moomie2times-blog

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Today is the day...

That I say fuck it and warm up day old coffee left on the stove, debate if I REALLY need to wash my hair to go to the store, because we lost power last night and I didnt sleep for shit. Why?! Cause I was actually constantly hot in my covers last night so I kept tossing and turing longing to be covered in blankets but dying from the heat my body was putting out. Uuuugggghhhhh

Today is THAT day.

[moomie2times-blog]

Hello ‘Ol Friend...

Boy oh boy has this been a rough week. I have so much to catch up on but this past week my battle has been that ‘ol friend of mine...depression. I’m feeling a bit like myself...who ever the hell that is...today. Why did I get depressed? “I don’t know.” has ben the popular phrase for me lately. 

This bout hit me like a brick wall. I was on my period, I don’t know if that had anything to do with it. My semi-estranged mother is moving into my new state by the end of this week...pretty sure THAT has something to with it. We are broke, but what the hell else is new. The kids have their good days and bad days. I helped out a neighbor and try to do good deeds when I can. I put my big girl panties on and went to a “Mommy’s Night Out”, in my new town where I didn’t know anyone, so I could hopefully make some friend connections here. It went well and met some great ladies. I hate the way I look physically. BatDad hates his job. Ladybug still hasn’t made any new friends at her new school and has cried herself to sleep because she is homesick. I started taking her driving early Saturday mornings, and she is doing well. I feel like I’m failing as a mom most days. I feel like I’m losing whoever I am, and don’t know if I ever really met her. The housework never fucken ends. No one puts their shit where it belongs. Diapers. Shitty Diapers. I feel like I don’t get enough done during the day. I avoid tasks that cause me stress. Which in turn stresses me out more. I’m tired. 

“Suck it up, quit your bitchin’,” a voice says. “Everything is ok!”, another voice says. I just want to be alone. “Your kids need you...I love them...but I’m not doing enough for them...what kind of role model are you...You ARE better than your mom...You are NOT your mother...They deserve better...Why does he love me...Where did I go wrong...Why can’t I get it together...I know he really loves me...I know Im a good person...Why is everything so hard...Shit she is hungry AGAIN, what does it matter she doesn’t eat anything...Thats my fault...NO, that’s the way it was when I was pregnant with her...I didn’t get to enjoy being pregnant with her cause of that fucken job...Why did I care SOOOO much...I want to cry...I hate fucken crying...I miss Marco...I wish I could sit on a beach somewhere...What the hell is the point of ME...I have so much to do tomorrow...Im tired...Why did I eat two cookies?!...We need another income, but I can’t find anything at night...I wish my online store could pick up, but that means I need to make the time to make more things...there is never enough time in the day...how do people do this, fuck adulting...my credit is stressing me out...I’m going to be 38 next year and what the hell do I have to show for fighting this long...I want Ladybug to be happy...We have no savings...I cant help my kid get a car when the time comes or help her with college...I fucked everything up...I know nothing of the world, how am I supposed to help my kids...I haven’t been anywhere...PLEASE don’t let me get another round of Shingles...I need to relax...PLEASE don’t ever let me get pregnant ever again...I couldn’t bear it...Im so over food, and don’t wanna cook...I hope toddler stays in her bed and lets me sleep...I could never get enough sleep...I wish I could send toddler to daycare...I should be enjoying this time with her, what is wrong with me?...Dishes. FUCKING DIIIISHHHEEESSSS...how do they not care to help me unless Im sick...Prob me over-reacting, I need to ask for help...*shakes head*...my hair is falling out...I need to take my vitamins...how am I going to make this budget work til payday...How am I ever going to get a house if shit keeps going like this...crap, migraine?, that’s the last thing I need...”

I could keep going, that’s the kind of noise in my head right now @ 11pm, all day long, Every. Damn. Day. Pushing & pulling in my head and physically from the toddler and everything that my family needs me to do. BatDad tried to get me to talk about what was wrong, but I have no smoking gun. No ONE thing that sets off my depression. It is always just there waiting, probably along side those shitty ass Shingles, just waiting. I hate feeling like this. I’m a quiet person, and when I’m battling I manage to get even quieter because I don’t want to burden anyone else. I don’t feel like I should be feeling this way, because it can always be worse, and I truly know how lucky I am for what I do have and living the life I do. Regardless, I still feel like this and I know I have not been the same since I had Birdie. She will be three in a few short months and I still feel like I have the same thoughts and stress as if I had her recently. I recognize how much worse my postpartum was with her vs. Ladybug.  I wonder if I will ever feel whatever normal is supposed to feel like. Or like my boobs after two full-term pregnancies, they just will never be the same. 

I’m tired. I didn’t really proofread but I need to TRY to get some sleep before Birdie comes in and starts kicking us around in bed. 

To be continued...  

[moomie2times-blog]

Watching Eclipse via internet w/Birdie

Moomie: look Birdie...

Birdie: ooooo da moooon

Moomie: yes, its the sun and moon together, its an eclipse

Birdie: equipse?! Really?!

Moomie: yes eclipse

Birdie: look mommie, its Birdie and Birdie (points to sun and moon)

Moomie: you are the sun and moon?!

Birdie: YYYYAAAAAAAA

Moomie: *laughs* yes you are honey!

[moomie2times-blog]

"Kid friendly meals"...

Ya Ive succumbed to being one of those moms searching that phrase via Pinterest. I smirk in defeat that even MY kid wouldn't eat that shit. *sigh* One day my kid will eat something other than fruit, yogurt, applesauce, dry cereal, fries and my homemade tortillas right?!

[moomie2times-blog]

"I dont wanna party i just want my mommie!"

Birdie has spoken

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Birdie says...

Birdie: you do it for me *smirks*

Moomie: *lil shocked* i do it for you?!

Birdie: ya! You do it for me!

**we both laugh**

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Im tellin' ya'll Roomba was a 3yo lil boy in his past life!

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Roomba is 3yo but apparently is still a pup

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"Parenting is being like the President, you go in looking all pretty, young, energetic and then four years later you come out bbbbbbbaaaaaahhhhhh", like a zombie, tired, and wrinkled.

Truthbomb from my Teen

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Im convinced that Roomba was a 3yo boy in his past life. He always wants to play legos!!

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Birdie says...

Birdie: i eat it all bar (breakfast bar) what uh want?! (Expecting a treat)

Moomie: Good job honey, do you want yogurt?

Birdie: no...how bout cookie?!

Moomie: No we dont get cookies for breakfast. Do you want applesauce?

Birdie: Oooooh yessss mommie! i gotta kitchen...i got a house...i gotta puppie!!!

-toddler tells me everyday at some point how much she likes our new house, and it makes me feel better about our ambitious move to a new state.

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Soooo this is a new way to eat a PB&J

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We missed breakfast due to a crazy morning. So what do you do when it’s noon but still want breakfast? Soyrizo and Eggs Breakfast Nachos and Iced Coffee!!! **nomnomnom** That’s how we roll around here sometimes.

Trader Joe’s has let us fulfill our love of chorizo and eggs by providing us with a vegetarian option, Soyrizo and we love it! Put it in your hot greased skillet and add some salt, then add your eggs and scramble. We topped our tortilla chips with the soyrizo eggs, melted cheese, salsa, fresh avocado and our new fam fav; greek yogurt/taco mix on top. 

I was looking for a “mexican crema” substitute when I was doing a copycat recipe and I was short on options and ideas. So I mixed our favorite taco mix with some greek yogurt and Voila`! Perfection! Now I just need to come up with a clever name for it. 

I look for any excuse for nachos or tacos, they are my favorite and so easy to add and change different things to keep them always feeling new and yummy. 

Do you have a favorite vegetarian substitute? 

[moomie2times-blog]

WWWAAAAAATTTTTT??!?!??!?!?! Moomie Juice Boxes Cans! 

I haven’t tried them yet, have you?! Def will update when I do!!

[moomie2times-blog]

Even pillows can make too much noise when you share a room with your toddler!

I don’t know why but this is true.