moons7healing

[moons7healing]

How can I know how to love? Am I meant to be loved?

Or am I cursed?

[moons7healing]

The pieces of you keep haunting me. Is this a sign you’re thinking of me too? There’s too many coincidences for this to not be…

Im crazy.

[moons7healing]

[moons7healing]

I found the place I told you about.

I’m glad I didn’t bring you here.

It would be tainted.

And I would cry.

[moons7healing]

I miss my friend. My lover. My everything.

Maybe one day you’ll come back to me.

I regret nothing.

[moons7healing]

If we go to war. I want to know if you will be okay. Is that selfish of me?

You’re so fucking dumb you’d get yourself killed.

Everything you ever told me was a lie. How am I supposed to believe in myself again?

We burned so bright. So fast. I wanted it to work so badly I blinded myself from the pain you caused me.

It’s not fair.

Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you start this to begin with? I was fine before you. I’ll be fine after you too.

But I wish it could’ve been you.

[moons7healing]

Everything you ever told me was a lie. How am I supposed to believe in myself again?

We burned so bright. So fast. I wanted it to work so badly I blinded myself from the pain you caused me.

It’s not fair.

Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you start this to begin with? I was fine before you. I’ll be fine after you too.

But I wish it could’ve been you.

[moons7healing]

You ran. I cried. You weren’t the one I fell for. It happens everytime. Now I’m left shattered.

There’s pieces of you everywhere I go. You’re lucky you don’t have the same problem. It must be so easy for you. I don’t want to hurt you. But right now I hope you are.

[moons7healing]

I’ve read all these things saying I shouldn’t have to change what I want for another person. But I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want my entire day to revolve around another. My mood. My motivation. My anxiety. I want to still feel loved and appreciated in the silence. I want to be at peace. Not obsessive. I want to be sure that this is love. I’m so afraid of losing you. But I’m willing to try anything. Even if I do lose you… I will have grown for myself. And that’s enough. I have repeated the same mistakes over and over again. I’m done. This time I want to do it differently. It’s “walking exposure therapy”

I just hope that when I discuss the future with you, your thoughts won’t have changed.

[moons7healing]

I tend to overthink. That is something I am going to work on. I can’t continue to ask for reassurance. It’ll only make it harder for us. You’ve given me space. I’ve given it right back. I will respect this. For us. Only because I told you I was scared to lose you. And you told me I won’t. Will I be okay.

We’ve planned our futures. We wear rings. Everything is perfect when we’re together in person. But the texting and calling has died. Because it’s just not you. I won’t force you to change. Just give me some grace.

I’ll stop overthinking. And place all my thoughts here. I’m tired. I wish you would call me. But I need to give you some space. As you’re being pulled on all sides. The logical side of me knows this. But the insecure side thinks you hate me. How could you be so cold? When all I’ve done is show you love… it hurts. But I can only control myself.

Healing day 1. Breathe. Focus on what makes you happy. Do not let your emotions hinge on just one person. Grow from this.

Aside from relationship bs. I hate life. I hate my job. We’re all going to die anyways. Why does any of this matter?