markisntprofessional

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The only reaction

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Bulbasaur in Pokémon Detective Pikachu (2019) dir. Rob Letterman

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god i love being part of the internet’s most monetarily worthless user base. i love going to bed knowing that at least one social media site isn’t making shit off my presence.

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the ol’ bait and switch

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i’ve heard a lot of people talk about the EXCELLENT potential of a high intelligence/low wisdom dnd character (i.e. an brilliant academic who keeps setting their dumb ass on fire because they always store their wand in their back pocket)

but i’ve not seen any posts about the equal potential of a high wis/low int character (i.e. someone incredibly perceptive who gives deep and meaningful reassurance to their friends and then 5 minutes later asks what a can opener is)

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the worst joke ever

so there was this kid one day in library class, he forgot his book so he asked his teacher what to do. his teacher told him to just read the dictionary. so he's looking through all the words, seeing common definitions and shit. he eventually finds a word without a definition, so he asks his teacher. the teachers like "hmm, thats weird, whats the word?" and the kid says "snuffleupagus" immediately, the teacher kicks him out of class saying "i can't belive youd say such things in this classroom" and sends him to the principals office.

in the principals office the receptionist sees him and says "yknow, this is really out of character for you, why were you sent here" and the kid  goes "weelll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher told me to read the dictionary, and i found a word that didnt have a defintion, so i told her the word and she sent me here" and the receptionist replies "thats strange, what was the word?" and the kid says "snuffleupagus" immediately the receptionist forces him into the principals office, saying to immediately expel him for saying such things. so now the kid is freaking out in the principals office, and the prinicpal is trying to calm him down. he asks "what happened?" and the kid replied "weeeeellllll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher made me read the dictionary , then i found a word without a definition and i asked her what it was. she asked me the word and i told her and she kicked me out of class. then the receptionist asked me the word and she sent me in here" the prinicpal says "thats... odd, whats the word?" and the kid is like "weeeeelllll, i dont know if i want to tell you, everyone kinda freaks out when i say it" and the principal is like "no, you can trust me!" so the kid is like "okay, the word is snuffleupagus" immediately, the principal calls the kids parents and expels him from the school

so now the kid is going home with his parents, hes all crying and sobbing. about 10 minutes away from home the dad asks "yknow son, this is really unusual for you. whyd you get expelled?" and the kid is says "weeeeeeeelllllll, i was in class and forgot my book, so the teacher made me read the dictionary. i found a word without a definition so i asked her what it was. when i said the word she kicked me out of class and sent me to the principals office. when i was in there the receptionist asked what the word was and i told her and she immediately send me into the principals office. when i was in there he asked the word and i told him and he expelled me from school" the dad was like, thats unusual, whats the word? the kid replies "weeellll, i dont know if i wanna tell you" the dad says "kid, im your dad, you dont have to worry, you can trust me" so the kid tells him the word is snuffuleupagus immediately, the dad kicks him out of the car and says "youre no longer welcome in this family” and drives off 

so now the kid is wandering the streets, he has nowhere to go or to stay. no friends, and now no family. its about 4am and a cop sees him walking around and so he asks the kid what happened. the kid replies "weeeelllll, i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family" the cop is like, "hmm thats strange, what was the word if you dont mind me asking?" and the kid says "weeeelll, i dont know if i wanna tell you, everyone kinda freaks out when i say it" and the cop is like, "kid im a cop, you can trust me" so the kid tells him the word is snuffleupagus. immediatlley the cop arrests the kid and sends him to jail

now the kid is on trial, hes appeared in front of a judge and the judge is all confused. "youre only like, 14 he asks, why are you here" and the kid replied "weeeeeeeeeeellllllllllll,  i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family, and then a cop asked me what the word was and he arrested me" and the judge is like "thats... really strange.... what was the word if you dont mind me asking? and the kid replies "snuffleupagus" immediately, the judge sentences him to 30 years in prison, stating "that type of language will not be tolerated in this courtroom"

30 years pass. the kid is now on the street, homeless, no highschool, no marketable skills. so hes just wandering around and he meets a homeless man, the homeless man starts talking to him and asks him about his life story. the kid is like "you'll never believe it", the homeless man is like "start talking." so the kid says "weeeeellllll, one day i was in class and forgot my book so the teacher told me to read the dictionary. i was reading it and found a word with no definition, so i asked the teacher what it was. i told her the word and she kicked me out of class into the principals office. in there the receptionist asked what the word was and she forced me into the principals office. the principal then asked what the word was and he expelled me from school, then my dad asked me what the word was and he kicked me out of the family, and then a cop asked me what the word was and he arrested me. then i went to court and the judge asked me what the word was and he sentenced me to 30 years in jail" 

the homeless man is like, "no shit! the same thing happened to me!" and the kid is like "wow really?" then the homeless man asks him the word and the kid tells him its snuffleupagus. the homeless man replies "that was my word too! i actually found the definition of it! its written on the old church building west of here" the kid replies "awesome! ill go check it out" and steps into the street and is immediately hit by a bus.

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One of my favorite tidbits about Oblivion is that, when Bethesda brought Patrick Stewart in to play Uriel Septim, they gave him this big 90-page booklet detailing the character’s history and background and motivations, and they were really worried that they’d gone overboard and given him too much.  Meanwhile, Stewart was delighted–he’s said that it was the best character prep he’d ever been given, and he wished more people would do that.

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oh wow, thanks homer!! i wondered when his next book was going to come out

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r/vexillology

The Flag of Japan but it's actually this hand towel with a perfectly-placed water stain

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this is so funny

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drinKING. smoKING. spanKING. all these kings in my life, and still no queen… any takers? ;) 

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“i will buy this game and then i will DEFINITELY play it later!”