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The Final Wrap Up

During this semester, I have learned a lot in regards to aspects in marriage and family. I really enjoyed all the topics we discussed in this class by my two favorite topics have to be marriage/wedding culture and work and family negotiations. I was really interested in these topics because if you couldn't already tell I am excited for that time in my life. lol.  I love the wedding culture because I have been planning my dream wedding on Pinterest for about 5 years. This weekend my parents traveled to Raleigh for my second cousins wedding and my mom was sending me picture of her color theme, flowers, cake, and the wedding venue itself.  Since I was a little girl, I have always loved looking at all the wedding decorations and cool ideas that people come up with. The wedding culture has forsure changed and not as traditional anymore. Decorations have sure changed throughout the years but there are still lots of people who still do some of the traditional wedding classics including the garter toss, flower toss, first dances, cutting the first piece of cake and etc. 

Thank you for being an awesome teacher. I have really enjoyed this class! I wish you the best of luck in the upcoming years. Take care!  

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I will be taking my last college final exam friday. This college experience has been one to remember for a lifetime. I was looking through the pictures on my phone and saw this picture from when I graduated high school. I thought back to how sad I was to leave high school and all my friends but also all the memories and obstacles I had left to overcome during my college experience. I remember how excited but SCARED I was to be moving away from home, living on my own, and having to meet new friends.  

This picture reminds me when we had a discussion in class regarding the two different types of parenting styles Annette Lareau talked about in Unequal Childhoods: Inequalities in the Rhythms of Daily Life. The styles were concerted cultivation and natural growth. The first parenting style we talked about was the concerted cultivation. Lareau believed that the concerted cultivation style was were middle class parents. When learning about this style I believe that my parents had some of these expectations and provided some components that go along with the concerted cultivation style. My brothers and I were involved in a lot of extra curricular activities including multiple sports, clubs, and private tutoring.  We were encouraged to do our best in these activities but as long as we tried our best my parents were happy. My parents paid for private lessons for our hobbies we wanted to pursue like dancing and soccer. Lareau explained the results from this study about children that were raised by the concerted cultivation style would have a sense of entitlement. In my opinion, this isn't always true. I feel like I am a very down to earth young adult and I don't expect people to do things for me or my adult life to be given to me by my parents. I feel like it depends on the lifestyle you live because I do know of some people that grew up in my neighborhood that are very entitled but not every middle class child is like that. I do agree with Lareau when she explained the reasons and implications for why there are two different parenting styles. 

SOC 204 Nov 10th.pptx

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As I was looking through Pinterest I came across this picture and saved it to one of my boards as “ goals for dream family”. I want my husband to be active and apart of our children's lives. I want them to be able to develop a strong and lasting relationship with him. My boyfriend and I talk about our future “dream family” a lot when we are on road trips and other times when we want to talk instead of being on our phones.  He  explains to be all the time how he can't wait to build that lasting relationship with our children and be an active part in their lives. We know that we NEVER  want a family where all we do is work. A priority we both have is to make time for our kids and plan fun activities to do as family so we can make the memories we are dreaming about today. This picture reminds me about the topic we discussed in class regarding the time crunch and negotiating work and family time.  The amount of time mothers and fathers spend with their children is rising regardless of their employment status. In today's world, parents are reporting that they feel like they live in a ‘time crunch’ because they do not have enough time for themselves and their children. That feeling of the time crunch is something my boyfriend and I plan on not being much of a problem because we want to work together as a team in order to spend quality time together as a family. In the article, Men’s Changing Contributions to Family Work, the author Oriel Sullivan explains how there has been a convergence between men and women contributing in a 2 parent dual earner families being about balanced for the total amount of work they do. Sullivan states, “ while women still do most of the family work including household tasks and child care, the balance of both qualitative and attitudinal evidence over the past forty years shows a slow but significant increase in men’s contributions” (Sullivan, pp.617).  This picture shows how fathers over time are becoming more present and active in their children's lives. This is something that I feel will tend to increase in generations because now that i have taken this class I see many new fathers and already fathers starting to stand up and help. 

Sullivan, O. (2015). Men’s Changing Contributions to Family Work. Families as they really are (2nd ed., pp.617-628 ), W.W. Norton. 

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This is a picture of a first house that my boyfriend and I went to look at this weekend. I walked in the house and this pretty kitchen caught my eye. Even though it is smaller than my dream kitchen when we have a family it is my envisions for our dream family house kitchen.  Told my boyfriend that I would love to learn how to cook dinner in there. As soon as i walked in that house i could see myself cooking and him coming home after a long day at work to a home cooked meal for dinner.  This envision I had reminded me of the division of labor and negotiating between work time and family time we discussed in class. The division of household labor is unpaid work that is done to maintain the family members and a home. An example we discussed in class was cooking meals and cleaning dishes and the house in general.  In  the article Falling Back On Plan B, by Kathleen Gerson, explained how the majority of young people explained that they hoped to create a last marriage that allowed them to balance home and work in a flexible, egalitarian way.  The egalitarian camp that was introduced in the article was the invision that the husband and wife share their responsibilities equally and most people in the article wanted this in their relationship.  Gerson stated, “most women and men are more alike than different in their aspirations, with both hoping to blend the traditional value of lifelong commitment with the modern value of flexible, egalitarian sharing”( Gerson, pp. 593).  I believe that this is something that my boyfriend and I will do in our future life together. He loves to cook and help me with household chores around my apartment now. Also, his goal is to have a dream kitchen so he can cook for his family too. 

Gerson, K. (2015). Falling Back on Plan B. The Children of the Gender Revolution Face Uncharted Territory. (2nd  ed., pp.593-608 ), W.W. Norton. 

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Are there some cases where divorce is better than staying married?

In class we discussed the topic of divorce. There are 4 macro level factors that are associated with divorce. This first is the changes in divorce laws. This was implementing the “no fault divorce” policy. This law makes it easier to fill for divorce because someone doesn't have to prove that their partner did something to be at fault. The second factor is women’s employment. With more women being employed gives them some income stability for themselves so they do not need to depend on their husband to make the money. We see that because of this women are more independent and the divorce rates are increasing. The third factor is the economy. If someone is suffering from economic hardships then they can not afford to get divorced so this causes the divorce rate to decrease. The last factor that we discussed in class was the cultural attitudes towards divorce has changed recently and people do not view divorce as a horrible thing when comparing the different situations. In the article, The Case for Divorce states “ This chapter offers evidence about when divorce leads to health benefits, rather than to more often reported negative health consequences”(Rutter, pp. 329). I can relate to this topic of discussion because I am a nanny for a family that has 3 girls who are all younger than 10 years old. Their parents have divorced due to the fact their father had been having an affair for a year. Even though their mom was very upset and broken to find out that information, I have seen a whole other side of her. Now, she is so much happier and enjoying life so much more without him in her life. I have been their nanny for 7 years so I know how she was when they were married and how much more positive she is today. Divorce and happiness matter when we measure someone's personal well- being. Looking at the quality of marriage matters when we ask whether divorce is better than staying married, and in this case it was. 

Rutter, V. E. (2015). The Case for Divorce. In Families as they really are (2nd ed., pp. 329-340), W.W. Norton. 

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Same-Sex Couples Vs. Heterosexual Couples

Cherlin, A. J. (2015). One Thousand and Forty-Nine Reasons Why It's Hard to Know When a Fact is a Fact. In Families as they really are (1st ed., pp. 10–14), W.W. Norton. It all started in 2013, in the case of United States vs. Windsor, that declared parts of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unconstitutional. This allowed many states the opportunity to overturn bans regarding the marriage equality of same sex couples.  In the article, From Outlaws to In-Laws states, “research directly comparing same-sex and heterosexual couples reveals that they are remarkably similar to each other on most dimensions”(Robert-Jay Green, pp.216). With comparing your partners’ sexual orientation, just because someone is homosexual, does not mean they have a different set of factors for comparing their relationship quality and relationship longevity. in other words every couple no matter their sexual orientation will have the same  set of factors for the comparison. In the article, the author explains how lesbian couples establish a more egalitarian viewpoint towards their roles in regarding the division of labor. Also, they have more flexibility in their set of rules and roles in their relationships. These ideas are the opposite when compairing hetersexual couples to these viewpoints and how different the strict gender roles are inforced for hetersexual couples, these couples are not as flexible when it comes to rule and roles in their relationships.  Same-sex couples face different challenges than hetersexual couples in their society. These challenges can hinder their relationships and in worse cases result in a breakup. They experience antigay prejudice. These couples are subjected to discrimination causing them to have to continue to cope with the never ending negative actions and comments from their families, communities, and society. Also, these couples have to experience fragmented social support systems. They have a hard time creating the lasting social support from their families, work settings, religious groups, and community members are less accepting and supportive of their relationships. They become not apart of the same minority group as their parents.   

  Green, R. (2015). From Outlaws to In-Laws. In Families as they really are (2nd ed., pp. 214-231), W.W. Norton.     

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“Cohabitation Revolution”

The cohabitation phenomenon decades ago was viewd so negative. Many people judged these practices as shacking up, playing house, living together, and many more negative thoughts. Today, this experience is very common for most people. Now, many people do not still view cohabitation as negative or some awful idea. In the United States, the number of people cohabiting continues to rise and many of the people in this group are younger than 30 years old. So you many ask why do people move in together?

For heterosexual couples that are not yet married, like myself, suggest cohabitation for a number of different reasons. The first reason is wanting to spend more time together. My boyfriend and I met in college and have been dating for four years. He graduated last year and I am graduating this December. Right now, we currently live three and a half hours away from each other so the idea of moving to Charlotte together seems great! We were used to seeing each other all the time, since we went to the same college, so moving in together wouldn't be anything different in terms of getting along with on another. The other reason would be that it makes better sense with trying to save money. We would share the variety of expenses insead of both having multiple expenses each month. Living together would allow us to save money. In the article, a person that was interviewed states “I mean we spend the majority of our time together, but yet we were both paying two separate places and it just made more sense for us to live together” (Smock and Manning, pp.153). The last reason is having young adults cohabitate is a good way to evaluate the compatibility for marriage. I know that in our case, we do want to get engaged in the next year so being able to live together during that time will help strengthen our relationship. 

Reference: 

Manning D. W., Smock P.J (2005). The Cohabitation Revolution in the United States. In Families as they really are (2nd ed., pp. 149–158), W.W. Norton. 

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Not-so-nuclear family

In class today, we discussed some of Karen Hansen’s research on why she believes the nuclear family isn't so private. Also talk about some of the ideologies that prevail during her research.  She explains how many people view themselves as being self sufficient but how is that possible? When looking at data comparing mothers entering the workforce and how that has increased in need for and increase in childcare organizations and babysitters. It shows a mismatch between the ideological and practices. How is it possible to be self sufficient when you have to get others to watch over your children? This topic of discussion has really stuck with me. I am a nanny for a family and I have also been babysitting ever since I wasn't even old enough to drive yet. These ideologies prevail 2 ideas. The first is the Doctrine of privacy. It means both actual privacy and that the family home is a image of a refuge from the public life. There is a clear difference between the private and public spheres. Family issues belong to the private sphere. “Family business isn't anyone else's business”(notes in Powerpoint).  In my opinion, I do not think it is anyone else's business but that nuclear families regarding if they involve childcare and babysitting jobs to people outside the home.The second doctrine is the belief of individualism. This means that the ideas about self sufficiency are reinforced with laws that require parents the responsibility of childbearing.  The nuclear family has to accept the fact that they wouldn't be able to be employed unless others help out with their children. I think this goes along with the saying I “it takes a village to raise children.” Without help from others, parents wouldn't be able to function and keep up a family.   

 Reference: SOC 204 Sept 1st.pptx