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i love sending people my totaled car as a reaction image it’s so funny

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old gods are waking

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I’ll have what he’s having

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Hey, you keep on mentioning you don't know how tumblr works. I'd be perfectly happy to lie to you if you want to know more!

ok whats the funniest lie you have about how tumblr works

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Bought a new mug for team meetings.

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Betrayed and backstabbed by your scheming evil advisor? Psch. Skill issue. Absolute amateur problem. Just hire two of them and reward them for snitching on each other. Just make sure that neither of them is gay or they'll just end up hate-fucking each other and fucking you over all the same.

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I am sorry to everyone who tagged me in some tag game and I never responded. I saw it and thought “aww they thought of me” and proceeded to forget about it right after

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The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

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The real reason why you need to be social is the best chinese place within 10 miles is an unknown hole in the wall with a yearly marketing budget of $15 dollars and you will never, ever find it unless someone tells you about it.

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Magic the Gathering is doing an original outer space magical sci fi setting next and dropped preview art of what APPEARS to be the sickest fucking dragon that will ever exist in media ever again, and I know you're thinking, "nah, it can't be that cut and dry, there's a LOT of raw as hell dragons out there, and I, a more experienced dragon aficionado, already have a counter-example locked and loaded for the contentious comment I expect to leave once this dragon of yours fails to knock my socks off as much as the blorbo in question," but while it is okay to think that, you might actually stop thinking that and instead think the same thing I just said about this dragon once you have looked at it. at the picture of the dragon.

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Collecting books is great until you have to move all of them at once and realize that every one of the little bastards weighs about as much as a brick and collectively have the mass of a neutron star

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"SecUnit would write fanfic"

"It would only beta read and leave comments"

SecUnit would install itself as a moderator of the Sanctuary Moon fandom wiki page. SecUnit would, for the simple transgression of being annoying - delete your account, IP ban, find your personal email address and send you a citation-laden 5 page explanation about how you're wrong titled "Banned for life (idiot)"