magicacain

[magicacain]

I think the worst part about being mentally ill like this is finally realizing that I'm never going to get "better".

Most of my major life events have been ruined by circumstances or were terribly underwhelming because I held myself back.

It's absolutely excruciating to sit here and feel like I'm being ripped in half while all my friends celebrate their success in graduating. I was supposed to graduate with them. I was supposed to have a big 18th birthday. I was supposed to get my license on time. I was supposed to attend a normal high-school. I was supposed to celebrate graduating middle school. I was supposed to celebrate graduating from elementary school.

I will always feel like this and there is nothing I can do about it.

[magicacain]

I deleted every single message every single time

[magicacain]

the hole in my chest grows deeper with every breath

[magicacain]

Fingers intertwined with a figment of my imagination.

An amateur choreography is shared between us both, attempting to dance to the music I can't even make out.

I can feel his fingers in-between mine, hesitatant but all too eager.

It's fun. It's warm.

We smile and laugh together as one.

[magicacain]

My dreams embrace me with warmth

[magicacain]

Could I still be a planet to you?

So far away, so small, cold, and blue.

The things I say don't make me any more of a man.

[magicacain]

It's like every time it happens

It just gets stronger

Pushing at me until there's nothing left

But the crumbling of weak concrete

The failing of the

Outer structure

Causing all of me

To fall

Into my own head

[magicacain]

I feel as though now is the only time they could care if we were gone.

[magicacain]

꒰ ୨୧ ─ Sangonomiya Kokomi rentry graphics .

ʟɪᴋᴇ or ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ and ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ if using . (🐬) ᵎᵎ

Check my list before doing a ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ: 💌

꒰ ୨୧ ─ for @creepysp4ghetti 700+ followers event!

Day 4 prompt: underwater themed or space themed.

Posted this some hours late... 😭 the creativity and motivation was killing me but I wanted to challenge myself so I went with it through the end, I'm pleased with how the graphics turned out :3

[magicacain]

Nothing but a gift giver

Invited just to be kept at arms length

an illusion of openness swept away by silence

a sentence repeated again

and again

and again

maybe next time

[magicacain]

If I could go back, it's not like there would be anyone waiting for me.

[magicacain]

Dancing with the falling leaves

[magicacain]

❛    i  was so    𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅   . so damn  stupid .   ❜

penned  by  ale.

[magicacain]

There she goes!

[magicacain]

Why do I always hurt? And why can't I escape it?

[magicacain]

You look like hell

You smell like death

Your lungs filled with liquid

"Is it over yet?"

[magicacain]

I never actually do anything.

I just idly submit to the idea.