marrycrazymary

[marrycrazymary]

I know you’ve heard enough rant about the government in the social media today amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. But over the incompetency of some officials, let us be reminded that we still have a crisis to face, which we can hopefully overcome with the help of everyone. Observe good hygiene, stay indoors as much as possible, do not hoard sanitary products and even consumable goods, and please spread only official announcements from LGUs/gov’t agencies tasked with the dissemination of information regarding ncov. Check the source before you share. Let us pray that all of these will be over. 

[marrycrazymary]

Hello people. Ya gurl is back... again lol. I’m not promising that I will be blogging everyday but it’s good to have something I can write on aside from my journal.

[marrycrazymary]

June is about to end.

It has been a long unproductive month. My dark days are coming back and by that, I mean the feeling of uselessness and the loneliness crippling in my sensitive and overthinking brain. It means nights of crying myself to sleep and holding onto what I believe in, even though I am not sure if it is still true or if faith is still with me. The cliche sayings that everything has its own purpose and that God has his own plan... believing that if a door closes, another one opens. I hope to live a day where I can say that I am close to my God's given purpose or like what in the book 'The Alchemist' says- my personal legend. Maybe this is just a phase. A normal obstacle in life where you choose whether to give up or not, or to pursue what you dream or settle for what life gives you. Otherwise I will end up like a character in that book who was not able to achieve his personal legend because he ignored the omens and gave up easily... just because he thought he cannot make it because it was too far away.

[marrycrazymary]

Before, even when I was still a freshman in college, I always wonder how I am this year 2019. Will I be running for laude? Is my mental health still okay? Will I be thinner? Will I have a lovelife? Do I get to see the passion I have for law? But this is year 2019 and I had 2 consecutive rejections from the top 2 law school choices I have. I will graduate in this degree, without any honors, was close from getting one, and my mental state... confused. I can’t seem to fathom that all the hard work I have put in over those years where I cried and read and slept for 2 hours were all put to waste. Law school should have compensated for that but I am too stupid to even pass their entrance exams. I don’t even know where I’m going after this. Tomorrow will be the last day of our final exams and I can’t even understand a thing because of the anxiety I am feeling. I just want to know my purpose.

[marrycrazymary]

I do not know how to swim but I have this side of me which contains the urge to look at the sea. I love to see the blue-ness of each waves that makes it look scary to be consumed by it, and the sun reflected on the waters... its shine that almost blinds my eyes. I guess I have the blood that craves the ocean that my forefathers swam and even made fortune from its vastness of the creatures inhabiting beneath it. They may have gotten tired to look at its beauty but I am a child of the city and I did not experience how it is to live in a small island. 

[marrycrazymary]

One thing I confirmed about myself nung nakilala ko si John Ray is that I am a straight forward person when it comes to my special someone. Or maybe because I am subtly practicing to be true to my special someone because I am afraid of losing the one I love for my inability to communicate with people especially if it is about my feelings.

[marrycrazymary]

My parents know I am talking to this guy I met online. Suddenly my mom asked about him, kumusta na raw siya and made a joke baka daw si *insert friend here* yung kinakausap na and I mean wtf?? Bad joke putangina for someone so insecure, natrigger naman toxic thoughts ko. I'm the not so pretty friend pero gago at least I'm trying not to let my insecurities affect my relationship with people. Isa pa 'tong si jr nagjoke, may gusto raw siya kay *insert another friend here. What is wrong with you people.

[marrycrazymary]

One thing's for sure. I want to love this guy in my healthy state because he deserves someone who will support, love, and always bring the best in him.

[marrycrazymary]

Yoo-hoo

Inbox me (1) thing you want to know about me.

[marrycrazymary]

New Year's Resolution howboudat

I have so many ideas/projects for myself lol but I know I won't make it all happen heck I know there's even a chance I won't do even one of it. But here's a glimpse of my 'little projects'. Since I will be going to law school this year (hopefully end up in a school where I will love and most likely give me less breakdowns than other schools because of external probs like profs and classmates etc.), I want to give my personal grooming less time to have more time in studying. I noticed last sem that I usually spend A LOT of time doing makeup, combing and drying my hair which should be a time for reviewing my notes and etc. 'Ya girl wants not only to be smart in class (which that part I always struggle at) but also wanna look cute and fresh and to look happy despite the tears and breakdowns I had before classes. But yah... it'd time that my loooong hair needs to be chopped off and before I do that I need a slightly slimmer face to match that look. So help me God.

[marrycrazymary]

So ya gurl had her first body scrub today. My stupid ass thought it's ayt to go for it even though I have period but yah the ladies there said it was fine but it was embarassing and so hassle. Overall experience is okayyyy, my skin feels soft afterwards but I don't think it's worth the money bc I can do the scrubbing all by myself. Anw, I just tried it bc there's 50% off birth month promo from this salon.

P.S. Is it weird that I don't feel any shame when I expose my body haha

[marrycrazymary]

One week before new year's eve but I suddenly realized that 2018 has been a year where I fed and got to know my demons I've always kept inside. Letting them out helped a little in minimizing the pressure and negative energies that keeps building up but I found myself empty at the end of the year. I have accepted that I will always be a work of progress and there is and there should be always room for mistakes. Learning won't only come from books and movies and from stories you will hear from friends and family because to learn is to experience mistakes firsthand and to remind yourself the lesson you know you need to learn from such mistake.

[marrycrazymary]

I can't even treat myself and get a piercing on my birthday because I have a final exam on that day. Puta sobrang gusto ko na magkaroon to the point na napapanaginipan ko na siya but I really can't push thru if may exam ako bc ya gurl needs to study. Maybe it isn't the right time hmm I should just splurge on skincare ugH.

[marrycrazymary]

Eventually, you'll learn how to say no, how to say that they need to stop when you want them to stop, to express your feelings and not let it build inside you. You will realize that doing these things will help yourself... alot, in ways you wouldn't imagine you can be. Growth does not mean being strong, hard and unbreakable like a rock. It means understanding and being patient with yourself, and letting yourself be sensitive about your needs.

[marrycrazymary]

Bobo na ako sa philo lalo pa akong nabo-bobo sa binabasa ko bakit ngayon lang ako nagstart gumawa ng paper namin for tuesday!!! Nakakafrustrate na ewan. It has always been my weakness kahit sa paggawa lang ng paper sa philo wala kasi talaga akong maintindihan tangina.

[marrycrazymary]

As someone who first-hand experienced to be touched on my private parts during commute, I side with women who were brave to tell people of any acts (harassment, rape and those of the same kind) committed against them. Me personally, I did not know how to react at that moment and all I could think of was fear. Fear from the perpetrator, fear from the people who may or may not side with me. There were so many things going on inside my head that I came to the point where I almost convinced myself maybe I was wrong, maybe I was mistaken. I thought to myself that as expected, I would always be the girl who would normally be silent at situations like this, situations where I should explain and defend myself, to make a stand. In what part was I wrong? Or was I even wrong? Should I be blamed for not calling out the people who victimize women like me and do these kinds of things for God knows how often or since when? Should the society be blamed for producing men like these, freely walking on the streets without any feeling of shame? I do not know how many women also suffered/are suffering harrassment but what I know is that women need to be empowered and encouraged to voice out their opinion and on what they need to say. They need someone who'll listen and that could be you. Right now, I am currently learning at that aspect, baby steps but I hope I'll get to the time where I will protect and defend other women through my future (chosen) career and encourage people to do the same.

[marrycrazymary]

pati sa tumblr nagpaparamdam thesis namin tEka lanG nAman!!!

kung inuumpisahan ko na kaya yung thesis namin ano? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlulmmmmmm