mindfultwig-blog

[mindfultwig-blog]

Travel Dream

A year ago I was embarking on a journey back to myself. Little did I (or anyone?) know the events that would unfold in 2020. I was derailed from my travel dream and faced with an incredible amount of pain that was somehow countered with joy. I honestly cannot believe I am using those two words in the same sentence, but that is my truth. Eventually I will get to the pain, the joy, and all the miscellaneous emotions in between, but I wanted to start the recollection of my experiences by reminiscing about the journal entry I wrote the morning before boarding a plane to Australia:

In light of a new chapter that begins today…

I said my goodbyes, packed my things, and am headed out on a long overdue journey to Australia. The last six years are a chapter I often wonder if I am ready to close. I learned how to be a simple, fun-loving human. I lived in a small mountain town, had a beautiful community of friends, experienced red rocks over and over, learned to snowboard, hiked, biked, climbed, played sand volleyball, started drinking coffee, and fell in love.

But even with all of that magic, I continued to be distant and unhappy with myself. The questions swirling in my mind were standard thoughts like— “Where am I going?” and “What am I doing?” And then the deeper questions such as— “Is this place pushing me?” Or “Why do I feel stagnant?” And the big one— “Why am I choosing the well-being of other people before myself?”

As those questions continue to linger, here is what I do know— My life is not black and white. I tend to day dream and though it takes time, it has always led me to extraordinary adventure. I am spiritual, but in a way that I am still exploring. I am unsuccessful at separating others energy from my own. I am a human that has felt deep depression and endless anxiety, as well as euphoric happiness and unconditional love. Though I have felt an incredible amount of support with my decision to go, I have also faced guilt and anxiety on the daily, making this transition far from easy.

Knowing this, I want to practice honoring myself. Loving myself. Allowing space for mistakes. Allowing space for emotion, spirituality, and most importantly, allowing space to see who I truly am apart from outside influences.

Sometimes it takes a change of place for a change of person and that is exactly what I hope to bring to fruition.

Long story short, here’s to the next chapter—To choosing myself, new adventures, new perspectives, new growth, and a new outlook on life. May whatever void I have had for so long be filled.