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You still haven’t entered the void state because you know it is possible

Sabotage, procrastination, laziness, doubts, fears — they’re not signs that you’re weak. They’re signs that you’re way too close to success. The paradox is this: your reactions aren’t trying to protect you from failure. They’re trying to run from the inevitable success. From the power that’s already starting to show itself.

And every time you call something a “failure” it’s just you proving to yourself that you haven’t fully accepted one simple truth yet — your success is inevitable.

You’re not afraid of failure — you’re afraid of success

It sounds like a paradox, but the truth is, most people aren’t scared that nothing will happen — they’re scared that everything actually will. You know it: if you truly enter the void state, everything will change. Instantly. Your life, your surroundings, you — everything will rearrange. Too fast. Too massively. And you, as the ego, are afraid of that.

And every “failed” attempt is just your way of avoiding that success — because as a limited ego, it’s hard to accept that everything you’ve been living your whole life was nothing but a soft, shapeable illusion, so easy to bend.

Admit it — it’s kind of mind-blowing, isn’t it?

Laziness, doubts, and procrastination — they’re a defense mechanism

When you say things like: “I couldn’t enter”, “I fell asleep”, “I got distracted”, “I didn’t feel focused enough” — that’s not failure. It’s a response to a deeper knowing: “If I go all the way — everything will change.”

You’re just not quite ready to leave your comfort zone yet (but you can change that easily, believe me!).

You’re close — even closer than you think

Every time you “didn’t make it”, you were actually standing right on the edge of entering. And if you realize that laziness or doubts aren’t obstacles, but the last stage before success. It’s the moment when you’re almost in the void, and all it takes is to let go — and you’re inside.

Just understand that you’re not afraid of the void, you’re afraid of your divine and all-powerful strength. God, isn’t that beautiful! You’re afraid… of yourself! But not as the ego, as the almighty creator.

So, what now?

Now understand this: every time you “failed”, it wasn’t because you “didn’t try hard enough,” but because you were scared of your true self — the creator capable of manifesting anything, in the best form, instantly and effortlessly.

And now just do it. I believe in you! Believe me, it’s not scary at all. You’ve got this. And yes, it’s way easier than you think. You’ve just been living the illusion that you could be “bad” or “not trying hard enough”, “lazy”, when in reality you were just scared of who you truly are. You were simply afraid of your own success. Don’t complicate it. I’m with you.

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My honest confusion with non-duality + manifestation:

In the non-duality manifestation space, I keep hearing that “you already have your desires because you are your desires. You are everything.”

And okay — I get the idea on a conceptual level:

If I’m everything, then nothing is outside of me. So I don’t have to go out and “get” my desire, because I already am the version of me that has it.

But where I get stuck is… how does this actually apply to my real life?

They say “You’re not meant to do anything because you already have everything.” But if I already have everything, then why don’t I see it?

Why does it still look and feel like I don’t have it?

It’s really frustrating because I want to live a happy life. I want to understand this. But no matter how many times I tell myself, “I have it” — I still go to sleep in the same room, live the same day, face the same problems. So… now what? Am I just supposed to carry on in this life I don’t enjoy, pretending I’m in a different one?

And then I hear:

> “You’re experiencing this life because you’re identifying with it.”

“Nothing’s changing because you keep affirming it’s not changing.”

So I’m like — okay, should I change my thoughts? what should I change them to?

But then again im like wait… I thought thoughts don’t matter?

I thought I’m supposed to detach from thoughts, from identity, from methods — and that it’s all just about “being.”

But how do I be something I can’t see or feel?

How do I “just know” when my brain is screaming that I don’t?

And isn’t saying “I have it” still a method? How long am I supposed to keep saying it for, especially when I don’t believe it?

It all starts to feel circular — like no matter where I go, I hit another contradiction.

And then there’s this whole idea of becoming a new version of yourself.

Let’s say I’ve been Lara for 15 years. I’ve lived Lara’s life. I’ve thought Lara’s thoughts.

Now I discover non-duality and decide I want to be Lola.

But how am I supposed to suddenly be Lola when all of my life still reflects Lara?

I still go to Lara’s school. I have Lara’s friends. I live in Lara’s house.

Even if I say, “I’m Lola now,” Lara’s world is still right in front of me.

So… am I meant to ignore it? Pretend it doesn’t exist? Keep saying I’m Lola until the world eventually matches?

Wouldn’t that be… a method too?

And even if I try to change my thoughts — how do I just change them?

Lara’s thoughts are wired into me. I’ve been conditioned for 15 years.

Is that just supposed to fall away because I decided one day “I’m different now”?

And if I ignore everything around me, what about the real responsibilities I still have?

Lara has school to go to, people relying on her. Can she just stop showing up for that?

I’m not rejecting these ideas — I’m just honestly confused about how to live them.

Not as a theory. Not as a philosophy. But in actual, day-to-day life, as someone who’s grown up with conditioning, a personal identity, and practical obligations.

Everyone says “just be.”

But no one explains:

What am I being?

What am I knowing?

How do I embody something that feels completely opposite to the life I’ve always lived?

How do I balance this with the fact that Lara still exists in the world — at least for now?

If I'm not supposed to use methods, not supposed to rely on thoughts, not supposed to change anything or "do" anything… then truly — what do I do?

ok im gonna try to answer this as best as i can

1. "But where I get stuck is… how does this actually apply to my real life?" - it sounds like you're still separating by calling it your "real" life. but what makes it more real? just cause you can see it? the core of nd is that there is no separation, so already you're seeing it from the wrong pov by saying your "real" life, implying theres an "unreal" one.

2. "But if I already have everything, then why don’t I see it? Why does it still look and feel like I don’t have it?" - why are you so focused on if you see it or not? your knowing is ALL that matters. if i told you you had a million dollars in your account, but you couldnt see it, would you still consider yourself poor? no, you would know you were rich. you have to stop giving sight any sort of importance bcs its truly meaningless.

3. "But no matter how many times I tell myself, “I have it” — I still go to sleep in the same room, live the same day, face the same problems. So… now what? Am I just supposed to carry on in this life I don’t enjoy, pretending I’m in a different one?" - so you're saying you have it, but you continue to recognize and claim the fact that you dont have it. thats the issue right there. its not abt how many times you tell yourself something, its abt what you KNOW. knowing isnt a thought. its not a belief or a feeling. its just your being. and based on what you wrote, it looks like instead of knowing you have it, you only know you dont. and again, youre saying "pretending," which goes right back to you not thinking its real. stop with the separation.

4. "But then again im like wait… I thought thoughts don’t matter? I thought I’m supposed to detach from thoughts, from identity, from methods — and that it’s all just about “being.” - you're right, thoughts dont matter! it only matters if you IDENTIFY with them, which is what you're doing. i can say 50 times im bald, but i know thats not true, thus thats not my reality. but youre saying you dont have it, taking that as fact, as YOUR knowing, so it reflects.

5. "But how do I be something I can’t see or feel?"- being = awareness = knowing. its the same way you know your heart exists even tho you cant see or feel it. theres no secret, its just being aware of what was always there

6. "Even if I say, “I’m Lola now,” Lara’s world is still right in front of me. So… am I meant to ignore it? Pretend it doesn’t exist? Keep saying I’m Lola until the world eventually matches? Wouldn’t that be… a method too?" - yes, you ignore it. you stop giving it power. you stop claiming it as YOUR world and you continue to know youre lola. thats not a method bcs there is no procedure. you're simply being. but you're seeing it as pretending, which lets me know you dont actually know its yours.

7. "And if I ignore everything around me, what about the real responsibilities I still have? Lara has school to go to, people relying on her. Can she just stop showing up for that?" - ignoring doesnt mean you stop doing. it means disregarding. refusing to acknowledge. if lara has to go to school, who cares? you know your lola. nothing changes that. thats ignoring

8. "What am I being? What am I knowing?" you're being the you that has the desire. not the one thats waiting for it, or hoping for it. you just know. same way you know youre a human. you dont do anything to know, you just do. you be.

9. "How do I embody something that feels completely opposite to the life I’ve always lived?" - its hard, i know, but only you can do that for yourself. ask yourself if you really want to continue living in the old story. if not, then you need to lock in. dont give up. refuse to take no for an answer.

9. "How do I balance this with the fact that Lara still exists in the world — at least for now?" this is your issue, you still see it as real existence when its not. just because you see it, doesn't make it real, only what you KNOW does. what you "see" is just an illusion. an old story. an echo. it has nothing to do with you so dont give it importance.

10. "If I'm not supposed to use methods, not supposed to rely on thoughts, not supposed to change anything or "do" anything… then truly — what do I do?" - you just be. you decide the new story and you stick to it. you know thats your truth. how to know if you rlly know? if you're aware of the fact that you have it and you're refusing to entertain any idea that says you don't. thats knowing. thats being.

i hope this answered all ur questions!!

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You know I am always thinking about the immense trauma dump he's forcing on his hive-mates. Inspired by a joke I made to someone in my notes.

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ੈ✩‧₊˚ But i’ve been persisting!!

well shut up because no you haven’t!!!, when we mean persist we don’t mean repeat “i have all my desires” 10 billion times a day, we don’t mean sit there and force yourself to think of your desire all day. IT LITERALLY JUST MEANS YOU AREN’T TAKING “NO” AS AN ANSWER OR A FINAL OUTCOME. literally what half of this community is doing is taking “no” as their answer or finality. you guys are so damn hellbent on a time that doesn’t exist, you guys are persisting to GET something. and before you say “i persist every day and see nothing” well buddy thats your assumption and you’re going to have to figure it out.. i wonder WHY you aren’t seeing anything. (hint; go back and reread what i quoted in blue for you then you’ll figure out WHY you aren’t seeing anything!!!) if you were actually persisting you would’ve had what you wanted years, months, seconds, hours, days, weeks, minutes ago.

how to persist; literally just remind yourself that whatever is going on—YOU STILL HAVE WHAT YOU WANT.

this can also follow along to that affirm and persist concept which i hate so much. it makes some users ESPECIALLY NEW USERS—have or develop a thought process of “okay if i affirm xyz 190,000 times a day that means im persisting in it and i will get my desire” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. if you like that concept i wont bash you, i just like to follow my own way or rather that regular way, which is just decide what i want -> have it and persist in the KNOWINGNESS that i have what i want RIGHT NOW. (because i just said i did.

do not say you are persisting then proceed to do the opposite of what persisting actually requires you TO DO.

be stubborn when you persist, be stubborn to whatever or whoever tells you what you can and can’t have, ffs BE STUBBORN, SLAM THE DOOR ON ANYTHING THAT TELLS YOU THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO HAVE SOMETHING. THATS ALL WHAT PERSISTENCE IS. YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE BIT STUBBORN.

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It still surprises me that people are still reading my stories. I’m debating on rewriting them as regular books but we’ll see what happens.

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"I don't want to hurt you..."

"I don't care if it hurts... just make me feel something other than this!"

They didn't believe in destiny or fairytales, but they know that they can't live without each other. What happens when two outcasts find love and safety in one another, and what happens when someone tries to take that away from them?

*Trigger Warning: Heavy Violence, Mental Illnesses, abuse and mentions of abuse(physically,sexually,mentally), mentions of suicide and suicide attempts, rape, attempted rape, murder,character death, language, depressive themes,sexual content.

This is not gonna be some cute love story where everything goes right and no one gets hurt. Some people will die. Some people will be physically harmed. Houses will burned down. I understand if some people won't read this and it's okay. You don't have to. Honestly I just really need to write this story and get these thoughts out. Not gonna lie, it's gonna get dark. I'm tapping into my emotional and mental thoughts and experiences. It's not my life story but it will have elements of things that happened to me in it. I will most likely cross post this on Tumblr and AO3. I'm gonna work on the first couple chapters over the next few days.

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I can’t wait for the fic that I’m going to write after this fic I’m not writing because I still have to finish another fic (which I can’t seem to focus on).

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Uhhh non-writers/non-artists don’t interact

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posting your fic on AO3 like

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Reblog the writers’ fortune cookie for luck!

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Photographic evidence of me trying to write today

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Constant Artist/Writer mood

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Me: I wanna write!

Me: I wanna draw!

Me: I want to be productive in life!

Also me:

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I have so many story ideas and 0% patient or drive to write them.

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When you have the perfect idea for fanfiction but would rather read it than write it

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Thinking about rewriting my Family of Our Own and posting it to AO3.

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Update?🥺

Sorry hun. I'll try to get something out soon.