marsoxo

[marsoxo]

Telling my truth

        It started as any other day, I was 18 looking through twitter (woo a twitter romance) and I ran into my now ex partner. They were super sweet and understood my struggles and listened to me ramble on about what my favorite color was to everything in between. I stayed up with this person, talked to them for hours, connecting with each other, it got to the stage of finally getting to facetime each other. One facetime ended up to a facetime everyday/night, falling asleep to each others voice. We couldn't go a day without hearing each others voice, it became a routine; go to work, facetime during lunch hours then go home and facetime each other to tell the other about our days. That lasted about a year or so then I noticed some changes in this person, not some good changes; the tone in their voice became different, they were much angrier and I was walking on eggshells. I chose to ignore it for quite some time thinking it was just a bad week but I was wrong.  Fast forward a couple weeks after those events, I was getting home from what seemed to be the longest shift at work. I had gotten a text from this person saying they were suicidal, I couldn't believe it. I had no words to say. What was I supposed to say? or even do? I was dealing with my own demons, some demons too dark to tell this person. I did what I could. They knew this was such a sensitive topic to me considering I had lost many loved ones to suicide and considered it myself at one point in time; I had no power in me to stop someone from doing the same thing I considered. We had broken up that night.  Day one of the breakup: I had to go about my regular day to day activities, went to work, came home and they had aired everything out from my full name to my phone number; completely doxxed me on the internet for everyone to see. Fine, I understood they were upset over the breakup. I wasn't going to stoop that low. I kept getting texts from friends asking me if I had told my ex to actually go through to killing themselves, that absolutely broke me; me leaving them was one thing but completely lying to get the pity of internet strangers was another. My name was out there, I was a google search away from someone contacting my job at the time and getting me fired for some false allegations. My ex knew what they were doing, it worked. It made me not only lose friends and the respect of those around me but it brought me down as a person.  Day two; More information by my ex was being spread (what did I truly expect?) more strangers giving pity to my ex. My ex stated that I was the reason they came out to their family and had gotten them kicked out of where they lived at the time, I was also the reason why so many of their family members were disowning them. I was dumb founded by this information but anything to plead innocent I guess. I had no rights to force this person to come out to their family, I had suggested they get help for their own mental state since they were feeling like they were deep in a rut; I only wanted what was best for them at the time even if getting the help would take months.  Day three and final day; Can I finally breath? nope. More accusations, what is it this time? a cheating scandal. According to my ex having friends while I was dating them was considered cheating since he had zero idea what I would talk to with these certain friends of mine; Was I flirting?. Absolutely not, At one point my ex had requested that he meet these friends of mine to feel the 'vibe' between us and if they didn't like it then my friends had to go. I was friendless at the end. 

I'm still learning how to cope and understand everything, maybe writing this out can be my escape? Maybe you guys have gone through some similar situations?