masterfiles

[masterfiles]

Winter gives me an opportunity to brush up on my people skills, and is so deeply adored by everyone else that not befriending her would be a worse tactical decision than invading Russia when it's snowing. And besides, who else is going to feed me?

[masterfiles]

He is, at essence, the most Doctorish Doctor I know. And by that I mean he is a grabby, patronizing, emotionally stunted idiot with few redeeming characteristics - and that I cannot imagine a world without his constant meddling and judging gaze. 

[masterfiles]

He's broken, he's mine, he needs fixing.

[masterfiles]

My most faithful companion: until she shot me.

[masterfiles]

ERROR FILE NOT FOUND

INTERNAL CORRUPTION DETECTED

FILE RESTORED

OPEN FILE 

ERROR FILE NOT FOUND

INTERNAL CORRUPTION DETEnd of course that remains the main problem faced when attempting to document my involvement with him. Harleen and John have memories which have survived somewhat, probably due to theiT FOUND

INTERNAL CORRUPTION DETECTED

FILE RESTORED

OPEN FILE 

ERROR FILE NOT FOUND

INTERNAL CORRUPTION DETECTED

FILE RESTORED

OPEN FILE 

A final edit, which should hold up as it concerns the universe as it is. Two points have been made clear regarding this Doctor and my involvement.

One, that I trusted him enough to allow him to rewrite my timeline for personal reasons.

And two, that I did not love him enough to set up any contingency plans, memory restorations, or double-crosses in general. 

[masterfiles]

I wonder, how much of a bastardization of everything anyone has ever held dear is it that upon meeting a young version of myself I did everything in my power to completely break him until he was useful?

[masterfiles]

Clive Dove is a complete fucking wreck, and the most comprehensive case of someone taking their soul apart for spare parts since - well, since I last looked into the mirror. He was brought in as a replacement for Theta, but that has since proved unnecessary and he's really striking out on his own as an impressive asset.

I'm not overly attached to him, if we're being truthful here, but he's invaluable to the team.

[masterfiles]

[masterfiles]

The Doctor is the Doctor, no matter what or where or why or how or who or any other question word you can throw at me.

Even now. 

Even when he’s broken and grown and warped into something that can’t tell the difference between being lonely and hungry. Something that can bite into your brain and move your fingers like his own are right under your skin. Something that is more than willing to cut your heart out and walk away from a job well done.

Even then, he’s mine. 

[masterfiles]

Theta Sigma. The only thing he shares with the Doctor is DNA.

He likes rainbows.

I sold his soul - look, does it really matter?

This interview is over. 

[masterfiles]

Erik wouldn’t count himself as my friend if his life depended on it. But Erik’s not here, so I’m going to confide in you that he’s a miserable bastard without the ability to process physical affection, and that he was for quite a short period of time one of my best friends. He punched out a Dalek fleet as a favour to me; how could he not be?

Unfortunately, all that gets me is a ringside seat to the great show that is him replacing every good part of himself with bitterness and more bitterness.

[masterfiles]

I don’t know how I met him, or why we’re friends, but every couple of months John Constantine will turn up at my house out of the blue and demand that we get drunk and make out.

I tried finding out what I could about him and everyone I asked either said “oh John saved my life once, he’s a great bloke” or “WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT PISS HIM OFF”

But he looked after Pea when I was indisposed, so I suppose we’re friends?

Also, he hates Batman as much as I do. That’s always a good reason to befriend someone with memories of a century you had completely wiped from your mind.

[masterfiles]

Harleen Quinzel is a hero in her own right for putting up with my crap, to be frank. I have stalked her, belittled her, risked her life, insulted every single one of her friends, befriended people who wanted to ruin her life, compared her to my ex-wife, insulted her boyfriend multiple times, gave her up to a higher evil like she was a pokemon card to trade away, and generally fucked her around on a whim.

I also gave her a small planet and acted like her attack dog for a few months, but really - I was terrible, and I don’t remember half of it for complicated unimportant reasons, but I know that the best thing I did for her was to literally explode.

She still talks to me, sometimes.

I’m not sure why.

[masterfiles]

Flora (and by extension her brother) has been one of my greatest accomplishments. I’m sure she’d agree.

I gave her an apartment and a galaxy and a second heart and a ring and a lot of self-confidence. She, in turn, is one of the most unwaveringly loyal generals I have in my little war on reality.

Suffice to say that Flora has been an utter shock and is now completely indispensable. I’m also rather fond of her. 

[masterfiles]

Lilly Constantina turned up in my life stinking of the Doctor and oozing from her nailbeds and she didn’t stop laughing at me or hanging around.

She’s still all of those things, but now I’m allowed to kiss her.

She’s a second chance in a world that doesn’t grant first chances.

I’m pretty sure she’s going to kill me one day. For good kill me, I mean, not “take a short holiday in Hell” kill me. I’m remarkably unbothered by that.

Sentiment.

It’s hard to write about Lilly while still keeping my icy composure in place. I don’t remember meeting her. I don’t remember the first time I made her laugh. I don’t remember our first kiss. These things have just bled into my memories, like she’s always been right there, waiting for me to catch her up. It’s more than a little terrifying, and quite a bit exciting.

She is very beautiful and very scary and her curls bit me once. I don’t think I will mind if she really is the one that kills me. I would mind even less if she married me instead.

[masterfiles]

Pea - don’t call her that, by the way - is awful and weird and sticky and has burrowed into my affections like a worm with teeth. She likes ice cream and colouring and eating screaming civilians.

Her parents are me, the beanpole, and dark magic. I’m not recounting the details for you. Not now, not ever. Go read Breaking Dawn - the general plot is the same.

Less half naked wolfmen, more multidimensional faceless horrors.

Also, and let’s be real here, I’m hotter than Kristen Stewart.

… Anyway, back to Penny. I’ve thrown her at people, in high-security cells, and to one of Constantine’s boyfriends on loan, and she’s always chewed her way free and come wobbling back.

I think she likes me.

I hope she likes me.

I’d put in a threat about how she’s my biological child and I’d murder you to keep her safe, but I’m pretty sure if you ever tried to harm her you’d be half-digested before I even noticed.

Such a good girl.

[masterfiles]

The Doctor is the Doctor, no matter what or where or why or how or who or any other question word you can throw at me. He’s the Doctor, and I’m the Master, and paradox space damn near wets herself if we don’t keep right on circling one another like sharks.

He’s the Doctor and he’s my oldest friend and the man I trust the last and the only man I’ll ever trust and his fashion sense makes my hearts break and a lot of other thing he’s done have broken them too, but mostly he just breaks my nose and my ship and every poor little thing that wanders into his web.

I hate him. I hate him the way electrons hate a nucleus, the way your stupid backwater planet hates your sun, the way - well, the way he hates me, I suppose.

We make bad choices. We fight. We flirt. We tear one another apart and rehash old blames and we can’t go more than five paces apart before one of us cracks. We wrote the book on co-dependant, and then he threw it out the window with every instruction manual he’s ever own and my wallet.

He’s awful.

He’s terrible.

He’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to depend on since Ailla.

Hurt him, I will reach down your throat and pull out your spine. And that will just be the start.

Are we clear?