mariakrishna

[mariakrishna]

I wish to purchase goods and services without entering a blood covenant that entitles the provider to email and text me forever and also store a bunch of my personal data that they’re going to apologize for exposing in a breach in the next five to ten years

[mariakrishna]

problem: appears

my brain: have we tried spiraling about this?

my brain: what about going numb and paralyzing until it goes away. that should fix it.

my brain: ok now you're suicidal. dissociation it is.

[mariakrishna]

being in academia is kind of like where you're on everest and you see the frozen bodies of the other people who've tried it strewn about everywhere and you think "okay, but that's them and i'm me"

[mariakrishna]

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

[mariakrishna]

plants that look like they're dying immediately after you forget to water them one (1) time but also recover immediately after you do are my best friends actually. very clear signals, hold no grudges, that's a relationship that works for me

[mariakrishna]

big mood

[mariakrishna]

[mariakrishna]

introducing my favorite ao3 tag in the pitt fandom

[mariakrishna]

it’s crazy how much you can read if you read

[mariakrishna]

[mariakrishna]

― Elena Ferrante, The Story of the Lost Child

[text ID: To write, you have to want something to survive you.]

[mariakrishna]

[mariakrishna]

once i couldn't walk for 3 straight days bc of a badly sprained ankle and was literally afraid i would starve to death (it got better but the entire healing took a whole month). food delivery guys could not come to my door bc i lived on the second story of an apartment hidden somewhere without a proper address. i could barely cook bc my feet hurt too much standing up even if i stood on one foot and sat down every 3 mins.

i imagine finding these would have been so, so helpful. that was only 3 days for me but this is everyday lifesaving info for a lot of people.

thank you kind lady!

there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

edit: here's her YouTube account, as well as her TikTok and Facebook :)

[mariakrishna]

i. when i was 19 and in a very hetero relationship, i fell in love with Andrea Gibson.

ii. we were poor so i was going to community college and also working a full-time job. i was miserable. the nicest thing that happened to me during that time was that someone bought me a free coffee. i had been sobbing in the corner of the library. she said you look like you needed help. i was so sad at the time that i was looking for "the sign". almost like a mantra, i'd say things like if there's a nice sunset, i won't kill myself tomorrow.

iii. you know, in all that time, i never wanted anything. the idea of desire was so foreign to me that i couldn't conceptualize a favorite color. what is want in the voidspace?

iv. andrea was the first, is the thing. i found their work on button poetry. i watched a poem once and then twice and then sat back and thought to myself - what i had been writing was not poetry, it was reaction. what andrea was writing was poetry. i knew it had to be, because it burst inside of me. i looked down and a hole had torn open. there was nothing for it. i put my hands inside the wound and started to pull.

v. it was slam poetry and then pretentious poetry and then esoteric poetry and then the black mountain poets and then tender buttons and then back to slam again and then back to the classics and theory and the academic shit and then finally thank-god understanding started dawning and then upwards into contemporaries and inwards into why aren't i writing something real and then realizing i never understood anything then crying about three syllables that don't sound right and then sunning myself outside of the emily dickinson house and then back to slam and back to the roots of it and backwards into -

vi. and the joy! holy fuck i wish i could tell you about it. on the back of ink came life. it was community and safety and pushing limits. it was saying oh yeah no i'm gay and oh shit i'm nonbinary. it was a cliche; life like a map just exploding. because i knew - i had my thing. wherever i went, so too would come writing.

vii. on saturday i reached 7,700 poems on here. i made myself a gin and tonic to celebrate. i have been writing seriously, almost-every-day, sometimes multiple times a day - for over 10 years. i started this, became this - because i saw someone stand on stage and say something i knew to be poetry.

viii. andrea died today, july 14th, 2025, at the age of 49.

ix. i will never have the words for what they gave me.

[mariakrishna]

[mariakrishna]

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

[mariakrishna]

I propose a new idiom, as a counterpart to "the best thing since sliced bread": "the worst thing since onedrive"