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mikeyway-creates · 1 month ago

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Play Pretend

Play Pretend, is a fic of the highly unknown/underrated movie, "The Journey of Natty Gann" which has the character Harry played by John Cusack! The fic is about Harry being trans and having his period during the great depression :3

Summary: Natty Gann wasn't sure what she was going to find at the end of her journey, let alone if she would ever even make it to Seattle. Sure she had help from a young man, a bit older than her in Chicago, but that was a while back.

Yet here he is, sweating and cursing as he holds his stomach, shaking from the pain he is in. He was a walking locked journal, and more than embarrassed at his current state with her.

"I can help but you gotta pretend to be a girl.." and pretend he did, just until he could get the meds and clothes he needed for his predicament.

Notes/Warnings: Trans male character getting his cycle, non-consensual touches(bathing of awkwardness) horrible cycles, agony, sickfic, period typical attitudes but a bit better-(1930s) great depression, misgendering in the name of safety, (dispite the film putting Natty and Harry together im not shipping them it feels odd..like 13 and 16 is weird to me-) non-sexural nudity(bathing) graphic depictions of a really bad cycle on a trans guy. (I'm projecting) fanfic for a dead fandom- enjoy!! 10k Words.

Looking at any specific spot, in this current location of lower state Washington felt like a dream. It looked like those beautiful paintings one sees of landscape artists who just adore these things and swoon for them.

Natty knew that the sight was beautiful to her. How everything was just so clean, desolate, and full of wonder about it all. A wild freedom she quite enjoyed, despite the horrors that chased her and more than upsetting moments.

She and her life-saving companion, the wolf marched on following the tracks before stumbling across a small homeless camp. Wandering in she of course tried her luck with stealing some food, only to be greeted by its owner, a boy she would forever remember.

"Hey I know you! You helped me out in Chicago!"

"Yeah? So what of it," He grumbled back, staring at her as he watched her, his dark eyes peering at her, watching her every mood. "I helped you out and you try and steal my food– what a way to repay me." He shot back finally turning away before immediately getting onto her about her other idea to steal food.

"I wouldn't do that, they'll eat you before you can even get to it." He warned her, placing the tin of beans back onto the fire.

Looking over at her he couldn't help but feel a ping of guilt as he looked over at her. He wasn't much older than her, and while she was smaller than him, she must've been only about what..13? 14 even, he wasn't much older, and remembered being homeless at that age, hungry no one helping him, that size and all.

He was only 16 now, not that it mattered to anyone except himself all it meant was he could properly attempt to get a job without lying that little extra bit.

"Got a spoon?"

"Huh?"

"I said have you got a spoon!"

"N-no.."

How the hell do you not have a damn spoon?!' He was mentally screaming that at her, baffled by the fact she'd been on the road a while and no spoon, so he looked around before tossing her his spoon.

"Here take'em.." He told her, watching as she rushed to grab it and began eating it as if she were starved for days..she probably was.

"What do I gotta do for 'em?"

He couldn't help but look at her in a more than confused manner, jeeze he remembers that. The way people trick you for food, or just want to hurt you because they can..He remembers one time it ended with him throwing up into some grass and crying himself to sleep- not that anything happened but..well it was the fact that something almost happened.

"Jeeze kid nothing, just eat the damn beans.." he popped off to her, feeling gross at the idea she thought he of all people would force her to do something.

He started to get lost in his own throughts, he didn't know a single person for half a mile that wouldn't kill for a good meal, a warm bed, and even a shower.

Everyone was to be honest. He didn't know a single person for half a mile who wouldn't kill for a good meal, a warm bed, and even a shower.

He could use a couple of things, one of them being something sweet Oh how he craved something sweet right about now. Cake, cream pies, pudding, candies, chocolate..

Harry would punch a cop in the face if it meant getting a free bar of chocolate right now, the idea making his mouth salivate. It was a wonderful distraction to the ping in his stomach and abdomen, along with that horrible creeping feeling he felt coming up, not much longer..He's felt it coming for a while now, the past week with being sick off and on, how his head would spin and he was beyond sluggish at times. He hopes he'll have the supplies necessary, and maybe he'll be able to score by also getting some meds somehow but he doubts it. Still needed someplace to lay low.

"Whoa-!" His daydreaming thoughts were horrifically interrupted when he looked over, seeing a wolf of all things come out of the woods making him jump back in terror.

"Oh, he's friendly!"

"He!? You know that thing?!" He asked, his legs drawn up to his chest as he shakily stood in a squat position, looking over the animal. It was a gorgeous dog sure, but nothing less than terror-inducing to him as he tried scooting away from it still.

"Yes of course I do! He's fine believe me." He didn't, especially not with how chipper the girl was.

"Fine, whatever you say..If it eats me it's your loss–"

"No loss on my end I don't know you!"

He couldn't argue with that logic, but the newest and biggest complaint came from how the wolf wouldn't stop sniffing at him. He hated dogs for this reason alone they could smell everything, especially when it was close to starting, and when it would happen.

He shooed the animal away before it could get near him to sniff at him, deciding to be near the girl and her beans was more interesting to the dog than whatever the hell was going on with him.

The somewhat relaxing air was interrupted when it started growing, making him jumpy once more, and before he knew it, the three of them were darting through the woods.

He had a basic understanding that people couldn't much care for homeless folks the bums of the world and such, hell folks especially don't like people like him around. But that doesn't change the fact that there was something so wrong about random civilian people who wanted to play cops and bad guys, rushing into homeless camps to burn them down and wreak havoc on what little the people there had left.

Not their fault the economy crashed when it did, leading everyone into shambles, and most often homeless, bumming for jobs and living in hotels or doing what he'd been doing for the past four years- train hopping.

"L-Lets take a minute to catch a break huh kid?" He asked her, an incredibly painful feeling in his abdomen as he hunched over, feeling almost dizzy from the pain. He didn't feel so good but managed to drag himself to sit on what resembled a fallen tree.

"What!? But we just started!"

"Yeah, and I'm tired! Some of us are extremely tired! AH!" He shouted back, the last part causing him to jerk as he grabbed his stomach, or what appeared to be his stomach he was more so putting pressure on his abdomen again, that sinking feeling returning. "L-Look just..Just give me a minute I don't feel well kid.."

"I have a name you know.."

"No I didn't know and so do I, but does Mr Wolf here have a name?" He snapped back, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he slowly stood up, steadying himself as he whined out. "Come on, ain't got all day to deal with you two.."

"You got hunger pains or something?" She asked, a hand coming up to put his back in a weak show of sympathy.

"No just got hit while back, gut punched and it still hurts..winded still." He lied to her, it just managed to work, since she wanted to hear about how he lost a fight to someone seeing seeing as he was taller than her and all.

He had to admit, she enjoyed the made up rambles he was telling her, some over the top story of how he got all brave and tried to steal some food, only to get caught and get into a fight with the guy, landing him a really bad gut punch..it wasn't all a lie that did happen, but it was months ago beoree he ever even knew this girl existed, not as recent as he painted.

"Aha- y-yeah an the–" He stopped mid sentence, a dizzing wave of nausea suddenly washing over him as he rushed off to throw up, his body swaying with each step as his ears rang the feeling of being deathly cold and hot all at the same time before he coughed up what little he had manged to eat that day. Natty having no choice but to stay behind, heard the distinctive sound of someone gagging, then hurling into the bushes and onto leaves.

"You okay Harry?" She called out, and received no real response just heard him vomiting more.

"Y-yeah I'm- f-ffiiine- ughh.." He told her finally, returning as he looked pale and shaky. "Le-lets find a spot to crash Natty.." He put on a fake smile, as he gently ushered her further down the trail. Natty couldn't help her mind wandering, far too worried about how sick he was, how he resembled that woman who was pregnant and fainted in the field. She worried he would faint on their trip if he kept going like this, but maybe it was a bad head-cold and he'd be better by the next day.

They slept under the stars that night, and come early the next morning were out on the road again, walking for hours, cracking jokes and making a mild friendship. The only issue was the damn dog.

"Shoo! Shoo!! Get by her not me! Stop that!!" The wolf wouldn't leave him alone, it kept circling him and even took up sniffing him, its snout being shoved onto his crotch as he freaked out more and more with the animal. "Get him!!"

"Ahah!! What-? Are you scared he's gonna bite it off?" She teased back at him, but the idea of that happening was horrific frankly.

"No, I just! It's weird, and I don't like dogs!" He shouted back, as he managed to get on the other side of her as the couple continued walking.

Neither of them had a watch or any means outside of the sky to tell time, and judging from how everything was much brighter, before getting cloudy, they both assumed it was later in the day and about to rain..

Or snow rather, and while Harry didn't mind much, however, it was Natty who wouldn't stop whining.

"I'm cold!"

"Buck up kid!" He shouted back, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he felt his body warming up to that of a fever, how his head hurt and every step felt like an unknown pressure building up in him with the sheer pain. It's like when you squeeze a wash cloth to get rid of the water, wring it out..but doing that to his overies, his abdomen, and lower back twisting, twisting into some horrifically agonizing feeling. 'Any day now, any hour more like it..any minute..' He could feel that familiar sickness washing over him as his fast walking pace suddenly slowed drastically he didn't even hear half of what Natty had been saying to him before he felt his face start to burn up. He had a fever, was in pain, and felt nauseous again.

"Harry?" She asked, her hand coming to rest on his arm as she saw he had his eyes closed while standing still on the side of the road. "Harry, are you okay?" She asked him once again.

A sharp inhale then an exhale was the only sound for a little bit before he hummed and nodded, walking forward again but at a much slower rate than before.

They contuined in silence for a while even crossing a small bridge which Natty had fun rushing over the wood while Harey couldn't have cared less if it gave out from under him, he walked at the same exact pace as before, slow. He looked worse for wear as the seconds ticked by into minutes, and before he knew it he had stopped again.

That horrible feeling of something between his legs leaking out made him want to cry. 'No, no! Not here, not here not now! Damnit!!' He screamed out in his head, his face crunching up as he stood still, shoulders pulling forward as he let out a groan.

"If you need to stop we can you know." She told him, as he stood there motionless looking as if he were on the verge of tears and about to faint all at the same time.

"Mm fine." He choked out to her, his voice lower as he forced himself to move, wanting nothing more than to find something to soak up the mess he knows he's making, and to get some type of help maybe. He felt disgusting. He would kill for a warm bath, he remembers getting one once and how it eased his pains, and of course made him clean. He missed that, he..he wanted to not exist at that moment in time.

Taking a sudden detour, he spotted a barn in a field, sure the house was there too..but he was more focused on the idea of finally lying down. His legs were like jelly beneath his frame as he swayed with each passing step finally taking his hands from his pockets to put them against his sides, his hands punching up into fists as he whined out in pain, shivering, trembling as he pulled and tugged at the clothes over him. He took only two more steps before doubling over.

"N-Naatty.." He called out, voice hoarse as he felt more blood trickle down and out of him, a feeling creeping onto his legs as well. "I-I'm not well.." was all he managed out, and she seemed to get the idea as she raced over to him, helping him walk even though he was much taller than her.

They made it to the barn, with Harry having fallen and brought them both down only twice on the way there, then another bout of him puking up his guts on the edge of the highway before he even got to the barn.

"Harry, are you sure you're alright?" She asked, sweat beaded on his forehead as he lay on the pile of hay, eyes glossy with tears threatening to spill as he shook his head. His mouth was running dry as he was stuck on what to say.

"You're not..not dying are you?" Her question was so..so innocent, and genuinely sincere he couldn't help the snort that escaped him as he began to chuckle from the concern.

"No! No, I-It's complicated.." He huffed out, trying to move only worsened his pains now that he was able to rest. He's gonna ruin his pants and not only a new pair, but somehow take a bath now, great.

"Is it? I mean, you like peed yourself back there I think-" She began, crawling over the hay to sit next to the taller boy as their eyes met, a look of pure terror in them as she looked back at his soft brown eyes, how they resembled a frightened deer.

"What do you mean Natty?" He asked out, voice shaky as his breathing grew shallow with panic.

"I mean I saw your pants get a stain on them..in real time they're like we–" She reached down to touch said wet spot now on his inner thigh, only to pull her hand back and there was blood on her fingertips. The crimson liquid was a shocking sight as she set to panic mode immediately. "Oh my God, you're bleeding!" She screeched out to him, as she began to ramble about whether he was okay, how much of an ass he was for not properly disclosing his sickness, among a million other things that were giving Harry a headache the size of Texas.

"NATTY!" He yelled to her, getting her attention as she went quiet. "It's..It's my monthly cycle Natty..I'm fine." He spoke much softer now, but still had a creaking voice as his breath grew shaky. His lower half was feeling numb and damp from the blood as he finally lay his head back.

"But, you can't do that? You.." She began to rack her brain for any resemblance of an answer, of any spot of something to help her friend and understand him in this agonizing trying time. She knew what a cycle was, that dreaded monthly she heard other girls and women talk about in hushed tones, and knew they had to buy special things for it, but as far as she knew boys couldn't get one, could they?

Unless Harry was like her, but to a more extreme extent. She heard of girls trying to pass off as guys a hundred percent, just to stay safe or get work so maybe that's what Harry was doing, and maybe his name was Harriet..She'd name herself Nat or Nathan if she were a boy, but she's not that creative with names honestly.

"But your a boy? Right..or are you a girl and just super boyish?" She finally pushed the words through her lips, and Harry couldn't even answer them, his pain to much as he pulled his legs up to his chest, hands on his abdomen under his shirt to help ease the burning sensation with his cold hands as he whined out.

"Harry?" She asked out again, getting a whined response as he looked at her. He looked so pale and sick. "Harry what are you‐" She began to ask again, only to hear someone walking around outside the barn. She wanted to rush Harry but looking down he had managed to get blood onto the hay too. He was bleeding so much and there was nothing to stop it or soak it up.

"Harry!" She tried nudging him to get up, but his body shivered as he whined from the touch and movement.

"N-Natty I can't, I-I can't-" he tried to push the words out of his mouth, their eyes meeting again before she suddenly shot back to him.

"I can help us- but you have to be a girl for it." She started out, and while he looked pained to agree to such terms, anything was better than running at this point, especially with how high his fever spiked again. "Lie down! Lay down and be extra sick.."

He didn't have to pretend to be sick, he was already there. All he did was stop trying to fight it as he lay down, going limp as he closed his eyes, whining from it all. If he ignored the fact he was bleeding like a stuck pig, and tried to focus on the vague comfort that was lying down maybe he could get through this.

"I said I'd check the bar- Oh!" A woman wearing a blue dress walked in, along with a coat and her boots. Seeing the young girl and what she rightfully assumed was a young man caused her to jump. "You..Young lady this is trespassing!" She wasn't angry, or even mad just making a statement of concern to the two she saw lying on the hay.

"Please ma'am, my friend here is bleeding! She's sick and I-I don't know what to do, and she can't walk anymore!" Natty cried out the woman coming around the corner to get a more proper look at the two of them. The other, whom she would have been convinced was a young man if not for the blatant fact and sign of a young unprepared woman on her cycle.

She could've left them there, and told them not to bleed on the hay but that was already done, and the young girl was crying over her friend who was also fighting back tears, whincing from pain.

"Okay, help her up, and we'll help her inside to wash up." She told them both, and doing just as she was told, Natty helped her friend up, and with some movements between Natty and the Woman, Harry was on his way to the house to be helped.

"Maggie? Mag- Margaret! What the hell!? You pickin' up strays again!?" The man who could only be her husband Natty presumed, keeping her head down as she helped with Harry.

"Rob, it's a girl and her young lady friend! Who mind you had mother nature's call and needs a bath to get the blood off her." She shouted back to the man who simply shook his head before walking past them into the barn, leaving the three to do whatever it was they needed to do.

"Has she been like this long?" She asked, sitting Harry on a simple wooden chair thst could easily be cleaned up from any spills or stains bound to get on it. Harry spouched over it, having gone limp long ago as he struggled to keep his eyes open, Natty couldnt tell if he was acting or if he was really that sick.

"How long has she been sick?!" The woman shouted, more sternly getting Natty's attention as she jumped.

"I-I don't know!! She started getting sick yesterday, she, she threw up and today she did it again-" Natty began rattling off everything she knew of her friend's current predicament, which wasn't a lot in her mind but enough to worry the woman.

"Is she carrying?" She suddenly asked, as she stripped the first layer of clothes off of Harry, the jacket going onto the kitchen table along with his hat before she began to move his shirt off, there being yet a third layer of clothes keeping his chest binded down, by the looks of it it a too small under shirt with bandages under that. As the layers were peeled off of the young man he squirmed in his seat, trying his best to push the older woman away from him as he whined about how he could do it himself. His feeble attempts at moving were horrible, even his words came out slurred and incoherent.

"Wh-what?" Natty asked, more focused on trying to to figure out if her friend was a boy or a girl, and she got her answer when the woman began to move them into the bathroom for more privacy. Two small mounds sat upon her friend's chest, they looked beyond foreign on him- her? Him- for all she knows Harry thinks he's a boy and she doesn't understand it but she'll play along just until he gets the help he needs so desperately.

"Oh for the love of- Do you know if she could be pregnant?" The woman spat out, Harry now bare-chested in front of them both as she ripped his shoes off him, stopping only to start the water in the large tub he'd be in soon enough.

"No! No, she's not done that in don't think-" She looked over to Harry, locking eyes with him as she tried desperately to come up with a name for him. "Harr- haaarrriet have you?"

"..no.."

"Come again dear?" The woman asked, pulling his face toward her as he panted out, face hot to the touch as his hair stuck to his forehead.

"NO! 'M a virgin...wouldn't do that..even..even for money...just do this when..when I'm bleeding, get sick..real sick...when I'm –" He began to ramble, trying to get his point across that there wasn't any possible way he could be having a miscarriage. He hates it when he gets help with this, because every time it's someone older than him, or even his age, and thinking it's not normal for him to be in so much pain, unable to power through it, combined with his nausea, they automatically assume he's having some medical emergency and not just cursed with some horrible period.

"Okay if you two insist," The woman began, and with one swift movement Harry let out a sudden yelp as he almost fell from his seat, the woman yanking his pants off of him to see an extremely bloodied mess both below and in his clothes. "Then let's just get you washed up shall we?"

He didn't responds, he just started whining again, unable to pay much attention as he was hoisted up and forced into the bathtub, the bath itself extremely cold to him but the water a refreshing cool. Must've been cast-iron and whatever water they had.

"Watch her while I quickly go put these somewhere to soak." The woman left the two alone and stole his clothes to clean them, or maybe toss them, but probably clean them no doubt. Leaving an embarrassed, sick Harry in front of Natty who was fascinated by him.

"Harry.." she whispered out to him, his head tilting up to look at her upon hearing his name. "What are you?" She asked him once more but her just gave her a weak smile and shook his head, the words 'Not Now' being mouthed from him, and before Natty could protest the woman came back, in hand a towel and wash cloth as she began to grab soap, shampoo, and a few other items.

She also had what appeared to be something for him to put on after the bath, which..didn't go as smooth as one could hope.

The woman was trying her best to cup the water over Harry's head so that it would wash over the dark raven hair as it trickled down his face. She first made sure to get the shampoo in his hair, working it as she scrubbed the scalp clean effectively turning the dark hair into a bubbly mess on his head. A small comment of, "Oh least her hair is short!" Was spoken out but neither of the teens responded.

It was only after she let it sit in his hair, seeing as he was frankly, filthy and covered in blood, he needed more tending too.

The minute she finished lathering up a wash cloth to rub over him, how it barely made contact with his chest, that was the moment he jolted back into a more alert mode, as he thrashed in the bath. Trying his best to pull away from the woman who was just trying to bathe him, trying so desperately to keep her patient about her as she grabbed the young male by his wrist to pull him closer just to start quickly scrubbing him.

The entire time the bathroom began to fill with pleas from Harry, how he insisted he could do it himself, how he suddenly could function just a little better as he moved away, almost yowling out like a cat who'd been tossed into a bath. The woman on the other hand wasn't having any of it, and took it upone herself to harshly slapping his forhesd, the movement stilling him as he cried softly, tears finally breaking after hours of pain, and now embarrassment broke free from him as he quietly sobbed, sniffling as he was bathed by the woman like he was some toddler.

He was terrified of her touching his privates, but relief washed over him as she helped him kneel in the bath before standing, only to sit on the side of the bathtub. She didn't mind that her clothes were getting drenched from him, but did mind slightly how unsteady he was, how dizzy and ill he still was.

"Here, wash your bits and thighs." She told him, handing him the rag which he took shooting a look at Natty who covered her eyes with her hands to try and save her friend from anymore embarrassment. Bad enough they had a stranger playing mommy, she didn't need him getting angry with her peeping at him.

He made quick work of the rag, even if he did whine out from the sensitivity of it all, he managed it and that's all that mattered to him. He was fully cleaned off of any blood he had on him and was helped back into the water where a cup full of water made quick work getting the soap out of his hair.

The soapy mixture rushed out of his hair, leaving his head feeling silky and soft as did the streaks it left over his body. Eyes shut tightly to make sure he didn't get soap in them he found it almost relaxing, how the water fell over his head and body.

Not long after the tub was drained, he was being helped out of it once more, as weak legs were steamed on the hardwood floor while a towel came to wrap itself around him. The woman helped him sit as she got another to dry him off a bit more before rushing him and Natty off to a bedroom.

"Here put this on, here we go slip it on, good job!" The woman helped Harry slip into what could only be assumed to be a pad, with a small sort of belt-like thing around it holding it in place. Harry stepped into it as if they were underwear and was then placed on the bed, where a too-big shirt was put on him. "All your clothes were horrid with well..the accident you had and just dirt so I'm letting them soak and wash, don't worry they'll be dry by tomorrow-" The woman told them both, but mostly Harry as she took on placing some pillows around him before easing him back and under the covers.

"Tomorrow!?" Natty cried out, panic setting in. She didn't want to wait another day, she had to find her father, but on the same notion she couldn't possibly leave Harry behind. Especially without clothes and in this sort of state.

"Yes, tomorrow! They'll be ready first thing in the morning don't worry." The statement only eased Natty a small amount, but she still feared what could happen between now and the morning.

She couldn't even come up with a response, she just stood unsure of what to do exactly, in the little bedroom before being gently ushered out with the Woman, who insisted her friend needed rest.

"Since you're here, would you mind helping with your friend?" She asked out, handing Natty a basket of his clothes before the two went off to take turns washing the still salvageable wears. "Good thing her clothes are dark, they won't stain as easily."

Natty only hummed in response, her hands already sore from having to scrub them against the washer board and basin, everything was repeating in her head. If Harry were a girl why was she so tall? If he were a boy why did he have bits like a girl? She didn't know, but she hoped Harry would be better in the morning, maybe the woman would even feed them all as well, still though Harry needed meds.

"Ma'am, do..Can you give Harriet anything, for her pain?" The name and word felt bitter in her mouth, as if she knew that wasn't right for her friend, the guy to be constantly helping her out all this time reduced to some weird name that wasn't his own as a means to get help.

"Oh of course I do! But she can't take them until she eats something filling first, and I'm about to start dinner in just a moment..would you mind finishing the washing?" She asked, and Natty only nodded as she took the clothes from her, staring at the way the water turned from soapy clear to a tinted pinkish red from the blood that was shaping into it from Harry's pants and underwear.

His clothes were nice, as nice as her's if not s touch nicer. She wonders how he got such warm and nice clothes, if he worked and bought them, if someone took pity on him previously and gave them to him, or if he just stole them. She wasn't sure, but she knew that he loved that hat which was somewhere. It didn't need cleaning per se, but a light dusting off couldn't harm it.

"Wolf what are we gonna do about Harry.." The words came like a whisper out of her, as she wrung the clothes out one last time before managing to hang them up to dry. It was only the afternoon, maybe early evening, but surely come morning they'd be dry just as the woman said.

"What do you think Wolf? Good job?" She smiled at the large creature, it making a low sound as its head lifted before losing as it walked off to lie on the porch. "I'll take that as a yes." She smiled at him as she took a seat next to him, petting him gently making sure to scratch behind his ears and everything as she leaned back against the house unsure of what to do next.

She could go talk with Harry, but it didnt feel like the right time and he was probably resting up, in a comatose even.

Hours passed without anything eventful happening, as she soon found herself bringing Harry a bowl of soup with a slice of bread for his dinner. The sight was warm and filling just to the eyes alone as she helped him sit up in bed, before giving him some pills to take before he ate.

"The nice woman said if you take them now, by the time you're done you should feel better and asleep again!" She explained to him as he just nodded at her, a smile plastered across his face as he hummed out in joy, eating every last drop of the warm soup full of beans with bread.

Natty had herself some as well, but found herself unsure of where to sleep. Harry was in the guest room and..that was the only other room with a bed in the entire house she could use.

"Well, why don't you snuggle up by your friend? I'm sure she won't mind!" The woman invited as she nudged Natty into the room, the sight of Harry fast asleep filled her with an anxious sort of dread.

"N-No it's fine! She-She likes her space honest!" Natty tried insisting, a part of her feeling this would make things awkward between them despite the fact he had wrapped his arm around her a few times, keeping her safe and holding her while on the train cars as she slept to ensure she was warm and most importantly, safe. He was like a human version of her wolf, keeping her safe from everything the best he could.

"I'm sure she won't mind for one night..now go on, I won't have you on the couch or floor! Let alone the barn.." She explained, the pout from Natty making her smile as she shooed her inside the room before closing the door. The only source of light was a lamp that was still on, illuminating the entire room, especially Harry's face.

He looked so peaceful lying there, in a total coma of sorts as he didn't stir for a single moment in his sleep, until Natty began to gently shake his arm.

"Hmm?" He hummed, an eye squinting open as he stretched out before she looked at him, his eyes full of sleep and barely open as he looked at her. "What is it Natty?" His voice croaked out as he pushed himself on his side rubbing his eyes as a yawn escaped him before falling back onto the bed.

"The lady said I gotta sleep in the bed with you.." She said quietly, softly, embarrassed even over the idea of sharing a bed with him, being so extra close to him. She hadn't minded much before now but that's before all of this happened. Even then, she hadn't shared a bed with him, just slept next to him, or well, she guessed being held is similar enough.

"Then get in the damn bed?" He mumbled out, half asleep still as he scooted himself over to the side of the bed, hitting the wall as he did so not realizing how close he was to it, hitting it with a light 'Thud' sound which caused him to jump, a giggle escaped him as he did so.

"But..You're, you know..I-I don't kn-Whoa!" Natty was trying to protest getting in the bed, only for Harry to snatch her by the collar of her shirt, effectively yanking her onto the bed and forcing her to sit by him.

"Shuddap, 'M tired Nat, jus' go bed.." He mumbled, voice cracking as he spoke, a blanket coming to hit her in the face as he tried to cover her up. "Be glad, we've gotta warm bed." He snuggled further into the pillow, a deep relaxed sigh escaping him as he smiled from the secure feeling.

Natty couldn't relax. She tried lying down, but couldn't stop tossing and turning for the first little bit. The movements woke Harry up once more as he spoke up suddenly. "Want me to hold you?" The words burned in her ears, she liked being held by him, but she didn't know anymore. "Natty, you're keeping me up kid, want me to hold you or not?" His voice was groggy, yet more coherent as he spoke out, the shifting bed and covers moving as Natty moved closer to the taller raven-haired boy.

She nestled into his arms, a calming feeling washing over her before she nuzzled herself into his chest, the feeling welcoming despite all of her concern and worry. If she forgot about what happened today, she might have found herself liking him again, having a fancy for him even, not minding that she was being held by him.

A gentle touch of lips pressed onto her forehead, the feeling making her mind short-circuit for a moment before she let out a breath she hadn't known to be holding until that small gesture happened.

"Night Natty, get some rest.." Harry rested his chin upon her head, the feeling making her feel as if she were really being nestled in and held softly, sweetly in some hazy warm cloud of a bed. She could spend all her nights like this, next to him if it meant being able to talk with him and feel safe.

Even if she didn't respond to his soft goodnight call, he knew she meant to as well, as the two drifted back to sleep until the sunlight peeked through the curtains waking Harry before Natty as he simply lay there and held her sweetly.

He knew it was about to become a more than awkward journey with the girl, full of her questioning him ever so many steps as he fumbled to explain how he was, he was dreading it honestly.

There's just something so incredibly intimate and stressing even, about laying in bed holding her, knowing in just a little while once he's dressed and once they're walking around to the next set of tracks, that he'll he fighting tooth and nail to prove to this girl, this random girl he never knew existed until recently, that he was for all intensive purposes, a real boy dispite what she had to see and deal with.

With a few more hours of lying in bed, and Natty finally waking up only to shove herself away from him as if he were something grotesque, did he finally manage to start the day.

"Oh, good morning to you too Miss Sunshine." His voice was heavy, gravely, and full of venom as he spoke out to her, obviously in no mood to deal with her suddenly as he walked out of the bedroom, looking around the house before finding the woman in the kitchen, making breakfast for everyone.

She of course insisted she at least feed them before sending them on their way, and neither complained about a filling warm meal, especially not Harry. He only vaguely protested when he was handed a sachet of food and meds.

"Please dear take it, something for your journey to keep you well, and then a little treat." It was just some pain meds, and chocolate but the gesture alone made him beam out with a smile as he thanked her profusely.

That was the last moment of peace he knew before he and Natty were walking around again

✩₊˚.⋆♡⋆⁺₊✧

"Seriously Harry what are you?" Natty asked again, for the third time since they've been walking along the road again, with Harry trying to figure out where a cut through to some train tracks leading to Seattle would even be. Her voice was so..whiney to him, so demanding in the moment.

"I already told you Natty- I'm a Boy!!" His voice was booming as he shouted at her, not wanting to figure out how to navigate this any more than necessary. She should be able to take it at face value but instead, she was nagging him every few miles about it.

"You keep dodging my question!!" Her voice combined with the low growl and then barking of the wolf made him groan as he went silent again.

She kept asking about whether he was a boy why he was having a period, why he was built the way he was, and all sorts of other things.

"Natty, how old are you?" He asked suddenly, stopping in his tracks to talk with the girl.

"I'm..I'm 13 why?"

"You ought to be able to understand some concepts of life by now, and if a boy is telling you he's a boy! You should take the hint!!" With each passing word that left his lips, came a louder and more frustrated tone. He was screaming at her by the time he was done, his body shaking as he looked at her before turning away and walking miles ahead of her no longer caring if he left her to freeze in the cold Washington weather.

And left her he did, seeing as he looked back and she was nowhere to be seen. Not her, or her wild companion could be spotted.

Harry kept telling himself he didn't mind. He couldn't care less if she froze out there honestly-

Yet he did.

He cared so much that it was making him hurt. How his chest felt weary and tight, his heart pounding unnaturally as he was suddenly blinded with the worst images of Natty being hurt and the dog dead. She was smart, but not nearly as smart as him.

Rushing back he found her walking slowly with her head down, his luck she was crying now and he never meant to make her cry. He always told himself he was not the type of guy to make a girl cry and yet here he was looking at his girl crying because he doesn't understand how to sit and talk about his issues.

His footsteps echoed on the road, the sound drawing Natty's head up to look at him, her eyes puffy with tears as she tried to hold a straight face looking up at the taller boy before her.

"Natty," He began, mouth opening and closing a few times before he held his hand out to her. "I'm sorry, honestly I am." Taking her hands the two walked a little further up a hill before stopping to sit and talk under some trees on the side of the road.

"Natty, I didn't mean to make you cry-"

"Well, you did! It's not my fault you're on your period and a boy-girl thing!" She shouted to him, her hand coming up to slap at his arm which only made him smile and laugh. He really couldn't be angry with her over all of this.

"Stop! Staap- aha quit it jeeze I'm sorry I said!" His hands came to hold her wrist in place before she was tearing them away to pout once more, her heart broken over everything she had vaguely known about him.

"If you weren't such a locked journal we wouldn't be in this mess."

"I get that, but you try telling people you're a boy when you sound like a girl and don't..bind or nothin'."

The words fell between the two, a silence creeping over them both as Harry kept his eyes locked onto her every moment. How she shuffled in her spit before angrily moving away more and leaning against a tree, eyes digging daggers into the older boy before her.

"What do you want to know?" The voice was soft again, his normal soft, calming sweet sweet-filled voice as he smiled at her gently. He never liked telling people about this, but this was Natty so, surely she'd understand it..right?

"I want to know why you say you're a boy, but are bleeding and look like me when you're undressed.."

The face he made with his eyes open wide as he tilted his head to the side, a curious expression lighting up his eyes as he racked his brain for any simple answers to the simple question. How could he sit and explain everything to her without sounding like a total loon?

"So..have you ever been forced into something and don't like it?" He began, dark eyes meeting her clear and icy blue ones. "Like a dress, or..or tights? Maybe you've been forced to eat something and don't like it, or have others tell you it's normal or the thing to do." He felt this wasn't the best metaphor, but it was a start. "It's like that, it's like being born into a household where everyone wears a size too small and drinks that drink you despise, and then you finally get the right clothes one day and that drink you've been craving, and realize that's way better than what the others were doing-"

"Harry that sounds kinda silly."

The laughter erupted from his chest as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, the smile that spread across his face lit up and beamed out with a warmth attached to it like no other.

"N-Natty jeeze! I- I..Look I don't know how to explain it! It feels wrong being a girl alright?" He was still smiling at her from his fit of giggles. "It doesn't feel right, it's like if someone called you Patty and expected you to respond and act like this Patty girl!" He kept that smile on his face as he spoke out, and the name thing made a lot more sense to her than whatever he was trying to say previously. "I'm just Harry, always have been, always will be, I just was a different name for a while..different clothes when I was little...But I never felt like that was me, I'd sort of..zone out from it all and become detached from it even."

"Didn't your parents know? That you.. didn't like being Harriet-?"

"Pfft- HARRIET!? Jeeze Natty give me some credit! My old name is not Harriet!" The laughter and smile on him was intoxicating, and contagious as could be as Natty found her lips forming a smile before laughing and giggling next to him, slapping his arm over how he teased her for the name.

"Well what was it then!?"

"I'm not telling you! That's sensitive information, and it's not even who I am!" He told her, pushing her away before the two had another fit of giggles as the time ticked by ever so slowly, creeping by in a comfortable manner. "My folks knew though yeah..yeah they, they knew."

"Were they nice about it?"

"..My dad was, to the best of his abilities, he..I mean no one gets it you know?" His voice was quieter now, as his eyes looked extra glossy from memories he didn't want to directly remember. "People don't typically understand when a little girl throws herself on the floor wailing about being a boy Natty."

"Yeah, I mean.. it's odd, but at least your dad supported you..right?" She asked back, hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

"Hmm..Yeah he let me dress boyish which drove my mother mad, he just..he didnt always get it, and pushed me to hard to be this perfect boy- and...and I- Im not perf-" a sudden sob broke through his voice as tears flowed from his eyes, his instinctive reaction was to hide his face as he bit the inside of his cheek.

Harry remembers being little and having wild dreams of joining the baseball teams one day, of going to college or the workforce, and yet? He was a train-hopping bum with a dead father and absent mother who probably wishes he were dead. He was a stain on some nonexistent family name to her and it broke him sometimes. He just wanted to be loved, to be understood and supported and not fighting tooth and nail to get some resemblance of respect day in and day out at times, and to not be haunted by the fact his mother wished him dead so meny times while father wished he were better and to properly man up if he wanted to be one so badly.

"Harry-"

"No! No, I don't want your fukin' pity Natty!!" He slapped her hand away, his heart aching, breaking by the passing seconds. "I want you to explain to someone that not only do you like girls! You wanna date them and marry one like a boy! And that you're a boy!! Do you know the pain Natty!? How, How HARD it is!? And now!" Their eyes locked again, this time she wasn't upset with him, but looked worried for her friend, and that broke him more. "Now I got a girl I like- and ruined everything with.." His voice trailed off, knees coming to curl against his chest as he buried his face in them, drooping down with him as he softly cried.

How do you comfort a hurt man? A man who's so heartbroken over everything, so overwhelmed, he can't seem to properly place s single thing about..anything, he's just there, sad, sick, and existing as his chest hurts. He wanted to scream, wanted to throw something to do anything, but instead he was attempting to will himself not to cry.

Which only made him cry more as a broken sob escaping him, his face still hidden in pure embarrassment as he felt a pair of arms wrap around him in some attempt to help bring him comfort and to calm him down.

Sure she had to get to Seattle, but Natty wasn't about to just leave Harry on the side of some road.

The girl loves him, even if she suddenly felt a panicked surge of guilt and confusion, if only due to how he looked when fully undressed. She wasn't concerned with that part of people though, or relationship, her concern was how he would hold her, keep her safe, and be someone to talk to, to help guide her. She had a raging crush on him due to the short time they've known each other, yet every little twist and turn, sudden shock and surprise brought them closer, just as it is now.

"You can cry Harry it's okay.." Her voice was soft when she tried to urge him to at least lift his head up, to get out of the hidden position that wasn't him curled tightly in a ball.

" 'M not supposed to!" It was all he managed out, his head just barely moved to where she could see his puffy red eyes, his body finally shifting so he could wipe away his tears with his sleeve. Natty had to remember he wasn't much older than her, he was probably just as scared, just as lost as she was- the biggest difference being..she knew where her dad was, she thinks, and Harry? He had virtually no one.

No real friends, no family it seemed, just himself and whatever was on him. For the past however many years, stumbling through life navigating god only knows what type of pain and agonizing things. There was also the fact he was on his monthly, she knew that made people act all sorts of ways from hurting to crying, and everything in-between..

She couldn't imagine bleeding and making this journey, or any to be honest.

"Harry you're bleeding, flaunt what little status you have and run like the wind with it! Use it to get outta stuff to some degree jeeze lighten up!" She told him, gently pushing him as he suddenly began to smile, a chuckle escaping him as he pulled her into a hug.

The hug caused her to be held by him more so, but she wasn't going to complain, not about the comfort or soft feeling, the fact she was being held felt so incredibly nice. He had a way of just radiating warmth with a sense of safety and security. She loved it more than anything, second place to her father hugging her.

"You're a good kid, Natty Gann, you're one hell of a good kid–" He told her, voice still shaky as he tried to hold back his tears still, a feeling of mild embarrassment washing over him, making Jim feel more than idiotic for how he was reacting to things. "But I don't think I can play pretend woman just to cry, it'll be okay though."

"Well there's no harm in playing pretend for a little bit, it got you some sanitary items and other stuff from that nice farmer's wife.." Her voice came out softly, as her hand came up to gently rub his shoulder, both giving a small half smile to each other.

"Maybe some other time kid- come up let's get up and get goin'!" Harry stood as he snatched up her arm, pulling her up with him as they both fell into laughter before he dragged her off further up the road, the two's laughter echoing through the world as Harry led the imaginary way to what they could only hope were some train tracks again.

✩₊˚.⋆♡⋆⁺₊✧

Sitting in the logging camp in the middle of rule Seattle, the cool air surrounding her as she sat happily at some table in she asumed the dining tent, her father was found and being patched up by a nurse from the explosion accident.

She had a chest full of concern and worry, but knowing her father was here, and they'd never be separated again put her at ease.

Natty couldn't help but attempt to write a letter to Harry numerous times, how you could make out faded and more than smudged, erased letters she pressed too hard on the paper while making, or how she couldn't figure out what exactly to say to him.

She liked him, loved him even, even if the feelings were extremely complicated due to what he looked like under all those warm layers, she could put it aside for how gentle and caring he was. He was such a doll, to her that she just adored him even more, especially as she tried writing more and more stumbling through everything as she would constantly erase and rewrite everything.

Over and over again, so caught up in it all, until she had to have a lantern on while still struggling with her writings. Scribbling her words down finally, coherent enough to her liking, as she smiled down at the paper, caught up in her world whenever she'd write to him.

This cycle contuined for at least a week, all while her father rested and healed up, and before long she was still up and working on those letters, her heart soaring from how much she loved him still pouring out random secrets and small 'I Love You!'s into each new letter as she shoved his little ones into a bursting envelope and hide under her pillow.

Was it silly? Of cource, but she felt that he was her little secret she had to keep close to her chest, especially since she hadn't even brought up dating or anything with her dad of all people.

Sol Gann knew there was something, but not quite what. The way his sweet young daughter would ask for paper and pencils more now than ever, how she rushed around to deliver letters to the post office as she would anxiously await to rush and check the mail only to be quiet about it all.

A part of him wanted to intercept these letters, worried even if it was someone who could hurt her, anything really. He knew it was probably harmless, but it didn't stop his concern, especially when he finally caught her hunched over with the lamp on, beaming over the piece of paper telling someone about what's been happening over the course of several days.

"What do we have here?!" A pair of arms wrapped around Natty who flew into a fit of giggles, trying to hide the slip of paper as she laughed over her father teasing her, scooping her up as he looked over thr letter.

It was harmless, telling someone about her recent week and asked how their work was going. It was something simple and sweet, no signature off yet other than Natty hoping to see them soon, and a Dear,

"Ohhh~ Who's Harry?? Is he someone your age I hope?" He gently teased her, as she shoved him away to grab the paper back, slamming it on the desk as she shrieked at him.

"Stooop!! They're!! It's friend Dad!"

"I never asked if he wasn't I just asked if he was your age!"

"Ughh!! Of course! They're like..sixteen I think-"

"Sixteen! Natty your just barely thirteen yourself.."

"Harry helped me get to you though!! I like them, and Harry's just working in California right now-"

It went on like thst back and forth, on how Harry was harmless but her father wasnt sure, he hadn't ever even met the boy his daughter was gushing over and defending like her life depended on it, so she bite down hard snd took up saying something she knew deep down she'd regret if ever getting to see that tall boy again.

"Harry isn't even a boy! I call her Harry but her damn name is Harriet! Jeeze Dad!!" The words flew from her mouth in a frenzy, her blood running cold as she did so, realizing deep down she would regret this soon enough.

"..Sweetheart why didn't you start with that? I'm far less worried now, though.." He stopped mid-thought, trying to figure out why someone would go around pretending to be a boy, or even have a possible preference for a boyish name, until it hit him due to the current state of..everything. "Well it is hard for girls to get jobs that aren't...bad, so her pretending to be a boy makes a lot of sense."

"Well I'm glad we cleared it up, now can I finish my letter in peace please?" She huffed out, pushing him aside as she sat back down, pencil in hand as she stared at her father.

"Sure thing! Say- would your friend like a bit of candy for her birthday you think?"

"I dont know Dad I don't even know her birthday-"

"Ask her!!"

"I will jeeze!! Now get on!"

He finally left her alone after a playful push, leaving Natty to scribble more in a panicked haze I to the letter, her heart sinking and pounding worried as can be that Harry wouldn't respond or tell her to go screw off. The last lines were as follows,

'I'm very sorry Harry, but my dad finally found out I was talking to you, I panicked and said you were a girl, he thinks you're cross-dressing to work though, he doesn't mind but thinks you're a girl named Harriet. Please forgive me -Love Natty'

She waited for what felt like months for the response letter, despite it only being a week. One of the fastest letter shipments, complete with all his love and responses, and the nicest note at the end, making her heart soar again as it put her trembling hands at ease finally.

'Sweet Natty, while I'm not fond of being known as a girl, or woman, if it means getting to talk with you still through these letters I'll happily keep playing pretend. Your's sincerely, Harry.'

#the journey of natty gann #trans harry fic #1930s #1930s fic #period fic #trans period fic #ahh..???#john cusack #john cusack fanfic #trans john cusack character #my fanfic #monthly coping fic from me :3 #cross posted on ao3

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mikeyway-creates · 2 months ago

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"I WANT YOU! (DEAD)" Cross posted version on ao3 for anyone intrestsd!

Summary: Everytime the two of them met something came up or went wrong, and then everything would get better again. Martin usually being the one getting hurt and tended to, being the one held and scooped up in the other male's arms and there was something about their times together that pulled at them both.

It didnt change he fact Martin couldnt stand Grocer half of the time and yet wanted him so badly he himself felt as if he were going insane from it all. He wants him..dead and whimpering beneath him.

Warnings/Notes: 18+, Mildly implied violence(they're both assassins) Vegas Shenanigans, crossdressing, trans male character, drugged and drunk, sober sex(eventually) OCD like symptoms, Martin Q. Blank has a lot of baggage. Cross-posted on AO3 as well! (Separate post) 14k words...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66612853/chapters/171837088

#my fanfic #grosse pointe blank #grosse point blank fanfic #martin x grocer #martin q blank #john cusack #dan aykroyd #john cusack fanfic #dan aykroyd fanfic #ao3 #support is very welcome over there as well please and thank you :3

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mikeyway-creates · 2 months ago

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"I WANT YOU!" (DEAD)

A Grosse Point Blank fanfiction thats Martin/Grocer centric and should be fun to read! A gift for @dontwanttobeanamericanidiot !!!

It didnt change he fact Martin couldnt stand Grocer half of the time and yet wanted him so badly he himself felt as if he were going insane from it all. He wants him..dead and whimpering beneath him.

Chapter 1 - "I can't stand You"

The sunlight bled through the cracks and corners of buildings in the late evening, a warm feeling washing over everyone in the crowded streets who laughed and smiled through the celebrations of the evening.

Lights decorated the streets, as banners were hung, people in flashy fun clothes dancing and singing chasing after one another for fun, even the children gave shrill laughter to the air as music could be heard distantly, and yet all around you.

Martin never understood it. The whole perfect sense of joy and wonder, that peak of human connection. He's pretty sure something was the matter with him, he's positive there was something the matter with him, always and forever.

Growing up in a broken home, in a shit town(which he yearned to revisit honestly, and missed a lot if only for a girl), with his fair share of troubles and problems left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and feeling of being hopeless and lost.

Not hopeless or lost, no, he knew where he was going and he didn't think hopeless was the right word, no-

But something felt so wrong.

Maybe it was the fact that he would become physically ill at times from eating food, and needed a cocktail of pills to keep him going. Maybe it was the lack of something between his legs and a fearful worry of ever managing much else in life.

Maybe he was lonely, but his deep sense of intimate fear and paranoia kept him from pursuing even a one-night stand–

Thankfully he didn't get time to get too lost in his thoughts and spiral, because his least favorite person arrived with a strong pat on his back making the other jump.

"Jesues fucking christ Grocer what the hell!?"

He jumped from his thoughts as he twisted himself around to slap at the other male. Nothing good ever happened when he showed up, but recently he's not minded the mild and vague company the other keeps him.

"Marty!" The other cheered so he pulled the man into a tight side hug as he laughed over finding him again in the all too busy streets of Mexico at night.

"Don't call me that!" He groveled out, shoving him aside as he almost tried to dust off the imaginary touch and feeling left behind by the other.

Something Martin could never get over was that despite the two being the same size, and having the same job..Grocer always felt stronger than him somehow. It wasn't always like that but recently he's been so, almost flustered around the other and his movements became more flaired panicked, and teenage as he would shove him away and try to stop his heart from pounding in his chest.

He didn't understand what that feeling was, but he didn't like it and assumed his body was telling him to be on extremely high alert is all.

"Aw, come'on ~ don't be a buzzkill! We both got our jobs done! Why don't we head someplace and have fun huh?" Grocer latched onto Martin again with a chipper voice following and lingering in the others' ears who begrudgingly accepted the offer if only to get Grocer to shut up for this particular trip and to calm down.

They'd known each other a while, little over two? Maybe three- no more two in a half, almost three years now. They met because they had the same target over in France, an old man who was on his last leg, both having their..own methods of wanting to deal with him.

Hired by two different people and thus two different methods, not that it mattered since Martin got shot at by Grocer, and it was a panic-induced incident before they both realized the guy..was dead, leading them to the weirdest introduction with each other and now long-term acquaintance-ship of sorts.

Which has now led to them in a crowded loud bar celebrating with drinks.

"I don't typically drink, it makes me hot and angry." The cold statement came from Martin who was served a very clear tequila. "I especially don't drink clear tequila.." He finished out before taking a seat across from Grocer finally after standing awkwardly next to the taller table.

A more secluded bar table, but still in the crowded room with its loud emotions filling every corner made Martin already feel himself zoning out. His mind filled with random thoughts and what he should do when he gets back home.

"Oh come on~ all they are gonna have is tequila! But here I'll be charitable and get you a more expensive, nice golden one hmm?" Grocer was trying everything to get Martin to have at least one drink, a shot even for the night, and after a little head tilt and glimmer in the others' eyes, he couldn't help but give the faintest smile in return, if you could call a corner of his lip twitch upward as he accepted the offer. "Oh finally! Just promise you'll drink it Marty- Ough!"

"I said don't call me that! That's for immediate friends only! And I don't have those!" He scolded the other as he took up kicking him under the table, the other returning the gesture before stopping, only because Martin flung himself forward to latch onto the table in a fearful frenzy of falling backwards off the high bar chair he sat on.

Their new drink orders arrived, and the new goal was now for Grocer to try to convince the other to eat something to go along with his drink which he threw back in an instant. Sure it's impressive, but the more shocking part was how he slid the glass towards him.

"What am I the bus boy?" The teasing tone took over as he saw there was nothing in the glass.

"..I'd like another one of these," Martin confessed out, eyes staying low and not making any contact with the other who was overjoyed with the fact he found something Martin wanted to drink finally- sure it's expensive as fuck but oh well.

"Oh happily! Happily~ I'm treating you tonight after all!" He beamed out as he now took up trying to once again convince the other that he needed a dinner to go along with his drinking otherwise he'd get sick.

Martin might be able to handle his alcohol, or at least drink like a sort of pro, but he didn't come off as a..seasoned drinker to say the least, or if he was he still refused to eat, that is until he was on his third glass of knocking back that amber like tequila.

The drink made his throat feel like he was swallowing syrup, it burned going down, raised his taste buds and his ears felt hot and like they were ringing. His face turned a fun shade of flushed red as his dark eyes lit up and sparkled when they finally made eye contact with Grocer, who felt his heart race and get pulled at its strings.

The same thing was happening with Martin, and it was only in his slightly drunken state that he realized he was developing feelings for this guy- and that's the last thing he wanted.

"Martin I said I have to go to the men's room Are you going to be okay here?"

"Hmm? Yeah-yes, yeah! Sorry got...hmm yeah go on I'll be fine I'm not even drunk." Martin's demeanor said otherwise, but his speech also said otherwise. It came out clear if not only a little mumbled at the start, as if he were more lost in thought than drunk.

Being left alone for what felt like a few hours quickly turned out to add itself to the list of worst things in his life, even if it was low on the list.

His mind wouldn't stop racing with images of Grocer smiling, and the tequila was doing something to him that was making him shift in his seat now and struggle to find a comfortable position as his head filled with thoughts of having the other tied to a bed as he ground against him and choked him.

He wanted him dead so badly- to cum over him and then kill him- but at the same time, he wanted the other male to be gentle with him and patient, calm and sweet like he's been all night, and through most of their meetings.

He felt as if he were spiraling again, he felt like when he remembers Debi and thinks a little too long about her, how her touches linger in his memory and make his heart race and then he feels alone- thats what Grocer's been doing to him recently, making his mind swim with every touch feeling as if he were going to be burned due to the fact he wanted more of him.

He wanted him shoved against the wall and fighting with their mouths as his hands bunched up in his shirt, he wanted him begging and struggling he wanted him to choke him with his tie and be yanked on it like it were a leash- he wanted him in bed and to be held by him.

He wanted him—

A clicking sound of a drink being placed at his table filled his ears as his eyes wandered to the young waitress who smiled happily and with what little English she could manage explained it was from someone at the bar. He only saw the comforting sight of Grocer talking with a bartender, and assumed it was him being a bit on the conniving side and trying to get more booze in him to see if the famous Martin Q. Blank could get drunk.

He nodded a thank you to her before drinking up the odd tasting drink that was a mixture of tropical snowcone-like flavors and..cinnamon? It wasn't good that weird after taste, it tasted like someone put chalk in it and cinnamon, then again they're in Mexico and he knew they liked cinnamon in the South American region.

Or maybe that was a lie- maybe Grocer was drugging him- but nothing tastes like cinnamon does it? He doesn't know he doesn't use anything like that but he might-

'He's not gonna drug you dumbass calm down jeeze- just drink the damn thing and break down so you can order a meal and stumble into bed, you have a plane to catch tomorrow.' The more than irritated internal monologue had something right, a few things actually, he should listen to his head more often maybe..and in turn his heart perhaps.

"Martiny! I see you got yourself a new type of drink~"

"Hmm? ..Yeah I.. someone some girl brought it said it was..from the bar." The speech was slower now, the alcohol and lack of food catching up to him as he felt himself warm up as he looked at Grocer. What he thought was a blank face was him smiling like some lovestruck teenager in front of their crush.

"Aw, you have a secret admirer!" He teased the other.

"Only admirer I wants' in front of me~" He slipped out clearly, his mind foggy with a haze that made everything suddenly feel like he was floating in some technicolour dream. His mouth felt like it was going to start drooling, his body felt warm and tingly, and his head was heavy as if he were about to fall forward onto the table at any given second.

"Oh! Ah..that! Oh wow, why thank you!" Grocer took note that Martin was now no doubt drunk, the other male looking less than sober suddenly from the drink and Grocer made the quick connection that someone slipped something in it before sending it his way. "Well, I think you've had enough of this Martin." He attempted to pull the drink away from the other who suddenly latched onto the glass in a frenzy to try and get the last few sips in but a slight struggle led to him spilling it all over himself, mostly his crotch as he froze from the harsh icy feeling on his burning body.

"Jesus Martin! You could've just said you wanted to finish it damn!" Grocer stood and walked over with some napkins to help with the mess on his friend, the man he had a fancy for but it's not like Martin would allow the two of them to date..or maybe he would- anything's possible from a confession in his current state. "Come on let me help you walk.."

Martin could barely stand on his own two feet, let alone walk. The fact that he was clinging to Grocer and had a case of the giggles was making it tolerable- enjoyable even. The normally cutthroat no no-nonsense exhausted assassin, having a fit of the giggles and nuzzling up to the other was a feeling he loved frankly.

The two ironically stayed at the same place, something that keeps happening more and more they feel, so it wasn't hard to get Martin into his room and then Grocer his own.

Still, he wasn't just gonna leave Martin covered in sugary mixed drinks and dirty clothes, no he was gonna be nice and help him wash up a bit, if only to change his clothes frankly.

"Aaalright, come on let's get you changed and cleaned up Martin-" He sat him on the bed before going to take his jacket off, only to start getting pushed away when he was trying to take his tie and shirt off. "Martin I'm not trying to have sex with you I'm trying to change your dirty clothes!"

"You didn't even buy me dinner! I'm particular on who-*hiccip* who can undress me to the nude ~!" He whined out with a smile. Undoing his belt as he tried and failed to get his pants undone which were the main thing he needed off.

"Well, you didn't want to eat, but don't say I didn't try! Now then," He got the tie and shirt off, only to become immediately distracted by how the other's chest was. Two pink scars on his chest. It didn't look like heart surgery, maybe it was that gyno.. no, no wrong doctor- it's something guys get. Unless it's a new method of heart surgery but he doubts that. "So when you get heart surgery ~? Was it so bad they had to replace yours to make you feel human?" He teased out, a finger coming up to trace across the marks which made the other shiver as he moaned, a dreamy and soft expression plastered on his face.

"Hmm, n-no, no aha..ah, they're, I'mm.. it's complicated Grocer." He mumbled out, as he tried to gently scoot away from the other male but didn't even manage to move himself much. The others touch lingeringly and trace his chest again with curiosity.

"Martin we're both assassins and grown ass men, I'm pretty sure it can handle whatever weird sugery you've gotten." He plainly stated out, and while his voice was gentle that's all that Martin needed to kick his words out of his mouth. Grocer wouldn't be rude about him, he wouldn't be bad to him, he hopes he wouldn't be at least.

"..I'm a transsexual," The words felt almost foreign as they came out of his mouth. He's not said that to anyone outside of Debi sure all those years back..but Marcella and his many doctors' appointments. He's never confided that information to someone like Grocer- someone he feels he could trust, could be held by. "I got my tits off a couple months back that's why I was MIA." He finished out, suddenly unable to look the other in the eyes as the room felt stiff.

This was why he didn't like telling people things, you drop something big and important about yourself and suddenly it's awkward, and hell probably give him pity or some offhanded remark-

"Well, congratulations!! I gotta say you're the handsomest one I've ever seen! And pass great! I thought you just had a..whatever surgery it is guys who have extra chest fat get." Plopping down next to Martin, the bed bouncing as he giggles and smiles happily, a wave of relief and something else washes over him as he feels himself smiling and giggling.

Martin hadn't done that in years, he honestly doesn't remember ever doing that outside of being with Debi, but now at least he had that surge of..of emotions again.

"Now let's get this handsome man out of his pants hmm~? I'll be gentle~" Grocer teased out as he laid Martin back slowly, the other male teasing up as his hands flung to find Grocer's shorts to grasp and tangled his fingers in, whining as he was gently laid down. The shift from being upright to lying down, with everything in his system caused his head to spin and him to become dizzy as he whined out, his face crunching up as he took slow small breaths.

He came off like a scared kid on a Rollercoaster, petrified of the movements he was experiencing.

"Everything's spinning and, and moving.." Martin whined out, a look of pure illness and distress painted on his scrunched up face as the only soothing thing that could be done to calm him was a pleasant feeling of his head being rubbed.

Whatever was slipped into his last drink was starting to take full effect as he panted, whined, and began to sweat as he kept his eyes shut tightly, as if any resemblance of opening them would make him more sick, vomit even.

"Relax, relax~" The older male rubbed his head as a way to calm himself down as he began to shiver from a cold sweat appearing over him, his face turning a burning red as he did so. Grocer would return to gently rub his head later, but for now, he moved to finish stripping down the other who whined at his touches and whimpered from every little movement.

He was still somewhat lucid, since he knew he was compleatly bare infront of the as he tried to worm his way free and vaguly cover his crotch as his body curled up from both embarrassment sure, but a more pained and sick feeling and need to be..to be safe and being curled up felt safe to him, its always felt safe especially now when he felt beyound weak and shy.

He's not been this exposed since..well since he had surgery, and even then it was only Marcella, but she felt more like a sister helping him out than a worker, so..that was different.

Grocer was- Grocer.

A man who he recently learned he had a shockingly large age gap with by fourteen years, who liked to get affectionate with him, and he couldn't help that there was a fear lingering inside of him that the other did this to him, would try something with him would hurt him even, or worse touch him-

"Here, let's get you on the pillows Martin, and the nice cold rag on you." The gentle voice hit his exhausted ears as it formed a strange secure feeling around him that felt like warmth and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. The way Grocer had seamlessly pulled him up to lie on the pillows, effectively tucking him into the oddly comfortable motel bed. Something about soft foreign pillows and scents, mixed with whatever Grocer had on that was sending him to heaven and back again. The cold rag was another fun addition, seeing as it was making him shiver but felt so relaxing he couldn't help but melt from it all.

"Y-you can go.." The shaky, weak voice left Martin who was shivering now as the thin motel covers were laid across him soffly serving as more than enough warmth for him.

"I'm not going anywhere while you're like this! You could try and roll over and die on me..then who'll I run into on trips!? No one!" He teased out with a chuckle in his voice, lying down next to Martin on top of the covers. The veil between them was thin, and just a simple cover, but the gesture and the fact that he was not only respecting the other male's privacy, but also comfort made something in him twitch with a hurting delight.

"Hmm.." The hummed responce was enough for them both to know that nither minded thr fact they were sharing a less than perfectly sized motel bed- not that Martin seemed to mind as he fell fast asleep shaking in the night off and on, as little whimpers left him as he found himself rolling over, tossing and turning in the night and constantly being soothed by Grocer who didnt mind his friend needing comfort from whatever was wrecking his system.

Light bleeds through the paper like curtains and there were at least three things certain for Martin when he woke up in the motel bed.

He had a pounding headache and felt hungover worse than when he was in the CIA., he was naked and needed a shower feeling sticky and sweaty..and Grocer was asleep next to him.

Sure the man was still dressed, Martin's memory was so foggy and blurred he couldn't remember much after his fruity drink spilling at the bar- Oh well maybe he does. He knows he spelled his drink, and then at some point, Grocer brought him a cold rag and stayed with him. He knows he probably explained he was trans, but everything was so hazy like he'd been drugged- alcohol typically doesn't do this to him, hangovers sure! But barely any memory? No something happened..

"Uughh.." He whined out with a groggy voice, as a hand came to cover his face from the light coming into the room, while still dim it was blinding to him- he also wasn't too happy over the fact that he somehow knocked most of the covers off and they were tangled around himself. A little bit covering his crotch as he tried to find the rest and it was worse than a wire mess of tangled thin jewelry.

"Hmm good morning sunshine~ don't you look chipper this morning?" He had a slightly more awake tone about him as he smiled over at the other, propped up on his elbow now.

"What the hell happened last night..please just tell me we didn't-" Martin had croaked out as he already took up sighing out a heavy sigh, and covering his eyes more.

"Have sex? No- even if you tried to initiate I'd have to turn you down due to how intoxicated you were" While his tone was full of an air of..being so matter of fact like that Martin couldn't help but chuckle, as if he'd ever sleep with thit guy. "...I'm an assasin martin- not a monster." The sincerity in the older male's voice snapped something in Martin who stopped chuckling, There wasn't anything funny about that, it was if anything almost..sweet, kind even.

It was full of Sincerity, and that alone made Martin's head start spinning again. His head was spinning with a thousand thoughts again, as his heart began to pound in his chest causing it to hurt as he felt almost emotional all of a sudden.

His body shaking as he stiffened a frown and turned away from the man, he tried calming himself down, which led to Grocer gently caressing the other's arm which caused him to suddenly bite his tongue as he shot out of bed and raced to the small bathroom, the door slamming behind him.

He felt sick to his core, combined with his pounding headache and how Grocer had seen every part of him, just everything- Everything.

It was making his skin crawl as he began to gag up the straight alcohol from the other day, with some more than digestible food and pills he forced down his throat daily for the bare minimum to ensure he wasn't so sick. Which was now proving useless seeing as he was vomiting into the toilet bowl, tears pricking at his eyes as he coughed up everything.

He felt disgusting, like something was the matter with him, especially since he wasn't planning on this happening. He was already upset over the drinks, but even more so the fact that Grocer had seen him completely naked.

'He didn't grope you calm down Martin-' Is what he kept telling himself, as he finished coughing into the bowl, gagging a few more times before he felt he could manage a shower.

A cold one at that.

He still felt off after scrubbing his skin and hair clean, but it was less of a feeling of being gross and more so a small rare pit in his stomach, simply indicating he needed to actively eat something for once and not just try and get by with pills, coffee and whatever passes for an egg omelet and toast now a days.

Walking into the bedroom with a towel around him, his hair a fuzzy mess from being dried with the towel, and then seeing Grocer still lying on the bed left him confused honestly. He'd assumed he was left already but whatever, he tossed his towel over onto the other's face. A seemingly playful gesture which left him laughing as he pulled it off his face to peep at Martin who already had pants on.

"You're fast about getting dressed." He told him with a smile, now sitting up as he looked at the other male.

"I'm in a hurry to get home Grocer.." Martin huffed out as he brushed his hair back with his hands, deciding he'd tend to himself better once home. Still, he caught glances over to the other, something in his pulling as his face heated up.

He eventually grabbed all his bags and held his hand out for the other to take, not fully making eye contact with him.

"Thank you for..making sure I was alright, safe and..not doing anything to me, or touching me than-" He was fumbling through what to say exactly, he was genuinely thankful, but the feeling of the other's hand against his was sending him into a frenzy. His heart was racing as was his mind as he began to struggle with what exactly to say.

"Thank you for not being a creep? You're very Welcome Martin, I'd be happy to help you out again." The firm grasp and soft voice are what sent Martin spiraling as he quickly nodded back at the man, before jerking his hand away as he raced out of the room as if he had someplace to be in the next half hour.

Which he did have somewhere to be, the airport but not within the half hour.

✩₊˚.⋆♤⋆⁺₊✧

Los Angeles was one of the few cities that Maetin was constantly wondering why exactly he chose this spot to set up his base of operations. No, it's not the sun or people he can deal with that it was simply everything else at times.

"Hi Marcella, any new jobs?" He groaned out as he entered the office, just arriving fresh from Mexico as he walked into his office to toss his bags down before entering back into the vague "Waiting Room" like area as he sat down.

The air was stiff as he stared at her, sitting with his legs crossed and leaning back while she typed away at something before looking at him. He looked a little rough, like he hadn't slept in a week but it was more so just the bad night and morning he had.

"I don't currently care about the job actually I have a question about..about relationships." He started, keeping a very calm look about himself, almost too calm since typically whenever he would return from these he went upstairs where his small apartment was, not directly into the office itself.

The building while very old, had an upstairs that was apartments and then this floor which was business, it would alternate between floors like that, and at times made Marcella feel like she was in some movie with a private detective more than sending papers and getting wire transfers for money for her assassin boss.

"Uhm..what- what about relationships sir?" She asked, as she leaned forward, her typing ceased as she simply looked at him with her head tilted curiously.

"Well, you know how do you tell you like someone I suppose?" He made a face waving his head about before his head came to rest on it, brows furrowing as he thought. "I think I like someone is all."

The silence that followed was deafening as their eyes locked. Martin seemed lost in thought with what resembled worry in his eyes but Marcella was just amazed he was..well capable of loving is all.

"Who? I'm sorry who is it you like sir, if you don't mind me asking?" She leaned forward with her hands clasped together, looking over him as she studied every little tick and nerve of his face. He was extremely hard to pinpoint, even after working for him for a few months.

"Are you familiar with a man by the name of Grocer?" He asked as he shuffled in his seat, sighing heavily from the mere mention of the other's name as his leg began to gently bounce in an almost anxious manner mixed with his frustrated tone and look made it seem like he simply didn't like the man, or maybe he liked him so much he hated him.

"Yes, sir he's on some files, he's also an..well he does the same work you do doesn't he?" She recognized him, knowing the name but never really seeing him in person. All she knew was Martin would show up angry over him at times.

"Correct, I ran into him and had a drink with him..I shared a bed with him because I was drunk.." The words fell from his mouth in the same sort of fashion as someone talking about the weather would have. Plain as day, as if he hadn't just broken something very important to her.

Sure, she knew her boss was a transsexual, she was the only one there to help him with his drainage systems from said surgery while he recovered and slowly at that. He might be able to push through a lot due to his work, but he takes a while to heal when it comes to..open wounds and surgery, vs a sprained joint or even broken bone.

She's never met anyone who could bounce back almost instantly from a broken arm, while being bedridden for a few days from a stab wound. Sure they're very drastic and different but most people have the same healing time and pain tolerance for everything, and while Martin never complained he was obviously in pain..

Especially after his surgery.

Which had led her to believe he'd pursue a woman, especially that Debi lady he just obsessively kept tabs on from his hometown. Now that was amusing, the fact that he was born in a small Podunk sleepy town around Detroit Michigan, and not some kidnapped baby the CIA trained since birth.

He hated Grocer though, why would he ever have feelings for him?

"Well, congratulations?" It came out more akin to an ask than a real congratulatory remark.

"Oh no, no we didn't have sex, I was drugged by somone and he simply cleaned me up, very polite and kind frankly, if he were a hotel I'd give him a five star rating." The way his voice barely wavered, barely changed as he spoke about the man he previously walked around the room rambling about how annoying he was and if he could he'd kill him, how he was now giving him a rating and saying he was nice.

Marcella never expected Martin to have anything short of questionable attachment issues, however, especially now when he smiled at the still hazy memories of last night.

"I think I like him Marcella, there's just..something about him While I was drinking last night I felt nice with him." He told her, smiling-

He was smiling over the entire thing as he seemed so happy to talk about him, even if it was just a small amount it was a nice change to his typical behavior.

"Well, Sir I think it's a wonderful thing that you've managed to possibly find someone new to..obsess over." She told him, his smile fading as he looked at her, suddenly leaning over to her as he sat on the edge of the seat his hands on the arms of it as he stared at her.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean Marcella?"

"Well, you just are very persistent that I do biweekly check-ups on this Debi lady and I feel I'll be doing biweekly check-ups on Mr. Grocer as well is all." She told him straight forward as he just stared at her in a haze before smiling again, standing as he shook his head.

"I can't even be upset with that observation because you're extremely correct on that..damn!" He sighed before leaving to go back into his office for what felt like hours until she walked in to tell him she had to leave for her lunch break.

The day carried on just like that. No more big surprises, no wild words, no nothing as the two of them just sat in their offices, and ocassional talked with eachother until it was time for the two of them to go home.

This routine in of itself carried on for a few more weeks, as it's not like it was new behavior from Martin, the only new thing he was doing was coming to her on occasion at the most random of times to still ask her about love.

Marcella had only ever dated people but nothing steady ever happened with her, and now a days she didn't even want to attempt to date. How do you try to get into the dating scene when you work for a hired gun? You don't, not in her book at least.

Still, she was as helpful as someone in her position could manage. Most of her experiences are from college which was far behind her now.

Martin, however, only had a high school sweetheart whom he's still obsessed over but now had a closer obsession, Grocer who was hard to find things on.

"Why don't you meet with him for dinner?" She suggested one day when he was going on a tangent about how he liked how nice Grocer was but was upset over the fact that he barely knew him. That seemed to be the pattern, he liked the guy but only because he was soft, gentle, and patient, kind even to Martin who she assumed wasn't used to that and craved it subconsciously. "That's typically what people do when they want to get to know someone, they have dinner with them, Sir..which involves eating real food."

"Oh yeah let me go to Illinois to meet him, so that I can gag myself on food Marcella-" He was laying with his legs over the arm of the chair and his back leaned aginst the corner of it, as he popped off to her about how he thought it was the stupidest thing ever, I mean really who the hell suggest he eats food? (People who care about him that's who..)

"Well, you could find a job for a local small-time political someone who has a hit to kill." It came out so clearly and fast that he shut up.

"..What's his party?" He couldn't care less what political party the guy was, and even in his case, he could care even less, since he had already made up his mind to take it..if only to track down Grocer.

"Republican, but that's not the reason, the reason is he's a pedophile and close to winning, make it look like a heart attack becuse he already has a bad one is the only request," She was almost too eager to tell him about the potential client, she honestly just wanted him back out of the office and to get either his crush, puppy love, or obsession out of the way or by some bizzar circle see if he could land the guy maybe then hed be..less whatever the hell Martin has going for him. "You can swing by Grocer's while there and have dinner!"

"That settles it, I'll take the job and head out tonight-"

"Wonderful! Now call me if you need me, and let me know how everything goes with both the job and Grocer alright sir?" She was so..chipper and excited when she spoke out to him, dotting on him almost like a sister hyping up her brother to go get some action and land a date.

Martin never had siblings. He had cousins but they were all much older than him, or so young they couldn't care about him. He also never really had close friends.

He wasn't a serial killer by any means, that implies he purposely kills without a purpose, and harms animals on top of it. He kills for money and tries his best to ensure no animals are harmed while he's on the clock.

Still, the fact that he was so detached while doing this to someone. The way he was positioned under some guy's hotel bed as he waited to ensure he fell asleep, made him feel only a little weird.

Then again he was just slightly impatient, he wanted to see Grocer for some reason, the man's face plastered across the inner lining of his brain now with hearts around it like he was some love-struck school girl creating a collage of some boy she liked.

He's still upset he can't stalk him, or well he could try, but so far not much was coming up for him which was driving him up the wall and stir crazy, while similar, they were ping ponging feelings of pure dread at times because what if Grocer was playing some long game and going to hurt him? What if he didn't actually like him?

He was amazed with himself, over being able to focus methodically on his job as he swiftly injected the man with enough of whatever natural concoction he had to induce a heart attack, while his mind was stuck on Grocer.

He thinks he'll ask him out to dinner, which sounded like something nice for once, food. Now all he needed to do was find out where exactly his office was, which he felt would be hell in the downtown Chicago area.

"What the fuck is that.." Martin took his sunglasses off, the too-early morning light that bled from the buildings around him gave him a headache sure but he was more focused on the sight before him.

An old 1970s police car, which looked to have been slightly revamped to fit whatever the owner felt necessary, (as in removing the police decals) was parked neatly out front of a two-story office building. Downstairs was work, upstairs he assumed to be like his own and held a small apartment.

'Grocer & Co. - Hired Work - Bounty Work'

The logo was painted clearly as day on both the window and the little doorway, and while Martin wanted to be ecstatic over finding the man, he was still so preoccupied by the car, who owned this damn car? What was he in, the new blues brother movie? It looked identical to the damn thing, as if you ripped it straight from the screen and just tossed it there.

He hoped with everything in him it wasn't Grocer's, seeing as a much nicer plain back car sat near it and just as close to the front of this place. Martin's sleek black car was off in the distance on the Chicago streets.

"Who owns a retired cop car-" He couldn't help the way a smile creeper on his face as he shook his head chuckling over it. It was a nice clean car, in great condition but the fsct of the matter was, he didn't know who would own such a thing. "And wanted the hell do I get in here.."

The front door was locked, and while he banged on it a few times no one came to it, so he took up going by the alleyway, a small fit but he managed. Unfortunately, the side door also didn't work, and even though he could try the fire escape he wasn't in that much of a desperate need to hunt down Grocer.

Maybe he wasn't meant to see him, some fucked up and twisted divine intervention, punishment for the fact he had been dreaming weeks before slowly choking him until his eye popped out of his skull like some horrifically fleshy human squeak toy.

That must be it, punishment for everything. He left Debi high and dry, practically left Grocer the same way, wondering why he wasn't being allowed to see the guy.

Then again knowing his luck, he'd lay eyes on him, that soft face and tender smile, and be filled with the sudden urge to choke him..he wants him on a bed choking, gasping for air, and begging for mercy-

Not that the guy would he'd probably just ask Martin what the matter was and to calm down, which was even more of an interesting thought. A man faced with death is calm and soothing to his assailant.

✩₊˚.⋆♤⋆⁺₊✧

The trip to Chicago was horrible. There's something truly horrific about the fact that there's food every five steps to Martin who can't stand the thought of eating half the time, and he was honestly excited after a while of not being able to locate Grocer, if only on the account that the man would have probably wanted to take him out to eat.

His new delima was..worse somehow.

"Marcella I'm NOT doing that for a job, the pay cannot be wor- WHOA-OHH!" The too recent memory kept playing back in his head as he slipped the sheer panty hose over his legs, a feeling he hadn't felt since being a young child, how they felt cold, wet almost with how cold they were aginst his skin, being tugged upwards over his knees as he found hinself softly hopping in place to pull them up on him.

The sacrifices one makes, and the way one gives away their dignity, in the name of a job..Although this job would ensure he could go get that last bit of surgery without fear, or rather if something went wrong and he wished to retire earlier than normal he could. 65K was an insane number sure, but a good 30K of that was convincing to wear a feminine outfit and dress like a woman to get close to the target, some asshole who ran a more than sketchy and shitty Casino here in Vegas.

Martin didn't like Vegas.

He didn't mind all the lights, the show girls, and gambling, he couldn't care less about the people falling over themselves in the name of their addiction, or to get that fix..but there's something about Vegas that he never liked.

Maybe it was the fact he got lost every time he'd walk into a casino, how they twisted him around, or the stitch of alcohol and fact he stumbled upon a dead man in the men's area a day prior while scoping out the place. He might be a slight psychopath, but you had to be a different breed to actively surrender yourself over to the Vegas lifestyle.

He just hated it, the sounds, the lights, the stench, the fact he was current in something more akin to 80s buinsiess woman who thinks shes hot shit wasnt helping him at all.

"I look fucking ridiculous.." He mumbled to himself, feeling silly in the outfit. The pantyhose matched with some flats, a leather skirt, and a jacket over a slightly frilly button-up blouse button up. He eventually put a vague amount of makeup on, mostly on his eyes which was normal for him. He did love his eyeliner, and a bit of chapstick but needed a bit more for all of his sadly.

"I look horrendous-" He whined out to no one in particular as he placed his gun on the inside of his body, tight against his shirt and neatly out of sight when the jacket was on.

He didn't like being perceived as a woman, he hated how he looked despite the fact that this wasn't for long he was also angry over the fact that he had to buy all this stuff, and for what? A job? Some quick acts of service for pay, he felt like a cheap whore in the capital of singers and scandal.

Martin wasn't sure what was worse, the fact he was playing baby doll eyes to a man who thought he was just the best thing ever, or the more dead filled feeling of seeing thst retired Illinois cop car again.

It was the same one he was sure of it, and while he knew people traveled he wasn't sure what the hell they'd be doing here..well no he's fairly certain what anyone could be doing here, it's called gambling and ruining their lives.

Still, it was a nice distraction to..everything else frankly. Mostly how he couldn't stand the way his clothes were rubbing against him, and how he was having to almost usher the guy to a private room he kept going on and on about. Just s few more steps and Martin could pop the guy off, just a few more steps-

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" The man lay withering in pain on the floor holding his nose from a previous punch he had taken just a moment ago from Martin who was now tightening his silencer over his gun.

"As stated it's nothing personal, just a highest bidder type deal honestly–"

There wasn't any bang, there wasn't any screams, no nothing just what sounded like someone blowing a dart, that 'Thoink!' Sound as the man now lay dead in some private room off to the side where he'd be found probably a week later, Martin didn't care he did the job, had the proof, and was ready to go.

Ready to go and take these damn clothes off, especially when he walked out onto the streets and had to pass by a different more lavish casino. Maybe it was his nerves, or the fact he was exhausted, or the lights. He was sadly a sucker for stopping to stare at the bright neon glow and smiling through it all. "Wow.."

He wasn't one to gamble, but who was he to deny himself a drink at s bar at least? He earned it for having subjected himself to the rathole he was in prior.

"Can I get your most expensive tequila, please? Double shot?" He slid up to the bar, being given the drink near instantaneously, tossing the honey-like liquid back as it burned his throat. 'Jeeze I even left lipstick marks on it fun..' "Hit me."

He wanted to forget he was in that stupid getup, forget about that dumbass cop car outside, he wanted to forget his name and fall into bed lister whimpering about god knows what.

On his third glass, he could almost feel that something changed, knew what was about to happen but brushed it off. There was no way one thinks of a name, of a person and they just appear out of near and next to you.

Yet the clinking of a water with lemon in front of him told him otherwise. Only two people knew he liked water with lemon, and one of them was in California. This leaves-

"Compliments of the man over at the other end of the bar."

Glancing over Martin found his face hesitating up to an ungodly degree as he suddenly ducked his head down, looking away. He didn't want him here, Why did he have to think about him- the one time he didn't want him anywhere near him, and he's dressed as a girl- AFTER he knows he's trying to become a guy, what's wrong with him? He knew deep down he should have never taken this job, should have never done this.

"Shy are we miss?" The voice rang out in his ears, making him shiver as he covered his face either his glove-covered hands not wanting to make any form of eye contact with Grocer who had very recently moved in next to him. "You know, I hear, it's more complimentary to get someone water than it is alcohol~" He had a way of talking fhst made his head spin, how it sent shivers up his spine in his current state as he whined out shaking his head.

How does he go about this? How does he..fix it? Deal with it? Anything of that sort. How do you sit next to the person you think you love, while simultaneously wanting to slowly choke them out?

Martin finally got the nerve to uncover his face, it was a shade brighter than normal as he gave s crooked smile out to Grocer who was just beaming with joy at him- at him. Martin doesn't know what hit him, but the idea that Grocer was actively enjoying seeing him so..dolled up, hell he probably didn't fully recognize him if at all, but the idea of him suddenly flirting with some girl and not Marttim himself filled with with a burning desire to fuck with him.

"Can I get you a drink too?" He raised his voice as best as he could manage, working with what he had as he gave a small smile to the other male who nodded excitedly over the proposition.

Before long they were both tipsy, giggling, and soaking up each other's words like sponges. Talking mostly about their time there, and s few vague mentions of "Traveling for work" that neither went into.

Hours passed well into the time sliding over into 11:30 P.M. as Martin finally took up drinking the lemon water, sharing it with Grocer who confessed he didn't like lemon water, "But I know you do Martin~"

He choked on his drink. The water got stuck in his throat as he sharply inhaled from the fact that Grocer caught on, or knew this whole time it was him. What ensued was a coughing fit.

"Oh jeeze sorry didnt mean to make you cho-"

"I'm going to strangle you if it's the last thing I do tonight Grocer-" Martin's deadpan voice hit the others' ears as a clear wanting sign for simply, shut up.

The two sat in silence, Martin shuffling in his seat as he ordered another double, two more before he could face Grocer again, eyes cast low and refusing to look at him with that sweet pink haze across his face from the drinks working on his nerves and body. He looked sweet like this, even under all those clothes and a little bit of makeup.

"Don't tell anyone you saw me like this alright?"

"I'd never dream of it honestly, but I would like to know why you're dressed in drag."

He couldn't answer that honestly. What's he gonna say, 'Oh it's for work-' which it is and he's sure Grocer's done odd things for the job to but nothing like this.

"I, umm..Work, It's I had to kill a guy.."

"Oh..do you often dress up to kill people in Vegas like this?"

"I-I don't often come to Vegas ~" He confessed out, a smile spreading across his lips as he talked while a chuckle erupted from him. His dark eyes met Grocer's two-toned ones. He became lost in them almost instantly, combined with the fact he was still being gentle with the man. "..You're so gentle with me I like that."

"I'm..I'm gentle with you?"

"Yes! You smile at me, and joke and..Just have a smile thst makes me feel like im not in the line of killing people.." Martin was beaming out to the other, smiling even more ss he spoke, taking the time to lean closer to him as well. "Makes me feel something odd in my chest, especially when there's alcohol involved."

There was no response, just that bright little smile back to him. The two were beaming at each other in some casino bar as they found the silence comforting, pleasant even.

Martin certainly found it rewiring, a combination of everything building up to the point he almost forgot how much he often hated the man next to him, then again they say alcohol does things to people.

He liked him, he liked how he would smile at him, with those two-toned eyes. How he had a look like a sweet mutt coming to drag him off to share shelter and food. There was something.. familiar and comforting about Grocer despite their stark differences.

Which led them to having dinner together, with a shock of seeing just how bad Martin truly gets over his food.

"I understand you're a picky eater," Grocer looked over to the other's plate of buttered pasta with hardly any red sauce, with a practically bloody steak next to it. A rare drink of soda and alcohol by the plste as well. He dreaded to think what his demands for dessert would be. "But did you have to get..plain pasta and a bloody steak?"

"It's been buttered with paper and red sauce, and a rare steak Grocer..don't hear me complaining about whatever you're eating." Martin shrugged it off as he twirled the pasta onto his fork and put it into his mouth, that lipstick he had on not being touched in the slightest as he ate.

"Whatever I'm eating? I'm eating a normal steak with potatoes and asparagus with scallops!" The way Martin made a face as if he were about to throw up from the mere mention of scallops, the fact that he just didn't want anything to do with Grocer's food was enough to sell the fact that he was picky. "How did you survive as a child?"

"I just barely did, I starved and whined a lot of the times before throwing up Grocer I don't think you understand it get physically ill if I eat that stuff," Martin explained, his fork harshly on the plate before him as he watched Grocrr slice a scallop in half.

"Here-"

"Do not get that on my- no Grocer stop it-"

"Seriously just take the damn thing-"

"No! I don't want your fucking seafood! What part of I'll hurl did you miss!!"

"Fine!"

The sight was comedic, the fact that Martin was smiling with a chest full of giggles as he held his plate up and away from Martin who was trying so hard to give him a piece of scallop just for the others to try, and decline to a shockingly severe degree left Grocer finding a new way to share his food.

One of those small plates for bread and appetizers, he placed it there with a single piece of asparagus, before handing it to Martin. The plate sitting near him, taunting him almost on what was on it.

"You were a kid, and unless you have an allergy or aversion, just try it..see I put it on a separate plate for you too!" Grocer was more than happy with his idea, as the other male glared daggers at him.

"Between you wanting me to ruin my pasta and my outfit I'm gonna kill someone else tonight," Martin mentioned it as a sort of genuine threat, yet the way he found himself smiling across the table as his heart swam in his chest was unmistakable. He liked how Grocer put it on a separate plate for him, reminding him of when Debi would separate things for him at lunch on occasion.

Ultimately the half of a scallop and single asparagus wasn't touched until after he finished every bit of his small meal. Martin didn't eat much, or when he did it was very..plain, it had flavor but it was plain. He didn't like the idea of too much with his food, sometimes it was too much, especially when he was already inside a restaurant.

"It's..chewy.." It was all he managed out as he ate the scallop, the flavor and all akin to a fishy butter more than anything he could think of. "It's like a buttery piece of rubber-eugh." A more than juice part filled his mouth as he almost gagged on it. Pushing it aside as he just horribly swallowed it down, chewing food, washing it down with his Long Island iced tea, the second he's had. He handled the alcohol perfectly fine, but sometimes tells him that the minute he goes to stand he is a goner. "Asparagus is fine.. wslo kinds chewy-"

"Everything's chewy to you!"

"Yesh well it tastes like I'm chewing a spring twing off a tree-"

"How would you know what that tastes like?"

".. I'm not getting into my childhood with you-"

"Did you eat wood as a child?"

"I- look, listen I did a lot of stuff as a little kid that's more than questionable-"

"You ate twigs as a child."

"I DID NOT! God, it was a pine twig they're different-"

"That's worse than what I imagined-"

"SHUT UP!" A swift kick from under the table made the other stop his fun back and forth between him and the dark-haired male who looked ready to kill him again, despite the smile on his face his eyes seemed to shine with a sense of anger and something else he couldn't place.

He liked seeing Martin all worked up, how the other would freak out over the most minor things while Grocer himself was fine for hours and with anything. Thats what set them apart, the fact he m coukd be extra spontaneous and go with whstever, while Martin could do thst he still needed some vague idea and structure.

"I'm proud that you ate that, and didn't vomit." It was such a small thing, to be proud of the fact that he ate something he didn't really want or care for but the positive reinforcement had the other floating in a dream-like haze.

"Hmm~ maybe I'll let you buy me dessert."

"What oh what would you eat?"

"Well, isn't it obvious? Raspberry cheesecake."

Of course the man's idea of a dessert was something as simple as a raspberry cheesecake. Which he ate up happily, even sharing a bit with Grocer who confessed he wasn't fond of raspberries.

The casino restaurant's air filled with that familiar chatter, as soft music played over the speakers, the air between them swimming in a haze between them as a check was paid, while Grocer led Martin out to the outside for some much-needed air. That cool feeling devoured his burning face from his drinks and flustered feelings towards the man next to him whose hand lay gently on his lower back.

"I like this, could get used to it~" Martin softly hummed out, his head coming to lay on the other's shoulder as they walked on to what he assumed was one of their cars.

"Hmm used to what? Me helping your drunk ass walk-" Grocer's hand slid further, it came to rest on his hip, a feeling of warmth rushed through Martin who erupted into a fit of giggles.

"I'm not drunk~ just walking funny, I feel fine." He told the other, that a familiar retired cop car was showing up in his view, a smile creeping on his face. "Who do ya think owns that damn thing?"

".. It's mine, Martin.. that's my car." True to the statement. The car beeped to show it was Grocer's, the fact that he was telling Martin to get in.

"I am not getting into that."

"Oh come onn~ it's just a car!"

"You own a stupid-looking, why do you own the blues mobile!? You own the god damn Blues Brothers car!!!" Martin took up waving his arms around, completely baffled by it. Nothing about Grocer made any sense to Martin, especially the fact that he owned a granted normal 70s model Illinois cop car, but the fact of the matter being..well it's almost identical to the Blues Brothers car, and he knows that car anywhere. He had watched the movie a few too many times for the point he could quote it at times, and could shamefully sing all the songs.

"And?" Grocer was next to him now, the door is opened for him to get in, with Martin standing his ground of not wanting to get into the car still. "Oh come on, you make it seem like it's some horrible thing."

"I don't want to get in the god damn blues mobile Grocer!" Martin felt his face heating up in that familiar embarrassment, along with a sinking frustration over the other male who was trying to get him in the car.

"Oh and why not? Not sexy and sleek enough for you Martin?" He teased out, referring to how Martin was dressed, how he looked in the current moment covered in sheer pantyhose, and leather.

"N-No! It's just I- look in don't-" He started to stammer out, both wanting to choke him out and have insane sex in that stupid car. But it's not like he's going to fully admit that, even if Grocer was pushing every nerve and button on him.

"Then why it's a car Blanke!" His voice rose and something in the other snapped to the point he turned to him, eyes fiery with anger and what could only be described as embarrassment-filled lust-or maybe just horny. He looked akin to some feral cat in heat.

"I JERKED OFF OVER ELWOOD AND WANTED TO FUCK HIM IN THE CAR OKAY!?"

The silence that followed was deafening, all Martin could hear was his pounding heart and breathing, while distant traffic raged on and other things filled the air, but between them it was silent.

"I hate the car, and I hate you, because I had to watch that movie nonstop because my mom was obsessed with the film.." He began, a hand coming to slowly grasp Grocer's front as he suddenly yanked him close. "I as a hormonal teenager, got the hits for Elwood, you own his fucking car, and you remind me of him-"

"Isn't that a bonus–" Grocer got cut off but held a sly smile on his face the entire time.

"Shut. Up." He spat out, pulling him closer to his face, now inches from the other's face. "It's not because it just isn't..now just, drive me to my hotel or something." He shoved him away, face flushed as he ducked into the car, slamming the door closed.

The ride was quiet, Martin remembers he was picked up at his hotel which was right next to the casino, but he couldn't walk that far, not in the state. The short drive was doing something to him however, the car was as nice as he always dreamed of, and he couldn't help how he enjoyed it. It was the car of his teenage horny daydreams, so why wouldn't he be enjoying it?

Pulling into a parking spot near the hotel is what finally set him off for the night. The feeling of his clothes, the scent of Grocer, the fact he was in an extremely nice car which smelled so nice and was rather clean.

"Here's your hotel–"

"Shut up."

Martin pounced himself into the other's lap, not sure how to navigate being in one again after all these years, so he took up sitting sideways as he crashed his lips onto the other's. A fire in him burning as he showered messy lipstick marks all over his face, as he let out soft moans after every other kiss.

"Hmm~! God, I thought you wanted me dead!"

"I do but I want you first because I'm so worked up~ have been since our time in Mexico ~!!" He confessed, more kisses being plastered all over the other who leaned forward pushing Martin against the steering wheel, the horn going off which caused him to jump back in shock. Giggling over it, before pushing Grocer against his seat, it carried on like this before the two stumbled out of the car in a haze of emotion.

✩₊˚.⋆♤⋆⁺₊✧

"Ah! Jeeze stop biting me damit!" Grocer shouted out to Martin who was on top of him, teeth grazing him often, over and over until he finally sank his teeth into his shoulder over his clothes.

Martin's skirt was raised, the hem resting around his hips as he straddled the other male, shoes discarded somewhere in his hotel room as his mind became hazy with need as he placed more and more kisses being hap haphazardly placed all over his face as more nips were taken here and there.

Martin didn't know how to..properly express his affection, how to be "Normal" by most people's standards. Sure he had an extremely strange and questionable profession, but he also didn't know how to express himself at times. He always became obsessive, so caught up in the idea, everything of Grocer and other things he liked that it became dangerous, like it was now.

He loved him.

He wanted him.

He wanted to kill him still, for all those headaches he's caused and to ensure no one else could see him.

Martin sat up, staring at Grocer as he smiled, gloved hands coming too wrap around the others neck gently. He was rambling about something but Martin didn't hear any of it, more focused on the idea of wrapping his hands around the others neck, as his hips slowly moved aginst the others.

"I said did you ever do this with any girlfriends? The whole..humping thing~" Grocer purred out, his hands falling to either side of Martin's hips, to try and guide the other to grind against him, having a feeling Martin wasn't much to mess with himself nowadays, and maybe he hadn't ever had sex. The most grocer knew was that he had once upon a time jerked off, and in a previous run-in into he mentioned having dated.

"Shut up."

"What?"

"I said, Shut. Up!" His eyes were wild as his grip tightened around Grocer's neck. It wasn't particularly in any sort of sexual manner, not meant to bring the other male pleasures and was in more of a manner he'd use on a client, on someone he'd be pinning down to kill.

There was nothing romantic about it, but Martin was wet from it all. The way his heart pounded in his chest as he focused solely on how his hands wrapped around the other's neck, how he was pinning him down onto the soft hotel bed, the way his chest was fluttering as his abdomen churned with pure pulsing pleasure from doing this.

"You talk too much and it's annoying you know that?" He told him, his hips grinding down, and against the other's crotch, feeling his dick get hard under him as he humped him like some horny teenager that just discovered the arm of a couch, or the back of it even.

The movements carried on for what felt like longer than it should, Martin's grip on Grocer's neck tightening ever so often as his voice grew in volume, how his movements became more hurried and frantic, and before long martin convulsed, a more than noticeable wet patch shared between the two even though only one had came, and another harsh bite from Martin onto Grocers shoulder as he shivered cumming over the others crotch.

He was so..quiet the entire time, as if he were just using him to masturbate. Sure he moaned, but it was softly, and grew to a normal volume, and only got loud once, although it was more high-pitched than loud. The way he was grinding against him and treating Grocer like some human-sized sex toy.

Now he was lying over him, sprawled out on top of him, legs still on either side of him as he shivered, teeth buried in the other's shoulder and clothes. Grocer was finally able to breathe a little more normally again as he gently moved his hands off him, slowly moving Martin off of him who with a gentle tug of his hair, released his grip on him.

"You done?" He asked, a hand coming up to cup the side of Martin's face who looked blissed out of his mind, smiling a dopey smile back.

"Hmm..No, but I can't do much work anymore..tired but want more..Wanna cum again~" He whined out happily, smiling to the other as he felt Grocer begin to help strip him.

They were both a little on the tipsy side, but Martin was a thousand times more sober, more coherent this time around when he was being stripped. Not to say he wasn't that one time but he could now almost..enjoy the little touches and movements.

How gentle and careing he was when he tugged on the fingers of his gloves, taking them off finger by finger, a sweet moment of thier hands entagling before Grocer placed their forheads together, a gentle kiss shared between the two as he slipped his hand over Martin's blouse as he tugged at the little bow up top before unbuttoning it.

Another tug, while lifting him brought his jacket off with the blouse, which got discarded off to the side somewhere in the room. Grocer of course discarded his top half of clothes, the older male's body sending Martin into some bizarre frenzy of what he assumed was just as he moved to plant a kiss down his neck, only to bite at him again as he held on tightly to his sides gushing over his sort of dad bod he had.

"Hmm~ let me shower you with some attention Martin~" Is all he told the other as he laid him back onto the bed, tucking a pillow underneath his lower back, slipping the skirt off with the stockings as he accidentally ripped them when he got a little impatient with them.

"Oh- aha.." He gave a half smile which made the other laugh, even as he shivered with anticipated pleasure from being completely bare in front of Grocer once again.

"I dont need them its fine~"

Grocer only hummed back in response, as he ducked down to be between the other's thighs, his face being buried deep in his crotch, as his trimmed bush only lightly tickled him. Licking a strip up from base to tip as he parted it made the younger male gasp out in pure pleasure as his body instantly shook.

Martin hadn't ever had sex, not in this sense. Debi wasn't ever interested in giving him pleasure like this only receiving on her end when they'd attempt it on rare.. occasions, but it was awkward. Martin was barely a guy in her eyes for several reasons and he was another awkward teenager like any are.

So to be gently praised, touched, slowly stripped, and even able to have his way around first with Grocer was something so new to him, so foreign that his instinctive response was to simply gasp out as he whined from the pleasure.

It tickled.

In some strange sense, the hair tickled as his face came into contact with it, still keeping it brushed to either side as his tongue did all of the work. He was still too slick from the orgasm he just had, the way he withered beneath from the simple touches was amazing to him.

The best thing was his little surprise, his small, but very sensitive dick. How the minute he took it into his mouth, Martin let out the loudest moan he could manage. How guttural it sounded, straight from his chest as his throat struggled to release the sound as he almost tried to move away from how pleasurable it was.

He'd never felt something like that, how warm the mouth around it felt as he shivered, moaning out as he tightened his legs around Grocer's shoulders, his hands getting tangled in the sheets as those electric sparks fluttered inside of him, over and over again.

It didn't take much to make Martin cum, he was blessed with an almost too sensitive vag that grew into an easily hard on a lot of times if he let his mind wander which led to wet pants and slick folds on him still.

So it didn't take long before the first orgasm wracked through him, that tight coil bursting apart as he moaned out, unable to even speak as he quivered beneath Grocer who didn't stop sucking on him and lapping at him as if he were a meal for a starving man.

"Eh-eugh-G-G-oh my fuuuck-sto-sto-" Martin couldn't form a single word, his body burning with each little tick, each gentle grazing of teeth around his small dick as he shook with that coil forming rapidly again, causing him to simply become hard in his abdomen as he started thrashing around the bed. No matter how hard he tried to move away he couldn't escape the sweet blissful attacks that were causing his eyes to gloss over with tears of oversimulation.

Another orgasm wracked through him, his third one, and still he wasn't being given a break. He was crying now, tears streaming down his face as he tried to push the grocer off to no avail, it wasn't til this coil formed again and he found his little bit of motor skills to work in his favor as he painfully dug his nails, his hands into the other's head trying to push him off.

It wasn't until he wailed out, from one last orgasm did he finally got that sweet release from Grocer who was more than happy to have given him so many pleasurable sweet orgasms, but Martin looked like he was worse for wear. Tears streaming down his face, his body burning and his heart pounding in his chest, his mind foggy with want, a kind of want he didn't know what it was exactly but he wanted something.

He wanted Grocer not to do that again.

"No more, n-no more.." He mumbled out, pulling himself away weakly, legs still open since closing then caused sparks of over-sensitive shocks to wreck through him to a painful degree.

"Sorry, sorry I- just tasted really good and I love doing that~" Grocer softly spoke out to him, coming behind him to hold the other who was panting, his face red as he finally allowed himself to relax a little bit.

"Well I'm sore now..and I can feel how hard you are great I-I can't do another round Grocer.."

"You don't have to right now, just take a break, you're allowed that you know..breaks Martin."

It carried on like that. Martin would get overstimulated from Grocer doing god knows what with his mouth, hands, anything, and then Grocer would be gentle about receiving his pleasures, which was Martin's first time doing any of this, especially these many rounds. He's pretty sure he was just tiering him out so that when he did manage to cum, Martin wouldn't be pleading for more..

"Oh-Oh~ oh god oh, hmm~" Martin was being gently trusted into, which his entire body loved to react to it seems. He lost count on the number of orgasms he's had since getting on the bed, he stopped counting after he squirted all over Grocer's hand in an act of pure embarrassment to himself.

The little sparks of pleasure were different this time as he lay there on his back, Grocer gently pushing deeper into him as his hand came to rest on Martin's crotch to give him occasional stimulation. He wasn't going to neglect him, although no it was few and far between he was being teased with the touches, edged even.

"Fe-feeeh- hmm, ah- ah-" Martin was on autopilot, all he could do was lie there in a drunken tired state as he giggled through occasional thrusts, and attempted more words only to manage moans instead. He didn't grasp why he was reacting this way outside of the fact that he'd been spoiled with about if he thought hard about it 6 orgasms? It felt like more because he kept whining about it, but never really denied the fact that he wanted them.

Human nature, he being horny, it all was the same thing, he hadn't masturbated in what felt like a year, months really, and tonight was his time to be hopelessly showered in affection, and cum until he forgot how to speak..which he was already to that point it seems.

Grocer's pace slowly became more methodical, as he sped up as he felt his orgasm approaching him, and felt how Martin felt tightening, then loosening around him. The feeling of how tight he was getting, combined with the fact that the younger male was getting restless beneath him was a sign that he was going to cum again soon, and grocer could let his orgasm wreck through him as well.

"Don't-don't cum in me-" Martin suddenly mumbled out, the words just barely getting past his lips as he stared at Grocrr through half-lidded eyes.

"Wh-what?"

"D-don't, don, oh god, fuck, hmm, hmm cum in meee-" his sentence was broken up when he tried to tell him again, but he still couldn't understand him.

"D-dont, dont cuum- ah ah- Oh god, Oh god Oh-OH CUM IM ME!" Martin's body tensed up as he clamped down on Grocer, effectively causing him to go over the edge instantaneously as he pumped several more frantic times into the other male who was riding out his orgasm. Their lips crashing against each other again as he shivered from feeling his seed splash against his inner walls, a feeling of pure disgust filled him but he couldn't do anything at that second not until he could get his words out.

"Get off me-"

"Oh come on I just cam-"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" Martin began to slap at him, trying eveything in his weak power to get him off so he could stumble to the bathroom, the feeling of cum leaking from him make him sob out in a mixture of pain, sadness and pure and utter disgust as he wobbled to the shower, effectively falling onto his needs and making a humiliating discovery thst he couldnt walk from all his activities he just did.

Grocer could still walk, he walked right next to him, gently pulling him up as he set him on the toilet for a moment before running a much-needed shower for them both.

"*sigh* Just push it out Marty.." he told him, and while that was easier said than done at times, he managed to lessen himself in such a way that helped the cum leak out of him. Didn't change the fact he was openly sobbing on the toilet now.. "Why are you crying it's not like you can get pregnant- I don't have an STD jeeze!"

"IT'S GROSS! It's gross okay!? And I have a fear of being pregnant- that can still happen fuckface! I still bleed now and again!!!" His voice came out shrill, full of pure and utter panic as he did so, staring at Grocer with his big brown eyes full of tears while they twisted on the water to head up.

"...Martin you're worse than a mentally unstable teenage girl who just had sex for the first- OW WHAT THE HELL!?" He got the small plastic trash can thrown at him, which he honestly deserved that he guesses. He'd be angry and upset if he were in Martin's spot he supposes, The idea of having a kid is a bit much, let alone with..martin.

Silence washed over the two, before long they managed to take that shower, the warm water doing wonders for them both especially Martin who removed that little bit of makeup he still had on.

He hoped he got it asked out of him, but maybe Grocer was right, it's not like he can get pregnant, not like that's really a high chance of possibility.

Besides he had other things to worry about, like how he was being showered in soft gentle kisses from the other ss they now lay back in bed, the sensation of a fresh shower and a warm gentle embrace causing Martin to drift away quickly, but not before he heard the gentlest of, "I love you."s spoken out to him.

✩₊˚.⋆♤⋆⁺₊✧

"Four and s half years you know." Martin was looking at Grocer, who over their four and a half years together only showed him why you shouldn't ever get with someone. "Four and a half fucking years, and you not ONLY! Missed out anniversary, couldn't even call me, you you-"

"Martin calm down you're gonna give yourself a migraine again."

"CALM DOWN!? We're married you moron! You want me to calm down!? I expect something nice for once and and what do you suggest?"

"..sex, I suggest we have sex again."

"SEX! EXACTLY! Is that all I am to you!? A-a little fuck puppet for whenever you wanna cum in something!? STOP TRYING TO GIVE ME ALCOHOL DAMNIT!" Martin grabbed the glass, throwing it against the wall as it shattered, the liquid leaving its mark on the wall while he glared daggers into the other male before him.

They'd been going back and forth like this for the past two hours.

Grocer forgot to call to tell him happy anniversary, it was something small but the day prior, and the day after were all acceptable times to tell Martin happy anniversary, The same went for Grocer since they didn't always know each other's time zones despite the fact they were married after that.. Interesting night in Vegas together, neither ever took up living with the other.

The closest they'd get was.. visiting each other at their offices and making out on their respective desk, which Martin was more than embarrassed about since on one or more occasions Marcella had walked in on them feverishly making out like a couple of desperate teenagers.

Sure it wasn't all that at times. Grocer had the worst Fax service known to man and when Martin got shot in the side once, and his arm broken, the fax arrived at this user's time, and before Martin could even fully wake up from all the drugs in his system while at the hospital he had Grocer standing over him, ensuring he was alright. That led to Martin getting special treatment, a direct line set up (which he effectively had to ask Martin to set up since he didn't understand how to do any of it) which led to them laughing over it all.

It was nice, they had nice sweet, soft little moments, especially when Martin talked about adopting a cat. Very fitting for him, a little cat. Black cat for the man in Black.

Yet the marriage was horrible. They really only got married due to a hangover, more drinking, a night martin now called, "Full of regret and tequila" and some bizzar affect of a shameful feeling after waking ul..hungover relzing he hsd sex for the first time with somone he wanted to kill. That was another thing.

Martin couldn't stand him most of the time. He was..too sweet whenever they were near each other, too nice, and knew how to push his buttons in such a way that made him not only try to fight him, but it turned him into the most flustered mess known to man. He could be holding s gun and totally lose it and not even shoot, all because Grocer did something to set him off.

He loved him, he stalked him, got made when others flirted with him, he loved him so much he wanted to kill him.

Grocer, however, loved him. Was he forgetful and liked sex? Yes, but he liked giving it to Martin who was the real horny one. Was he forgetful? ..yes of course.

Which is why they were having a screaming match, or rather Martin was screaming, yelling, getting it all out of his system while Grocer sat quietly.

"Martin calm down-"

"YOU'RE A SELL-OUT TOO YOU KNOW THAT!?"

That's what broke it, what made Grkcer shoot up from his seat as he grabbed the other's shirt. They both held a deep burning hate of sorts in that current moment in time, neither backing down, neither wanting to deal with the other, and that's what made it so amazing. Their inability to realize that sure they hated each other at times, they were perfect for each other. 95% is perfect first other..5%, not so much.

"I am not a sell out Martin."

"Oh yes you aaare ~ you fucking sold yourself out to contract work like a little bi-HMPH!" Lips crashed against his before pulling back, the movement causing Martin to almost short-circuit as he mentally rebooted himself. He'd never gotten used to Grocer doing this for him, getting him so worked up just to kiss him, he didn't know why he liked it but he did, Not the anger and everything it gave Martin a headache, but Grocer found it cute almost endearing at times.

That night they were falling over each other in a hotel, the earlier motives of sex coming true as they found their bodies tangled with each other and Martin getting his tie treated kike some leash to be yanked and pulled on, letting Grocer take the lead 100% tonight. Yet that thought lingered in the back of his mind the entire time.

'Why?'

Why do this to himself? Why let him forget thing, be in a relatively lifeless, sex filled marriage under s name he doesn't use anymore with a man whos name he now thinks wasnt even on thr certificate fully, why let him spilling his seed into him so often only to wash it out and cry about how gross it it, why not kill him?

Why..

The sex was amazing thats why, and he loved his smile, he look in his two toned eyes, and everything about him, but he couldn't keep doing this especially with hoe he for s rare instance didnt race to empty the cum from himself, it partially having to do with the fact Grocer was ontop of him still for a while before pulling out and falling asleep next to him.

That was another thing..less aftercare and he hated it..

Slipping the ring off his finger he placed it on the night stand, a small note under it from the hotel paper he found beforre he slipped back into his clothes and out, not wanting to see him unless it were on accident for the forseable future.

' Grocer, I can't keep doing this, we'll see each other again for work only GoodBye - Martin Q. Blanke. '

#grosse pointe blank #martin q blank #martin x grocer #john cusack #dan aykroyd #grosse point blank fanfic #john cusack fanfic #dan aykroyd fanfic #my fanfic #trans male character #insanity and fun #smut

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mikeyway-creates · 2 months ago

Text

Silly Willy

A Bobby Dadin/Connie Francis fic! So yes very RPF, ans highly self indulgent, making Bobby trans and the two having a sweet little relationship. :3

Summary: For a boisterous man with a kind heart and wonderful way of charming and speaking, one would asume Bobby Darin could sit his current girl down and give her a rundown on his..problems and how hes a bit more than meets his outwardly aperance.

Yet, everytime he tries something comes up and ruins the mood- leaving him losing track of time, and inevitably rushing off a TV program to lay down and be ill.

Thankfully, Connie is much kinder than he ever thought possible, and real understanding- even if it lands him being teased gently by her.

Notes/Warnings: Use of the word Transexural, mentions of having a period still, and wearing panties and a pad. Sickfic- Bobby Darin throws up and there's menrion of such, dizzy spells and all. This is pure fiction, and bobby dsrin was not trans, but did date Connie Francis for a while. Made for self indulgent reasons and to cope. Not Beta Read.

When switching on to the all too lovable and familiar Band Stand program, and seeing the array of singers, one never stops to think twice about them. How their clothes fit just right, and how fun they are! After all, it's typical for teenagers to watch anyway so..eh, they don't pay much mind unless they swoon for one or two guys, which was the whole point.

Other programs however, need to have an eye for the details. They need to make sure their guest look extra well, especially if there will be more talking than singing or dancing- but even in those cases one must look quite presentable and not in rough condition. Not that anyone on the Ed Sullivan show was ever shabby looking, unless it was of course a part of their..odd character, or for a skit even! No- quite the contrary, everyone typically looked their best.

Which brought us to the latest display of anxiously getting ready for the show, awaiting his turn to come up on stage with his latest and most beloved girl, Connie.

They met on the band stand, ans did a few shows together- but oh Bobby couldnt get enough of her. Maybe it had to do with the fact they both have thst sweet Italian blood pouring through them, or maybe it had something to do with the fact he just loved how sweet she was, he didnt know but..but oh he adored her so dearly, but couldnt ever find that moment to tell her the truth.

The sweet duo had been going steady for a while, manging to dodge most allegations of dating easily, but there was an anxious inducing problem bubbling in Bobby whenever they were compleatly alone, when kisses turned more passionate as thier body's fell into eachother, he often found himself feverishly pushing her off him and apologizing over and over about how he wasn't quite ready, or didnt feel like it.

He's more than thankful she's been understanding, those soft brown eyes glimmering in the light with a soft smile before laying on him to play with his hair. Something told him she was more than sweet for this, but he wasn't sure for what frankly.

So here he was once again waiting to go on with her and do a sort of small duet, and felt every single nerve in his body tense up before his big preformance.

Not due to any worry or fear of being unable to preform no, no it was becuse he asked Connie to speak with him after the show.

And no sooner than the two got on stage and were introduced did he find himself struggling to find the right words. How do you explain something like this?

That was the hang up with dating, especially when he found snd fell for a perfect girl. How she would be so sweet to him and adore him, and he'd do his dance around the bush of worry and fear, before falling over and busting his ass, making a total fool of himself infront of her as she stormed off.

He couldn't help it back then, it was somehow worse back before he got enough money to manage things, dating life and all. Yet, Connie never minded how shy he would get about undressing, how he covered himself, and tried to shield her eyes and all from any view, even a hint of him naked.

She found it, "Silly, but in a cute way!" Is what she told him once, and thats what sparked his new worry and need to tell her the truth. He didnt have the heart to keep lying to her.

"Connie..Connie-" He was trying to figure out how to get her attention again, his hands dancing air around him as they faltered around and then would become stuck to his sides as he tapped them, dancing behind her. She was speaking with someone but he needed to tell her before he lost his nerve again. "Excuse me, Connie dear, I hate to be a bother-" He spoke up for her to hear, only to get a finger on his lip and a gentle face that told him, 'Not now' which made his heart flutter sweetly. He couldn't interrupt that, not when she pulled that little trick with that smile after mouthing the word 'Shh' to him.

A while passed, and while he felt hazy, in a dream even, he also knew he needed to tell her, and as the time ticked on slowly he lost the nerve to tell her. Instead of opting to play it off as asking her to dinner, maybe he could have a private seat in the corner and gently break the news to her- or even. After dinner! That's be best. Later that week they'd go to dinner together, and he'd break it to her what a plan.

Sadly for him the plan went up im flames.

Not literally speaking, there were no physical flames at the restaurant, but just everything kept going bad that day. He woke up late from preforming even later the day prior, he had the wrong day for his dry cleaning to be delivered and was forced to wear the again, nights prior clothes which was fine but he liked being cleaner than that- then the reservations got mixed up, he was hounded by girls on the way there it was just not his night.

Connie? Oh, she had a wonderful day, and the fact that she was so chipper and eager to see him only soured his tired mood further, even more when they explained they didn't have the meal he wanted.

"Oh, come on Bobby, I'm sure it'll be a fine evening!" She told him happily, a smile on her face and sweetness in her voice which could melt away his worry and woe, but tonight was amplifying it tenfold.

"Jee, I'm sure it will be Connie, but the fact of the matter stands I'm stressed alright? And today's been a very rough day..and very exhausting day." The voice came out in a bitter cocktail of exhaustion and matter-of-fact. He loved her he did, he knew she meant well but he was exhausted and didn't know if he could handle trying to tell her, trying to explain and navigate her reactions.

So he didnt.

Dinner went about as expected too- Seeing as they both grew to laugh and get the giggles during the evening before crashing when they got to Bobby's, or rather, He crashed and she was left to sit up and smile over him, her sweet exhausted man.

The next day he tried to tell her over breakfast but got distracted when she told him about a magazine article about pipes and of cource that piqued his intrest, but his sleepy eyes even with coffee in hand wasn't wanting to cooperate over the table as he squinted, which lead to him muttering about needing his glasses, which lead to her giggling about him needing reading glasses.

The week carried on like that off and on. He'd get this grand idea of coming out to her, some romantic soothing evening planned, and then get thrown a curve ball, or something out of left field that put something akin to a broken hose kink in his plans. Not just his bravery and all getting suck- if felt like it was leaking out of him and he was losing more and more each time it passed.

He couldn't stand it, and before he knew it, it was the end of the month and thats not all that bad outside of extra exhustion, but through his haze and panic he neglected his calender, his more private schedule and calender more and more.

Bobby got careless even. He was stuck in some horrible loop where he was working himself up day and night to confess to Connie about what was between his legs, or the total lack there of, and how he still bleeds and wouldnt be able to have kids a normal way, he loved her so much he wanted to tell her his deepest fact about himself, to hold her hands and tell her, see her eyes when he spoke to her.

He was so caught up in the fear of being rejected by someone he was killing himself over to keep around, to even just see for a few hours a day, that he neglected to keep track of his cycle.

Hormonal therapy be damned to hell and back, he still bleeds and had the worst cycles ever, often debilitating him. Sure he can take a bunch of meds he does that already at times- but no..no that can get him through a show or two- but once he's off stage? He's out. He's gone for the night and won't be back until the next day and no one will hear or see from him in between the hours of the aforementioned shows.

"Bobby! Bobby- You're on!" A stage hand called to him as he felt a sharp pain shoot through him, the feeling causing him to wince as he shouted back a response. "Be right there!" Was all he managed out as he gritted his teeth from another sharp pain.

He never thought adrenaline could work you up so much that you don't feel pain, he also didn't figure or know that..well he would be so nauseous today.

He didn't have any meds, nor could he find anything to do frankly, he was standing with a bunch of tissues stuck down his pants and prayed he could do this short TV special and hightail it back home, but something in him told him it wasn't gonna be that easy-

Or maybe that was the pure nausea. Being this level of under the weather has the same effect as a gut feeling, even a bad case of the jitters. He didn't really get either all that much, so he's assuming the pooling feeling he felt was nausea telling him not to do the show.

Especially when he walked past everyone and got a waft of their scents mixing with the air and other things. The studio had a strange scent to it already, wires, rubber, a specific odd metallic scent, and whatever cleaner they used, with a lingering smoke and cologne or perfume from folks.

Everyone also had their scent, and smoke ans just it was a lot it was a lot to Bobby as he forced a smile on stage with the blinding lights making his head spin as he cleared his throat before he began to sing.

He was set to sing a more popular and normal song, so he took up singing 'Splish Splash' since he was doing this for TV sure, it was also a small charity show for fittingly teenagers' health awareness so why not play a couple of songs the teens liked from him?

He made it through the song just fine, and got to take 5(due to a commercial break thank god) for some water, while trying to rest up he felt his abdomen cramping and he couldn't help but give out a whine and shakey breath as he held and tried to put pressure onto the spots where his ovwries lay. He was in hell, and felt weak, like he just got roped into doing a marathon and was prepared to lay down on the cold dirty floor if it ment a moment of rest.

"Are you alright Mr. Darin?" A sweet stage hand asked him, and he tried his best to nod but the movement made him want to vomit and cry. "I-I'm fine, yes, just a little under the weather I'll be alright." He reassured her, but before he could recover, he was getting dragged off again and started singing, 'Hush, somebody's callin' my name' When he felt his stomach starting to betray him, along with the rest of his body.

"Hush~ Hush~ Somebody's callin' my name~!" It started fine, he could ignore the pain in his abdomen that was causing horrible cramps to wrack through him, unable to fully save face the entire time as he felt his knees get weak as his hands became clammy. A cold sweat wracking through his body as wave, after wave of pure pain and nausea wracked through him making him feel both hot and cold, he could almost feel the fever appearing on his cheeks. "I hear a voice so~ Sweet an' Clear! Callin' me Angel and a Honey Dear~"

"Whoaa~ Hush Hush WhoaA~ HUsh Hush~!" He started mentally cursing himself whenever he'd hit a sour note, the combination of pouring most of his energy into trying to focus on singing and properly standing without pulling any funny faces as he attempted fo keep time by snapping his fingers was proving to be one of the most difficult things he's ever tried doing, especially with the sheer level of agony he felt at this moment. He felt like he was standing on pins and needles as his body ached, knees and legs feeling like jello and swaying under him as his stomach churned with a warming making him sweat as his abdomen and lower back worked together to cause him the most agony ever as he cramped. The blinding lights and his head felt off too, he needed to get through this song and fast so he could leave.

"Somebody's callin' My naaame~! Whoaa~ won't you huush? Somebody's callin' my naame~!" He sang out, managing a steadier tone but it wasn't long after he felt his world falling in on itself. It wasn't until he felt the blood pouring out of him, did he fully registered how..humiliating this felt. How he was terrified to bleed through his nice slacks, how he was sick to his core and had a sinking fear he wouldn't be able to finish this. He had sweat beading on his head he would dab away but he knew he wasn't doing well, and he's fairly certain the audience and the carma crew knew too.

"If it's the girl I've been-a Serchin' for-*ahem* I-I'll tell the world I-I won't a s-serch-" His head began spinning, as the lights felt brighter than before, that familiar dizzy and lightheaded feeling crashing over him as his legs felt numb from how weak they were as ringing sounded in his ears, causing him to try and grab a nearby microphone stand in some poor excuse of steadying himself- as he crashed onto the floor with a loud 'Thud' panting and shaking.

Someone came to help him back up since he wasn't responding, the dazed look in his eyes told the studio crew and host he wasn't well, especially after the nice young woman from earlier confirmed he wasn't doing well during a short commercial break. "Mr. Darin? Mr. Darin-" Someone was asking him as they forced him upright, and helped him offstage. His steps were wobbly as he managed to string a sentence together.

"I need a can- trash can, i-im gonna puke-" He rushed out, a hand flung over his mouth as his body convulsed on its own accord, his eyes watering as another hand came to cover his mouth more, vomit rising and getting locked in his mouth but filling fast as he suddenly stumbled to the nearest trashcan where he proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach.

He was coughing into the bin when he heard the distant announcement that they'd suddenly gone off air, or had gone off for a while now, which was understandable seeing as he not only suddenly collapsed on set but was now hurling into a trashcan not far from everyone. Dignity? He wouldn't know what that is currently..

"Bobby what the hell was all that about- ohh..jeeze you look bad." The producer and host were going to scold him, probably assuming he was hungover but seeing the very non-intoxicated state and more of a sickly, and ill state told him that the man was just sick, and bad.

"I-I think I got,*gulp* god- got food..food posing, my-my stomach- i-it hurts hmm-mm baad-" Bobby wasn't lying about his pain level, he was genuinely sick to his stomach and kneeling on weak legs as he hurled continously into the trashcan, unable to get much out outside of pain sounds and gags as he convulsed with every gag which the motions only made him push what he hoped at this point was piss- he'd rather pee himself from being so sick than push blood out and have that sort of accident.

"Okay, okay well, we're gonna get you home and resting alright? No show tonight or tomorrow if you're still sick by tomorrow? Go to a hospital please." Bobby felt himself getting helped up by two people, only to start vomiting again into the trash can. He felt awful as he whined, shaking before he even managed to respond.

"Th-thank you- an, and sorry about this, and..and the can-" He tried to get the words out, feeling genuinely bad for causing a total ruckus of a scene with everyone and for such an important show too. He felt horrible and wanted to try and continue but he couldn't, and that combined with everything that was happening made him feel so..small and alone- embarrassed and like some failure.

"Bobby it's fine! I think your girls' waiting to take you home anyhow, lookie there!" The hoast happily told him patting his back as he gestured towards the bright sweet angel come to rescue him.

Sure enough, Connie stood by a beam, holding his coat and hat for the cool weather outside to help him home, smiling as she gently swayed, the sight easing him before he felt sick again, hurling one last time before he was certain that nothing else would be coming up outside of gags or anything of the sort.

He had to tell her tonight, because if he didn't, there'd be a whole lot of questions as to why he was suddenly bleeding and so calm about something like that happening. After all, its rare and few between that one meets a guy who can just outright bleed out from..down there and be ao calm about it- or we'll hes not calm hes panicking internally and shakey while he leans on Connie for some mild support as they made their way to the car and into a little apartment..

Still, he didn't know what to do.

The car ride there was...quiet, she assumed because of how sick he was, meanwhile he was paranoid about bleeding in said car, and also worried about puking again. Nevertheless, she was more than happy to rub his head, and help him relax, hold him, and guide him insane after a while.

They were at his apartment and he felt like he was going to chicken out again, faint again rather as he leaned against a wall and started trying to rush Connie out the door- as if she would ever leave him to fend for himself in this state.

"Bobby, you're sick! There's no way you could convince me to leave- even if you had something like the mumps." She teased him, her finger coming to gently boop his nose as she helped him further inside. "Why don't I get you in the be."

"I-I need a shower.." He blurted out, feeling an uncomfortable amount of blood in between his legs that was making him feel worse somehow.

"In this state Bobby?" She shot back at him, a more baffled look of concern than anything as he just held a sad worried expression, lips pursed together in a line as he nodded.

"N-no its just that I well- I *ahem* I think I..when I was puking you see-" it's not like he needed to actively lie, she would have belived he wanted a bath regardless but the idea of trying to explain thst he could be alone to change was a vague comfort to hinself..Sadly she wouldn't let that happen.

"Oh you poor thing, well I'll run you a bath rather. How about that? So you can sit down.." A gentle kiss to his forehead before she started towards the bathroom had him suddenly falling over himself as he raced to try and get her to leave- why wouldn't she just leave!?

"Well no I-I can do that look Connie I'm better now you can go on home-!" He was suddenly next to her leaning on the wall, a pained expression painted on his face as he gasped out from the sharp feeling wrecking through him as he whined out. Not selling the fact that he wanted her gone due to his fears.

"Robert Cassotto! I'll be damned to hell and back and stricken down by God before I leave you alone after you fainted on stage!" She scolded, shouting back as her finger came up to him, waving it around in a more than scolding manner that made him look away as he whined. "Why don't you want help Bobby?" She suddenly asked him gently, seeing the pained almost scared look in his eyes. "It's just food poisoning you said, it's not like that's contagious.." She gently explained to him.

"It," His eyes met hers as he finally took her hand in his, for the first time in a while he felt a little less anxious about it all of a sudden. This was Connie, she was one of the kindest women he's ever met, she would be more than understanding surely. "It's not that, it's not I'm..I'm" he began getting stuck on whst exactly to say, hoe to say he was a transexural who was bleeding out, and ill becuse he neglected his damn calender.

"I'm.. I'm not what you want." Is all he could get out, all he could manage as he looked at her with tears in his eyes. " I'm not the kinda guy that can, can give you kids Connie, I'm not the kinda guy that-"

"So you're infertile! We can always adopt~!" She chipped out, hands cupping his face as she wiped away the tears and kissed him sweetly. "Bobby there's nothing you could say that would ever drive me away or make me like you any less.." Her gentle voice was like heavenly bells on his ears, and he couldn't help but cry more as he shook from it.

"Connie no, no, I-I'm not I-I'm..I-" He broke out in a sob, as he slid down the wall, curling up to cry as Connie sat in front of him. He didn't seem to want any comfort right at this moment but she still held his hand.

"It's okay Bobby, it's okay..take your time dear." They sat on the floor for a while, and he simply grew silent, as he managed to look at her again. He seemed so..broken, and distraught over whatever it was he was trying to get out.

She offered to run his bath, to which he only gave her a hummed response and nodded, as he watched her work the magic that was running a warm bath for him. She was even extra nice and added some bubbles and salts she found, assuming he'd want the full at home spa treatment after all of that, her eyes catching something under the sink where she got said items from but she didnt say anything, just looked to Bobby with that warm smile she held throught the evening.

"Connie..do you know what a transexural is?" He asked suddenly breaking the silence, now sitting on the closed toilet lid as he whined from the pressure and pain, feeling sick from how it felt in him as he undid his tie and started to slowly take his clothes off, mostly the top half.

"Yes, I believe so, they're those..those people that change their sex right? The gender..sex thing? Boys become girls and women become men!" She told him with a smile, she'd met a few herself and they were just so sweet, she didn't have a problem with them. She didn't understand it all, but it doesn't mean she'd be rude to them. "Why do you ask? Do you think one poisoned you~?" She chuckled out as she pressed their foreheads together and kissed him, helping him with his shirt as she slipped it off.

You'd have to be oblivious or blind to not see his scars that ran across his chest. How it was perfect from one side of the chest, where one's breast could be, and stopped neatly in the middle.

"..Is that a new heart surgery method?" She teased, gently tracing it with her fingers as he smiled. There wasn't much said but she almost knew what was about to come out of his mouth, or something along those lines anyway. The way he'd been acting, how sick he was, what she found under the cabinet and in the medicine cabinet too, everything. It made..well it made sense to her, not often a guy like Bobby comes around, so of course he's keeping a whole secret deck of cards in his sleeve to show off to those closest to him.

"No Connie.. it's not that no," He told her their eyes meeting and while she was happy he felt scared again, especially as he fiddled with his belt before giving up and howling his head in his hands.

"Let me." She offered softly, helping him undo the belt and his pants, his hands shaky with anticipated fear as they held hands. She gave a small giggle, but made a face at the spot barely noticeable in the crotch of his pants. "..Are you a transsexual Bobby?" She softly asked him, smiling as he stayed silent, his hands being pulled away from his face as he looked at her.

"Would you care if I were one? If..if I bleed like a girl and get sick? If I couldn't please you like any other guy? If..If I can't give you children?" He asked, his eyes glossy with love and worry as he spoke, holding his breath as he awaited her response.

"Bobby, I would love you if you were a girl, fully and completely, I'd love you if you woke up a cat one day- I love you more than anything Bobby..regardless of what you do or don't have and can or can't do." Those were all the words he needed to hear before he lunged at her, embracing her as she gave a shrill fit of laughter as they fell onto the tiled floors. Bobby nuzzling her with his nose and showering her with kisses and kisses, and gentle nips feeling more than just a bout of love- he felt as if he could pluck stars just for her.

"You've made me the happiest man in the world Connie~!" He cheered out to her as he placed a kiss on her cheek, pulling her close to him as he just showered her in kisses as she gently began to teasingly slap his hand away and shoo him off of her. A playful smile on both their faces now that the looming topic was no more.

"Well, I'm glad you're the happiest man in the world now Bobby~ but the happiest man in the world, needs to get in the." She stared at him as he playfully whined, almost forgetting the fact that he was probably bleeding through his clothes now.

"Jeeze, don't remind me..probably ruined my pants..definitely my boxers." He sighed as he slipped out of the racing bits of clothes, and sure enough, he had bled straight through his boxers. "I don't think I can salvage these.." He said, punching them up as he got a bit of blood on his hand before simply tossing it in the trash can.

His pants could be saved maybe. Some strange remover and hydrogen peroxide can get rid of the blood almost completely..plus it helped that it was a bit on the darker side.

"Ooh~ ohh that's hmm..oh Connie you know how to make a guy feel like he's in heaven~!" He called and sang out to her from the warm water, and soppy bubbles brushing up against every part of him. He was beyond comfortable at this point and couldn't help but feel his heart swaying and mind easing up as that aching pain calmed itself down from the warmth engulfing him. "Connie.. anyway I can bribe you to get some stuff out for me after I'm done?" He asked, opening an eye to peek at her as she leaned on the sink across from him, smiling over him as he soaked up her bath efforts.

"Not at all, what does my Bobby need?" She asked out, smiling as she did so. She had a way of talking to, even if he wasn't looking at her, you could hear the smile in her voice, and he adored her more than anything.

"Just.. can you get some..some meds and clothes out for me, please? A-and..and a pad..please?" He scrunched his face up as he sank lower into the tub on that last note. He felt silly about it still- what guy needs a damn pad on?

..Him, he does, and theres nothing wrong with that, is what he kept reminding himself of yet it felt futile.

Especially when he got out of the tub.

On the bed lay his clothes, the less-than-fun underwear he kept around for putting said pad into. He never liked how the things worked, its always reccomended you get a sanitation belt to keep it in place but he finds that having the panties on and sticking it in there while in a pair of pants kept it still all night! ..Then again its not as if hes doing much while bleeding, unlike others, especially the women who wear dresses mkre often than not.

Still he'd rather die than buy a belt for the thing, just a while longer and he's getting his uterus out anyhow, that way he won't have to deal with buying a box of pads from the pharmacist and feeling like he's getting some horrible illegal thing- like weed in broad daylight it makes him feel like that no matter how many times he lies saying they're for his girl-yeah the girl HIM-

"Uughh..." Bobby groaned out as he covered his face again. The panties now snuggly on him as they slightly clung to his form, and the overwhelming urge to simply curl into bed and die came over him. He didn't even want to take the meds, he didn't deserve them after making such a fool of himself-

"Bobby come on take the meds handsome~" As if she could read his mind, Connie popped up with a warm cup of tea, and had sinxe changed into some of Bobby's clothes for the night, not minding the fact his shirt was extramly baggy on her as she guided him onto the bed to drink the tea and take his meds.

He hummed out as he swallowed the pills, the warm tea a nice change to his typical water or whatever else he would drink down the pills with- once he used his spit that..was the worst.

"Hmm-! Wanna hear a funny story?" He suddenly asked her as he snuggled in closer to her, a smile on his face as he did so.

"Sure, what's the story?" She asked back, as she pulled him to lie against her, still sitting up, just enough so that he could still drink if he wanted.

"Hmm~ cozy- Ah well so- aha hold on...it is but isn't that funny." He was beaming already as he drank up the warm, sweet, tea with its calming effect and lavenderish scent. "This was a year or so ago, but I had..an accident like today and needed a bath..Well, I did all that but the story is, I needed meds right?" Tilting his head back to look at her with a smile to see if she understood what he was saying, led to him getting a gentle hum in response.

"W-well I was so out of it, that I brought the meds to bed with me after I got my..my panties on-" He couldn't help but get quite as he let out a snicker. "Don't look at me like that I can't help it!" He scolded her.

"I didn't even look at you in any certain way!" She reassured him, leaning down to kiss his cheek which made him flash her the most dopey smile ever.

"Well, jee I feel better already~ hmm..Oh, I aha, I lay down and realized I was so sore and sick that I didn't wanna get back up for a drink..took them with my spit-" He confessed the odd story to her. Sputtering on his last bit of words as he giggled over everything suddenly.

"Bobby!! That's horrible!" Connie playfully slapped his leg in a scolding manner which made him laugh more.

"I never said it was good, just said- said I found it funny~" He beamed out, taking the last few sips of the warm tea as he hummed out in joy, his tongue darted out between his lips to lap up the last remaining bits of sweet liquid that seemed to calm him greatly and keep him warm. "This made me all warm and- *yawn* sleepy feeling." He hummed out, as Connie took the cup from him.

The feeling of having his head gently rubbed, as the covers were pulled back. The soft covers and sheet with the warmth of a quilt left him craving more as he wiggled into a spot, a more than comfortable spot under the covers. His head fell comfortably onto the pillow beneath him, as he came over to curl around Connie, pulling her closer as he buried, nuzzling into her neck as she was pulled down to be closer to him.

"Hmm you smell nice~" He murmured against her skin, kissing her softly as he reached over her to grab something, a soft, 'Click, Click, Click!' Filling the air as he turned on his heated blanket. " 'S not that cold, but it helps my cramps and back I hope you don't mind.." He murmured as Connie opened her arms for him to lie on her chest.

"Oh, I don't mind at all Bobby~ whatever ensures that you feel better my sweet." Her voice was so soothing to his ears, and she would play with his hair and gently rub his head.

The lights were down low, the blankets pulled up to their necks as the heated blanket ensured they would stay warm throughout the night. Bobby was asleep on Connie as she held him in her arms, the two the most picture-perfect example of being in love.

And being in love? Well, Bobby was positive that's all it takes to love someone wholeheartedly, especially after the more than rough day he's had, now being held secretly and comfortably by Connie.

#fanfic #old hollywood fanfic #old hollywood rpf #old hollywood #singer rpf #bobby darin rpf #bobby darin #connie francis #trans bobby darin #my fanfic

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