mathiaslynn

[mathiaslynn]

📲Text | Scarlett ↔ Mathias

scar: yeah, i guess. i just feel really fucked most of the time.

scar: no, apparently a life of substance and sexual abuse can lead to infertility in a percentage of women and i'm in that percentage. it'll basically take an act of whatever god cares enough for me to get pregnant.

scar: i know. i know and i know how it is in the system and i know that there are kids like me out there and i've thought about it...but i just can't help but feel like the universe did this because i would be a shit mother

mathias: i think that's just... something that is stemmed in us, you know? from daniela and antonio. but you're so strong, scarlett. you can do /anything/.

mathias: a shit mother would never be something that i think when it comes to you. i think you could be an amazing mother. i wish you could see yourself and love yourself the way i love and see you.

mathias: it's always been you taking care of us, and that's how i know you'll be an amazing mom when that time comes.

mathias: there's no rush though, you know? there's a lot to work on before that.

[mathiaslynn]

Hope today was less Wednesday than usual for you.

Ah, you know. It wasn’t the worst. It’s almost over at least and I haven’t crashed yet, so I’d call that a success. I hope your day was a good one.

[mathiaslynn]

📲Text | Scarlett ↔ Mathias

scar: you were too young and it was my job to protect you. you didn't need to know what i was going through at the time, you were a kid.

scar: i know you would and you know i would for you, too

scar: i'm really sorry, mati. i'm really fucked in the head, you know?

[...]

scar: i regret having the abortion a lot and i don't like to think about it

scar: it was my one and only chance at having a kid

mathias: you're not fucked in the head, scar. you went through something... traumatic. that's a lot to really hurt and change a person.

mathias: ... you can't have kids?

mathias: i .. i mean that's okay you know! you can always adopt. adopting kids are so important. we were adopted!

[mathiaslynn]

📲Text | Scarlett ↔ Mathias

scar: i'm as okay as i can be.

scar: no one ever knew, you know. i don't know how she found out. i never planned on telling anybody

scar: i was in a scary, dangerous place

scar: i'm...sorry if i worried you

mathias: i would've been there for you. no one should go through something like that alone, scarlett.

mathias: you know i would do literally anything in the world for you.

[mathiaslynn]

📲Text | Scarlett ↔ Mathias

scar: fine, she wasn't lying. i lied about her lying.

scar: are you happy?

mathias: why would her being right make me happy? of course it doesn't make me happy.

mathias: are you okay?

[mathiaslynn]

[mathiaslynn]

FROY GUTIERREZ as JAMIE HENSON

Cruel Summer (2021)

[mathiaslynn]

INLIMA TASK #5 →     ��        

                              FOR MY CHILDREN, LOVE ME

Words have never been my eloquence no matter how many times people will say otherwise. I simply allow words to flow, such in a way that I allow my art to flow from my heart. And next to your dad, you both are my heart.

I’ve always dreamed of being a dad for as long as I could remember, but the realistic promises of being a good dad was never in my favor. I didn’t have an ideal father figure growing up. I was adopted when I was 3, and as you both are now old enough to know, we don’t speak of your grandparents. But I told myself every day that if I was lucky enough to be a dad, I would take every mistake I witnessed and use it to my advantage of being better. 

My promise was to always ensure that you follow your dreams, whether that be a dancer, a doctor, an artist or even a circus clown. It’s the support that I lacked, that drove me far away and into depths that I was stuck in. We’ve always been real and honest with you, your father and I want you to be aware of the world that surrounds us all. 

I’m sorry for my anxiety that may squeeze you too tight sometimes. It’s not that I’m trying to suffocate you or make you feel less of the adults that you’re growing to be. I simply just can’t seem to grasp the concept of you growing up. The fears of my own childhood linger in ways that I never anticipated them too and I think that’s why drives me to truly baby both of you and for that I apologize.

Gwendolyn, I know you’re older now and you don’t need your Papa looming over you. I know you’re at the age where you’ll fall in love. (Please just tell him, hija. I spent so many years scared of my own feelings that I almost missed out on your dad). You are such an old soul and you carry yourself with such grace and power I almost forget that you’re only eighteen. I promise to loosen my hold on you and let you explore life more. It’ll take time, but please have patience with me, that’s all I ask. 

Lorelei, you are the type of child I wish I could have been. How smart you are consistently makes me sit in awe that you are my daughter. I’ve always wondered if this is what my father would have felt if I was the idealistic son. However, I don’t have an image of an idealistic daughter. You are all that any father could want and be proud of. My only concern is that you are not allowing yourself the freedom to have. You spend such time worrying about friends and your sister, making sure they are taking care of themselves. Please, hija, please enjoy your life. Take care of you, and reach for every possibility you can. 

My intentions with you have always been the best, and may not be perfect in practice. But I am sure of one thing. Your dad and I love you both, and we want you all to achieve everything in life you could ever want. 

I will do better as your father, but most importantly I will love you for eternity. You have proven me to be a man that I’ve always wanted to be.

Te amo,

Papa.

[mathiaslynn]

perfectlyqfabs​:

That’s actually a really nice way to look at it. I may take you up on that offer. I just I don’t know. I feel I’m probably too much pressure on myself than I need to be but yeah.

I want to apologize if I was a super hot mess. I’m pretty sure I’m still recovering from a hangover. Who knew you could get this drunk? Or that drunk? I’m still not sure.

🎨

The many years of the theatre taught me that, and it’s something I hope to carry on to those I help in theatre or eventually my own kids when that time comes. Definitely don’t put any pressure on yourself, it’s supposed to be a really fun bonding experience.

No worries. I think everyone was very much a hot mess last night. My brother and his girlfriend thought consistently throughout the night that their got abducted by aliens when they lost each other. As long as you had fun that’s what matters. Getting that drunk is definitely a lot easier than people think.

[mathiaslynn]

theonlysebastiansmythe​:

Oh wow, yeah, I didn’t even think of that.  That’s definitely something really special. Well at least when I’m old and on my deathbed, I can take comfort in that fact.  

🎨

Ah, well you know. I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not but I think it’s certainly special and I’m excited about it regardless. 

[mathiaslynn]

theonlysebastiansmythe​:

I’m glad you’re excited.  I’m excited for it too honestly.  It makes so much sense when you put it like that.  Angel definitely has an “it” factor; presence and confidence dripping from the character.  Unabashedly true to who he was.  I can see the parallels.  My only hope is people fall in love my portrayal of the character the way Angel deserves.  But if not, fuck them, they didn’t deserve an Angel in their life.

🎨

There is no doubt in my mind that those who witness you in action won’t hesitate to fall in love with Angel as if they were seeing it for the first time. The best time is though, some people it will be the first time and you’ll be the Angel that sets the mold. It is truly going to be the most amazing experience for you and I can’t wait to watch you shine in all your glory and then rip everyone’s heart out towards the end.

[mathiaslynn]

imessage / mati

ISSY: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

ISSY: is it true that you gave jason a promise ring, because if is, we have to celebrate with sparkling cider and we should probably celebrate eli and max, finally getting together.

MATHIAS: i did give jason a promise ring, yes.

MATHIAS: is that something you celebrate? i think we can celebrate maxine and elijah more!

[mathiaslynn]

imessage // Mati

SKY: i'm at the community center, i walked here from one of my employee's houses and kinda got told that i needed to message someone to come and get me.

MATHIAS: you bet. i'll be there in a jiffy and we'll get you back to mine and lottie's place.

MATHIAS: did you want to just stay there or did you have another place you needed me to take you?

[mathiaslynn]

imessage // Mati

SKY: hey, i know that youre at scandals with jason, but i was wondering if you could drop me off at your flat? since thats where my stuff is at?

MATHIAS: hey!! no problem, i can definitely do that. i think he's hanging with aaron and stevie. where can i find you?