moons-non-secret-lover

[moons-non-secret-lover]

[moons-non-secret-lover]

i'm in my soft white bed, and my roommate is laughing at some video she's watching with her boyfriend on the other side of the screen. i'm full of pepsi and love and feeling as close as ever to true love and truth

[moons-non-secret-lover]

he didn't wash the glass, and his bitter smell from lucky strikes that he smokes went from meaning so much to meaning nothing at all as i laughed my heart out with friends. my stomach remembers the laughs til now, and my head is dizzy, pepsi cola zero on my side. right before Vlada's birthday, right before the full moon, we had less than a week to find our way to the truth after so much stalling. and i'm so happy that we did. so happy that i laughed for all day until it hurt.

[moons-non-secret-lover]

i don't really know what this is but i just don't resonate with my tumblr blog! i guess it's not me enough, i should probably post more here, but everytime i get such impulse, i always overthink it. i guess it's because i still have this conflict with being seen. i want my posts to be seen and paid attention to and yet i am completely mortified when it happens. that's why i only post for my friends, but some things i just want to post for a bunch of strangers to see.

[moons-non-secret-lover]

gagged

[moons-non-secret-lover]

Free yourself of the idea that success means fame, wealth and beauty. It does not.

One of the most toxic things we've managed to do as a generation is indoctrinate ourselves (yes, us. It's us) with the idea that it's only as good as it's being seen. You're only as good as who you're better than. Your blog is only useful when it gets 133k notes. Your pictures are only worthy when you get 400k likes or you delete it. You dropped piano because you can't make a career out of it it's not like you'll beat Elton John. You can write, yes, but you're no Jane Austen so you never post your work and when you do and all it gets is 500 reads and not an entire Fandom like that 13 year old who gets 500m reads for a book that's only good for toxic relationships and the worst sex scenes ever written so you give up. Yeah sure you could make a great singer but man you're no Ariana Grande and only 60 listeners on Spotify (friends and family) is embarrassing so you just don't anymore. Because we've managed to indoctrinate ourselves with the idea idea a thing is only as good as its being seen and we scroll all day on Instagram past 20 year Olds with 30M $ net worth from making tiktok videos and that one guy that plays piano like an actual God but he's from Old Money and will definitely get sponsored into a career and God what's even the point.

Your sign to free yourself from the idea that only massive external validation makes a thing worth it and you validating things makes them worthy, more so than countless people you don't know. Play that piano because you want to. Try for a career and fail and get one for your kids and cat to listen. If you have none play for you. You deserve to listen to those tunes and goddammit start doing things for the mere pleasure of doing them. You like art so you painted. Yes it sucks. No ma'am you are no Da Vinci that's for sure. But it made you happy. It's yours. You see it. You like it. That counts. And screw you if you don't think your own opinion counts. Genuinely. Screw you.

Next time you look at your B- in that subject you stayed up all night studying and there's ms smartkid that doesn't even come to class walking out with a 99 and the only reason it's not 100 is there's always room for improvement take yourself out to brunch and have the time of your life. It's no A but it's yours. And its your best. You're no Gordon Ramsay but that dish, oversalted and burnt, was fun to make so you pour yourself juice into your wine glass and eat it up, savoring every bite and wash it down with milk for the salt. You can't sing and honestly those notes could go unheard but it's YOUR bathroom one thing you'll do is scream Lana del effing Rey. You Paid to get into that club you'll dance .

Free yourself from the human gaze and chronic performance, unlearn the idea that you must be groundbreakingly talented or intelligent to do something or you must be unexplainably beautiful or ridiculously wealthy to be a success. If you're going to be on this planet, paying tax and dealing with unnecessary trauma the least you can do is live for yourself.

Sucess is doing something for the pleasure of it. Everything else is performance. The world is NOT a stage it's a planet you're meant to enjoy life on.

[moons-non-secret-lover]

🤭🤭

[moons-non-secret-lover]

help i’m stalking his facebook why is he so sexy

i’m gonna study for the next philosophy lecture so well (i just found out that one of my professors is hot)

[moons-non-secret-lover]

carry yourself with grace. plot privately and peacefully. focus on what’s higher… allow your soul to be renewed every morning. embody your philosophy each and everyday. no words, just moves. it’s a beautiful day to be intentional and iconic!

[moons-non-secret-lover]

i’m gonna study for the next philosophy lecture so well (i just found out that one of my professors is hot)

[moons-non-secret-lover]

listening to sade as i'm eating my dinner, the best kind of evening

[moons-non-secret-lover]

listened to hozier's apple music interview yesterday, and he said something like "imagining a man 20 years from now, who had all this noise in his head and didn't find a way to exercise it, that's a really sad picture", and when he quoted an irish poet "the only madness is loneliness, the voice that goes unheard" oh my god.

[moons-non-secret-lover]

me

[moons-non-secret-lover]

[moons-non-secret-lover]

The best love is unexpected. You don’t just pick someone and cross your fingers it’ll work out. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection and the chemistry share is way above your head. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they smile or the color of their eyes and all at once you know you’re either lucky or screwed.

[moons-non-secret-lover]

It’s your story. You can change the narrative whenever you want. Current limitations or circumstances do not matter. You can affirm and manifest anything for yourself. It just takes repetition to believe it. Out with the old story, in with the new! What’s true is whatever you tell yourself.

[moons-non-secret-lover]

It’s never too late to live the life of your dreams and become the person you want to be. Everything you need is inside of you. You just need faith and patience towards yourself to unlock it. And I pray you are brave enough to do so.