michaelabsenot-blog

[michaelabsenot-blog]

I’m talking a lot again, aren’t I? Goddamn it.

[michaelabsenot-blog]

Have you met somebody...

Have you met somebody whose mind is wired in the same way as yours? Of course, we *are* all unique. But... you know what I mean. I know, too, that we're not robots -- if you have that level of comprehension, and you're welcome. It's funny how I used to underestimate the Earth's size and the number of eternally stupid creatures called "humans" live on it (so much about Darwinian bullshittery). Like, back in high school, was I really going to die when my shallow ass realized that there would be nobody else in the solar system who'd appreciate me the way that athletic did (like I'm sure that she did actually appreciate me, LOL)? Maybe it's my fault, you know, for having been living my whole life as a house rat. I've never encountered as many unique and interesting people as I should have; there's a huge thought in me that says people were all the same. I was one of the weird kids in school. Not the *actually weird* weird. I had plenty of friends, and nothing (and nobody) has really told me that I was kind of different back then. I mean... we all have had high school shenanigans, right? Let's just say that I've done -- or got involved -- in many of the worst ones that most of us could have ever. So yes, I thought I was considerably unique while everyone else was the same. It's like... Kendrick Lamar sticking out like a sore thumb in the middle of that ocean of bald heads in his Humble music video. As time went on, I kind of understood how the world works. Everyone's kind of the same... but not actually the same. *inserting that James Franco The Interview meme* Inversely, we are acceptably different from one another.

I’ve began to find my place and pick up that sense of belongingness.  High school me: I think everybody, when viewed from above, collectively looks like a cluster of gray dots. Slightly present me: I think everybody, when viewed from the same spot, collectively looks like a party of millions of different colors. Then the problem was not anymore: "You're all the same. Who, out there, can understand and truly appreciate me?" It had become "We're all different. Who, out there, can understand and truly appreciate me?" Can you see the difference? Can you feel it now, Mr. Krabs? Okay. I'm trying to say that I basically have discovered and learned to understand that there are a lot -- like, really, a lot -- of people outside the box I am in. I just couldn't see it! Also, I've been growing to understand more of these concepts -- philosophical, if you may. I'm becoming an adult, mom! I may have had gotten nothing but sad connections here in my place, but now I know that aliens exist -- I mean, I can just hop from one place to another if I'm that desperate, LMAO. Have you met somebody whose mind is wired in the same way as yours? There are 7 billion people on the planet, and I'm sure that you'll find them. You helped me get to this point. You gently punched a hole in both my head and my heart as an invitation letter for hope to come inside... and I think that's beautiful.

[michaelabsenot-blog]

Why, computer guy?

One of the most common questions that I’ve been getting since my “surprise” shift is the reason as to why I did it. Most people who know me know well that I’m at one with computers, so I understand the confusion. I’ve spent most of my academic life admiring programming; while it was the bane of their existence (and based on what I see, it still is), it was my bread and butter. Needless to say, I performed well on an overwhelming majority of the tests and exams. I always thought it wasn’t a big deal. That changed on the night when I cried while I was deciding on my fate career-wise. “Do I really have to do it?” I asked the coffee cup I was holding. “If I decide it this way, I’m clearly not deciding for myself.” But I was. Trust me, I was deciding for myself.

See, it’s not *that* easy -- answering that question. It’s not just because I don’t want to antagonize myself or the community I’ve left behind. For me, answering that question is like choosing the right explosive concoction to throw towards the right kind of curious people. I’m not saying that I manipulate my answers either. It’s just... depending on what you want to hear from me, I might throw the answer from a different angle. They are all connected anyway; they all lead to a “grand” conclusion. It’s fun to be keeping this for a while now. For sure, though, I will be in a different attitude in the future looking back to this. And for that, I am both curious and enthusiastic. Will there be a rematch between me and my love for codes? Or was it really the end of it?

What’s important is that I have been moving forward... happily moving forward. I’m finding comfort in competency, brisk activity, and collegial supportiveness. There should be nothing else that matters as of the moment—Focus, Mike, focus. Let’s just get this over with once and for all.

[michaelabsenot-blog]

23 Dec 2020 (2)

Ugh, I can’t believe I’m rewriting this – no, my barely existing temper is actually the one writing this now. Stupid broken laptop. *mental screaming*

Christmas came early this year. “Mr. Hates-Holiday, why is this important?” I hear you ask. For one, I haven’t even thought that some holiday celebration was intended to come for this hell of a decade opener. Plus, it’s not a Christmas Christmas, if you know what I’m talking about. No, I’m not in the mood to talk about my shitty family, but I’m here to tell you what happened. My sister, who currently lives with her boyfriend (and I still feel strange talking about this), brought me something I’ve never had in a very long time: fast… fucking… food. As simple as that? As simple as that. To be more specific, a McDonald’s combo meal… or happy meal since, you know, it made me legitimately happy. While that thought alone surely wasn’t enough to trigger a crybaby like me, the stacked up reasons that made it special did. So yes.

We are not having Christmas this year, of course. I don’t normally care about holidays, but now that I have a fair reason to try to, I gotta say: Merry Christmas in advance to all of you. Take care.

[michaelabsenot-blog]

23 Dec 2020

I created this blog out of inspiration from the novel The Martian. I thought to myself, “if Mark Watney managed to make interesting logs while he was stranded on the barren and lonely planet of Mars, I could absolutely do better while being here on Earth.” One problem, though: Mark’s funny and intelligent, and I consider myself not.