mindovermatterismagicc

[mindovermatterismagicc]

and all of a sudden it is the summer of 2025.

life goes by so fast. and so much more unexpectedly so. i wouldnt know what to tell that vivaan who wrote all these posts today, i wished for a different ending too man. but thats okay, you did our best and you have better things ahead of you at all times and i wouldnt be so mentally present if it wasn't for the things that happened. you'll be okay, afterall. you'll dream again someday and sometime, it will all truly work out.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

and i dont want you back anymore, im over you and done for good. i did not deserve to get discarded the way you did me. i just want an explanation. i did not deserve to be thrown away like this, after i put my heart and soul into you everyday even when you didnt want me or even talk to me.

now i sit here and wonder what was this all for? i wonder how you could just give up on me like this. where did the girl who cried to say goodbye to me go. how did all those things you said in those letters just tear apart and lose their meaning. the pinky promises we made with tears in our eyes, all mean nothing.

it makes me feel like i never meant anything to you, i feel forgettable and stupid.

i dont think ill ever be fully able to understand

[mindovermatterismagicc]

now i sit here and wonder what was this all for? i wonder how you could just give up on me like this. where did the girl who cried to say goodbye to me go. how did all those things you said in those letters just tear apart and lose their meaning. the pinky promises we made with tears in our eyes, all mean nothing.

it makes me feel like i never meant anything to you, i feel forgettable and stupid.

i dont think ill ever be fully able to understand

[mindovermatterismagicc]

I'll be a better man for her.

I'll be a better man for her.

I'll be a better man for her.

I'll be a better man for her.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

labryinth of love

labryinth of love, an unraveling destruction of mankind. with you, it's as simple as I can find. love that doesn't consume, a cool breeze in the middle of June. And the constellation of erotropia exists in the midst of july, crowded between the hasty stars of gentle kisses. A hug: a colossal explosion of two neutron stars I reminisce.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

as I carry the box of a pair of clothes, my slippers, my chargers and a toothbrush. I catch myself stood at the gate of an old 3 storey decolourised building in South bombay and the realisation sets in. It's the summer of 25' and here I am pretty much ready to move in with the girl I prayed id get, a girl who liked my reel on my fanpage. it's been 2 and a half years of being apart but now I don't have to write these words on tumblr anymore or I don't have to call her to wonder if she's asleep all those prayers, every tear, every minute on google meet, every good morning text, every high and low has paid off today, and i can see her waving to me signalling me to come up on the second floor, she's busy wondering what am I doing just standing at the gate but in my mind I thought of all the years before and in my heart all the life I have waving at me.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

I was going to write that i have a feeling it's coming soon and things have felt better recently but I'm going to end up jinxing it and feeling like shit so no 🥲

I was sitting on the window seat in the train and i thought to myself.

I'm such a blessed man, there are so many people out there in this city so many people have what I want exactly but so many more don't. the fact that other than having a beautiful girlfriend so many people dont have so many other things in life and still live happily everyday but even though here I am with so much more and when it comes in respect to you just having someone to talk to is more than what so many people have like just the feeling of love.

I love you so much.

I hope I can see you soon

[mindovermatterismagicc]

I was sitting on the window seat in the train and i thought to myself.

I'm such a blessed man, there are so many people out there in this city so many people have what I want exactly but so many more don't. the fact that other than having a beautiful girlfriend so many people dont have so many other things in life and still live happily everyday but even though here I am with so much more and when it comes in respect to you just having someone to talk to is more than what so many people have like just the feeling of love.

I love you so much.

I hope I can see you soon

[mindovermatterismagicc]

you look so pretty when you wear indian.

im just so in awe always, i hate the fact that people will see you in indian and think youre cute but they cant have you so i win still

but yeah you looked so pretty last night baby.

when you wear indian it makes me miss you so much, you can tell by my reaction even though this isnt the pink kurti you wore w me its stuck to me. i miss you so much.

its sad to see you fix your jhumkas yourself, its my job :( i was doing it 3 months ago and it lead to our first kiss, so magical.

but yeah i miss you so much

and just like every 80 posts on this account, i miss you so much, please come home soon.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

the way it keeps getting worse 💯💯

this is the worst ive felt since the 17th july.

i dont know why but im hurting so badly, ive cried more times than fingers on my hand. its only made me realise how sunny the days were when i was with you but its never been the same since and its been at an all time low lately. it sucks to have let you go, its 3 months since today. its crazy to see how high and low things were and are three months ago and today. 3 months ago i was there to buy you your jhumkas but today you have to send me pictures on whatsapp. my heart is aching i dont want to cry anymore but i cant help myself to everytime. why man just why did things have to be like this. when will things get better. god are you watching this? how can you see me cry so much everytime and only make me feel worse everyday. where are the brighter days? im glad it doesnt get to you like it gets to me, i hope youre happy and i hope me crying so much isnt putting you off me, im sorry, i dont have anyone to cry to, i can cry by myself. when will i get over this? i dont want to pass this energy onto you, im such a fucking loser. im tired of writing sad entries. fuck me, im such a piece of shit.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

all these words, all these tears, all these prayers

please be worth it, please dont let it all go in vain.

i hope someones listening.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

this is the worst ive felt since the 17th july.

i dont know why but im hurting so badly, ive cried more times than fingers on my hand. its only made me realise how sunny the days were when i was with you but its never been the same since and its been at an all time low lately. it sucks to have let you go, its 3 months since today. its crazy to see how high and low things were and are three months ago and today. 3 months ago i was there to buy you your jhumkas but today you have to send me pictures on whatsapp. my heart is aching i dont want to cry anymore but i cant help myself to everytime. why man just why did things have to be like this. when will things get better. god are you watching this? how can you see me cry so much everytime and only make me feel worse everyday. where are the brighter days? im glad it doesnt get to you like it gets to me, i hope youre happy and i hope me crying so much isnt putting you off me, im sorry, i dont have anyone to cry to, i can cry by myself. when will i get over this? i dont want to pass this energy onto you, im such a fucking loser. im tired of writing sad entries. fuck me, im such a piece of shit.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

when will it ever be okay

[mindovermatterismagicc]

i have to overcome these feelings and thoughts, its just my problems with my head and myself not her.

i thought it was getting better and it had but its starting to get to me again. i have to realise, i have to accept the reality but i dont want too, its so harsh to believe and digest but i have to. or else id be crying like this forever.

i just want to see you man, but its more than my wish, i wish for that everyday and always have been but it just doesnt happen by me wishing, theres so much more than that, that has to go right and everyday something or the other of those things that have to go right go wrong and its not the day youre here, i dont know anymore. not october, not november, december and that also im doubting because if something can go from so close confirmed to all gone in vain, i dont know what to believe, im traumatised. its happened thrice. i dont get it why it happens to me always, why am i so unlucky or so unfortunate to not get what i want when its all i ask for. im sure its not because you didnt try hard or so ive never blamed you, youre enough and you did your best im sure but fuck me man, what have i dont wrong to deserve it.

anyways, fuck. i hate myself. whatever happens happens man its not in my control god i know you read these, whenever you want it to be, tomorrow or november or december i cant control it but youre starving me off it. i just ask for 2 things, 1 that whenever that time has to come please make it come and secondly, dont give me false hope please let the next time be the right one, the right time i cant watch it go away from my hands, so please. im scared, and till then ill cry, ill cry everyday until i get to cry in your arms the day i see you.

i love you so much, i miss you so much, youre enough, more than enough, im sorry for disappointing you anytime i have or hurt you, i just want to kiss you again thats all.

not like this will do shit but,

please come here soon, lol.

[mindovermatterismagicc]

I miss you so much.

I've cried again after I promised you i won't cry I shut my mouth and tried not making a noise I'm sorry. I dont want you to be worried, I'm so sorry I feel so stupid being such a loser being so emotionally lost. I hate myself

You look so beautiful tonight again

I hate watching you sleep, not because you're not spending time w me instead but you look so close to me, I try reaching for your face with my hand and all I can feel is a laptop screen, I try kissing you and all i can feel is a camera. it hurts. But it is what it is, I can't help it. I just have to live with it, you were right, but i don't know what to do in the nights when I cry like this. I don't know how this will ever be solved. But I really want to not feel like this. I hate it.

honestly, this is most probably me being delusional again but I thought you'd surprise me by telling me you're coming here or something. after talking to your cousins you said you were supposed to come w in the afternoon you said I can't wait to talk to you at night and repeated that once or twice more for no reason. well tonight's not the day but yeah that was just a thought.

I love you so much

[mindovermatterismagicc]

I'm just so grateful for you.

even if through a screen, love is love

I love you so much

I miss you so much, come home please

[mindovermatterismagicc]

finally the time i can write on here as youre asleep.

you look so beautiful tonight

i just miss you so much and everything been happening lately has just confused me so much. for you it might have been that you dodged a bullet by not coming here but what about me? what have i done to be receiving this? like just one day of all that excitement and joy for what? i saw that being stolen right from my own hands. like why, what have i done to deserve it and all the times you couldnt come here before? im not saying its your fault baby i know you try your best each time but when will i be capable enough of getting it. im just so tired man, ive been looking forward about it since the initial month we started talking but till this date even after fasting for it and doing as much i could, you decide to steal it right from my hands all between a span of a day? why god why.

its the voice in my head, what do you mean im not ready still what the fuck is to be ready to literally her come see me for days. why do i have to be ready for that like how does that make sense. what do you mean when the times right? 9 months. how long are you going to make me wait? and forget waiting why would you give me so much hope each time and take it all away like why the taunting, i feel so humiliated.

if youre reading this baby this was just a monologue of me and the voice in my head please ignore this last paragraph

but yeah, man is greedy, its true. im a greedy man but im a greedy man for the things i love, well ofcourse every man is like that but whatever. i want to take a moment to just rewind and stop crying and begging for a second. im typing this at 1:33am on 11/10/2023 as i watch you sleep. you, its you. youve been my dream girl for years, 3 years ago i wish i could be in this position and 9 months ago i just wished i could see you once. wow. years ago i just wised someone would love me and now that i have that i beg that it be physical, atleast its something but like damn. im a loved man, a girl i love so much, loves me too. wow. i love you so much baby. but then its like if i had to wait 3 years just to get love, ill have to wait for it be physical too, its that i know that day would come but the thought that when will kills me.

i just want to cry in your arms, i just want to ball my eyes out i just want your arms to wrap around me and say its all okay im here now, im typing this and im crying on the inside but i cant find the tears for it just today.

im sorry this isnt a physical relationship i know you stick w touch a lot but i wish baby, i wish, and i hope everything i give you is enough just please dont leave me. im so scared.

i love you so so much.

i miss you and well here it goes another post to the mindovermagic account on which vivaan begs to see her but like all the previous 72 posts and months of wishing, another one down the hole. when will it ever be enough? 100? probably not then too but my fingers hurt.

fuck man, another post. i feel like a speaker with a stuck audio. i just want to see you and ill do anything to do so, just please the next one not be false hope, only give me a sign if youre really going to make it happen, im tired of the heartbreak.