morganrivers

[morganrivers]

[morganrivers]

From Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy (1895).

[morganrivers]

[morganrivers]

Sometimes you just need to hear how much you mean to someone

[morganrivers]

i got a bad habit of seeing people for who they could be instead of who they really are

[morganrivers]

photography by astrovas

[morganrivers]

04-05-2020

Who would have ever thought that this year would be filled with such troubling and questionable times...while only being barely four months into it. In January, the Australian bush fires shook the world. Affecting thousands of people and animals that call that country home. In late January, Kobe Bryant and his daughter, Gianna, among 7 others crashed in a helicopter on the way to a basketball game. Instantly killing every one on board. Every victim left families and loved ones behind. While not everyone was a basketball fan, everyone knew who Kobe Bryant was. You didn’t have to be a huge Kobe, Lakers, or even a basketball fan to feel what the world felt at that moment. Scared, heart broken, saddened. The unsettling reminder that life can be taken from you in an instance. No matter your status in life, your income, the amount of friends you have, or where you come from. Life does not discriminate. 

I was working Sunday morning brunch at the pub when TMZ first aired it on live television. Everyone in the restaurant, myself included, stopped what they were doing to watch the news unfold. At first, it was uncertain as to who was on board with him. Rumors and live footage of the crash flooded social media and every major news outlet. To find out the severity of the crash and the casualties was gut wrenching, I couldn’t even begin to imagine or fathom what their families at home were going through. 

Flash forward to March, a global pandemic made it’s way over to us. COVID-19, a new strand of the corona virus that mutates at a rapid rate. It’s an airborne disease that anyone can be affected by, especially the elderly and the immunocompromised. We’ve been in quarantine for almost three weeks now. All major businesses, except essential workers (grocery stores, doctor’s offices, etc.) are closed. The pub has temporarily shut down except for selling to go food and beer/wine. I haven’t worked a bar shift in almost a month now. I miss it. I miss my regulars, my work family, and the extra income. Other restaurants around us have shut down for good, Wild Wing, where I worked for 5 years while in college and Copper River Grill as well. I hate it for all the employees of those businesses, no guaranteed work to return to after all of this craziness is over with. A lot of those workers were our regulars at the pub whom I’ve formed relationships and friendships with over the last 3 years I’ve worked as a bartender.

What I’ve gathered from all of these recent events is that you never know when the last time you will experience something is. It gives me an uneasy and almost nauseating feeling when I begin to think of it. Life is fleeting. We take for granted each moment we experience. I try to stay present in situations and see them for what they are. Really experience them. Although, I am not perfect and that’s not always possible. I wish I could snap shot a moment and store it away until I want to relive it again. I will probably never see a lot of the people from Copper River or Wild Wing again. I wonder what their lives will entail within the coming days, months, and years. I wish them well and hope that they find work and comfort in a daily routine again. 

In light of everything, the world seems to be recovering. Pollution rates have gone down in highly populated areas. In Venice the canal has cleared up to where you can see the fish! Swans have returned. I believe Earth is getting a nice break because people are staying home. It’s a little bewildering to think about anything positive in such a negative situation. But I am thankful for it. Maybe this will be a wake up call for people, environmentally speaking. I think a lot of people are taking this time to do things that they usually do not find themselves doing. Me for example, here I am finally starting to blog. I tried writing in journals, sometimes it’s difficult for me to sit down and write. I find it easy to type out everything...easier on my wrists. I even got in my yard and made a flower bed, also stripped some popcorn ceiling in my bathroom yesterday. I’m hoping to finally get around to some chores I’ve been wanting to get accomplished in my house during all of this. Next thing on the list is to paint my bathroom and replace the mirror and light fixtures. I’m really looking forward to how it will look after it is done!

While I am trying to stay positive in my situation, I know that others are tremendously suffering right now during this time. There are many people who do not have a great home life. People who look forward to going to school or to work, just for an escape. Children who depended on meals from school and that positive environment to mold them into the adults that they will become. Women, even some men, who are in abusive relationships. Whether that be with a spouse, parent or guardian, or a sibling that so desperately wish they could escape from. I think of those people in this time, and wish that I could remove them from those situations. I think of those people and am grateful for what I have in my life, and wish I could give them the same. How I wish everyone on this planet had a loving, comforting, clean, warm home to go home to every night. I pray that this travesty that is wreaking havoc on our planet comes to and end soon. I pray that this changes how our world handles situations or better yet, prepares for them. I pray essential workers get a break; especially those on the front line of all of this. Nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, grocery store workers, pharmacists, FedEx/UPS, etc. I pray that those out of work can return to work soon. I pray that this doesn’t lead our economy into a recession. I pray. To whom I do not know. The universe I suppose, to help us in this time of need. We need to give back to the universe. Stop having so much hate for one another. To give love, to give kindness, to be less selfish. I hope that I can lead a better life and attitude after this. I want to keep up with what I am doing during this time; journaling, working in the yard, little projects on my house, and exercising. I hope for normalcy in life again. A routine. We all crave it.

I am saddened that the music festival that I was supposed to attend this year has been cancelled. It was an amazing line up of artists! Billie Eilish, Lana Del Rey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, RL Grime, Post Malone, RKS and loads of other musicians I was so excited to see. I was going to go with an amazing group of people. We had rented a house on the beach where the festival was going to be held. I hope we get to experience this festival in the future.

Whenever all of this is over and we all get to go out in public and be together I know I will be overcome with emotion. To be able to be with all of my friends and enjoy drinks, a good meal, some conversation and laughs will be amazing. I can’t wait to go to my first concert again, to be able to hear live music among a crowd of people. Everyone feeding and vibing off one another among a musician they all love! I can’t wait to get weekly lunch with my mom and sister again. To see them everyday and give them a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I’ve had to avoid hugging and being my normal affectionate self because of all of this...that’s very hard for me. I can’t wait to be able to drive up to Greenville to see my best friend and go out with her and enjoy a hike at a near by state park. I can’t wait to be able to do outdoor activities. Kayaking on the river, going on a boat ride with friends, tying up at Sandy Beach and have a fun ass day drinking and hanging out with people. I can’t wait to be able to go get my hair cut or my nails done. To go shopping at a store whenever I felt like it. I will be so thankful when these days come again. And I hope to never take them for granted.

[morganrivers]

[morganrivers]

Constellations / Signs of the Zodiac.

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[morganrivers]

[morganrivers]

[morganrivers]

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (via help-n-quotes)

[morganrivers]

[morganrivers]

i hate feeling so helpless i don’t want to be a burden to anyone else

[morganrivers]

Open up a beer And you say get over here And play a video game