medullah-oblongata

[medullah-oblongata]

September 21, 2017 - 5:13 PM

So idk sometimes I just get weird feelings about all this not working out and I know I can be mean sometimes but it's not intentional, I just get annoyed and feel I need my space to figure out my feelings but then I always end up wanting him after. Anyways, so we hadn't spoken for a day and then he sent me a snap at night but I didn't open it until after he went to bed. And then the next morning I woke up to msgs from him, we talked on the phone for only 13 mins because of my annoyance and then I didn't speak to him again all day. So at night, he sent me a snap of him and his niece and it was so fucking cute.

P: chachi boldi ni

H: chachi boldi ni?

P: Nai, gussay hogi chache te

Ughhh and his niece actually looked so concerned for him! :')

[medullah-oblongata]

August 28, 2017 - 7:12 PM

- so I met his best friend this past week with my friend. We went to a comedy show and him and his cousin came as well. Then after we hung out at Boston pizza and talked and it was fun! - we had good convos and so we decided to try to hang again! And we did that yesterday. So we picked him up from his cousins house and went to the mall. Walked around did some dares (better than sex mascara) and he played concentration with us LOL - he told me I was a good driver! :) and we jammed to some old Punjabi songs together - then we pranked his cousin at cactus by telling the waitress it was his birthday LOL - his cousin said he can see what my bf sees in me and that he feels so much more alive when he’s with me, and he only just hung out with me twice - then we drove basha back to this other house on our way back, and he started showing me his gym snaps LOL - and then me n my friend hugged him and told him we'd miss him and to come visit us soon - it was so nice to meet him! -

[medullah-oblongata]

August 7, 2017 - 10:09 AM

July 28 Brunch Walk at eldorado Park with mani and Hailie July 29 Drove to chilli chicken house with him, while we were waiting he said a guy did a double take at me LOL Dinner with fam - talked about Vancouver, skiing and my crash, bet on butter chicken, hailie and Benny needing training, sams car incident, gurps asking when I was gonna come back and saying they'd come, Prab paid for everyone's dinner and I said I felt bad so I'd split it with him and gurps was like no get used to it and that it's ok we will all pay him back, but then he laughed and said that's what they all say but they never actually pay him back, Sam said she'd do skydiving with me & loves the thrill, and mani told me about his fear of birds which I already knew about but it was so much fun Drove to David Suzuki school - kissing and holding hands in car, talking about us and our future, said he wanted to get set and do the Florida thing for us actually, I asked him how he was so confident about me and long distance and he said because he's observed me and how I am and now he does know me from how much we talk, and he said "I can't ask for anything more" Sitting on benches outside and talking, wrapped his arms around me and holding hands, talked about my letter, him looking into my eyes at the park and in car and telling me how beautiful I am Asked him what his last words were for me in person in case it doesn't work out, and he said just have faith Hugged outside and said I loved him Gave him my card and he was so appreciative and was like how that means a lot more to him than any gift and how he was going to laminate my poster thing I made for his birthday LOL then I gave him the letter of why I think he's great and he said he'll read it at the right time, like if we do break up or on our wedding day. He said it would be like a cool mystery but I said to read it soon and not wait that many years And he also mentioned how if we were to get married it would be when he's like 28 and when we're both set with our careers..and I said what if I still don't know what I'm doing? And he said "then you got me" Saying love ya at the end and giving him a kiss and he said "I love you too" and I was like nice to hear it in person, and he adds "and when I'm not drunk" lol. And then we kissed again and I grabbed my things and then I was like bye, and he said bye and was like "now tell all your girls how much you love me" LOL and then we laughed and that was it :( I miss him so muchhh and I don't know when I'll see him next :(

[medullah-oblongata]

July 4, 2017 - 10:53 PM

- alrighty, so I’ve been home for a while now, almost a month and it’s been aight, kinda sucks..but a lot has happened since my last post - first of all, things got sorted (it seems like) out regarding the whole village thing - his sis-in-law asked both parents, and both were fine with it. His dad even came to talk to him in his room about me and said he was glad that they know my family and all and asked if I was a good girl and stuff - on June 9, I returned to Brampton for the night with my dad, and we were going to leave super early for our flight home the next morning - first of all, my cousins all surprised me and my other cousin and his gf with a surprise grad party and cake and gift (pic frame) and a card that everyone signed, it was so fucking cute. - then I met with him for a while, we went to the park n stuff. I was going to go out to dinner with his family but because of the surprise, I couldn’t stay for long - it ended up being 1.5 hours (even though I told them i’d only be gone for half an hour lol) and I met his sister, brother and cousin! - I was so scared and nervous, but it all went really well and it felt like I knew them - his sister even made a comment about how of course he’d introduce us like 12 hours before I have to leave lol - and after she told him that I’m very social and outgoing, the opposite of him, and that I still look really pretty without my glasses on :’) - Then that night he sent me a long goodbye msg and I actually cried when I read it in the morning. - He was up too, saying he couldn’t sleep because he was just really sad, and he told me not to go and that it’d ruin everything we went through. - then he finally asked me out! :) and I said yes! (June 10, 2017) - and we’ve been continuing our relationship since then. - I talk to him on the phone approx once a week, sometimes 2, when he’s at school or driving to school! - we’ve still been having our ups and downs and have had serious convos on the phone - recently he keeps saying he loves me, esp when he’s drunk. So when he was sober I asked him how he knows or why he does, and he said he didnt know at first but that he likes talking to me and thinks of me too - then he elaborated, and said that i support him like his mom does, encourage and motivate him, im there for moral support, put up with his shit (e.g. when he lied to me and didnt come thru with his promises and i was still by his side), how i challenge him when he’s wrong or put him in his place, etc. - this past weekend (july 1) he kept saying how i was his, its a forever thing and if i want to leave, i should do it now etc. but he was drunk - and then he called me, and said his sis-in-law wanted to talk, but she grabbed his phone and said that he wanted to talk but was using her name lmao - and then he sent a video of him on the toilet saying he loves me LMAO - and today he said some really awkward shit happened (that apparently involves me, him and his mom and dad) but he’s going to tell me tomorrow when we can have a phone call - I’ve also questioned him a lot on the phone about our long distance relationship and how it’ll work after i come down at the end of July for a wedding - and he says that we can visit each other, but i kept doubting him, so he said then just move out there and he will find me a job - I can tell he really cares about me because he randomly msged and said that his old teacher moved to richmond and that if i wanna talk with him about a job I can contact him, and I’m like omg :’) but i said I dont want to be a teacher, and he’s like well he could hook up a councillor job too maybe -- but we couldnt really talk about that cuz I had other issues to deal with, which he was very supportive of. - I honestly can’t wait to talk to him on the phone tomorrow, and more so to see him at the end of the month. Hopefully it all goes well.

[medullah-oblongata]

June 2, 2017 - 9:33 PM

Okay so how can everything seem to go right and then suddenly go so wrong in a split second? So his sis in law spoke to his mom and bro and sis, and they were all fine with it apparently. Then he was awkward and said he’s gonna sleep but I could tell that the was happy I did that because he’s like “at least they didn’t find out I was gay” lol. But anyways, his brother called him a “cousin fucker” as a joke, and he’s like he doesn’t wanna hear that shit. I tried explaining that his brother said it was cool and it didn’t matter and that was just a joke, that he would be straight up with him if it was not acceptable. But he wont take it. I don’t know how else to explain it to him, but I think it’s over. He said he wants me and will probably for the rest of his life, how I was a good girl and that his time for finding a girl like me has passed and that he probably won’t get married. Then he said he was deeply sorrrry and that he’s actually really hurt by this and it’s not easy for him. ugh. And then he had to do homework and said he was too stressed and that we will talk later, so hopefully we do tonight. I hope it all works out for the best, whatever that may be and hopefully we get to talk before tomorrow night cuz my family will be arriving! Last night of living alone. I am going to  miss this so much. This place has given me and taught me so much, and I have grown soo much over the last 5 years. Sad, sad days.

[medullah-oblongata]

June 2, 2017 - 12:18 PM

- lmao, so after monday’s snap, he sent me one of his niece knocked out on Tuesday saying he wished he could knock out too. And of course, I ignored the snap. - Then yesterday, Thursday, he messaged me around 11 AM asking when my beautiful family was coming down lol, and I was like it doesn’t matter, and he said it mattered to him - I just told him it doesn’t concern him and that I don’t associate with him anymore - then we had another convo about our issues discussing how he just said that he’d tell me before I go because he felt pressured, and I told him that wasn’t fair either - he said he was really sorry about it and totally gets where I am coming from, but wished that I could be a little more supportive - I told him that I have been and that I have a life too, and that he had so many options, and he was like “Like?” so I listed them - and then one of them included me asking his sis in law and then he dared me to, and I told him no because he didn’t want me to before, but then he kept daring, so I did it LOL - I just asked her how India was and explained the situation and told her that he told me to ask her what she thinks and if she could help us find out if it’s acceptable or not - so she replied asking how my family was and was like “What a surprise! And I don’t think there should be any issue with that, but dw I will talk to mom and dad” - she’s so cute - so I thanked her and said that we don’t want to rush into anything, but we were just hoping to know if it was ok before I move back - she just replied again saying she agrees that we shouldnt rush anything and to get to know each other first. She again said the village thing shouldn’t be a problem and then congratulated me on my grad! - so yeah, hopefully she talks to the parents soon! I’m gonna reply to her msg and mention that another reason he was scared to ask is because if it is acceptable, they might force him into marriage right away, and we don’t want that. so hopefully she can explain that to them, too!

[medullah-oblongata]

May 30, 2017 - 12:25 AM

- So on Sunday (May 28) I told him to ask his mom to ask his dad (which he said he would before, I was just reminding) or else my mom would call her and ask - and he got so pissed and we had a fight because he wasn’t understanding and pretty much said he won’t tell me before I go, which he promised he would, and that if I was so eager I should go find someone else - so then i was like fuck it and we didn’t talk, and later my friend was gonna call him to see if she can explain it, but he was at soccer so he asked whose number it was, and I just said I dont know - then he sent me a video of his niece which i enjoyed but i didn’t respond to him - then today (technically yd, Im just writing this late..29th) he sent me a snap at like 10:30pm of this guy from India singing that he showed me a pic of last time and said he’d hook us up lol - but yeah, I didn’t respond....... - i dont think its gonna work out, hopefully moving back home helps me forget.

[medullah-oblongata]

May 25, 2017 - 6:19 PM

- Last Tuesday (May 16) he came over for our last in-person meeting together - So he picked me up out front and we drove to LCBO because I had a gift card and I would never use it so I thought we could drink together - We ended up getting peach flavoured ciroc (the big bottle) after much debate and then went to wal-mart to pick up some cranberry-mango juice to mix it with - it was actually really good and he said that that will be “our” mix - and then we listened to jind mahi by kulbir jhinjer and zara  and there’s just something about driving with him that I loove. - Then we came home and it was sunny and nice out so he wanted to drink on the balcony and I was like alright even tho I was terrified of bees or other insects and them coming into my apartment - so we’re out there and we see this cracked egg and I was like should I kick it off? and he was like so concerned saying no and that one of the birds would see and come attack me - and then a bunch of pigeons are always flying from building to building and it was sooo fucking funny because he was terrified and then came running in when he thought a bird was coming for him - Then we came in and drank, I had like 3 glasses and was toally buzzed, like I could feel it in my face and I was getting so sleepy - so he came closer and we just started talking and then held hands and I told him how we were talking about lips and how our grandmas like thin lips and us girls were like why? and that I thought of him because I like his lips and then yeah we started kissing - I still had my light jacket on and things started getting heated so I had to take it off and then he came on top, and I took off his pants hehehe - and then he’s like lets get another drink, so we walked over to my computer desk where we had our supplies and I was stretching cuz I was tired and as he was walking to the fridge he like lightly touched my pussy and moved upward to my stomach and I still can’t get over how good that felt and just how sexy the overall movement was LOL - then he poured a drink and I gave him a blowjob while he sat in my computer chair and then he told me to take off my shirt and he played with my tits hehe - and then it got even more heated so he like came leaning off the chair and gently laid me on the floor and like sucked on my nipples and we made out and it was so fucking hot - then we stood up and he was talking to me about how beautiful I was and he grabbed my face and pulled me closer so we made out again and then he rubbed his dick on me and was like he was gonna fuck me so hard tonight and asked if we should take a break to talk or go to my room and we both agreed to talk - so then we ended up talking for soooo long but  it was sooo good, like I don’t think we have talked like that before and I just learned more about him, and also felt a greater connection - He was sitting up straight and I was leaning on him with my legs across his lap - so he was telling me about how all of his friends know about me now (cuz someone from his program msged and he said he was in st catharines and i guess they knew he was with me then) - then he told me how his friends talk about me sometimes and ask how things are and he just says its complicated and how his high school friends were talking about this one guy and how he’s with P’s ex but they were like saying how he has a better girl (me) than the other guy lol - and then i guess his friends knew how he was coming to see me but one of them had no clue (the one I prank called cuz apparently he’s clueless) so he asked who i was and for him to send a pic of me, but P just said to look me up on instagram and the guy sent a selfie of me in their group chat and P was like yeah that’s her lol - and then I was like do they say bad stuff? and he’s like there’s this one guy who’s always saying like oh you gonna fuck tonight or something but P just tells him to chill but the rest (I think gopes esp) are respectful, and he said I can even look at their convo to see what he says about me but I didn’t cuz I trusted him - but he did confront me about the comment I made a while ago of him sending my pic, and he’s like I didn’t take a pic of you in the theatre,and I was like I know but you sent one, and he’s like yes I did do that because they were asking who you were and I wanted to show them, and he said it very respectfully so i was glad that he owned up to that - And then he told me how his best friend respects me and I’m like probably not, because if I don’t find out about village thing or if i can’t do long distance and we end it, he’s probably going to think I’m a hoe - and then he explained that that’s not the case because he told his friend how I was a good girl and a virgin and I’m not like other girls. Because his friend just has a bad attitude towards girls and doesn’t trust them, and then I was like omg you told him we did it, and he said yes, but only because he was convincing his friend how different I was and that he wasn’t bragging at all. And then he gave me a deep history of his best friend’s life and what he went through with girls and his own family that made him like that,so yeah that was nice to hear and to have him open up to me like that - he also said I love you multiple times that night and I loved it but kept saying he didn’t - then he asked what I even liked about him because he was like I dont even know how I got you, like I consider myself very lucky - and I was like lol idk, I dont think I answered the question properly or I must have referred to the acrostic I made him lmao - and then I asked him what he liked about me and he said he loves my attitude (i was shocked cuz he always comments on how he hates it and that it’s annooying) and that loves when a girl tells him to fuck off lmao and how I do it all the time, and he said he likes how there’s always other guys wanting me which is why he loves hearing stories of when people check me out or reach out to me after a long time lol, and then how I’ve stuck by him all this time even through all of the uncertainty with us. And then he just like kissed my hair and hands - And then he wanted to know more about the guys i’ve liked and why it didn’t work so I told him everything and about how curious george will randomly snap me after months and that last time I did reply because P ended video call with me and I was bored - and he was like “ohhh so soon as I’m gone you hit up other guys eh” and i was like LOL no i just wanted to see if this guy would address why he snaps me after so long but he didnt and just asked when I was coming home - and then he did his cute voice which i dont think he notices he does but yeah he was just concerned about me seeing other guys and if i’m going to meet up with that guy and I was like probably not since I don’t like him anymore. And then he told me to at least tell him if and when i talk to another guy or like another guy - then I was on his lap and he had his dick out because it was hard and so I was just kind grinding on it while talking or like playing with it with my fingers and some pre cum came out and im like aww, so i was playing with it and he’s like would you put that in your mouth and im like hell yeah and how i’ve been wanting him to cum on me for so long so yack an eah I put it in my mouth then we made out and then he like grabbed my boob with his mouth and then like lifted me to take me to my room but i was like no, so he like put me down but like where my back was to him and then he rubbed his dick along the front of my pussy and then to the back and holy fuck it was so hot then he took it off and started rubbing more but then I was like yo i still wanted to talk about more deep stuff related to us and then he respectfully put it away and sat me in his lap facing him so we could talk - so then I was just like how I was concerned about it not working out and if it does, me not being happy or his family not liking me or something - and he was like he is in love with me now, i am his love and he wants to marry me and that if we can’t then he’s just going to get an arranged marriage - then he asked what happened over the weekend that triggered me asking him a bunch of questions (failed marriage of cousin lol) and I didn’t want to tell him all of my family details so I just said I didn’t want to end up like one of my cousin’s cuz he’s so unhappy and he asked me more so I was going to talk about it but I got emotional so I went and put my head in his neck cuz my voice got shaky and I had tears and he was like aww look here but i said no and he asked why i was crying and im like sorry man i just get emotional when i talk about people i care about and they’re not happy - and then he made me look up and i covered my face and he was just saying how beautiful and pretty i looked even when i cry, and then he made me uncover my face and just looked right into my eyes and said he loves me - and then he continued the convo about my concerns and he was like you’ll be happy, and that if i like him now that’s how it’ll always be because it’s who he is as a person and he’s been real with me - and then he was like about his family not liking me, i dont have to worry about that, as long as i respect them they’ll love me and his mom’s already happy we’re talking. And i was like yeah but you and i already fight lots so what if they always just take your side and don’t understand my side or u just make it seem like it’s my fault, and he’s like he wouldn’t do that, plus his mom and sister-in-law are on a team and don’t talk to his brother when he’s wrong, so whoever is right, that’s who’s side his parents will take lol - and then i was like what about me not knowing how to cook or do anything? and he’s like they dont care about that, the only thing they care about is respect and I said i could defs give it because i have always wanted a good relationship with my in-laws - then he asked if i wanted to really spend the rest of  my life with him, and i shrugged my shoulders,and if i wanted to have his kids and i shrugged my shoulders again and we laughed and he was like if we did they would be little soccer players, with good looks cuz they’ll have your looks hopefully, and I’m like we have to put them in bhangra too and he just gave me a look like uhh maybe lmao and we laughed again - And then he got all serious again and was like how he really does like me a lot and wants it to work, and how I’ve helped him a lot with stress relief this year and how he loved talking to me, and I said the same and how he actually helped with assignments and stuff - and then he was like will you ever forget me? and im like lol no because i had all my firsts with you, and he was like oh yeah no one forgets those - then he was like you remember our first kiss? and i was like lol yeah and he asked where it was and i pointed to the spot on the couch and he was like lol yeah and he reminded me how i was all “idk what to do” LOL - oh yeah and when i  gave him a bj on the computer chair i had major gag reflexes so i asked what would happen if i actually threw up on it and he was like its no big deal we could just clean it up and i was like damn - and then i wanted to make a snap video for his friend saying hi but he wouldnt let me, so we just took pics of us instead -  then we decided to go to bed and i was like i need to wash my face first and he asked if i had any snacks so i showed him, but when i came out of washroom he was already in bed, and im like yo arent u hungry and he kept saying its ok and im like no lets go see - so i made him get out of bed because he aint about to sleep hungry on my watch lol so we made him a veggie burger and he loved it - while it was cooking on stove, he started like hugging me and grabbing my ass and then people in the building in front of me were on their balcony and he’s like oh shit there’s people outside lmfao so he stopped and i was like u pussy cuz i loved that shit - but yeah then we went into bed, and i went pee first, and then i came to lie down and im like why u already sleeping? and then he pulled me closer and was like all i want to do is cuddle you for the last time! and im like lol, and then we kissed and im like “but i saw it on the night table, all ready” and hes like LOL and hes like so what? and im like lets do it! and hes like do what? so he made me say it and then he put it on and went to work. - and then after he was done we were lying on our backs and he started playing with my boobs again with his hands and hes like “i love these tits of yours” lmfao - and then i was still horny so i was like playing with myself while rubbing up against him, and he just slipped his hand down there too and was like “teach me” (i guess how to do it properly or to the point where i climax cuz only i know how) and then it was his hand under mine and we just rubbed it and kissed and it was amazing - then we fell asleep after a while, well he did but i cried on his chest and had to wipe them off and then i turned around because i couldnt stop thinking about how much i was going to miss him - idk if he noticed or not that i was crying, but when i moved he asked if i was ok and i just said yes very quickly - then eventually i fell asleep too, but i’d randomly wake up and then cuddle back up to him - in the morning i was sleeping facing the opposite direction to him, and then he woke up and turned his body and put his arm around me, so fucking cute - then i turned around and cuddled him and watched him sleep some more - then i told him to wake up and that it was a certain time but it actually wasnt because i wanted to just chill and talk before he had to leave - and then he showered and got ready, then i did and we made tea - and then we talked more about him finding out and he said he will - oh yeah, the night before he also showed me pics of his fam in india and they were so cute - then when it was time for him to leave, we did a long ass hug by the couch and made out - then when he had on all his gear i started making out with him again, and that one was amazing, like i wont forget it - i’d pull away to breathe and i’d just look at his lips and eyes and go in for more - also, i felt it get hard again so we did some grinding while making out and i grabbed it but obvs it was too late for another session lol - then he gave me the longest cutest forehead kiss and i fucking loved it, like i could have cried cuz i didn’t expect it to be that hard and long - and then i kissed him on the cheek really hard and he was like have a safe flight back and that i’ll have fun in vancouver and im like no man im gonna miss you, then we hugged one last time and he went :( - it’s been over a week now since this meeting and i cant stop replaying the events and him looking at me or saying this and hearing his voice - and i’ve been procrastinating writing this post because i feel like in a way, i didnt want to finalize this as the ending even tho it is. - i mean we may still talk, but idk when i’ll ever see him again - and we mentioned perhaps meeting in brampton this saturday if he was available and he did say no guarantees cuz hes busy with schol, will be returning late on friday from washington and that he has to pick up his fam from airport, but that we could try...but yeah i dont think its happening cuz i havent talked to him all week (except briefly on tuesday night after 2 days when he was telling me his presentation went really well and then he went to sleep and said we would talk the next day but he never did message and neither did I). - so yeah, its thursday evening, hes gonna be driving back all day tomorrow cuz it took him 12 hours to get there so i dont even wanna mention meeting up cuz i just know its gonna be a no, which means i am most likely not going to brampton cuz cousins dont have anything fun planned either and last weekend i was just very emotional there but couldnt express it - but it would suck if i didnt end up going and he msgs saturday about hanging out (probs not but still lol) and even if i was there i wouldnt have an excuse last minute, whereas if we planned it out then i could have just said i have a birthday dinner to go to - i miss him sooo much though ughhhh - also last week my mom suggested that her and his mom can talk on the phone and she can explain that we just want to know if it would be acceptable but that us kids arent ready to get married right away and that if his mom already knows theres no harm in them talking and that they can see how to find out (like if his mom should ask his dad or if she wants my mom to ask), but then he said his mom is ok with it and that there is no point in them talking...and that he would just ask his mom to ask his dad...and im like u better man but i feel like you wont, and he said he would and that he was just stressed that day cuz he was supposed to wake up at 3 to drive to the sates, so then he thanked me for understanding even tho i just said ok but really did want my mom and his mom to talk lol - then my mom and i talked again yd and shes like what did he say? and im like he doesnt  see the point in you talking to his mom and said he’ll just ask himself, but i told her how idk if he will. and then shes like lol just tell him to ask or else she will - so i still have to mention that to him, but idk how to bring it up, but i hope he does ask his mom right away, and my mom said she still wants to talk to his mom, so idk how thats gonna turn out, but i wish he was more open to that - ughh hopefully it all works out and im not broken in the end.

[medullah-oblongata]

May 16, 2017 - 6:09 AM

- Alright so this past weekend (May 12-15) I went to my cousin’s place - it was aight, didn’t do much except watch a punjabi movie that i’ve been wanting to watch for a while, so that was nice - On Saturday night, May 13, also the night we went to the movies, he was with his friends watching the hockey game in his basement and drinking. - He kept talking to me and I told him to say hi to one of his friends, but he said that his friend said he does not accept the hi and that it has to be face-to-face - and then they were asking what McDonald’s we were chilling at but I didn’t say, and he called and I ignored lmao - and then when we got home he’s like let’s talk, cuz I was trying to let him give attention to his friends, but apparently I was the convo topic for them, his cousin was there too - and they wanted me to come say hi, but when I said I couldn’t they insisted they come to my cousin’s house so we can say hi and shit LOL - but I was like r u guys dumb? my aunt/uncle will get pissed, but since they know him he was like “naw they know me” and stuff - but I kept saying no, and then I fell asleep for a couple hours, and he had called me twice - but then I randomly woke up and couldn’t sleep so I replied and he’s like why did you ignore my calls if you still up? lmao - and then they said they were going to come and I was like nigga what is wrong with you today? you wouldn’t ever do this, not like you - and then he told me they said he is soft if he doesnt come see me LOL plus he wanted to see me in his town apparently - but yeah then he’s like “be a good girl, I love u for that” and said he was sorry for forcing me into that shit - I told him I secretly liked it the next day and he’s like no you did a good job, don’t go sneaking around lmao - and then later I saw him drivingg so cute! I didn’t really see the front of his face since we were behind him, but I recognized the car and license place and saw his little arm and head lmao - Also, he is coming over today (I think, hopefully) for the last time and I am so excited but also very saddd, hopefully I don’t ruin it this time. - my mom also asked about him on the phone yd and was like did you meet him on the weekend? and im like LOL mom no man its too hard when it’s not your house or your car, plus I don’t wanna sneak around - and then she was like she gonna tell my massi sometime or my cousins so I can meet him either before I leave (probably unlikely since he’s also going to washington, on top of going to school, and then soccer too) or if I come for the wedding at the end of July - she also mentioned how we can talk on the phone when I’m there (cuz I was like now it’s gonna be hard since I’m coming back) and she’s like get him to visit you, too! And said he could stay at our house LMAO - But yeah, I think she wants to talk to his mom about it. Not to rush anything, but just to ask if it would be okay so that we can proceed with talking and getting to know each other more without having to sneak around. - but yeah, I went to bed at like 1 last night, woke up around 3 and couldnt fall back asleep so I jammed to tunes and decided to get out of bed at 5:30 and now here I am -just drinking tea now, thinking of going for a walk, then I’m going to shower and go shopping for a grad dress and heels, and then I’ll kill some time before he comes - realllllly really hope he does and that we have a good time :)

[medullah-oblongata]

May 11, 2017 - 9:42 PM

- Okay so we talked on the phone on Tuesday night, after not really talking properly since Saturday - He just texted me “call me” and I was super happy, and the first thing he says is what I ate all day - lol our convo was a bit awkward at first and I addressed that and he was just like I just wanted to check to see what you ate lmao - and then I asked why he was so pissed the day before (I asked for more random numbers and he said no, I called him pissed and he was like yeah, like your bitchy attitude LOL) - And he said that I pissed him off on Saturday when I just said bye after he did, and I told him he was the one who said bye after I said “I can’t” to his “Believe” and he said I shouldn’t have said bye, and tried to make him feel better instead lol he said it just seemed like I didn’t care - then I just expressed my concerns about long distance or just not working out in the future and he was like “it’ll work, I’ll do what you want me to, we’ll mesh, and I’ll never hate you” - and he said that he’s committed to me, and is too busy so long distance would work. And he says “you’ll be happy, we can negotiate on things we disagree on” - he also said he would accompany me to a friend’s birthday party at the end of the month if he’s back from washington in time - Then he was like “why don’t u just move here, we’ll get married and you can job search here too” - then he made me listen to this song together on the phone, called “tu meri ki lagdi” and he said it reminded him of us - i didn’t like it at first and he’s like no its better in my car & that he sang to it, and then I just stopped it, but now I love it - he also said he dedicated “meri sardarniye” to me, he’s like that song will always remind him of me - oh and he also said he is always going to keep that drawing, and i was like “even if you’re with someone else” and hes like hell ya, that means a lot and it was so thoughtful and how he appreciates that over any other gift - then I asked what if she sees it and asks about it, and hes like then i’ll be like “fuck you” lmaoo - He then asked if i loved him lmao and I’m like no, I don’t know. And he’s like “that’s tight, I do though” - and I’m like no you don’t, but he’s like yes I do and kept saying it in his cute voice and then I’m like you dont even know what love is, and he said he does and that he just says a lot of stuff under pressure and im like LOL not like I was pressuring you to tell me that lmao - and thenn yesterday (wednesday may 10) he kept on insisting that we video call, so I did with my face mask on lmao - he was so cute, like he would randomly give me forehead kisses and then the way he would look at me sometimes, like I actually got shy - and he asked for a kiss back but I didn’t give one - ugh so cute I couldn’t deal, but then he said he was going to go to sleep and im like ughhh no too early, and he did stay for a bit but then he had to actually go - he said “love you, goodnight” and I just said goodnight back, but it all happened so fast, i dont even know if he realized he said it - but I was so happy after and kinda sad cuz I don’t wanna break his heart - and today i discovered a song called “Mora” and i’m so fucking obsessed -haven’t talked to him since last night but hopefully we can video call or phone call, because then tomorrow I’m going to my cousin’s house for the weekend

[medullah-oblongata]

May 7, 2017 - 9:39 PM

- So over the last week, he started school on Tuesday May 2 and we talked on the phone on Monday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night. - On Monday, we discussed my attitude and I apologized over and over. I told him how I felt like shit all day and felt anxious and even cried a little. He said it was okay, and I kept saying it wasn’t and asked how he felt while it was happening - he just said that I’ve been acting like that recently over text too and that he just accepted that that’s who I was and he had to deal with it,but I was like why would you want to be with someone like that? And I never really got a straight answer to that, but I do think he really likes me - He told me that as soon as he saw the green light (because he’s been asking around and stuff) is when I decide to randomly start acting distant and he said “you don’t care and you’re planning on leaving that’s why you’re saying all of this” - I told him I wanted him to leave me because it would be so much easier but he just kept saying that if I really do like him I need to stop thinking like that and just believe. He said that long distance shouldn’t matter, that if you really like the other person, you’ll make it work - and then he gave me a forehead kiss - also, in that phone call he mentioned how it seems like I only have a physical attraction to him because I was only nice to him when we were doing it. He’s like “obviously I like it and we had fun, but it does seem like you just use me for that” and then I had to reassure him that I do like him and that I’m just very scared and afraid it won’t work - Then another night we just had a normal phone call convo and it was the best, like we haven’t done that in so long.He told me how proud he was of me and hoped that I would have a fun day. I had school the next morning and he was like ok hug me, forehead kiss and then let’s go to sleep cuz you have to wake up early, so cute! - Then after my last day, he sent a message saying “congrats on finishing your undergrad/teacher certification, so proud of you Love. - He also sent me a snapchat gif saying “i love you” and I was like no you don’t, and then he replied to something else and was like “love ya”...hmmm

- On another note, my last day was amazing - I literally did not teach at all, we just had time to practice their dances, do high jump, one language period which I didn’t teach, and then there was a gymnastics presentation and then prep last period - I did a little thank you speech and handed out the goodie bags and one kid started crying because he said it was so thoughtful and wanted to know how much time I spent on it :’) - then i got a little emotional but I handled it, we had a class group hug and individual hugs - a kid in another class came running in and gave me a goodbye hug (reese) and same with another one in grade 4 - also another kid in grade 7, told his student teacher that she’s cool but that I was cooler LOL - Then my teacher and I had a chat and said our goodbyes, he gave me a hug and we ended up both getting each other LCBO gift cards lmao - Then I went to the other student teacher’s class because I was also with her teacher for language periods and he was so cool, so I told him thank you and told him I loved his personality and to stay young - and then he was like “now I have a place to stay when I come to BC” lol - but yeah it was a really good day, and actually a really good block! - now tomorrow I start my AQ course, yikes!

[medullah-oblongata]

April 30, 2017 - 8:36 PM

He forgave me so fast, which makes me feel even more guilty. He just told his uncle about me too. I still don’t know what to do though, I don’t know if I can do long distance or if we would last if we did try. I’m scared.

[medullah-oblongata]

April 30, 2017 - 1:10 PM

At one point he asked “what if I asked you to be my girlfriend before you leave?” and I told him not to do that, and that I would say no. The look on his face though. And I said I am so excited to go back home and start over. And he said we could start over with each other and again, i said no. Idk why I’m like this, but i was terrible yesterday. Even my friend and cousins agree. Usually they take my side, but it’s hard to defend me when Im the shitty one.

[medullah-oblongata]

April 30, 2017 - 9:39 AM

Okay so lately I have been kinda distant with him like unintentionally and I didn't realize it. And he called me out on it too asking if everything was alright or why I have attitude cuz I would give him one word responses. So I would say like nothing is wrong n stuff but then I had convo with raman a few days ago and told her that he thinks that and she was like it's probs cuz it's kicking in that you're coming home and u know u won't see him and stuff so ur scared and u want to end it. And I'm like hmm maybe but idk. So whatever but then I realized that I have been kinda mean. And so last week he called and asked if it was ok if he came to see me this weekend and I said no lol but obvs I wanted to see him. So today I was hanging with friends and then he msged and was like is it still a no? But then we were done hanging and I'm like no come. So he drives all the way out here but idk why I got distant again. But then he's like ok let's go do something so on our way to niagara there was this park near brock with like a bridge n shit lol and he knew about my fantasy of doing it in the forest anyway so we were just walking and talking about our issues and then I'm like let's go in deeper like off the path and he's like why?? With a look on his face and I'm like LOOOL no not cuz of that I just wanna see. But then we reached the end and I was like damn this is the perf spot. So yeah we did it LMAO. He was saying no but I'm like stop being a pussy no one will come. But yeah we heard a couple noises after a while so we had to stop just in case but it was fun LOL. But anyway after that we drove to niagara to walk around and eat. And yeah we like talked some more about our sitch and I was just like I think it's time for a reality check for the both of us, like if it hasn't worked it's never going to. And he was like no I have a feeling it will work. And then we had normal convos too. And then I went to go pee and he fricken pays for my dinner even tho he knows I always like to pay for myself. And yeah then we were driving home, he couldn't stay the night cuz he has a reception and soccer playoffs tomorrow, and he was just like idk super nice when I had an attitude and idk whyyyyy I got like that like fuck. But yeah then we came home and he was just gonna drop me off but I was like no park in visitor so I can say final goodbye. Then we had a convo in there but it lead to making out and then he did end up coming up for a bit lol but then after an hour he's like ok I gotta go for sure now. But then I was like ok nice knowing you and idk like he actually got sad and was like I don't think it's the end stop saying that and I'm like no man it has to be like it's just not going to work. And I wanna use this next month to get over him cuz then in June I'm already gonna be sad about leaving like I don't wanna be triple depressed. But yeah so I kinda ended it with him but idk if it's the right choice. He kept saying it wasn't the end and that he would still talk to me and I said no. And then when he was leaving I was trying to say proper goodbye (I was still in bed, he was putting on clothes and shoes) and then he's like okay lock your door and I'm like don't be mad. But he was just like I'm not mad but why would I be all smiling and happy when the girl I like wants to cut me off? Lol and I was like ok true and I let him go. But now idk like what the fuck is wrong with me. Why can't I just knowwww what to do?!?!? Oh rip and when we were leaving the park we saw an aux cord and he forgot his today and I'm like da f man wanted to jam to brown music. So we saw one there and I'm like I dare u to steal it. And he's like I dare u to steal it. Lmfao so I did but then we saw a car coming in and I thought someone might come back for it but they didn't so then we did a drive by steal lmao. And then at home he was like oh u can keep this and I'm like no I don't need it I use usb cord. And then he's like ok I will then, another memory of you to torture me LMAOOOOO - So the above is what I sent to my cousins after a weird day. He came over for like 6 hours and I just gave him so much attitude (except when we were doing it) and then over dinner and on our walk and in bed we talked about our issues. But he said to wait until vancouver so he can figure it out, and I kept saying I knew it wasnt going to work. He was so good with handling my attitude and still tried to make me laugh. He tried to make me stay and said we could make it work, even though we have nothing in common. But I just dont get it and he doesnt get it either, we’re confused. He also said he could see it working out and that he wants to be with me, but I was like I dont know, i feel like we’re both gonna feel trapped and unhappy if we continue with this, especially towards marriage. And he disagreed and said he would make me the happiest. I just didn’t agree. And then he said “fine just let me regret it for the rest of my life.” and I said no, that I thought it was and wanted it to be mutual. And he said it wasn’t the end and that he didn’t agree, but I still let him go. He kissed me on the forehead, too. Now I feel like shit, my friend said she was disappointed in me and that I was incredibly rude and evil, and so I said sorry to him and all he said was “it’s ok.” I don’t know if I should respond or not so im just not going to open it. I really need a sense of direction in my life, everything is a messs.

[medullah-oblongata]

March 26, 2017 - 8:32 PM

- So I went to my cousins’ again this weekend since I had Friday off - he was so happy that I was going and I was like “lmao I don’t get why it matters to you but ok” - and he said “Just knowing your presence is not too far from me, matters to me” - so cute but yeah he pretty much msged me the entire time I was there, but it was kinda rough - like apparently I was being mean - one day he told me to come meet him in the bushes at night and im like u pussy u wouldnt ever do that so stop saying shit like that - and hes like “raati milan na aayi ve, oh pind pehra lagda” LOL - And then saturday evening he was like “whats the plans for tonight? me my sister brother and brothers wife going out later” - and im like wow cool! and you can’t know our plans - and he said “fuck off I hate this life” so Im like “uh ok i’ve been telling you to leave for a while now” - and he told me to stop saying that and it’s not cool, so I said “I don’t say it to be cool. It’s reality homes” - and he said “stop with this nonsense! don’t ruin my weekend” and im like well im not trying to ruin it man. You can find someone else tonight, perf opportunity! - and he’s like “I don’t want to man wtf, I’m going with my family, I don’t want to find anyone else” - and i said okay have fun, and then he said “whatever” and I didnt respond - then later he whatsapps me “Yo” and I said “yeah?” and he’s like “why you being so mean to me today?” and I said I wasn’t - and he said whatever I was doing wasnt nice, and that I was showing him attitude and im like how? = and he said “youre always like leave and stuff” - and then I said that’s not attitude, it’s just the situation we’re in - and he asked why it has to be like that and I said I couldn’t talk about it cuz I was with my cousins - and then he had a normal convo with me about my cousins lol - and then this morning he’s like “wanna see me before you leave?“ - and I said no thx and he asked why and Im like because of the sitch - and then he’s like “Lol, not this again, bye” so I said bye - but then a random number texted me and I asked if he knew it and he said no but to update him if i find out - I found out like an hour ago that it was range rover guy, whose house and car I left a note on back in october - so I just sent a screenshot of the screenshot that guy sent of the note to him and he’s like “Lmao, fuck that loser” and Im like “how do you know he’s a loser” - and hes like “whatever,.you’re not married so text him” - then I asked why he was so pissed and he said he’s not, so I’m like “o k” and then he said yup and that’s it - I got no work done when I came back today and now I am sleeeeeeepy! - teaching block starts Wednesday so hopefully I can get my shit together before then - And hopefully we can have a serious conversation on the phone about our situation. - That is all for now. - Toodles

[medullah-oblongata]

March 23, 2017 - 11:10 PM

- So on Monday he texted me at like 10:30 PM and I just didn’t respond because idk I felt like I needed to ignore him for a while - but then the next morning I went for a walk super early and snapped it, and then he started a conversation on there so I had to reply, but I ended it. - So then he msgs me on whatsapp again saying hi (first & last name) lol - And then we had a conversation on the phone at night, and it was all about that issue pretty much (other than the fact that we found out my best friend is talking to the cousin of his best friend, and that she’s talked to his best friend on the phone too LOL) - but yeah, over the weekend and after (while we weren’t msging) I just came up with random things about that sitch that I would’ve liked to say to him in person but then I always forget these amazing points - so yeah, I said some of them on the phone (like the whole he’s not a go with the flow type of person but then tells me to go with the flow with this situation, and how it’s always his way and how I’ve been doing that this whole time; also I read him a text I got from my cousin about how he’s asked a few people about the village thing and his mom, so like how much approval/validation does he need? and how my friend talked to her guy (cuz they know each other) about how she doesn’t get what I see in him and that she doesn’t get what he’s doing, which is how I feel also. And then I brought up how he should know by now if he likes me (and he says he does) but it’s like nothing would change if we were in a relationship, and he’s like he’s just not ready (but like still ???????) and then he was like how everyone would know, and I’m like who do you have to hide it from if you already told your friends and mom? Like it just doesn’t make sense to me. And then a bunch of other stuff and he was pretty sad and speechless at times because I guess he understood where I was coming from) - Then at one point he was like I am so annoyed that I told my mom cuz now she won’t stop mentioning it and keeps asking me to get married - and I was like really? and he’s like yeah, like that’s all they fricken want me to do, get married - and I’m like yeah well you should start looking for your person, and he’s like what person? and I’m like the one you’re going to marry - then he said “I already found her” and I’m like no you didn’t, and he’s like Yes I have.. and we went back n forth until I was like “who is it?” and he said “you.” - then I told him to stfu because it was never going to work n stuff and he got sad and then we kept talking about it and he’s like you’re going to regret it if we rush it man and I’m like no, like that’s what relationships are for, you get to know the person you like better...not like I’m asking him to marry me jeeeeeeeeez - and then he was sick and tired and said he was going to sleep because he had class, and I’m like ok then go to sleep. And he said we can’t end like that and asked if I was still going to talk to  him - And im like idk man this is so stupid, you need to figure it out - and he said he needs me to be there with him to do that. - ugh, idk and then we didn’t text or anything today but he called me for like 20 mins before he was going to leave waterloo, it was a normal convo and we didn’t bring that up - but then a little while ago he texted saying “hey Im feeling really sick so I’m just going to rest, took 2 advils, i hope you come down tomorrow, to brampton” and then I said “lol I didnt even ask, and yeah i am, they convinced me!” - because I mean I wasn’t waiting to talk to him or anything, like he made it seem like we were going to talk - but then yeah he was like “Nice, balle balle!” and Im like “ya idk why it matters to u but ok” and idk if he fell asleep or is just going to ignore that msg cuz of attitude but yeah -I honestly don’t know what I want or should do. This is so fucked up.

[medullah-oblongata]

March 18, 2017 - 9:15 PM

- So yesterday he was in Waterloo and he usually goes home on Fridays, but it was St. Patty’s day and he had told his parents he would come back on Saturday because he was gonna attend the parties there - But around 2, after he had been day drinking, he texted me and asked if he could come over - I obviously said yes! Plus it was Spring Break and I had been alone all week since none of my friends were here and I just needed a break from unit planning - So yeah, we hung out and did it again - Except he slept a lot which was annoying - but he let me drive his car LOL - Then this morning before he left we had another serious conversation, one I hadn’t planned on having - But it was about us getting in a relationship, and how if we did, nothing would really change so like why is he not ready for one if he’s practically in one? - and he was just like that’s a big step and when people get into relationships things change and you’re constantly with them and have to go out and he doesn’t have that kinda money right now - And I’m like nigga, we just said nothing would change, plus I don’t need to go out on dates or anything, I like just chilling with you here too. And we wouldn’t be seeing each other constantly since I’m all the way over here - But yeah, I don’t know, nothing really makes sense to me and he’s just lost and confused - I feel like we need a break or he needs to figure it out, but ughhhh idk how to just stop talking to him - and teaching block is coming up in less than 2 weeks, and I am already so anxious about that. - like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk