A couple years ago I ordered a Passport drive thru e-bay but got it used because it was much cheaper. 1 TB was more storage space than I'll ever need but I figured it would be better than having to update my backup every few years. Anyway, when I got it it was full of files for entire movies, about 2000, most from before 1990. Like a year's salary worth of DVDs. Some are taken directly from Blu-Rays and some are what look like third-generation VHS copies with Turkish subtitles. So I took the list of titles and put them in a program called the Randomizer and decided I was going to watch every one of them in my spare time and write about each one on Twitter using their 280-character limit (people have asked, it's 280 characters not counting the words "One-tweet reviews"), even the half I've already seen. With 280 characters I sometimes don't have room to mention the actors or directors or even whether I liked the movie or not, and that's kind of the idea. Years ago, there was a bit on SCTV parodying awards shows with recurring characters of theirs, a vocal group called Five Neat Guys singing a piece about the nominees for that year which didn't say much about those films and didn't require having seen them. That was one of my inspirations. I can assure you that I've seen every one of these, though. The capsule review may not seem as if I have, but I do have to at least make sure what I say is accurate. Nobody's heard of most of these so theoretically I could be making things up, but I'm not. Something could be a great movie except for one racial slur or a scene with domestic violence. Something people didn't bat an eye at once would make one blanch today. It also works the other way around. In olden days a glimpse of stocking was often seen as something shocking. (see what I did there?) The roles of genders and races have changed over the years, well-meaning white actors have played roles in [your color here]-face and the movies should be judged on the standards of wh...
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Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by magicwhistle and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
42
Likes Per Post
37
Reblog Per Post
5
Reply Per Post
0
Time Between Posts
10 hours
Number of Posts By Type
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17
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
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812- AS GOOD AS MARRIED (1937) A guy marries his secretary so he doesn't have to make alimony payments, then ends up falling in love with her for real, in a sham marriage rom-com turned real plot that hasn't been done since.
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811- DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR PLAID (1982) Compilation of film noirs from the 30s and 40s mixed with Steve Martin bits. No but seriously, when I saw this at 12, I didn't know clips were added in. I recognized Humphrey Bogart but thought the clips were new.
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810- SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION (1994) Everyone knows about how a felon escapes prison without anyone knowing by keeping a poster over his tunnel, but of the thousands of things I've seen that mention crawling through a sewer, this is the only one that mentions shit.
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809- THE LAST MARRIED COUPLE IN AMERICA (1979) Could only have been made when it was made. The idea of swinging singles has virtually disappeared, couples usually stay together until their children leave for college, and nobody has porno orgies anymore.
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808- MAD MAX (1979) A nostalgic look at the eighties when road gangs were invading highways and taking over small towns and only one cop was able to stop them. Remember that? In the US motorcycle gangs came from PTSD after WWII. I don't know these guys' excuse.
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807- HELLO, DOLLY (1969) Woman tries to find love in the 1890s, is toast of the town in NYC but it's never said that she does anything but be a matchmaker and fixer. What she does ultimately works out for everyone, but I'm not sure how there's money to be made.
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806- FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980) This franchise has had a million sequels that I never saw as a kid. The name Jason is only mentioned once I think and the trademark mask isn't there which must come later. I still don't know what the “Ch-ch-ch-ch ah-ah-ah-ah” shit is.
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805- DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION PART 2: THE METAL YEARS (1989) Doc of the heavy-metal scene as it was then. Half these bands are still around. The other half keep claiming “we're gonna make it”. You could make a million jokes about what they're doing now.
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804- FOLLIES GIRL (aka SWING CANTEEN, 1943) A dress designer and boss's son get married while he's on army leave. At least three quarters of the movie is padded with numbers from the burlesque show she designs dresses for, including drag acts and jitterbugging.
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803- DOCTOR X (1932) A doctor is given a chance by police to use his advanced scientific methods to solve a series of murders, investigating him in the process. Even then cannibalism, prostitution, prosthetics, color, and synthetic flesh had been invented.
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802- HAUNTED HONEYMOON (1986) Couple from radio show about to be married at mansion haunted by werewolf and only husband knows something suspicious is going on. Throwback to horror films from the thirties except the twist is it has Dom DeLuise in drag.
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801- LIFEFORCE (1985) Aliens discovered that need to suck life out of people to survive. The males do it at a distance but in order to pander to the audience the female one kisses and makes love to the victim. Not a direct-to-video comedy like it sounds.
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800- DON'T MAKE WAVES (1967) Guy whose car falls down a hill finds out woman who made it happen is mistress of business owner and blackmails his way into working for him. He later loses house in mudslide. If you like things rolling down hills, this is for you.
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799- DOUBLE AGENT 73 (1974) A secret agent hired to expose a heroin ring with a camera implanted in her breasts, she also beats enemies with them when necessary, though there's no explanation why it must be done topless. I think she was drugged while making this.
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798- BRAIN OF BLOOD (aka THE OOZING SKULL aka THE CREATURE'S REVENGE aka THE UNDYING BRAIN, 1971) A sheik has his brain transplanted into the body of a simpleton who gets angry when he wakes up and finds out what's happened and someone else wears too much makeup.
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797- PERVERSION FOR PROFIT (1965) From Citizens For Decent Literature, about the 2 billion dollar a year pornography industry. Shows lots of magazine and book covers, if it weren't for censor bars over models' eyes you could make posters from screen grabs.
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796- SANTO VS. DOCTOR DEATH (aka SANTO STRIKES AGAIN, 1973) Saint (Santo) is a Mexican wrestler hired by Interpol to bust art forgers. He wears his mask in everyday life, even while driving, probably so they wouldn't need the same actor through the whole film.
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