missprincesshaz

[missprincesshaz]

the unholy trio

[missprincesshaz]

[missprincesshaz]

when all your friends go out and don’t invite you

[missprincesshaz]

It’s cabra. [via]

[missprincesshaz]

Hillary Clinton is trying so hard to be relatable and is failing in every way possible

[missprincesshaz]

Fuck. Yes!!!

[missprincesshaz]

joshdevinedrums  Family.

[missprincesshaz]

[missprincesshaz]

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

[missprincesshaz]

Today, I fucked up... by showing my dad Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I downloaded it for him and put it on a USB so he could watch it when he had some downtime. So he watched it tonight and when I got back in, I asked him what he thought.

“Really good, but quite confusing at times though, took quite a bit of effort to understand the direction but it wasn’t impossible”

I knew something wasn’t quite right. My dad is an intelligent man - he should be understanding this film with no problems whatsoever. I projected my disbelief to him -

“The plot is good, it’s a good film! I don’t know how that wasn’t apparent to you?!”

He replied: “It was just quite unclear at times with the dialogue, the script was definitely lacking, which was a shame because it could have been really good!”

I was still heavily confused - most people who have seen this film would agree it’s engaging and exciting. I could not see what the problem was.

I took the USB stick back and plugged it into my laptop and I decided to watch it again for the hell of it.

Then I realised.

The download didn’t have hardcoded subtitles.

The man literally sat there watching apes grunt at eachother for the best part of 2 hours without a fucking clue what they were saying.

[missprincesshaz]

I literally cry with laughter every time I watch this.

[missprincesshaz]

[grabs own bum]

[missprincesshaz]

[missprincesshaz]

this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light

[missprincesshaz]

[missprincesshaz]

"You can believe me"

[missprincesshaz]