merccaptain

[merccaptain]

"Says here you're a lil' bitch"

[merccaptain]

*gives some advice*

"Anyways, that's just my two stegosauruses"

[merccaptain]

A brat who keeps acting like they don't want the fuck but their partner is like really bad at picking up on signals and so they're like "okay" and respect their boundries

[merccaptain]

I would not be surprised if a tech bro suddenly came out with "omni-directional speed ways" and convinced a city to pave their roads with porcilin

[merccaptain]

I once had a therapist tell me that they couldn't make a diagnosis because thats just how mental health works, because it's impossible to know for sure what's wrong with someone

And like

No, that's wrong

If it was impossible we wouldn't have mental health diagnosises

I don't hate all mental health professionals but fuck me do some reaaaally suck at their jobz

[merccaptain]

Fear

[merccaptain]

Why does this cat have four hind legz?

[merccaptain]

Pi: "FUN TIME BEAR IS SUPPERIOR TO HUG BEAR!!!"

Me: "DUDE DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?!?!?! YOU ARE BEING IRRATIONAL!!!"

A visualization of Pi being Irrational 🤔

[merccaptain]

Anime about medieval idols who travel around europe and their fans swing around florescent mushrooms in place of glow stickz

they travel to Scandinavia and people in the crowd eat the mushrooms then go berserk and start murdering people

[merccaptain]

[merccaptain]

"I don't like to have my picture taken"

"But why?"

"You see...my parents...WERE KILLED BY A DRUNK PICTURE!!!"

*everybody gaspz*

[merccaptain]

Deep

[merccaptain]

*throws a goliath frog at you*

[merccaptain]

Watching me

👉👈

uwu

[merccaptain]

Me as a dad:

"Kids, we don't lock the front door in this house. Not because it's a good neighbourhood or anything but because i crave violence and there is too much space beneath the floor boards"

[merccaptain]

*All girls schools trying to stop sex between students by removing boys but then lesbians exist*

[merccaptain]

Anyone who feedz duck bread, i will kill you myself