messageintheclouds

[messageintheclouds]

Why am I doing this to you?

Why am I doing this to myself?

I miss you and I cannot live without you.

I am sorry for driving you away everytime.

Sorry for giving you a hard time.

I don't know what to do.

I don't have the confidence.

Even after all this time, I still love you.

Maybe we were born in different place and different time.

I messed up and I am having trouble cleaning up after myself.

I am such a loser.

[messageintheclouds]

Helpless restless lifeless

I am so restless today. I scrolled through my recent contacts on Viber and instagram yet didn't find anyone to talk to. There's so much in my head. My chest is about to explode. Will I ever be happy? Fuck happiness, will I ever even survive at this rate?

[messageintheclouds]

Can we turn back time, please?

[messageintheclouds]

The end

This time it really looks like the end. There are so many things I still want to tell you or maybe not. I don't even know if this is a right decision. I hope it's both right and wrong. Right because I want both of us to be happy and wrong because... I will miss you Kali. I love you. I am letting you go because I love you. I am crazy.

[messageintheclouds]

Tune in for Love, 2019

[messageintheclouds]

Tune in for Love, 2019

[messageintheclouds]

My thoughts are so scattered right now. It's not your silence that's bothering me but you being silent towards my silence is what's bothering me right now. But thanks, at least now I know my place in your life. Thanks for nothing

[messageintheclouds]

😖

Pain is temporary but this is killing me today and everyday. I want to be happy. I want to feel happy pains.

[messageintheclouds]

😭

Living is difficult but dying doesn't change anything either.

[messageintheclouds]

Growing up is a trap

All my life I wanted to grow up. I wanted to grow older so people would take me seriously. It all sounded so good to me. Growing up. Getting a job. Getting married. But, it's all a scam. And love, is the biggest scam of all. I was in love and I used to think and really believe that there was one true love for everyone and if you fought hard enough for that person, your one true love will always work out. It sounded good to me when I was younger, but it just doesn't work that way. There's so such thing as a soul mate or a one true love.

[messageintheclouds]

Or or error

I don't even know what I am feeling and why I am feeling so. My heart is so heavy right now. Maybe it the relation-ship that's sinking inside of me. Or the memories that's weighing me down. Or that person who keeps piercing my heart over and over again. But how long? How long until I can't take it anymore or how long till I end all of this or end me. This sinking heart is slowly taking me down with it. Maybe everything will be at an ease if I am not here anymore.

[messageintheclouds]

WTF

You never were or will ever be afraid of losing me and here I am afraid of losing you every single time we start making conversation. :(

[messageintheclouds]

You will never have enough and I will never be enough.

But, enough is enough.

[messageintheclouds]

Feeling feelings

In life, you will know that the worst part about carrying so much feelings is having trouble leaving them behind.

What's even worst is that your feelings never get acknowledged no matter what.

You keep lying to yourself to keep them around even if it's just a week, a day or merely an hour but the longer you do, the more you hurt yourself.

[messageintheclouds]

I have a dream....

... but not all dreams get fulfilled. 😭

[messageintheclouds]

Set me free

I have forgotten how to fall in love again because I don't know how to fall out of this love yet again.

[messageintheclouds]

Mess messs messsssssss fucking mess