matt-svart

[matt-svart]

Ibland skäms jag över hur trasig jag blev. Jag menar, det var inte som att du slog mig eller så. Vi fick ett dåligt slut och du blev elak, men mer än så var det inte. Ändå har det gått ett år och jag kan inte tänka på dig. Jag tror att jag skulle dö om jag såg dig, eller kanske bara hörde din röst. Jag tror det faktiskt.

Varför kan man gå sönder såhär, när den man älskar lämnar en? Får man ha såhär ont då? Får en person påverka en så otroligt mycket? Kan det verkligen vara tillåtet, undrar jag. Du dödade mig, det gjorde du.

Jag kommer nog dö flera gånger under min livstid men aldrig så som första gången. Och aldrig kommer jag älska någon som jag älskade dig, jag tror varken jag kan eller vågar.

Kommer du kunna älska så gränslöst igen eller blev du också skadad? Jag undrar om jag också dödade dig.

[matt-svart]

it’s okay to miss someone that was unhealthy for you

it’s okay to miss someone and not want to go back to them

it’s okay to miss someone that hurt or left you

emotional attachments don’t just disappear – take your time

[matt-svart]

YOU KILLED ME YOU KILLED ME YOU KILLED ME I HATE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE I'M DEAD DEAD YOU FUCKING KILLED ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[matt-svart]

i live on countdown. thirty-three days until i am done with this. twenty-something until christmas, until new years. only three days of work before a day of rest. just eight more classes until i graduate. just one more year until i’m out of here. just. just. just this moment itself kind of feels like i’m both wasting it and wasting in it. like it’s killing me to be here and live through it but i know when i look back it will seem like it passed in an instant. already i’m worrying that i’m missing the best of things. already i’m worrying that it doesn’t get better on the other side of this. that i reach the end of the countdown just for another one to begin. like i don’t know how to survive without a clock telling me there’s ten days before he goes away again or there’s six years before i have to buy a house or there’s only so much time left before my youth runs out. how do you plan for the future and also live in the moment. how do you keep your childhood joy and also obsess about what happens two years from now. 

i just want off the ledge. i want to be someone who doesn’t care what happens next. i want to be someplace that whatever happens, happens. that i’m not worried about the end.

[matt-svart]

Jag antar att detta är berättelsen om två som aldrig blev och en som aldrig blev hel

basslyling.tumblr.com (via basslyling)

[matt-svart]

Önskar jag fick radera 2016 Allt skit skedde här Fan Jag gjorde dumma saker Du lämnade mig Jag dog Dog Dog Dog Tusen gånger om

[matt-svart]

10.14.16 - “Cutting the Chord” One from the earlier months. My hand has healed since then.

ig | merch | prints

[matt-svart]

Hatar kärlek Vill dö Du var mitt fucking allt

[matt-svart]

voicemails I never left // pt 1

[matt-svart]

Most of all though, it was you who I wanted to tell that I was hurting. You were the one I wanted to explain to that if I had my heart in my hands instead of my chest, I’d be able to watch it beat in pain to the beat of, “I’m hurting I’m hurting I’m hurting and you’re just watching”. But no one wants to hear about the pain they’ve inflicted. One moment you’re telling me you love me and the next you can’t even look me in the eyes anymore and the next we haven’t talked in 3 months and oh god oh god how is this happening oh- But it was still you I wanted to turn to, even though I knew that you weren’t part of the team anymore. I wanted to beg my heart to let it go, God please, there’s no point in beating for you anymore. But my heart’s never listening and my head’s awful at communication, so if you’re looking for a heart, another one to add to your collection, you know my house is the one on the corner of our favorite intersection.

It plays a song just for you (via loveserum)

[matt-svart]

It's so strange how someone can make you the happiest person alive And you swear your life and heart to them It feels like you were born to love this person And then They make you hurt like never before A pain lasting months You knew you were going to last a lifetime and now you don't talk anymore I can't handle that Why do people get to fuck you up like that? Why do they break you Why did you leave Why are you so mean please stop hurting me please what happened i swore we were soulmates and now you make me want to die you said i was your everything It's so fucking strange

[matt-svart]

Efter all vår tid tillsammans Hur fan kan du göra såhär mot mig Hur kan du vilja få mig att må såhär dåligt Denna dagen har varit ett helvete Tänker fan aldrig kontakta dig igen Hur mycket jag än vill, även om du behandlar mig värre än skit Ja måste sluta Även om det är så svårt Ja måste släppa dig För du är så jävla dålig för mig

[matt-svart]

I deleted your number so that I wouldn’t be able to call you on a day like this Where I can hardly breathe without you I can hardly breathe at the thought that you’re not here and it’s been one of those days where you’re the only one I know who can make it better I can’t stop crying and I’m so scared Cause what if you’re the only one who’s ever gonna love me or worse what if you’re the only one I’m ever gonna be able to love like I loved you The naive kind of love I can’t believe I was so lucky to love you kind of love Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do kind of love I’m crying on the train home with tears smearing my lips With my heart bleeding so hard I feel like it could pour out onto the train tracks But you’re gone You’re gone I know that you’re gone

(via veincold)

[matt-svart]

[matt-svart]

five months later but it still hurts

A little more time darling, a little more you. You’ll be yourself again, I promise.

[matt-svart]

How do I get over him?

Gosh. That’s a tall order.

Go to your nearest coffee shop and start small. Small latte, small cappuccino, small macchiato with a hazelnut syrup in the mix.

He’s everywhere isn’t he? In your hair, in your chest, in your bed. He’s got his ridiculous fingerprints on your lips, on your back, below your chin, and no amount of scrubbing is going to wash them away. You take a shower to rinse the angry tears but it doesn’t stop you from remembering. You can run away from your problems, but they never seem far behind.

So start with your small cup of tea or have an ice cream instead. Getting over someone is important but you ought never let it become your life. He was there, and now he’s not, but you’ll live either way. Focus on your drink now. Baby steps, you’ll learn to walk again.

[matt-svart]

Är så ledsen. allt är så jobbigt.