mini-skort-blog

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When the appetite suppressant isn’t appetite suppressing

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the feminine urge to lose 20 kgs, grow my hair out, dye it black and buy a cute pearl necklace all within the next 15 minutes

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Sobriety is such a tender act

Also violent

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My brain, surprisingly, has not been ruined by drugs. I’m not an addict in the sense that I do hard drugs every day but the longing for them and the lack of function and motivation in life without them is present.

I turn 20 years old soon, I have formed most of my strong likes and dislikes. I like acid and molly, I dislike vomiting and extreme cold. I haven’t found a drug I dislike too much, I’ve done bad molly a few times but it was alright, I dislike ambien but I do it with my boyfriend and enjoy it a little.

I feel lost not only because I’m not as successful or driven as most of my peers, but because I’m also not as hopelessly demented and tortured as I could be. I’m alright, I get through my classes, I haven’t dropped out, I have ambitions I guess.

I’m at a crossroads in life, I guess I’m treading water and it’s painful but it’s also not that bad.

I feel boring.

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The feminine urge to be more insane than your peers

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looking for more insane girl mutuals 

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Been thinking a lot about identity, pronouns, existence. Don’t have any new takes but reading other queer peoples’ helps me articulate my feelings better I think

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Sooo update: I took molly on an empty stomach and threw up six times so I had to eat granola but then I threw that up so idk

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I think I weigh almost 150 Ibs now but if I don’t maintain my delusion that I’m somehow pretty then I’m gonna self-destruct