merrybloomwrites

[merrybloomwrites]

For research and writing purposes

Can someone explain to me what a double sided vibrator is? I’m admittedly not well versed in those objects and the Pleasing product just looks like a wand vibrator to me? I’m honestly confused lol

[merrybloomwrites]

Breathe With Me

Summary: When the stress of running an upcoming live show becomes too much, Anthony is there to help.

Word Count: 1K

CW: stress, anxiety, panic attack

AN: Thank you to @certainflowerenthusiast-blog for requesting this! It’s my first Anthony story so I hope I did him justice!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had never really been an anxious person. Sure, you had worries. You’d get a bit anxious every now and again.

You were normally pretty level headed. Calm, cool, collected.

But this week is different. It’s important, special. You’re directing a live show for Smosh. For months you’ve been planning, meeting with the rest of the crew, rehearsing with the cast. You’ve gone over the script again and again, run the numbers to make sure everything is within budget.

You’ve eaten, slept, and breathed this show.

And it’s happening in just two days.

So now you’re barely eating, barely eating, and honestly, feel like you can barely breathe too. Never in your life have you been this stressed.

All the pressure is self inflicted. Your coworkers are fantastic, pitching in where needed and dropping random compliments about how well things are going. But your mind can’t stop spiraling to all the things that could possibly go wrong.

What if someone gets sick? What if the set breaks? Or a prop goes missing? What if people forget their lines?

Or, god forbid, what if the internet goes out? You’ve had multiple nightmares about this scenario, and it’s truly kept you awake multiple times lately.

Every time you think you have things under control, that everything is taken care of and you’re prepared for every eventuality, you think of one more thing. Something else that could somehow go wrong.

While the others break for lunch, you head to your office, needing a minute alone.

But being alone doesn’t have the intended effect. You’d hoped that you could catch your breath, maybe even close your eyes and relax for a few minutes. Of course, your thoughts won’t stop, your brain won’t be quiet, and your stress levels continue to rise.

Before you know it, your heart is pounding, and you’re starting to gasp for air. Stars flash in your vision, and it feels like you don’t even know where you are. The chair beneath you doesn’t feel real, no sound is getting through the ringing in your ears.

And then there’s something. A hand touching you. Someone is in the room with you.

“Y/N, can you take a deep breath for me?” The voice is familiar, but it still takes some time for you to place who it is.

“Deep breaths,” Anthony says. “Follow with me, okay?”

You try, really try to match his breathing. But instead you choke out, “I can’t! What’s happening?”

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” he calmly replies.

That doesn’t make sense. You don’t have those. Never have. But what else could it be? Anthony is probably right.

And you have no idea how to fix it. You’ve definitely seen people online talk about ways to ground yourself but you never really paid attention. You hadn’t needed that information before.

“Try one more time for me,” he says. You do, and it’s still shaky, but better.

“Good job,” he praises. “Here, can you feel this?” He places his hands in yours and you grip tightly.

“Yes,” you whisper.

“That’s good. Can you tell me five things you can see?”

This is familiar. You’ve heard of this before. You take a moment to think and reply, “You. My desk. Flowers. Picture on the wall. And my laptop.”

“Perfect! Now four things you can touch,” he prompts.

“You again,” you start, and both of you chuckle. Anthony leads you through the rest of the exercise, and by the end, you’ve calmed a bit. He finds your water bottle and hands it to you, prompting you to take a few sips.

The cold water is shocking to your system and it helps fully ground you to the present moment.

“Better?” Anthony asks.

“Yea. Thank you.”

You’re grateful for his presence, and the help he just gave you. But you’re now embarrassed as well. The last thing you need is to look weak in front of your boss.

“Sorry about that,” you say quietly.

“Hey, no. Don’t do that. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control,” he replies.

“But I can. Or at least, I always could before. I’ve never had a panic attack or anxiety before. But lately it’s been so bad.”

“Do you know what’s causing it?”

You let out a sarcastic laugh and say, “For sure.” He gives you a look, prompting you to explain so you continue, “It’s the live show. I can’t stop worrying about all the things that might go wrong.”

His eyes soften at that, and he nods in understanding. He knows the pressure that’s on you, the need to prove yourself and have everything go perfectly. He’s been in your shoes before. So he reassures, “Y/N, you have put countless hours into planning this. Everyone has put the work in. They know their parts. The sets are built. Tim will be here for any and all tech needs. And yea, maybe something out of your control will happen. But it probably won’t. And as long as it’s nothing truly awful, you know the fans will still love it even if it isn’t perfect.”

You start to feel better the more he talks, and you even believe him that everything is going to go smoothly.

“Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

“Any time. I mean it. And if you ever start to feel stressed like this again, come talk to me. I’ll teach you how to meditate!”

And while normally you might crack a joke at how much he’s always pushing meditation, in this moment you think he might have a point.

“Maybe that’s not such a bad idea,” you acquiesce.

“Seriously, it works! Now c’mon. You need lunch. A real, substantial meal. Not a protein bar that got squished in the bottom of your bag”

You join him in the kitchen, feeling a hundred times better than you had that morning. The two of you get your food and settle at a table with some friends. It feels good to joke and hang out like normal, without the anxiety weighing you down.

You hope that your stress won’t reach that level again, but you’re happy to know Anthony will be there to help you if it does.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a great week!

[merrybloomwrites]

I had plans to do a lot of writing this weekend

My anemia had other plans. Like, sleeping. A lot.

Until I can go to my doctor and get back on track with treating that, there might be bigger gaps between posting because I can’t write if I’m asleep haha Though nap dreams occasionally inspire new ideas so I’ll take that as a win

That being said, my Anthony Padilla story is almost done, I’m working on the final chapter of Wolves, and I started writing a 1D oneshot that I’ve had in my brain for about 2 years so I’m excited to share all of those!

[merrybloomwrites]

Loved wolves!

Thank you!!

[merrybloomwrites]

When the Wolves Come Out (Chapter 13)

Story Summary: When Y/N gets hired to play drums for One Direction, the last thing she expects is to find herself as part of their pack. Especially since it seems that they don’t want her there. Only time will tell if they’ll accept her, or if the omega will have to deal with rejection from the others.

Chapter Summary: Leaving the band is the right thing to do. It doesn’t mean it’s easy for you. Especially when the touch deprivation sets in.

Word Count: 1.6K

CW/tags: omega verse, omega reader, alpha Harry, alpha Zayn, alpha Louis, beta Niall, beta Liam, poly, touch deprivation, alpha Kevin Jonas, alpha Joe Jonas

Previous chapters are on my masterlist

AN: 1 more chapter of the main story! I decided to keep the entire main series SFW and and smut will be in extras

If you saw my post yesterday titled “The List” and saw that I put (include jealousy element) for chapter 14, I changed my mind. That will be included in an extra lol

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Kevin got your text asking to be picked up from the airport, he knew something had changed. You weren’t supposed to be coming home for another couple of weeks. He figured there was just a scheduling change, that maybe you had been given a couple days off to see family before doing the end of tour work in London.

But then he sees you waiting with your bags, and he knows something is wrong. Your face, your stance, just your general appearance screams that you’re in pain. Kevin is immediately on alert, wondering what it is that happened, what you’ll need him to do to help.

Even now that the Jonas pack has broken up, his first instinct will always be to protect you. Even if it’s your heart that’s broken.

He gets out, opening the trunk and taking your bags to load them. Once that’s done he turns to give you a hug, but you’ve already situated yourself in the passenger seat of his car. He gets back in and finds you looking out the window, so he begins driving.

After giving you a few minutes, Kevin can no longer stand the silence and asks, “What’s wrong?”

You let out a loud sigh and say, “Can we not talk about it? Just, not yet?”

“Okay. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”

The heavy silence settles on the car once again, and you spend the rest of the drive looking out the window and watching the familiar scenery fly past.

Once at the house, Kevin’s wife Dani comes out to greet you, and is also surprised by how drawn in you are. You’re normally excited to see her, happy to spend time at their place. But you just say a quick hello and a polite thank you before going inside.

You head upstairs, to the guest room you always stay in. Normally you’d feel bad imposing and not even spending time with them. But you can’t bring yourself to feel right now. You can’t feel much of anything.

With the band you had it all. Everything you could have ever wanted.

And now it’s gone. All because you were bad for business.

It hurts. Your whole body aches, like it knows everything you lost. And more importantly, everyone you lost.

There’s a strange feeling in your chest. Like your heart is being squeezed. Like it can’t handle the pain you’re putting it through.

You made this decision. And it was the right one. You know that. But it’s still the worst choice you’ve ever made.

The boys deserve happiness and success. And you’re an obstacle to that. So this is for the best.

It’s for the best. You keep repeating that to yourself, reminding yourself of this over and over.

Eventually you manage to fall asleep. When you wake, you still feel tired. But the house is filled with the aroma of Dani’s chicken parm, with her homemade sauce. Not only does it smell delicious, it smells comforting. Familiar. Smells like family.

So you make yourself get out of bed, freshen up, and head downstairs.

“Hey there,” Dani says.

“Hi,” you reply quietly.

The beta dries her hands and then turns to you, arms open slightly, but not expectant. Suddenly you can’t resist, and you go to her embrace. She holds you tight, not asking any questions, but rather just being there for you.

“Made your favorite,” she eventually says.

“I could smell it,” you answer. “Thank you. For the food, and for letting me crash here on short notice.”

“You’re always welcome. Though I won’t lie, I am curious about what led to you needing to stay here. I won’t ask for details, but I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

“I know. I will. I’m just not ready yet.”

The two of you pull away and Dani gives you a smile before turning back to the stove, checking on dinner. Trying to make yourself useful, you go to the cabinets and begin to pull out plates and silverware to set the table. There’s a comfortable silence as you both finish your tasks, and soon Kevin joins.

It’s a pleasant dinner, and they make you smile and laugh, but there’s an overwhelming feeling of sadness that you know you won’t be able to shake any time soon. Still, you do your best to look cheerful, and you force yourself to watch a movie with them after dinner.

Really you just want to crawl into your bed and hide from the world. But you know that’s not a good idea. Hard as it is, being around people will be good for you. So you put on a brave face and watch whatever new action movie Kevin picked out. You hope he doesn’t notice the sweatshirt you put on. One that still has traces of Zayn’s scent.

You’d taken some items of clothing with you, ones that would hold their scents, knowing you would probably need it for the first few days. There was no way you were making it through today without this comfort item, and you sneakily burrow into the neckline every now and then to breathe in. It settles you, calms your nerves.

Kevin pretends not to notice. He grants you the courtesy to do whatever you need in order to feel better. That doesn’t mean he isn’t paying attention, though. Truthfully, he’s worried. Until you explain what happened, all he knows is that you suddenly left your new pack, and your job, and came home looking extremely worn out and sad.

You used to lean against Kevin when you needed comfort. Now you curl in on yourself, not letting him in. It hurts how much has changed. And truthfully, he’s mad at the boys. Clearly something happened between you and them. And he’ll always be on your side, supporting you no matter what.

If only you would let him.

But you don’t.

You spend the first couple of days completely withdrawn. You’re in your room most of the time, coming out occasionally to eat, shower, put on a facade like you’re okay so that Kevin and Dani don’t worry.

There’s plenty to be worried about, though. There are things you’re hiding.

Like the shivers. You’re cold, bone deep cold. It prickles your skin, causing you to itch, and you practically scratch yourself raw.

And then the dizziness. Any time you stand up, or move too fast, the earth begins to spin. More than once you’ve had to brace yourself against the wall or a piece of furniture to prevent yourself from crashing to the floor. Kevin has also caught you a couple of times, and in those quick moments he noted how cold your skin felt. He’d also seen glimpses of the angry red marks on your arms.

Part way through the week, you’d opened up a bit. Explained that it wasn’t going to work. That you being with them would only hurt them.

“And they just let you go?” He'd asked.

“I didn’t really give them a choice.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I left. I knew they would fight me on it. So I wrote a letter and then came here.”

“You snuck out? Without a goodbye? Without hearing their side?”

“I knew what they’d say!” You’d said. “They would’ve told me I was crazy. But I’m not. I was in that room with Simon. He was serious. If I stayed, the band would be over. And I couldn’t tank their careers.”

“I still think you should talk to them.”

“No! Not now. And please, please don’t reach out to them. I don’t want them finding me.”

“Y/N-”

“Do you promise? Promise me you won’t tell!”

There was something in your voice, a level of desperation that had Kevin agreeing to the promise.

And then things got worse.

You didn’t get out of bed. Your bed which was now covered in clothes that held the traces of scents from your pack. When Kevin came to check he found you shivering, even though you were surrounded by warm clothing. When your eyes met his, they were glassy, unfocused and yet swimming with tears.

He climbed onto the bed next to you, and instead of fighting it, pushing him away, you let him hold you. And when the symptoms didn’t go away, he scented you.

But it didn’t help. Nothing he did helped.

So he called in backup. You were mad to see Joe, mad that Kevin had told anyone about where you were and what was happening. And yet, you accepted cuddles and scenting from Joe as well.

It still didn’t help. You still got worse.

You fell into a daze. Not quite a drop, but you felt like you were always teetering on the edge of one. It was hard to tell how much time was passing. You weren’t sure when you’d last eaten or even had water. The only thing you were sure of was that Joe and Kevin were there.

After a night of particularly rough nightmares, you wake up with Joe beside you. Kevin walks in a moment later and says, “Don’t be mad. But I called them.”

“You did?”

“I had to.”

“Are they coming?”

“Yes. They’re on their way. Just, hold on a few more hours, alright?”

“Okay,” you say quietly.

They’re coming. Your pack is coming to you. Your reasons for leaving don’t matter right now. All that matters is that your pack is coming. And you’ll be okay. They’ll help. You’ll be okay.

Just a few more hours.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: I can’t wait to share the final chapter with you all!

taglist: @luxiorchive

[merrybloomwrites]

I’m so excited for wolves and little things intimacy part two!

I actually just finished writing the next part of Wolves! Just proofreading and it should go up soon!

I think Intimacy part 2 is the next little extra I’m going to write. I’ve had it mostly planned for a while so now it’s time to share it!

[merrybloomwrites]

The List

I always say I’m adding things to my list, so I thought I’d share the current list. I’m prioritizing the series that I’m working on, and I kind of know which oneshots and extras I want to do first, but if there are any you’re looking forward to please let me know! Messages like that motivate me and will probably lead to that story going up faster. Also anything with an asterisk means it’s a request

[merrybloomwrites]

Requests Currently Closed:

If you couldn’t tell, I went through my inbox. Between requests, oneshosts I have planned, and series I’m working on, I have about 20 things currently on my list

So I’m temporarily closing requests until I get that a little bit under control haha

That being said, I am super excited to work on these. Thank you to everyone who sent messages!!

I’ll post an update when requests are open again

[merrybloomwrites]

you said you like found family, well bby i have a thought!

smosh! can be damien or spence or neither/platonic but i had spence in my mind

so, consider:

we all here about those group channel that end up super toxic, and someone leave and then everyone find out the sucky shit that happened right? imagine, reader comes from one of those channels! they LOVE creating (idc what theyre role is) but theyre so used to a group/channel that pretends to be cool on camera but hates eachother off camera, and maybe theyre even used to like, really Shitty Pranks, yk the ones that leave you lowkey traumatized (genuinely, those videos made me hate pranks for so long). so, after the fall of whatever channel they were previously on, they end up getting invited to smosh bc a lot of smosh fans also really liked them and maybe theyve even met at vidcon or something. anyways it would be such a learning curve for reader, bc theyre just SO used to the niceties being totally fake, and having to be on guard for pranks, but it would be neat to see like, snippets of them getting closer to the cast/crew and slowly starting to open up more both on and off camera

i hope that makes sense!

This is such an interesting concept!! I’m not sure exactly how it’ll pan out but I’m excited to write it! I think it will end up being platonic, but I won’t write off a little bit of romance

[merrybloomwrites]

So I have two different endings of one story request so imma just give them to you and you can do whatever you wanna with them(if you even want to do it absolutely no hard feelings if not)

A story where reader is out on like a third date with a guy. Reader is so excited cause this dude has been so sweet and charming, she’s/they’ve been talking about it all day to her/their coworkers (smosh cast) and when the date finally happens and he picks her/them up their all dress fancy and excited till the dude starts being a douche and is overly touchy and when he realizes that the date isn’t going to end the way he wanted it to he abandons them at this fancy restaurant and-

Ending one (platonic): she calls Spencer knowing that he and Damien are hanging out and they show up and take her back to one of their places and they all watch movies/play games all night till they pass out

End two (confession): Spencer shows up and takes her inside the restaurant and buys her dinner and confesses his crush and slight jealousy of the way she’s talked about this dude over the evening nightcap

Thank you for this request! Spencer saving the day is a fave concept! Not sure which ending I’m going with so I guess I’ll surprise us both

[merrybloomwrites]

screaming crying punching the wall that was adorable and perfect! am i being greedy if i have another request?? thats for you to decide lol

but if you want it:

im a sucker for jealousy plots, so what about something where reader is jealous bc spencers spending a lot of time with a new intern or something? doesnt have to be established relationship or anything but it would be fun to have reader be kind of like, comically miserable in their jealousy? like not actually miserable but like. dramatically falling into their chair so they can talk to Courtney or someone about it.

Ugh I love being dramatic and this seems like the perfect opportunity to write someone being silly and dramatic

[merrybloomwrites]

Agfkahkdjakkjahha this is so unnecessary but I’m the Anon who sent the original 24 hour Spencer Stream one and I just wanted to tell you how good it was and that it was so awesome and your so awesome because it WAS so awesome and you ARE so awesome! Somehow in the like month since I sent in that ask my brain had moved on to a different pretty brunett boy to hyperfixate on but that awesome sauce shit brought me immediately back into it!! I saw your post about not posting for a while to focus on stuff and just wanted to tell you to take care of yourself because your writing is so good and as a writer and a consumer I know how much things like burn out can suck and how quickly they sneak up on you if you’re not careful so!! Take care of yourself because you’re an awesome writer and it would suck if you burnt out like that!! (Sorry if this is weird im just very passionate about making sure other writers take care of themselves too)

I’ve been keeping this in my inbox because it makes me so happy to read! So thank you to this anon for the kind words!!

[merrybloomwrites]

Oh thanks for clearing up that jealousy part! I would love them to react to an outsider though👀

Totally making sure to include this in When the Wolves Come Out!

[merrybloomwrites]

The bonding extra was everything!!! I loved it!!! I would love to read about them more and the moment when they both find out they’re going to be parents!

Ok I’m always so bad at adding kids to series because it feels so permanent BUT this is one series that def needs kids so I’ll work on this extra soon!

[merrybloomwrites]

Would you be willing to write a fic where both Louis and Harry are arguing with the reader about something and it gets to the point where she feels they are choosing one another over her so she leaves the house and when they can’t reach her they both start blaming one another until she comes home and catches them arguing? Does this make sense? Lol something angsty ending in fluff maybe

Oh I love the angst in this one! Added to my list

[merrybloomwrites]

NEED a part 2 of the date for Head first always!!!!!

So I always refrain from Smosh smut (because like, what if they see it?? lol)

But I agree, Head First Always deserves a part 2

[merrybloomwrites]

Damien Haas request during filming, he accidentally trips and falls face first into his crush chest. His crush waves it off, but the other cast members can tell he is a lot more affected than he willing to tell lol

Ok I love this idea, added to my list!