majhahere

[majhahere]

My love,

They say the highest form of love is sacrificing your own for the betterment of the other person. But they never said that suppressing what one feels deep inside their heart would be nearly impossible. I can never make you understand what I’m going through, what's happening in my head. I only have these words to express my purest intentions, which were never enough to convince you. If only I could, I would have done more. But being thousands of miles away, this was all I could do. I'm sorry.

I really wanted to spend this lifetime with you. The peace I felt with you was unlike anything I had ever felt. Whenever I saw your hand in a snap or a story, I imagined holding it and going for a long walk. I saw us moving into our first home, both of us working tirelessly to raise a happy family and retire by 45. The lazy weekend afternoons on our balcony, you were so engrossed in your book that you let the coffee I made for you almost an hour ago go cold. I didn’t mind because I’d fallen asleep on the couch as you ran your fingers through my hair. Weekends where we’d go out or order in our favorite food (sushi for you, of course). Late at night, you’d get a sudden craving for ice cream, and we’d find an excuse to go for a long drive. We’d buy random flavors and sit by the lake until you felt sleepy.

On weekdays, you'd be this hardworking corporate lady, exhausted from working extra hours. I’d come home to find you still in your office clothes, asleep without even having dinner. I’d make us something light, feeding you with my own hands as you, the little girl you are, ate with your sleepy eyes.

Fast forward three years, and we have a little version of you. We’d name her Mahruu, just like you wanted. Did I ever tell you that I wouldn’t want another child if my first is a girl? So yes, we’d raise Mahruu together, giving her all the love you never had and more.

These were my dreams, my happy thoughts, and my prayers. But I guess it’s better to give up, no? Since I can’t force my emotions on you, I should just give up. I guess I’ll set you free from my expectations and my hopeless romanticism.

I hope you achieve everything you’ve dreamed of and more. I hope Allah (SWT) gives you everything you deserve, and I hope you find peace and stability in your partner. Just like you, I put my trust in Him and leave everything in His hands.

So, ma’am, I’ll take my leave from your life. We will meet soon, if The Almighty permits because I have a promise to fulfill and one last book to give you.

P.S. I LOVE YOU

-S

[majhahere]

That type of love that makes you want to write poetry.

[majhahere]

Eat Clean

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i think i’ll daydream about being loved for the rest of my life

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the inherent intimacy of making someone you love laugh

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Noelle Kocot, from 4; "Sappho to Erinna," originally published in May 2021

[majhahere]

and a curse for the other person, sometimes.

“Sometimes when you meet someone, there’s a click. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I believe in that click.”

— Ann Aguirre

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Never have I dealt with anything as difficult as being in love with you but not being able to love you

[majhahere]

Dear mind, why not her?

Dear heart, why her?

[majhahere]