mankindthepodcast-blog

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

Just do it.

In this “30 Day Stress Buster Challenge” Dr. Nicki mentions how she went to a sweat lodge. When I was living in Utah teaching tennis in Park City, I would spend 45 minutes in the sauna after a long hard day of being on the court. These sessions of withstanding the extreme heat began to become therapeutic moments to connect with source. I would reflect on the day, pray for peace and healing, and get re-energized and re-focused about the future. 

I don’t have access to a sauna these days, or to a tee-pee sweat lodge and so that moment of intense bodily experience isn’t something I can contend with and pray that God won’t shrivel me like a raisin. Instead, I think that’s why I gravitate to triathlon. The extremes of swimming, biking, and running, cause me to really have to focus. Each and every breath become focused moments to recalibrate what my body is doing in this moment, and the next. Are my feet landing perfectly on the ground? Am I conserving enough breath so that I can meet that upward slope on the bike with enough reserves to make it to the top? Am I using my breath well enough in this 60 degree water so that I can swim the  1500 m in the midst of this massive school of other human-fish, racing towards the finish?

It’s the intense stress of these races that get’s my whole mind-body-spirit machine really going. I love it all. But then, I notice that my body gets more and more acclimated to THAT experience. When I am just sitting around at the desk typing on my computer, reading, or whatever, it’s like my body is yearning for that intense exercise, that stressful output of energy. I’m an actor as well and so when I am simply “standing and delivering” I can feel the blood and energy coursing through my veins. It wants that high adrenaline rush of exercise. If it doesn’t get it there is eons of energy, nervous anxiety, that just wants expression. 

So, what does all this point too? My hope and goal is that by the end of this 30 day course that I will have established a consistent meditation and yoga regimen. It’s time. Even if it’s only twenty minutes in the morning, ten minutes of vinyasa and ten minutes of meditation, I’d be happy. I keep telling myself that I should do it. And because I have had a consistent yoga practice in the past, I KNOW what the benefits are. But because yoga classes are c closed right now due to the pandemic, it’s like I haven’t developed that consistent regimen of doing it for myself that’s got me reeling. So: SCOOTER (my nickname is Scooter) - Start developing a simple yoga and meditation practice. 

But right now, I’m going on a bike ride :) 25 miles in 1 hour up by Descanso Gardens. See you up there?

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

Stressed out? Don’t do this.

So, I’m taking part in this thirty day “Stress Busters” program through Dr. Nicki’s Livewise Academy and I’m getting pretty stressed out. First of all, I wasn’t really aware of the online nature of the program. I have to do these modules and listen to videos, read articles, etc. And on top of the workload that I’ve got, it’s an added chore that is adding to my already full plate. Still, I’m committed to making a positive change in my life. After all, I’ve chosen this. If I really wanted to, I could turn tail and hide back in my hole of complacency. But I don’t want that. 

The truth is, this quarantine has wreaked havoc on my digestive system. That, or I’ve simply allowed myself to realize how poor my “gut health” is. Before the pandemic, I was a waiter at a great restaurant in downtown LA called Rossoblu. Anybody who’s ever waited tables knows that the life of waiting tables can be exhausting. You’re on your feet for six seven hours a night walking briskly for miles and carrying trays of food sometimes weighing thirty pounds or more and then you gotta drop all semblance of stress and greet the guests with a graceful smile. 

It’s like the swan. The swan churns its feet under the water, paddling faster and faster than anyone really knows. But on the surface? the swan looks graceful and peaceful, ever the epitome of grace. It’s that way for us waiters. And having not eaten since four o’clock in the afternoon, when I get home at around eleven or midnight, starving, and gorge myself on mostly crap I shouldn’t. Needless to say, my eating habits have not really found a graceful rhythm. On top of that, to compensate for the ridiculous amounts of food I’ve eaten the night before, I get up the following day and train for a triathlon. 

Stress is a part of my life. It’s a part of all of our lives. But this quarantine, because I have not had this stressful cycle of starvation, gorging, and working, and because no triathlons are competing, I have recognized just how much I overeat. And then, with the added stress of a PANDEMIC, I’ve gorged myself on a lot of comfort foods, bread, cheese, and chocolate tops among ‘em all. So, now what? I’m not really sure. I just needed to vent and make that known. Do I really want to to stop eating these things? Not in the least. One of my favorite things in the world is to get a bottle of decent organic red wine, and drink about half of it with some delicious artisan baked bread and grass fed cheese. I mean, have you ever been to Europe? If not, just eat what I just described and you’re practically there. 

But, at 37 I can tell that my digestive system just ain’t built to withstand it all that much longer. I gotta start finding ways to ease out of the gorging my face full of stuff that I really don’t need. I recently read Dr. Mark Hyman’s book “Food: WTF Should I Eat?” and I realized that all I really need to eat are vegetables and proteins. We as a society don’t need grains. Still, I love the taste of grains. I love bread. Wheat thins? Fuhgeddaboutit. Pizza? Better to not start. So, what’s the answer? There is none right now other than for me to address the fact that in order to cope with the stresses of life, one of my go-to’s is food food food.

Right now, I am going to turn my attention to BREATH. I’m going to drink water and understand that if I get stressed out, that stress is a normal part of life and that I can choose how to deal with my stress in other ways. Meditation. Breath. Yoga. Hiking. Reading. Talking it through with a friend. I want to get out of the cycle of overeating and then overexercising to compensate. 

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From our #nuthouse to yours, #happyeaster 🐣 💐🌼🌺 (at South Pasadena, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-5g-H6psDb/?igshid=1grnjojf4dq0

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Today, I launch my podcast! 

In honor of #WorldHealthDay, a moment in which I think we all must collectively come together and give thanks for the good health that we do have, I am sharing a project that I have been working on since October of 2019. “The Man-Kind Podcast” seeks to create a safe space where men and women can explore #healthymasculinity and I’m proud to share it with the world.

Back when I was living in North Carolina attending the UNC Chapel Hill MFA in Acting program, single and looking for love, I felt like there were very few resources out there for a man to explore masculinity. At that time also, the #metoo and #timesup movement were gaining momentum and it was simply not the time for a man to exert any kind of “masculine behavior”. While I didn’t necessarily feel under attack, I definitely felt sensitive to the cultural shift that was occurring and determined that I wanted to, in some way, contribute to the landscape of how men could become their best selves. 

Nowhere will I pretend to be some kind of guru. I have no degree in psychology or mental health. But I do have 37 years of life on this planet and feel as though I can add a unique perspective on what it means to “be a man.” Every week, I interview friends, family, mentors, and professionals in their respective fields to gain an insight into their professional and emotional growth through the lens of masculinity. I begin each interview asking guests to share their work history and goals and how those experiences have influenced their identity as “masculine”. Because the concept of “work” is, in my opinion, woven into the very fabric of most Americans’ existence, I believe that this serves as a positive place from which to begin this very nuanced conversation. 

I’ve been influenced by a number of thinkers and doers in the recent past. Lewis Howes, in his book, “The Mask of Masculinity”, encourages men to rid themselves of the masks they hide behind, whether through financial prowess, athletic skill, or stone cold stoicism, to embrace their vulnerable selves and share their feelings and emotions with others. He explains how through therapy and talking about a sexual assault that he endured as a young boy, that he was able to move through the pain and confusion of the experience, understand the impact it had on his life, and step into the light-filled life awaiting him. 

In his book “Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man” by Sam Keen, men are encouraged to embrace community as an arena throughs which to embrace their masculinity. He says that “whether we become manikins or mensches depends in large measure on how small or large, how trivial or profound, how local or universal, how mean or generous, how prejudiced or compassionate is the community within which we live and seek our definitions of our manhood”. It’s taken me a long time to realize this, but once I extracted myself from the rock of shame, guilt, and fear that I lived in for much of my adult life, and started to embrace others into my life and into my story, that I began to experience what it meant to contribute, to be a part of something, and in short, to allow myself to be loved. 

In my journey, I have come to realize that the work of uncovering our true masculine selves begins when we learn to distinguish between our own story - our own autobiographical truths - and the myths and falsehoods that previously governed our minds, feelings, and actions. This begins when we ask ourselves, ‘What story have I been living? What myth has taken hold of me and will not let me go?’ It ends only when we tell our own story and authorize our own life rather than accepting the “official” way of things. 

For example, for so long I had been captivated by the stereotype of the young man as a sexual giant, able to bed any and all women he chooses at the drop of a hat. This cultural myth, perpetuated in nearly every rom-com of the past twenty years and beyond, had certainly had a stranglehold on the way I perceived women. It seemed to me that, with every interaction I might have with a woman, should end up in sexual congress of some sort. As I matured and evolved into the man I am today, I began to see that this simply isn’t the case. Instead, women emerged as completely independent beings with their own individuality that ultimately demanded of me to see them as whole and good without the imposition of my sexual need. 

Consequently, as soon as I began to see women apart from this imposed cultural myth of being solely sexual creatures for my benefit, a community of incredibly talented and compassionate women began to form around me. I began to tame this dragon of sexual need, and began to embrace women as fellow participants in this journey of meaning-making. I can conclusively say that some of my closest friends are women and is because I challenged myself and the cultural norms perpetuated by movies and TV that has allowed me to see and embrace women for the individuals they are. It’s taken me a long time to understand this very simple truth. 

Wisdom espouser Sandor McNab says that “a man Is measured by the expanse of the moral horizon he chooses to inhabit.” Even though we’re all quarantined to the confines of our respective abodes, the horizon before us all is vast and requires 20/20 vision. Men around the globe must recognize the importance of sharing each others’ stories to begin demystifying #toxicmasculinity and embrace the communities of positivity and love that surround us. I am grateful to you for taking an active interest in my journey, and hope that you’ll find community in “The Man-Kind Podcast”.  Join me for the #kindman revolution where we will embrace #healthymasculinity. 

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

I’m a triathlete. At least that’s what I tell myself. I’ve competed in four professional triathlons, and recently placed fifth overall and second in my age group at the Pasadena Triathlon on March 7th. It was the last large group gathering that I was able to participate in before the pandemic swept across the nation and is something I’m quite proud of.

I certainly don’t mean to be insensitive to what’s actually happening in the world right now. According to the most recent statistic there are more than one million cases of COVID-19 worldwide with more than 70,000 deaths. Holy shit. That’s no joke. I certainly don’t want to minimize the severity of this moment by talking about something as trivial as a triathlon that I competed in or how it relates to my brand as an actor, but because I’m stuck inside on this grey-wet day in South Pasadena, I gotta pass the time with making sense of this. So, here goes. 

The question comes to me during this moment of self-quarantine: should I be learning new skills, taking online classes that might increase my marketability when the economy “opens back up”, or should I double down on the things I’m good at and focus on becoming a master of what I was currently focused on before the start of this pandemic? Prior to COVID-19, I was waiting tables at a great restaurant in Downtown LA, Rossoblu, and pursuing an acting career. I had just booked my first independent film that would have had me traveling to Washington State for a three day shoot. It was something I was really excited to do and share with my agents, managers and my family back home. 

Sadly, that’s been put on the back burner, as has my ability to generate income. At that time, I had also been working towards producing a one man show I’ve been writing for this year’s Hollywood Fringe Festival. I’d produced two plays I wrote for the Hollywood Fringe in 2018 and 2019 and experienced a great deal of personal and professional success because of it, so this year’s experience was something I was very much looking forward to. The process of having done so has given me a great sense of identity and momentum in this city and industry of so many self-creating content makers. Because of my efforts, I’d felt like a contributing artist. 

Also, because I was gainfully employed by a great restaurant, it gave me the chance to devote the morning and daytime hours to my craft of acting and writing. Now what? Do I get a job as a cashier at a supermarket? (By the way, I’ve applied to over six grocery stores, did so in the first week of self-quarantine, and have not heard a single response. Ergo, the whole “everybody’s hiring” thing just doesn’t seem to apply to me.) And so I return to my original question: Do I explore new ways of making income such as expanding on a basic skill I have, such as knowing how to code, or do I double down on the skills I am good at, writing, acting, and hope that when this pandemic ceases, I’ll have a substantial body of work to share with the world? 

My gut tells me to move in the direction what I am already good at, rather than pick up something completely new and go in a different direction. If all else fails, however, I do believe that I could “fall back” on my experience, degree, and license as a Secondary Educator and hopefully gain work with Teach for America or perhaps as a substitute teacher. Until that moment becomes clear, I find it necessary to dig into the creative pursuits that I have initially set for myself. Consequently, I picked up Bonnie Gillespie’s book, “Self Management for Actors”, now in it’s fourth edition, and am diving into her words of wisdom, learning a lot about the business side of acting and how to best brand myself. 

The question of “what is my brand” keeps coming up and I feel like the avenues I have pursued of becoming a competitive triathlete really speak to the brand that I want to cultivate for myself. Like I said, I’ve competed in four triathlons since the summer of 2018, and expect to do more. I feel like this skill sets me apart from the millions of other white dudes in this city aching for the chance to get cast on NCIS. But because I’m not able to swim, I’ve really focused my time on running and biking, both for the sheer joy of it but also to develop that skill that helps me cultivate my brand. Doing so has been such a great outlet for nearly the past month or so, getting out there to feel the fresh air on my skin, the wing whipping by, thereby returning to some semblance of normalcy. 

But to what end? Who do I serve by running, biking, and swimming? In the Nautica Malibu Triahtlon during the late summer of 2019, I raised $400 towards the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. It felt great to somehow give back. But the amount I generated paled in comparison to the thousands of dollars that other generated, and even the tens of thousands that corporations were able to give. So, what’s the point? Who am I serving by this? Myself and only me?

I don’t have any answers, only questions. I base my pursuit of becoming an actor in the knowledge that, when I was a High School English and Drama teacher for international schools in Southeast Asia I determined that teaching was not the career I wanted. It was because of the economic recession of 2008 that led me into teaching in the first place. Acting was not feasible for me then, and so I retreated to the safety of a certain paycheck. Now, however, that I’m standing on a cliff looking over an abyss of uncertainty, I’m wondering if I should pack it up and pursue a more steady, certain path of teaching? Is history repeating itself in my corner of the globe?

At this moment, even though the questions linger, I feel certain that my path is that of an artist. I write. I act. I create. Who do I serve by doing so? That remains to be seen. Myself? Will you forgive me if my life and my life’s work amounts to only the words on the page that never make it to the stage? Will you forgive me if the best I get as an actor is an independent feature that shoots in Washington state for a three day shoot? 

In one of my plays, “The Sower”, the character of Paul Gauguin says to an ailing Vincent Van Gogh after severing his ear, that “an artist creates because he has to create. If he didn’t it would swell up within him and die.” So with that in mind, dear reader, I will do my best as Ms. Gillespie says so eloquently in her book, “to pull back the curtains on my process”, and move into the rest of the day, where a solo performance script waits unfinished on my laptop, a podcast is yet to be launched, and a whole slew of other tasks necessary to move my career forward wait with open arms. Until next time, keep pounding the pavement. 

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

I’m an actor. No, you probably haven’t seen me in anything yet but I still identify myself as one. I hold an MFA in Acting from the UNC Chapel Hill program and performed in over a dozen main-stage productions during my time there with Playmakers Repertory Company. I’ve done a bunch of short films and small indy features since coming to LA, but, still no series regular or national commercial. Even though you “haven’t seen me”, I’m still an actor. 

I’ve recently found the book “Self Management for Actors” by Casting Director  @bonniegillespie and I realize how grateful I am to her for having made transparent the business side of acting in such a thorough and comprehensive way. Not that I haven’t been making a lot of the strides she advises, it’s helpful to have her perspective illuminate some of the things I could be doing more specifically. 

For example, casting director workshops. As we’re all sequestered in our homes doing our best to make the most of it, I have taken several casting director workshops online. In them, a casting director will assign a scene from a recent show or film they’ve cast, and ask the actors to come in prepared to do the scene “audition style”, so that they can then receive feedback and adjustments. It’s an incredibly helpful tool and I’ve found since living in LA for nearly three years now, that by doing so I learn the verbiage that casting directors use, realizing that they are all just normal people like you or me. 

The most recent workshop I took was held on zoom, the media platform that allows many people at once to engage in online video conferencing. I can inly imagine that if they’re on the public stock exchange, that their net value is probably steadily increasing with each new day that requires us to stay quarantined. Nevertheless, this casting director workshop which was held on zoom, was an incredibly helpful resource to connect, practice my craft, and watch and observe the talent and skills of other actors. 

And I must say that I am truly honored to be in this industry, working with the talented individuals I do. I didn’t know the other people on the workshop but in the fifteen minutes or so that each actor gets, it was clear that there is talent and drive. And yet, it makes me wonder if I have enough of that for myself. Do I have the drive and ambition, talent and skill that’s necessary to make it in this cutthroat industry? 

I moved to LA in 2017 after getting my Masters in Acting. Before that, I was a High School English and Drama teacher for several international schools in Southeast Asia. I had thought teaching was my passion. But when I found myself telling my students over and over again that they could follow their dreams if they just put their mind to it, I realized that I wasn’t doing that very thing for myself. I chartered a new course for my career, left Singapore at the time, moved to New York, and embarked on this next chapter of my life. 

Now, with the decision of becoming an actor fully formed and in pursuit, I can’t help but wonder if I’m too late to the game or working hard enough to get it. I suppose the very fact that I’m reading Bonnie’s book, taking casting director workshops, studying consistently, and occasionally booking, means that yes, I am on the path, I am following my dreams. On this grey, cold, and rainy morning here in Southern California, with the statewide lockdown in full effect, I suppose reflection and curiosity is acceptable. But when the clouds part on both this day and the pandemic, you can be sure I’ll be pounding the pavement. 

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

I recently discovered casting director Bonnie Gillespie as I’ve been sequestered in my home, trying to find ways in which I, as an actor, can stay up to date with  industry news. I watched a youtube video of a direct address that she did and found her thoughts and advice to be authentic and timely. Nowhere in my search have I found a casting director with such a compassionate mind towards the pursuit of the actor and with such a savvy online contribution. I thank you Bonnie Gillespie for looking out for us as we navigate this path. 

I was so excited by her talk that I ordered her book, “Self Management for Actors”  and to my wonderful surprise, it came a day earlier than Amazon had anticipated. Thank you to the good people working behind the scenes at Amazon! I’ve crushed the first couple chapters of her book and have a few insights to share, questions to ask, and rants to go on. 

One of the key components I discern from her book is that not only must the actors craft be in top-notch working condition, but an actor must fully understand what their particular brand is and know how to market it. She goes on to say that during casting sessions, “the reason an actor gets in front of me is because he is so well-branded both for what he delivers creatively and the consistency and professionalism with which he delivers it.” 

Luckily, I’ve been involved in a coaching program on the business side of industry matters called Actor’s Salon for about two and a half years now, and have begun to make steps towards A) knowing my brand, and B) marketing it. In my journey, I have found that my brand is one of several “types”: the young, hip, Dad; the down and out Detective; or the slick and sleazy Real Estate Tycoon; I’ve also been told that I do a great Surfer Dude a la Jeff Spicoli’s older brother. As an actor, it is not only my job to develop these characters but to market them. 

So, right now, during this period of quarantining, when the internet has become my new best friend, I am looking for all sorts of ways to market myself, to stay up to date with casting director workshops, online webinars, twitter accounts to follow and engage with, and every other resource out there that might be advantageous. This blog is, in itself, an outgrowth of my desire to stay connected, to produce content, and ultimately be relevant. I make no bones about that. I feel like it aligns with something else Gillespie says in her book: “Your ability to pull back the curtain on your process today will make a difference.” 

At the same time, however, I can’t help but look out across my neighborhood in South Pasadena on this glorious morning in April and wonder if something else is being asked of me. The sun is rising over the rooftops to the east giving the canopy of greening trees hints of yellows and bursts of reflected light on budding leaves. The birdsong of parrots, crows, and larks flying overhead intermingles the peaceful silence. The occasional car driving by, airplane overhead, or neighbor walking their dog pauses me momentarily. A motorcycle on the 110 shifts into fifth. 

And I’m struck by the majesty of the day. The Sierra Nevada Mountains loom in the not-too-far distance. The mighty Pacific, where the surf is currently churning beautiful rights and lefts, is now, due to the limited traffic, only a half hour away. I could be devoting time and attention to getting back to the rhythms of nature. I feel strongly that this period of adjustment, this pandemic, is asking us all to hit the pause button, to reflect, and discern what really is important?

Is it necessary to take part in my second online casting workshop of the quarantine? Do I really need to devote another half-hour to following industry professionals on twitter? I understand that social distancing measures have been extended to April 30th.  They’ve gone so far as to close the beaches and trails of most state parks. Even the Rose Bowl loop, where I have been training for an upcoming triathlon, has closed. What is a person to do now, except hunker down and get to the creative pursuits that interest them?

I take an acting class every Tuesday night at the John Rosenfeld Studios, a wonderful artistic home that I’ve been fortunate enough to study at for nearly three years. For the past three weeks we have gathered via zoom to either work on prepared scenes or, as we did last night, just check in. It was remarkable to see how everyone had immediately gotten over the disappointment of having been laid off from their respective jobs, and were now gleefully digging into their creative pursuits. Whether redecorating a room or an entire house, sharpening  their voice over skills, or writing short films, features, or plays (as I am), my community of artists dove into the creativity of their choosing.

But I was struck by a fellow classmate in particular who had used her check in as a time to present to us the numerous offers for webinars and facebook groups and online classes and deals that she was involved in. It felt overwhelming, like a presentation for all the ways in which she was important. It felt like she had taken the entire pot of coffee and injected it into her arm via I/V drip and was working on overdrive to stay relevant, connected, and hip. And then I realized: well, that’s me. That is exactly what I’ve been doing. Ever since the order to stay home was given, I dove into my creative pursuits head first and with an even greater vigor than before. 

It’s like I want someone to see me and to know about all of the hard work I’m doing. I want all of the people I’m following on twitter to read my work, to know my brand, and affirm my pursuit. But as Gillespie says in her book, “Find value in yourself. Don’t look for your own self-worth in what others have to say about you. Always take a moment to remember that life is a whole lot more than just this industry and the people in it.” 

So as the sun moves higher in the sky, while I’ve still got the air in my lungs, I think I’ll take a moment to let the warm sunshine of April Fools rays touch my blessed skin and nourish my soul. I’ve got a half hour before an important call anyway :)

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

I spoke of this yesterday, that Danny Meyer, Founder of the Union Square Hospitality Group, had to disassemble his company of 2,000 employees due to the coronavirus pandemic. Not to minimize the magnitude of such a decision, I am struck by his vision as a leader as outlined in his 2006 book “Setting the Table: The Transformative Power of Hospitality in Business.” I sympathize with Mr. Meyer in this moment and suppose the reason why I’m gravitating to his book is because I need guidance and mentorship from a successful entrepreneur in the only industry that has steadily paid my bills for the past three years. 

In his book, Meyer recounts how he came to start the Union Square Cafe, an international bistro in the heart of New York City in 1985. Stories of challenges met and overcome as he navigated the landscape of becoming a restaurateur interweave through his thoughts and visions for what it means to provide great service and hospitality:

“Understanding the distinction between service and hospitality has been at the foundation of our success. Service is the technical delivery of a product. Hospitality is how that product makes it recipients feel. Service is a monologue - we decide how we want to do things and set our own standards. Hospitality is a dialogue... [it] requires listening to that person with every sense, and following up with a thoughtful, gracious, appropriate response. It takes both great service and great hospitality to rise to the top” (65). 

Looking back on my service as a waiter, I wonder if I actually rose to this challenge. Often, our restaurant, Rossoblu, an excellent Italian spot in the heart of Downtown LA, would be at capacity with scores of people waiting at the door for the next available table, and the only thing on my mind was to “get it done”. “This guest wants ketchup, that one needs a black napkin, don’t forget to fire course 3, and where are the f***ing ramekins!?” In moments like this, I would arrive at a table and unknowingly treat my guests as obstacles in the way when what wants to happen, is for the guest to feel seen, heard, and loved. 

Yes, provide great service. But how am I making the guest feel? I can only imagine that when things return to normal, that our fractured sense of togetherness will need healing and wholeness. It’s my strong belief that restaurants are one of the first places people will go to begin to repair that brokenness. Small as my role might be, as a waiter I can begin to provide that. I can see, hear, and love my guests one table at a time. 

Meyer’s words also make me think of the role of our President in this moment. I applaud him because I do think that he is now providing the services that we need (albeit a day late and a dollar short): proper testing for the coronavirus; N95 protective masks; medical supplies; ventilators; hospital beds; a $2 trillion stimulus package. But the way in which he is “doling out” this service feels entirely devoid of hospitality. When he passes the buck of responsibility for past failures onto other members of his administration, when he pats himself on the back for the “job well done” he thinks he is doing, when he pits us in a competition to see how many masks we can produce versus other countries, it makes me feel like an unworthy, shameful subject to a self-proclaimed royal king. It’s as though I should feel lucky to be getting the service I need.

I’m not saying that the US should appoint a “Hospitality Czar” to man the oversight of this pandemic. I’m simply saying that inherent in every effective leader is that quality which makes a person feel seen, heard, and loved. I do think we all could take a page from Meyer’s book and consider the ramifications for HOW we serve. Am I serving from a grateful heart for the abundance I have?  

I feel hopeful that once this crisis abates and business can return to “normal” that people will eventually flock to the restaurants they love in hopes of regaining a sense of community. Right now, our collective solitary confinement certainly has us yearning for opportunities to get together. No doubt you have experienced a “zoom” meeting or two, a FaceTime / Skype-like conference call with loved ones or business associates. No matter how helpful these internet based modes of communication are, there’s nothing like actually sitting across the dinner table from a friend, relative, business associate or loved one, and actually experiencing them in real time. 

I’m lucky because my quarantine buddy is my lovely fiancé, Summer, who has been keeping me company. She works from home generally so this quarantine has not had a significant impact on her status quo, both emotionally and financially. In fact, it has allowed us to spend a considerable amount of time together. Every night is date night where we take the time to make a meal, watch a movie, and get cozy. 

I can only imagine that for the hundreds of thousand of people who might not have a significant other or roommate to connect with during this uncertain and lonely time, that the isolation can be difficult. Social distancing, or physical distancing as it is now being called, is causing us, even in the markets and supply stores when we do emerge from our confinement bubbles for that necessary pint of milk, to suspiciously eye the people in my periphery. Do they coronavirus? Why are they looking at me like that?

My hope is that when we emerge, that we do so with a compassionate heart and a renewed sense of gratitude for opportunities to get together at places like Union Square Cafe, and my work-home for the past two years, Rossoblu. When the doors open back up, come on in. We’ll make you feel right at home. 

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

I’ve become a bit of a night owl. Having worked consistently in the restaurant industry for the past three years, my schedule has asked that I stay up on my feet, active and alert, well into the midnight hours. So, when I wake up in the morning around 8 every day, the last thing I want or need to do is get on my feet and move around, like my fiancé who is currently on her morning jog. 

Instead, I’ve taken it upon myself to sit down for at least a half hour every morning, read, and then for the following half hour, to write. Sometimes I sit for longer or shorter, but every morning, I must give myself this space to let the world settle, and allow my mind to focus on things important to me. This blog is an outgrowth of that ritual. 

Today, I’m reading Danny Meyer’s wisdom from his bestselling book, “Setting the Table”, an exposé on his history as restaurateur. As Founder and CEO of Union Square Hospitality, Meyer has created a brand which truly emulates the foundations of what it means to serve: grace, compassion, and love. 

It’s my understanding that just the other day, Meyer had to let go of 2,000 employees due to the recent pandemic. Companies all over the world are having to face this tough reality, and I’m certain that for Meyer, this was no easy task. He gives a compassionate response to his decision in recent interview with Reid Hoffman, Co-Founder of LinkedIn and host of the podcast, “Masters of Scale”. 

I can only imagine that for the staff employed by the Union Square Hospitality group, that such a reality was a hard one to face. I, too, was recently laid off due to the virus, and find myself facing the fact that it is time for me to “pivot and shift”, as Lewis Howes, author of “The School of Greatness”, eloquently put it in a recent webinar. 

But what does that mean, to pivot and shift? How am I supposed to face the next few weeks, months, or even years, as the world recalibrates amidst this changing reality? Will people go back to restaurants? 

In an effort to rethink my path, I took part yesterday in a group zoom session with my therapist in which I was encouraged to find ways to help others during this crisis. “How have you contributed?” I was asked. My mind went racing for something relevant to say as the other participants spoke of ways in which they’d been helping. One woman found homes for ten foster animals. Another is making efforts to reach out to old friends and acquaintances to make sure they are all right. 

Since March 13th, what I consider Day One of the quarantine, I had hunkered down in my South Pasadena home with fiancé focusing largely on my own creative pursuits: a podcast I’m about to launch, a play I hope to produce for the Hollywood Fringe Festival, and other efforts towards keeping my acting career afloat. 

But what have I done for anyone else? 

When Gavin Newsom ordered all Californians to stay at home during the statewide lockdown, set to be lifted on April 19th, that’s exactly what I did. I stayed home. When the little dancing hamster on tik-tok told me to wash my hands for twenty seconds at a time, that’s exactly what I did. When the banks and grocery stores and other businesses of necessity placed their little markers on the ground identifying that I had to stay at least 6 feet apart while waiting in line, that’s exactly what I did. Small as they are, these are ways in which I can currently help.

Beyond that, I also feel compelled like “Ted”, another member of the group therapy session, to take a more active approach to civic engagement. If nothing else, I hope that this pandemic causes all Americans to seek to know more about “what’s going on.” This situation has ramped up my desire to participate in the civic life of my world, engaging with leaders on their social media platforms, and reading news articles from trusted sources. 

I read a recent op-ed in the New York Times that posits a viewpoint for opening up various sectors of the economy with a piece-by-piece strategy. I’ve been quarantined for two weeks now and have not noticed any personal health issues and so I begin to wonder, possibly like much of the population, what all the fuss is about. This article begins to give me an ounce of hope that things might return to normal in the coming weeks. 

However we emerge from this catastrophe, whether in the next few weeks as some experts hope, or in the waning months of the summer which yours truly predicts, let us do so with the qualities necessary for great service as exemplified by Danny Meyer’s group, Union Square Hospitality: with grace, compassion, and love. 

And if there are certain ways in which you are reaching out to help others, please do let me know. 

[mankindthepodcast-blog]

When Donald Trump said on Friday March 13th that he “doesn’t take responsibility at all” for his administration’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic, he violated one of the key attributes necessary for any leader to effectively lead: #ownership. Further, when he denied any knowledge of his administration’s dismantling of the Pandemic Response Team, he again violates this fundamental truth of what constitutes a strong leader. 

 In his book, “Extreme Ownership”, former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink explains that a “#leader bears full responsibility for explaining the strategic mission, developing the tactics, and securing the training and resources to enable to the team to properly and successfully execute.” Nowhere in his response to the recent outbreak has Trump exemplified this. Instead, he passes the buck to Dr. Anthony Fauci, “Tony”, as he affectionately refers to him, “do you know anything about that?” He passes the buck and ultimately blames the circumstances and a defunct system for the lack of expert response. He actually goes on to pat himself on the back for the measures he and he alone have taken to stop the spread of this coronavirus. 

When we as citizens of the United States are led by someone with such a lack of #humility and #empathy, we feel distanced, isolated, and unable to meet the challenges head on. What Trump should be doing instead, is accept responsibility, transparently explain the situation we’re in, and provide a clear plan for further action. Instead, we’re left to follow whatever advice our news outlets give us, be they biased or misinformed. 

With that said, I am personally trying to figure out what my role in all this is. What is needed of me right now? I’ve been asked to stay home to prevent the spread of the coronavirus so my options are somewhat limited. I’m not a trained professional, such as the nurses and doctors who are on the front lines of this war, so what impact can I make that might be helpful? 

Maybe I should do what one of my heroes, Matthew McConaghey eloquently suggests in one of his recent instagram posts: “take care of my own, so you can take care of your own”. As I sit on my front porch of my South Pasadena home on this idyllic Spring morning, I’m doing my best to make sense of this situation and “take care of my own”. 

My fiancé recently said to me, “Scoot, you know, I’m really relying on you here. I see you as a leader in this situation.” I’m glad she mentioned that, otherwise I wouldn’t have realized the very important role I have been fulfilling for her in this very uncertain time. “What specifically have I been doing that you find helpful?”

When our power went out suddenly yesterday, I immediately called the Edison Company to determine the nature of the outage. When Summer had developed a rash on her back, I immediately called a dermatologist to setup an online appointment. When our microwave had been acting up, I called the company and asked them to come over at their next convenience. These were swift, decisive measure I took. In other words, I owned the problem. 

I’ve been fortunate enough to work for one of the best leaders I have ever encountered, Hans Luttman, one of the Managing Partners and all-around badass behind Rossoblu, a five star Italian restaurant in the heart of Downtown LA. Since I started working there, Hans has exemplified leadership to its very core. Every night of work is a masterclass is gracious leadership. 

Whenever a guest complaint arises, he owns the problem. He doesn’t pass the buck onto one of his subordinates, a server, or a guest. It becomes his problem and he immediately does anything and everything in his power to correct the issue. When a change in plan is enacted from the management, he immediately and transparently conveys the need for the given change, and stands behind it throughout the entire duration of its execution. I’ve been lucky to be in the same radius as this pivotal example of leadership for over two years now. 

During this time of statewide #lockdown, he and Chef Steve Samson have been providing “employee meals” for the dozens of families of our restaurant employees affected by the closure. It’s a remarkable gesture of generosity and further exemplifies Hans’ desire to take care of his employees, another cornerstone of strong leadership. As I am served so generously by these exemplary leaders, I ask myself: What can I do to rise to the challenge? How can I be a leader?

Take care of my own. The well-being of my fiancé is first and foremost. Beyond that, I’m taking steps to learn new skills. In my role as an actor, I have engaged more heavily with casting directors via their online resources. Bonnie Gillespie has given numerous free online webinars where she explains the nature of the industry shifts from her vantage point. In my role as a creative thinker and artist, I’ve looked to the advice and guidance offered by leadership mentor Lewis Howes by enrolling in several of his online webinars. 

Its time to “pivot and shift” as Howes put it in a recent statement. The world around us is changing and it’s up to us on both an individual and collective level to meet the changes. The buck stops with me. I must become the leader that is being asked of me. How are you meeting the challenge?