mongoose-king

[mongoose-king]

me, unloading a fitted sheet from the dryer: *squinting* what's that you've got in your mouth

fitted sheet: nothing :)))))))

me, prying open its twisted jaws: na-ah!!! give it to me RIGHT now!!

fitted sheet: *resentfully spits out a wad of 3 very damp dishtowels, a pillowcase, and a pathetically sodden washcloth*

[mongoose-king]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[mongoose-king]

[mongoose-king]

redoing that poll bc you guys are not serious people and i need to know the actual stats here

also disclaimer the options in this poll are dumb as hell and kind of hysterical but we can't be doing this i need to know #thetruth

[mongoose-king]

Many are not familiar with what is called a diva moment. Youre about to learn

[mongoose-king]

there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

[mongoose-king]

Another fun thing I do with customers - specifically parents of very small children who don’t know they’re alive yet - is directly imply I think the coffee is for the baby, not the parent. and lemme tell you, like 70% of parents eat that shit up. They immediately go along with the bit and start discussing it with their newborn child, while the baby just stares at us like 😮

[mongoose-king]

mom, dad… i’m…. RANDOM!! LOL XD

[mongoose-king]

donald trump will die on july 20th 2025 at 1pm pacific standard time

[mongoose-king]

somewhere out there right now is a kid with curly hair being raised by people who have wavy hair at best and those people are giving them 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner and telling them to dry brush it. and that kid is gonna spend all of middle school and high school hating their hair and moping over the flat iron. they're being told right now that if they don't dry-brush their curl pattern into oblivion every morning it means they're unkempt and gross even though they naturally have the kind of ringlets that a thousand bridezillas would commit horrible murders for every june. it's happening right now it's an absolute epidemic and a tragedy every time

[mongoose-king]

Uh i sure hope there's not

[mongoose-king]

[mongoose-king]

Male writers writing female characters:

“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”

[mongoose-king]

genuinely i think everyone would be so much happier if we simply accepted that fanfiction isn’t supposed to be realistic at all, it’s just supposed to make you happy. ​these freaks are currently 20k words into pining for each other while living under the same roof and working the same job, fuck realism tbh

[mongoose-king]

worst ways to watch mash

- alphabetical order by episode title

- watch “Dreams” and nothing else and carry on assuming the whole show was like that

- watch the top-rated IMDb episodes first and experience “Abyssinia, Henry” before anything else

- season 11 -> AfterMASH seasons 1-2 -> W*A*L*T*E*R Pilot -> seasons 1-10

- by writer, in alphabetical order by last name. Start with all the Aldas, Wilcox last and so on

- watch the whole show through TikTok clips

- only watch the first three seasons and then abandon it and assume the rest is bad

- only watch episodes that pass the bechdel test

- experience the show peripherally through mutuals on tumblr

[mongoose-king]

is it bad that i forgot animals could also have genetics and appear on this page as well

you forgot animals ... of which you, presumably, are one ... have genes

[mongoose-king]