misguidedandperplexed

[misguidedandperplexed]

It's been ages since my brain let me write anything :( but maybe some other writerly types on jumblr could/would be interested

Random Jewish alternate history fiction idea: A group of Jews who were displaced during the destruction of the second temple ended up in Atlantis and have been living there since. This would be a technologically advanced Atlantis so no magic or fish people. Now in modern times, Atlantis has risen again. This great nation is ready to rejoin the world except no one speaks their language anymore. So it falls to their Jewish minority who still speaks Hebrew to communicate with the Hebrew speakers of the surface world to act as interpreters.

[misguidedandperplexed]

Who's gonna write this so I could read it?

Random Jewish alternate history fiction idea: A group of Jews who were displaced during the destruction of the second temple ended up in Atlantis and have been living there since. This would be a technologically advanced Atlantis so no magic or fish people. Now in modern times, Atlantis has risen again. This great nation is ready to rejoin the world except no one speaks their language anymore. So it falls to their Jewish minority who still speaks Hebrew to communicate with the Hebrew speakers of the surface world to act as interpreters.

[misguidedandperplexed]

Oh, didn't realize you meant pronunciation of u, thought you were talking about its meaning/origin

I just realized that the u in jumblr is different from the u in frumblr because it’s from frum I love it

[misguidedandperplexed]

frum + blr, vs ju + mblr

at least to me

I just realized that the u in jumblr is different from the u in frumblr because it’s from frum I love it

[misguidedandperplexed]

The m too, no?

I just realized that the u in jumblr is different from the u in frumblr because it’s from frum I love it

[misguidedandperplexed]

Someone has to convince Mayim Chayim to do this. I bet it would be a huge hit.

Like those keychains you could get with your name on them if your name wasn't too uncommon (or too common, for that matter, because everyone else would snatch them up) or spelled in a less common way (or, really, in a way other than the designers wrote it; I mean, I can't imagine they did research on common spellings).

You know how Coca Cola does the thing with the names on the bottles. I think they should do that during pesach but with the most aggressively chassidish names possible.

[misguidedandperplexed]

it needs a לה' to qualify

You know how Coca Cola does the thing with the names on the bottles. I think they should do that during pesach but with the most aggressively chassidish names possible.

[misguidedandperplexed]

Itche

Shulem

Yankev

Modcha

Yoily

Yeedle

You know how Coca Cola does the thing with the names on the bottles. I think they should do that during pesach but with the most aggressively chassidish names possible.

[misguidedandperplexed]

The reform tallis on a supposedly Orthodox character takes the cake for me.

I don't usually engage with media often or strongly enough to have strong feelings about these kinds of things but the one thing that gets me is when you have the steryotypical Orthodox Jew but he's got a yeshivish coat, chassidishe hat, and he's got his tallis for like no reason. And he's wearing it wrong

[misguidedandperplexed]

In Elementary, they have Sherlock holding up an undershirt tallis katan sans tzitzis (that belongs to a victim) and calling it "zeezeet". And the victim's brother, who is a rav, has those really bad fake chassidish peyos, is sitting in the pews of a very not chassidish shul (supposedly his shul), and... is wearing a wedding ring.

I don't usually engage with media often or strongly enough to have strong feelings about these kinds of things but the one thing that gets me is when you have the steryotypical Orthodox Jew but he's got a yeshivish coat, chassidishe hat, and he's got his tallis for like no reason. And he's wearing it wrong

[misguidedandperplexed]

According to all known laws of culinary arts, there is no way that a kli shelishi should be able to not cook. Its heat is too great to not alter the food item. The kli shelishi, of course, doesn't cook anyways. Because Halakha doesn’t care what humans think is impossible.

[misguidedandperplexed]

This is your daily reminder that if you are jewish and live in an area with a decently sized jewish community (especially an orthodox one) and you are struggling

YOU CAN GET HELP

Speak to the rabbis of the shul/shuls

There are Gamachs for food, clothes, medical tools, judaica, furniture etc and most of these places will either be free or pay what you can

Many shuls give out packages of expensive specialty foods that you may need for yomim tovim like wine and matzah.

If you need money for rent, medical costs, school etc shuls will raise tzedaka for you if you reach out

Many communities have people in them who do car repair, home repair, plumbing etc and if you ask the rabbi those people may do that work for you at a decreased rate

There are specialty organizations if you need help with mental health services

If you need help with post mortem care for a loved one or elder care

SPEAK TO A RABBI

REACH OUT

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

[misguidedandperplexed]

I'm enjoying this rb so much, due to its lack of punctuation

I know we talk about the oxen a lot, but there's some wild fun stuff in the Talmud too. An incomplete list:

rabbi dick measuring contest

a king's 1am influencer bro routine

"King David had 400 sons and they were all hot"

an argument about the legality of literally fucking yourself

HOA rules for where windows on your house can go

"as we all know, werewolves have tails in human form"

two guys who got off on charges for homosexuality by telling the witness that it was two witnesses against one

judge using fruit to prove eye witness testimony is unreliable

"quarrels are like peeing"

a bunch of rabbis defining different types of bed and one of the definitions they use is a bed specifically for throwing your clothes on

someone insisting that the law saying "you need a jury of x amount of people" means that x should be half the jury + 1 resulting in the suggestion that you need a jury of 45 people for a murder trial

your mom jokes

"why does it say Solomon had 4000 horses AND that he had 40,000 horses?" "he had 160 million horses"

science more questionable than Pliny

the demand that a captive bear who killed someone be present at the trial

diagram of punishments for illegal haircuts

"in order for a town to be big enough to have a court it needs to have 10 idlers of the synagogue"

a rabbi claiming that you can only be a judge on the national court if you're a hot wizard

In conclusion: the Sages would do numbers on tumblr.

[misguidedandperplexed]

😅

I know we talk about the oxen a lot, but there's some wild fun stuff in the Talmud too. An incomplete list:

rabbi dick measuring contest

a king's 1am influencer bro routine

"King David had 400 sons and they were all hot"

an argument about the legality of literally fucking yourself

HOA rules for where windows on your house can go

"as we all know, werewolves have tails in human form"

two guys who got off on charges for homosexuality by telling the witness that it was two witnesses against one

judge using fruit to prove eye witness testimony is unreliable

"quarrels are like peeing"

a bunch of rabbis defining different types of bed and one of the definitions they use is a bed specifically for throwing your clothes on

someone insisting that the law saying "you need a jury of x amount of people" means that x should be half the jury + 1 resulting in the suggestion that you need a jury of 45 people for a murder trial

your mom jokes

"why does it say Solomon had 4000 horses AND that he had 40,000 horses?" "he had 160 million horses"

science more questionable than Pliny

the demand that a captive bear who killed someone be present at the trial

diagram of punishments for illegal haircuts

"in order for a town to be big enough to have a court it needs to have 10 idlers of the synagogue"

a rabbi claiming that you can only be a judge on the national court if you're a hot wizard

In conclusion: the Sages would do numbers on tumblr.

[misguidedandperplexed]

citations shmitations

I know we talk about the oxen a lot, but there's some wild fun stuff in the Talmud too. An incomplete list:

rabbi dick measuring contest

a king's 1am influencer bro routine

"King David had 400 sons and they were all hot"

an argument about the legality of literally fucking yourself

HOA rules for where windows on your house can go

"as we all know, werewolves have tails in human form"

two guys who got off on charges for homosexuality by telling the witness that it was two witnesses against one

judge using fruit to prove eye witness testimony is unreliable

"quarrels are like peeing"

a bunch of rabbis defining different types of bed and one of the definitions they use is a bed specifically for throwing your clothes on

someone insisting that the law saying "you need a jury of x amount of people" means that x should be half the jury + 1 resulting in the suggestion that you need a jury of 45 people for a murder trial

your mom jokes

"why does it say Solomon had 4000 horses AND that he had 40,000 horses?" "he had 160 million horses"

science more questionable than Pliny

the demand that a captive bear who killed someone be present at the trial

diagram of punishments for illegal haircuts

"in order for a town to be big enough to have a court it needs to have 10 idlers of the synagogue"

a rabbi claiming that you can only be a judge on the national court if you're a hot wizard

In conclusion: the Sages would do numbers on tumblr.

[misguidedandperplexed]

I know we talk about the oxen a lot, but there's some wild fun stuff in the Talmud too. An incomplete list:

rabbi dick measuring contest

a king's 1am influencer bro routine

"King David had 400 sons and they were all hot"

an argument about the legality of literally fucking yourself

HOA rules for where windows on your house can go

"as we all know, werewolves have tails in human form"

two guys who got off on charges for homosexuality by telling the witness that it was two witnesses against one

judge using fruit to prove eye witness testimony is unreliable

"quarrels are like peeing"

a bunch of rabbis defining different types of bed and one of the definitions they use is a bed specifically for throwing your clothes on

someone insisting that the law saying "you need a jury of x amount of people" means that x should be half the jury + 1 resulting in the suggestion that you need a jury of 45 people for a murder trial

your mom jokes

"why does it say Solomon had 4000 horses AND that he had 40,000 horses?" "he had 160 million horses"

science more questionable than Pliny

the demand that a captive bear who killed someone be present at the trial

diagram of punishments for illegal haircuts

"in order for a town to be big enough to have a court it needs to have 10 idlers of the synagogue"

a rabbi claiming that you can only be a judge on the national court if you're a hot wizard

In conclusion: the Sages would do numbers on tumblr.

[misguidedandperplexed]

Taking away rights from people is bad

What's your boring, run-of-the-mill opinion that nevertheless you can't mention at kiddush or at a meal unless you're very sure of your audience? Mine is that public money shouldn't go to fund private schools.