misunderstoodshark19-blog

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

First

I am the queen of first dates

Never a second

Because when you meet me

You'll wish you hadn't

I'll keep you in mind

And on my list of names

As you move on

To keep playing your games

But as I lay here

Awake for so long

Can you answer me this

What the hell am I doing wrong

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Breaking

I'm so afraid of heartbreak

That I'd rather just be alone.

I'd rather go my whole life,

Unloved,

Unloving,

Unwanted,

Than to have to bare a broken heart.

To avoid attachment

Is to avoid breaking.

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Cloudy

Apart from the medication,

The stars calm me down.

Something about looking up

And realizing that we're just so small.

And that the stars are meant to be looked at

Traveling thousands

And thousands

Of miles just to be gazed upon

To be wished upon

To be used as a way to heal a hurt heart.

But tonight,

It's cloudy.

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Burden

Sometimes

I want someone to talk to everyday

I want to be with someone

To share my life with

And go on adventures

But then I remember

That everybody has their own personal problems

So how could I possibly burden someone with mine

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Relationship

I'm very alone

And I just want to talk to someone

I want to have someone to call mine

I want to be wanted

But the further into it I get

The more I freak out

How can I mess up this time

How many ways can this person hate me

What if I say something wrong

Like

I want to like you

And I want you to like me too

But I'm afraid you'll find out

That I'm afraid all the time

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Daze

It's gonna happen again

I can feel it boiling up

Kind of like my eyes are swelling

My chest feels like there is a brick on it

And it kind of hurts to breath

And everything else is kind of blurry

And dizzy

And unfocused

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Blank

I sit here

In my living room

Waiting for words to come to my head

From my head

To my fingers

To this page

But I'm blank

I don't know what words to use

I can't describe this feeling

I don't like it

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Attack

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale exhale

Inhale exhale exhale

Exhale hold inhale hold

Inhale hold exhaole

Inhold exhalde inhex

Hexhalde holale

Inold exhale

Inhale hold exhale

Inhale exhale

Inhale

Exhale

Done

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Talking

Why do you laugh about your anxiety

If I don't it eats me up inside

Do you want to talk to someone about it

Isn't that what we're doing

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Alone

I've been fine all day

Laughing and smiling and joking

But now as I lay here

For the past hour

My stomach churns, and I make myself nauseous

Over something that isn't even happening

Crying and feeling sad over something unexplainable

I would like to think that others going through the same thing I am could make me feel less alone

But then I'm sad for them

Because this shit sucks

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Bent

I would wake up at 4 to answer your phone call if you needed me

I would spend my last dime to buy you food if you needed it

I would walk barefoot until my feet bled if someone needed shoes

I would cancel plans to help a struggling friend if they needed me to

Im so bent on protecting and ensuring everyone else is ok,

That I forget it's ok to need myself sometimes too

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

9:20

Panic attacks aren't something you plan

But if they were,

I would choose to have them in the comfort of my own home

Instead of the bra aisle at Wal-Mart

Panic attacks and anxiety are rude

Intrusive thoughts

That tear you apart from the inside out

They are having everyone look at you as you hyperventilate and shake

They are your relatives telling you that they understand,

but guess what,

your anxiety says no they don't

Panic attacks are that gut wrenching feeling that something is wrong

But nothing is

Panic attacks are a wonderful day

Until night comes

And the dark hits

And the thoughts hit

Panic attacks are hysterically crying on the kitchen floor at 9:20 at night

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Happy

Would I consider myself depressed No Because I can be happy I'm happy when I'm with friends I'm happy throughout the day Happy when I'm outside Happy when music plays It's at night Where I begin to worry That something is wrong Nothing is wrong But something is And it scares me Anxiety is a bitch, isn't it?

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Channeling

Maybe By writing this stuff I’m hoping That just maybe I can channel some stuff out But it seems as though That’s just not working

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Pills

I wasn’t like this before Happy Tired But happy Now sad and tired Sad for no reason Maybe there is a reason But I don’t know it I cry just to cry To let out some steam And honestly What was I expecting These things happen These side affects happen When you take pills

[misunderstoodshark19-blog]

Break

Sometimes, I just want things to stop Not death Not life Just paused Maybe a car accident Maybe a work injury Just enough For a Break