mrmanka

[mrmanka]

I don't know

[mrmanka]

[mrmanka]

lol little silly stocking sketch (⊃ω`)zz 🍰🍰

[mrmanka]

well......(´ω`) from the last one that painted my hands uhuhhhuuuhhhhh bleh 👁👁👁

[mrmanka]

i do not have the strength and concentration to try to write about what i planned,(>_<) but i just write a proposal for a proposal pointlessly... it looks like something wrong, no??? i'm wrong.

[mrmanka]

LOOLLL he returned with no one unnecessary posts of whining and oppression BOOOO booo 🧠🧠

[mrmanka]

now i have experimented with a loop... presses and squeezes so much that i felt my own larynx from the inside.. i would like to experimentally try to hang on the chandelier, as this is completely different than when you try to do with your own efforts. how, under the strength of the severity of your own body, the loop squeezes so much that it causes involuntary salivation and kicking.. i do not find in this some kind of fetish or attraction.. i just want to understand if i'm going to kill myself that way. i am taken in doubt about whether the chair for the support will get in order to quickly have time to return to the place. although i will not even mind if i die so fast and the experiment turns out to be a real end!! just like a stone from the soul....

[mrmanka]

old

[mrmanka]

my therapist: 2001 canon compliant bitchless cant hurt you

2001 canon compliant bitchless:

[mrmanka]

maybe i'll finally start editing videos for my own vlog on youtube... (⊃ω`)zz it's just so scary to start something new when you're not sure about the success of this activity for yourself.

[mrmanka]

after all the long depressive and incomprehensible, i finally managed to meet kiril and even have a normal walk like in the good old days.. it's a pity that this was most likely a one-time action and we won't be able to see each other and have a walk again for about a week or even more, perhaps.. this thought makes my soul sad... but i will say that during this time of my personal suffering, my painful attachment has diminished its ardor. i still need something, but it seems like the need is no longer for a specific person....

[mrmanka]

i don't understand anymore what is normal and what is beyond the limits... my only friend very rarely writes anything online (at least to me specifically), this worries me.. every day i offer to meet him and go for a walk, but for four days he writes that "today won't work out".... someone might say that such activity is quite normal, but not for my friend who himself invited me to go for a walk every day and wrote something every two hours.. i don't really understand what's going on.. it seems to me that the problem is in me.. maybe communicating with me doesn't bring him as much pleasure as before.. this's probably one of the reasons.. perhaps this is the influence of depressive thoughts and some aggravation of the symptoms of his mental disorders.. i just miss him, i guess... it's hard for me to be alone with myself. with my thoughts. music and the internet are no longer able to help as much as before... apathy devours interest in them and then i just start to rot while sitting in my bed.. walks with my friend gave a breath of fresh air... at the moment the need to see a friend has become manic and frightens me every day.. its unhealthy nature and possible further uncontrollability is alarming.. i don't know how to deal with all this, i feel terribly bad...i feel like i'm rotting more and more from the inside every day.

[mrmanka]

feel something feel feelings feel feel just feel so disgusting..... i want to rip my skin off.🥩🥩 manic feeling veins haunts every time. i'm guilty as hell before everyone. i feel guilty for words ordinary words feel guilty for eating food feel guilty for breathing feel guilty for a shameful existence. guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT envelops limbs one by one quietly creeps under the skin begins to flow through veins more and more penetrating into the depths of the soul it becomes its core. guilt's no longer a part of what I feel. now i'm a part of guilt itself............

[mrmanka]

i posted my snails here but i never mentioned that 2024 took everyone i cared about so much..... even my favorite parrot..... he was everything to me. i remember how i personally made a tiny coffin for the bird..... i put his favorite toys inside and then dug a hole myself and buried him.. it was terribly painful..

[mrmanka]

why tumblr? idk.. maybe because my friends won't see these posts because they aren't interested in this platform.. so. i guess i can torment my soul here, writing nonsense here won't make me feel better but it's worth a try......

maybe my story will interest someone.. i also find it attractive that some bloggers will probably make a true-crime video about my unbearable existence and painful hopeless end... that would be cool.

[mrmanka]

drawing with your own blood is fascinating......my condition so easily depends on impulses from the outside.... i don't deserve to live...i don't deserve to die... the translator would rather destroy the meaning of what was said...i just want to share with someone what is happening.. i am a terrible person. rather not even a person at all. i am so anxious. pills don't help....

[mrmanka]

WOWW 🍥🍥(๑•́ω•̀)(๑•́ω•̀) cave paintings are still relevant (´-ω-`)(´-ω-`)🎀🎀