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Wait a Minnite – EBC Does NOT Celebrate Chinese New Year

EBC: Hey! Hoomin! I can has passport?

Hoomin: Wait, what? You want a passport?

EBC: Yas! How I gets?

Hoomin: I don’t think the Government issues passports to cats

EBC: Dat not nice. I no liek

Hoomin: Why is it that you want a passport?

EBC: It Chinese Noo Yeer! I needs go to China pls

Hoomin: You don’t have to go to China to celebrate. We can have a nice party right here! I’ll even buy some catnip

EBC: No, no, no. You no understand, Hoomin. I no wants celebraet

Hoomin: Then why-?

EBC: I go to China for protests

Hoomin: What? Protest?

EBC: Yas! Dey says it Yeer of Gog! Dat not nice! Why it not yeer of cat? EBC no liek. I goes to China and meets Chinese kittehs and we has protest against Yeer of Gog

Hoomin: I can’t even with you, Cat

EBC: What yur credit card number? I needs plane tickets

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EBC Celebrates Chinese New Year

Ohai. It Chinese Noo Yeer nao. EBC liek! We has celebrashun and nice partee wif nip. Dis fun day! 3-2-1- HAPPY NOO YEER!

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Noo box fur Boxing Day! Thanks, Good King Wencesbox!

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TinyCat Writes More Letters

Deer Santa Paws: Ohai. It Tiny Olibe again. Nao I knows all abowt Miss-mas and Boxing Day and Good King Wencesbox. So I nawt asking for boxes for Miss-mas ennemoar! Nao I wants little tinee bows liek fur to go on presents. Dey fun for kitteh to play wif! I liek but Teh Hoomin no will let me play wif dem. She keep steeling dem and putting dem where I no can reech, and I no liek. But if I has bows of my own dat I get from Santa Paws, she no can taeks. Lub, Olibe

 Deer Good King Wencesbox: Ohai. It Tiny Olibe heer. I no write you befur bc I no learn of Boxing Day storee until dis yeer. But I has been good kitteh and I would liek lots of boxes pls. Lub, Tiny Olibe

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Good King Wencesbox: A Boxing Day Carol

Ohai. By nao, ebberyone knows all abowt Miss-mas carols, bc EBC teeches dem to you last yeer. BUT DEN! Dere is also song for Boxing Day! It go liek dis:

 Good King Wencesbox looks owt

On teh feest of Fee-line

Wen teh snow lay all abowt

Deep and crisp and eben

But teh kittehs do no liek

Cause it freeze dere tailz

Dat is why dey liek teh box

It keep dem warm liek snailz

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TinyCat Has Questions About Boxing Day

TinyCat: Ohai, EBC!

EBC: Ohai, Olibe. You reeds my storee abowt Boxing Day?

TinyCat: Yas! I reeded, and I liek! But I has questions, pls.

EBC: ORLY? Wat yur questions?

TinyCat: OK, we gets presents on Miss-mas?

EBC: Yas

TincyCat: And boxes on Boxing Day?

EBC: Yas

TinyCat: And Santa Paws brings the presents for teh Miss-mas?

EBC: Yas

TinyCat: But den who brings teh boxes? It nawt Santa Paws, him iz too sleepee from delibering presents to all teh good kittehs and puppehs and eben fishees and hamsters all ober teh world!

EBC: Nawt hamsters. Dey naughty. Santa Paws no like

TinyCat: Oh, OK, fien, nawt to hamsters. But dat no answers my question!

EBC: Oh, yas, teh boxes. Dey comes from Good King Wencesbox!

TinyCat: ORLY? I liek!

EBC: Yas!

TinyCat: But wait a minnite! Dis meen I has to write moar letters nao!

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EBC Explains Boxing Day

Ohai. You see Olibe’s letter to Santa Paws abowt Boxing Day? Nao, you may be saying, “Hmm, wat dat?” EBC will tell you. Boxing Day is nawt day fur fighting, eben though Miss-mas is ober and you no has to be nice for Santa Paws until next yeer. Manee yeers ago, wen hoomins werk in teh howse of other hoomins, dey sayz, “Ohai. We no wants werk on Miss-mas.” And teh hoomin bosses sayz, “Too bad! You werks so I has nice Miss-mas!” And teh hoomin werkers has a sad. BUT DEN! The bosses sayz, “OK, you werk on Miss-mas, I gibs you big box of presents and monee and delicious noms on next day.” And teh house kittehs sayz, “ORLY? I no gets day off on Miss-mas; I need box too pls.” And teh hoomins sayz, “Nawt for kitteh.” BUT DEN! Kittehs say, “ORLY? I no catches mowse fur you.” And teh hoomins no liek, bc nao iz mowse in teh howse, and first dey sayz, “Eeek!” and den dey sayz, “OK, fien, you can has boxes.” And then kittehs get nice boxes to sit in, and dey liek. Teh End.

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Tinycat Has a Question for Santa Paws

Deer Santa Paws: It Tiny Olibe again. I has follow-up question pls. You knows dat Boxing Day iz day after Miss-mas? Do you visits on Boxing Day Ebe too? Or iz dere someone different who come to deliber boxes to kittehs? Need to know right away pls so I knows who to be nice for. Lub, Olibe

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Deer Santy Paws: Ohai! It Tiny Olibe heer. I has picture in case you no remembers dat I has a cute. Teh Mommycat say it tiem for writing letters to Santy Paws, and I liek! But wait a minnite! EBC ask for moar hippos? Wat? Dat no maek sense. But wait a minnite again! Does hippo come in boxes? If you brings hippo for EBC, pls to bring dem in box for Olibe. If you no brings hippo, just bring box anyway. Lub, Tiny Olibe

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Letters to Santa Paws 2017

Deer Santa Paws: Ohai. Merry Miss-mas! EBC hoep you has nice Thanksgibing. You has turkees at Norf Poel? If you no has, maek yur elfs get one – dey delishous! EBC asks for hippo for Miss-Mas last yeer (and yeer before, too) and Santa Paws no brings. BUT DEN! Teh Hoomin gibs EBC noo hippo friend fur EBC birfday, and EBC liek! Him’s naem iz Mr. Jellybeenz and him is nice hippo friend. BUT DEN! EBC say “Wait a minnite! Wat if Mr. Jellybeenz has a lonelee and him misses him’s hippo familee?” So dis yeer EBC asks for MOAR HIPPOS. Dis is present for two so you can brings a whole pod of hippos! EBC and Mr. Jellybeenz liek! Yurs in Ebulness, Elwyn (EBC)

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EBC Needs Information

EBC: Hey! Hoomin! Wat naem fur lots of hippos?

Hoomin: Lots of hippos?

EBC: Yas! Liek, if you has big groop of hippos, wat dat called? Iz herd of hippos?

Hoomin: Oh, I see what you mean. Um, hmm…you know, I’m not sure

EBC: Dat OK, I googles.

Hoomin: Wait a minute. Why are you asking me this?

EBC: No reeson

Hoomin: Cat!

EBC: I asks for friend

Hoomin: What friend?

EBC: Mr. Jellybeenz, my noo hippo friend!

Hoomin (suspishuslee): OK, if you say so. I think you are up to something, though

EBC: Wat? I googling, I no can heer you

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EBC Has a Thankful

Happee Thanksgibing! EBC liek dis tiem of yeer, it tiem for familee visits and delicious noms. And wat noms do we has? Turkee! Turkee delishous and EBC liek. BUT DEN! Dis also good for to steel soulz. EBC say, “Ohai, birdeh. You knows wat holiday is comming up? It Thanksgibing, and dat wen hoomins eat birdehs.” And turkee say, “Oh no! I no liek.” And EBC say, “If you gibs me soulz, you no gets eated.” And EBC get lots and lots of birdeh soulz. EBC liek!

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EBC Does Not Share Food

Ohai. Teh Hoomin maeks lunches today and I smells somesing delicious! I say “Ohai, wat dis? Toona? I can has?” And she gibs me some toona and EBC liek! BUT DEN! Nim is also in kitchen and he say “For dog?” And Teh Hoomin gibs toona to gog, too! Wait a minnite! Toona for cat! It not for gog! But Nim say, “For dog. I liek!” But dat not fair bc if toona for gog dat meen not moar toona for cat. EBC no liek.

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EBC Is Ready for Halloween!

EBC: Hoomin! Wat day is it? Hoomin: It's October 1st EBC: Dis meen wat I fink it meen? Hoomin: Yes it does! Time to start getting ready for Halloween! EBC:YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!! Hoomin: YYAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

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EBC Has a Mad

Ohai. Dis weekend, Teh Hoomin has friend for to visit. I say, “Ohai. You iz Hoomin for soulless ginger kitteh friendz?” She say yes, and I say, “Where dey iz?” She tell me dey at hoem. I say, “Wait a minnite! Why dey no come? Hoomin has sleepover partee but EBC no can has sleepover partee?” And my Hoomin say yes, dat rite. EBC no liek. Den, I say to Hoomin friend, “I can has soul?” but she say no. Nao EBC really no liek! BUT DEN! I sees teh two Hoomins has drinkies. I say, “Wat dis?” and dey tells me it mosCATo, and dey no share wif EBC! EBC still has a mad abowt dat one. Just you wait, Hoomin! You think cat barfs on comfurtur is bad? I just getting started!