maya-matlin

[maya-matlin]

this got LONG, i was feeling a way

i get sooo sad and frustrated for clare in s12 with the asher storyline and while even a lot of the people who dislike clare are sympathetic to her in this arc, some people still have really wild takes.

like - sorry, i'm not willing to fault clare for lying about her harassment, assault, and getting blamed for it as a minor in the workplace. people who complain about that do not pay any attention to or have any empathy for the REASONS that she lies, which are

a) she's traumatized. like, this shit is quite literally traumatizing, and people have varying reactions to trauma. no, that doesn't excuse everything you do in response to trauma all the time, but when this is in the immediate aftermath (it seems like a couple of weeks at most that she lies about it) and she is the only person it really hurts, yeah, I"m willing to cut her a lot slack.

B) again, this was a trauma, and who she chooses to share it with SHOULD be her choice, and it's literally not for most of the plot. the ONLY two people clare herself chooses to tell initially are alli - her best friend, who encourages her to tell the truth (which I think is appropriate) but doesn't force her, and dallas - who she tells because she is having a really bad day, is spiraling, and she probably figures he won't judge her (and frankly because she doesn't particularly care about his opinion or think it will affect him). eli finds out because he went to the interpreter himself (and for what it's worth, seems to BELIEVE asher's accusations against clare at first. i know he changes his tune pretty quickly, but his first reaction is, in fact, to confront her at her birthday party and shout "tell me it isn't true!") ms. oh and clare's mom find out because eli told them, and i have... complicated feelings about this. while i have a lot of problems with eli as a character, i don't think thsi was done with malicious intent or to be controlling but because he genuinely believed she needed help and did not know how to help her. i can understand that. i'm not even sure i 100% disagree with the choice. at the same time, though - what asher did was something that threatened her agency a lot - not only his assaulting her, or the scene in the car (which is one of the scariest depictions to date i have scene of something like that just for how realistic it is), but because he, and the environment protecting him, have made her feel totally powerless to do anything about it. that is a LOT for anyone, and part of the way clare was Trying to feel in control was by not telling people before she felt ready. and, while i don't think eli was ill-intentioned here, he DOES have a history of behaving controllingly toward clare, so for him to decide this for her uhhh leaves a bad taste in my mouth, even though i'm not totally sure how i feel about it. i think it can both be true that adults should have been involved to help and protect clare, and that it probably should have been clare's decision. her mom and ms. oh also then seem to decide against clare's will that they're going to pursue action and like, i get it, but she is SCARED, she has already been traumatized and feels like her voice has been taken away. i'm sure they do mean well (even though ms. oh is a WHOLE other conversation we could have), but I think they could have handled the conversation we see a lot better tbh.) and the only reason she tells katie is because it's already 'gotten out' as it were.

C) and this is especially important in terms of the messaging the show was trying to get across: CLARE DOESN'T TELL PEOPLE BECAUSE SHE THINKS THEY WON'T BELIEVE HER. literally, that is her biggest, most stated reason she gives. it is not subtle. she has no evidence, and we live in a society where it is VERY DIFFICULT to be taken seriously for assault and harassment without it. she has also been made to internalize a lot of blame, because in the most glaringly obvious case of DARVO ever, asher reports to his boss and acts like clare (the teenage co-op intern) is the one who has been behaving inappropriately. she feels like it's her fault because she DID greatly admire him, even though the worst thing she did was be a little overzealous about that admiration and talk about him (her mentor who she idolized) a lot. like, that was it. but she feels like it's her fault because of how easily it's used against her (because of how much power asher has). and she feels like it's her fault because she thinks she did everything "wrong" - not just not reporting it right away, but idolizing him at all, being alone with him, sharing how much she admired him, etc. she doesn't want to tell people because not only will a lot of people, including a court, likely not believe her, there's a fair chance she doesn't get blamed for it.

this is more based on my own interpretation of clare than anything canon outright acknowledges, since they stop acknowledging darcy's existence for the most part, but i can't help but think darcy - her sister was roofied, raped and then of course had a LOT of mental health issues, including trying to commit suicide - is probably on her mind. clare is not dealing with the exact same thing here of course, but it is still a related trauma (asher kissing her WAS assault, just not to the same degree/the same kind). it's easy to forget but clare was AROUND for what was going on with darcy - she was at the hospital after her suicide attempt. she darcy viewed herself, how other people viewed her, the distress it was causing to her and how worried their parents were. she probably doesn't tell her parents PARTLY because of that, and i feel like she's so hard on herself for not being a 'perfect' victim (no one is) who does everything 'right' (no one does) because she saw how much darcy 'acting out' (even though it's more complicated than that) affected darcy herself and the people around her and the way they treated her.

every step clare took in this situation was her TRYING to do what she thought the 'right' way to react would be and then feeling like she failed. asher kissed her, and she pulled away, got up, and ran out. she tried to address it with him (looking VERY nervous, not making eye contact, and stuttering) and believes him when he says he's sorry and that he made a mistake because he's going through a hard time. clare, who, whatever the fandom at large wants to say about her - is overall a pretty compassionate person, feels for him and empathizes with him because of her parents' divorce the year prior. she doesn't report it because she doesn't want to lose her co-op, and she doesn't want to make a big deal out of 'nothing'. and it's so easy to say 'well she should have known right after the first kiss and reported it' but clare is, while incredibly intelligent in some ways, an impressionable teenage girl whom asher is INCREDIBLY manipulative toward. him sharing about his divorce in response to clare confronting him is manipulative. him telling clare she's mature for her age is manipulative. him offering to let clare tagalong to the press conference and then asking if she's told anyone is manipulative. like, she doesn't report it right away for a variety of reasons, but one of them is that he is quite literally messing with her head and manipulating her. in this moment, she DOES feel like she handled it the right way, because she feels like it WAS 'mature' - no harm, no foul, she gets to keep her co-op, etc. (not saying that's TRUE, but how it felt to her.) but when he tries again in the car, she regrets it and partially blames herself. but she still doesn't report it because she doesn't have any proof, and she's decided the right way to deal with things is to get proof he did it to someone else so she will be believed.

also: i don't really know where else to put this, but dallas kissing clare RIGHT after she told him (while drunk, which is a reponse to feeling like she keeps doing everything 'wrong') what asher did is ANOTHER unwanted advance. i think what the writers were trying to do was, yes, to show a parallel between asher's entitlement to and the hockey team's entitlement in the way they treat women, which has a larger message about men in power in our society. you could argue, of course, that dallas doesn't have anywhere near as much power, and certainly power over clare herself, at this point, which is true. he is not an adult man pursuing a minor, at the very least. and you could make the argument that they were trying to show a contrast between genuinely misreading signals and targeting someone, but for that to be the case - especially considering, again, clare just told him about asher and is drunk - then it would have made a lot more sense framing-wise for dallas to be remorseful about it instead of blaming clare for it. not saying this makes dallas evil or anything, but considering it was overall pretty brushed off, i do feel slightly weird about it!

[maya-matlin]

[maya-matlin]

Jimmer

[maya-matlin]

moodboard: manny x jay

[maya-matlin]

ONE TREE HILL ( 2003 - 2012 ) ↳ season 3, episode 7

[maya-matlin]

"They say a dream takes only a second or so, and yet in that second a man can live a lifetime. He can suffer and die, and who's to say which is the greater reality: the one we know or the one in dreams, between heaven, the sky, the earth - in the Twilight Zone." The Twilight Zone: S1EP09: Perchance to Dream

[maya-matlin]

BETHANY JOY LENZ as HALEY JAMES SCOTT One Tree Hill (2003-2012) ☆ Episode 2.13

[maya-matlin]

RIVERDALE (2017-2023)

This is the story of a small town, once wholesome and innocent, now forever changed by the mysterious death of Jason Blossom. Back when Riverdale was the town with pep!

[maya-matlin]

NINA DOBREV as ELENA GILBERT THE VAMPIRE DIARIES — 3.01 "The Birthday"

[maya-matlin]

DEGRASSI NEXT CLASS (2016)

[maya-matlin]

365 days of paceyjoey → day two hundred and thirty five

[maya-matlin]

Of course I love you, I do. And I would totally be with you, if it weren't for Artie. [...] Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single – I am so yours. Proudly so.

[maya-matlin]

[maya-matlin]

GLEE REWATCH 1x14 — Hell-O

[maya-matlin]

I hate that every social media platform has switched to a video centric format. I fucking hate it. Every app is so loud now. Instagram used to be quite. You could put on music and scroll to see what people are up too. Nope. Now everything has music on it or gets turned into a reel. This is why I fuck with tumblr. It's the quiet website. Just you and and the voices.

[maya-matlin]

When the fic is SO GOOD that you just have to slam your phone on your bed and take a second to breathe.

[maya-matlin]

Are you pro or anti bush

he was a bad president