melodramaticminty

[melodramaticminty]

Why are you telling me that I need to come up? As if I'm not filling part of the cave that you could not see, a part that if I had not filled first the ground below me would have collapsed and I would have drowned. Yes, you may know what I carved this cave to escape but you do not know the walls the way I do. You do not know their unsteadiness; you do not know the way the water drips off the walls and stones only to collect at my feet while I work to fill in the gaps of the cavern I have created. You have not felt every chip, curve and fracture left from picking up and hitting stones against each other to make my way up.

[melodramaticminty]

I don't know why I can't grapple with the fact that I'm going to be this way my whole life. I'll never drink, I'll hardly drive, I'll never go to a concert out of fear of the flashing lights. If the words even come out of my mouth, "It sucks I'm always going to deal with this," I feel my eyes get warmer, my throat get tighter, and I feel myself curl inward to protect my heart more than my ribcage can. I used to hope that it would go away as I got older, but it just ended up getting worse, now I can't bring myself to think about it too long without wishing I could be someone else. I don't want to be someone else.

[melodramaticminty]

I've started to realize that all of my characters have pieces of the people I've met. The pieces that they've left me in their wake and pieces that they have shed through their growth that I have come behind and hurriedly picked up and put back together. Only for me to shove them into the hearts and bodies of characters not yet brought to life.

[melodramaticminty]

I keep promising myself that I won't text you, that the next time you call me I'll pretend I wasn't near it when it rang. I can't help myself. You were my sister you braided my hair during recess. How could I not call you and tell you that I finally got over it and dyed my whole head? We were the only ones there looking at the view over the bayou, we shouldn't have been up there, we knew that, but honestly, I'd have flown like Icarus if you thought I could make it.