him. He was very aware that a lot of people would be jumping into the show for the first time since it would be a more accessible entry point.

There will be one shots and all sorts of new content associated with the new studio. Honey Heist 2: Electric Bear-galoo will be the first one! Marisha wants to start and focus with bite-sized content, shows that will lower some of the barriers of entry to D&D. A lot of people have discovered D&D from CR and want to get into it, but the PHB looks like homework, so they’re trying to make elements of it more easily understandable to a wider audience.

Matt likes to bring in guest stars, but doesn’t want to do it too often so that the story still focuses on the Mighty Nein. He’s excited to have this opportunity to bring in more of the folks they’ve wanted to have for ages, though. There’s always the possibility of guests having to cancel last-minute, which makes the whole process nerve-wracking. The focus is always on bringing in the people who only really want to be there for that part of the story.

Matt on dealing with directed anger from the internet: “Whenever somebody lashes out, it’s coming from a place of insecurity inside them. Most people. Some people are just dicks. But some people are just angry at the world and lash out at whatever’s in front of them.”

Matt on non-binary NPCs: “There’s plenty more out there.”

Mechanics they miss from last campaign: Marisha went from being “a versatile Swiss-Army-Knife toolbox to a… toolbox.” She misses the versatility of the spells. “Now I try to figure out other creative ways to do things.” Taliesin: “I miss having an enormous amount of distance from combat.” Sam: “The ability to speak. With confidence. That’s it.” Liam: “I miss the sheer satisfaction, and dare I say smugness, of stealth rolls.”

Taliesin on Molly as queer rep: “I love watching what’s been happening with the community in the last 15 years.” He had to ask his “young friends” to figure out the vocabulary, but he’s been focused on exploring new things and he’s delighted at how much it’s resonated with people.

Taliesin on Molly: “He’s still doing great in my head.” Matt points out that Molly’s already having major effects on the campaign and the motivations of the PCs right now (Taliesin’s so pleased).

Marisha: “After the first few times that I put the moves on [Yasha], we were at break, and I could sense that Ashley was wanting to ask me something, and she got up the courage, and she was like, ‘Hey, um, I’m just curious. Is Beau–’ and at that exact moment someone called Ashley to the stage, and I was like, ‘Bye!’“ They haven’t had a chance to talk about it since then. Beau’s looking at it a bit like deciding whether or not to get into a work relationship right now.

An unexpected theme of campaign 2 has been identity and trust. Matt on one of his favorite unexpected storytelling developments: “Having a group of self-entitled terrible people that had this one amazing individual come into their life and be taken away, and now realize they all want to become better people because of that.”

Sam mentions that the first year in the home game, the characters were a bit like cartoon characters, until they got comfortable enough to start letting them have real emotions. Now there’s been a lot more pressure to create a character that’s internally consistent and different from their first characters without being too different and outside their ranges.

Liam gets a question from a kid with the cutest voice and everyone loses it from the adorableness. What’s his favorite monster? “Well, my number one favorite monster is Matthew Mercer.” He’s a big fan of the beholder. “I really like that guy.”

Sam on being asked how he creates flawed characters: “I’m fascinated by flaws and how people overcome them and work around them and stuff, because in real life, I don’t have any.” For Nott, he picked a couple of weird character quirks and worked backwards from there. “The ‘why’ is the fun stuff.”

Matt talks about how we’re already facing a huge difficulty with prejudice in the world now, and he doesn’t feel like he should be forcing that awfulness into entertainment. He’s still finding the balance to give the players a chance to confront and defeat those ideas without it feeling hackneyed or unnecessarily painful to viewers dealing with those issues outside the game.

On resurrecting Molly, Taliesin: “Due to things I can’t necessarily go into, I don’t know if that would have even worked.”

Liam talks about how he never plays Renegade characters in video games and how it’s been a challenge playing Caleb. Liam: “The Mighty Nein isn’t really the family that Vox Machina was, at least not yet, but we are. We love each other and we love playing with each other.”

Marisha points out that when Molly talked about a silk flower, he said, “Here’s one that won’t die.”

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DM Culture

Snark about crit fail perception checks, e.g. “I go into the cave” “Roll a perception check” “Nat 1” “You suspect you may be in a cave”

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

The eyebrow raise and weary “Okay” when they say yes

The constant battle to stop your players from flirting with every NPC

The constant battle with that one player who thinks all the monsters are REALLY hot

“You can certainly try!”

The weary sigh and scramble to come up with stats when they initiate combat in a moment that was supposed to be completely calm

The utter shock and secret pride when they solve what was supposed to be a combat situation completely nonviolentlently

The utter fucking DELIGHT of writing a moment that lands really well and that the players all love

That moment of sheer panic and desperate scrambling when they do the one fucking thing you didn’t plan for

Just, when you’re in the middle of a session and you look around and realize everyone is really into it and all these people you care about are having a really really good time because of something you organized and your heart swells a little

pls add more!!!