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It's my 13 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

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Blah....Feelings

The other day I seen a video that depicted EXACTLY how I feel. The Pun Guys were trying to fix a broken plate with tape and milk....lol when it started falling apart I yelled " That's how I feel" I was indeed alone and my dog did look at me sideways...anywho

When I lost my brother I lost myself. He was literally my favorite person. After he passed everyone kept telling me to "Stay strong for your Mom and his kids"... but who was going to stay strong for me? We had a million people calling and texting right after he passed. Then after the funeral all of that stopped.

(It's crazy how everyone else gets to move on with their lives while we're here trying to comprehend that he's never coming back. That I really can't call him to tell him good news . That he didn't take my charger I just misplaced it. That he really isn't coming to pick up the twins they live here now.)

I don't cry in front of the kids. I tried to make it my mission to fill in and be a more active aunt for them. I failed. Kids are smart. They can sense emotions. I also avoided talking to my parents about my feelings because, I knew that they hurt exactly like I did. Why bring them down when they were up? I pretended to be strong. I bottled up EVERYTHING. I'd cry when I was alone... either in my car or to sleep.

If you know me. You know that I talked about my brother more than I talked about myself before he died. He was my bestfriend. My "brother half". My big brother. I was my brother's Keeper. If I called he was going to be there no matter the distance or time. And if he called I was coming running even if I was mad at him.

Almost 4 years later I'm still in shock. Dawg let me tell you...this ain't it! His death still hurts like it happened yesterday. How the heck do you get used to living without someone that you've Never before lived without? Everything reminds me of him. And I'm really dreading our birthdays...mine is 4 days after his.

I noticed that I started detaching myself from people because selfishly I never want to feel how I feel again. And no I'd never harm myself...I'm really just trying to put into words what I held in for so long.

I say all of this because Grief is not just something that goes away. It has no time limit. It's honestly kicking my butt. I can hear the people who see me daily saying "but she's always so happy". See the crazy thing about depression is you can be happy and upbeat 1 second and crying 2 seconds later.

I've been reading my bible more and working on my personal relationship with God and with him I AM going to make it through this. But babyyyy it's been a struggle!

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Most underrated show of all time

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Blah....Feelings

The other day I seen a video that depicted EXACTLY how I feel. The Pun Guys were trying to fix a broken plate with tape and milk....lol when it started falling apart I yelled " That's how I feel" I was indeed alone and my dog did look at me sideways...anywho

When I lost my brother I lost myself. He was literally my favorite person. After he passed everyone kept telling me to "Stay strong for your Mom and his kids"... but who was going to stay strong for me? We had a million people calling and texting right after he passed. Then after the funeral all of that stopped.

(It's crazy how everyone else gets to move on with their lives while we're here trying to comprehend that he's never coming back. That I really can't call him to tell him good news . That he didn't take my charger I just misplaced it. That he really isn't coming to pick up the twins they live here now.)

I don't cry in front of the kids. I tried to make it my mission to fill in and be a more active aunt for them. I failed. Kids are smart. They can sense emotions. I also avoided talking to my parents about my feelings because, I knew that they hurt exactly like I did. Why bring them down when they were up? I pretended to be strong. I bottled up EVERYTHING. I'd cry when I was alone... either in my car or to sleep.

If you know me. You know that I talked about my brother more than I talked about myself before he died. He was my bestfriend. My "brother half". My big brother. I was my brother's Keeper. If I called he was going to be there no matter the distance or time. And if he called I was coming running even if I was mad at him.

Almost 4 years later I'm still in shock. Dawg let me tell you...this ain't it! His death still hurts like it happened yesterday. How the heck do you get used to living without someone that you've Never before lived without? Everything reminds me of him. And I'm really dreading our birthdays...mine is 4 days after his.

I noticed that I started detaching myself from people because selfishly I never want to feel how I feel again. And no I'd never harm myself...I'm really just trying to put into words what I held in for so long.

I say all of this because Grief is not just something that goes away. It has no time limit. It's honestly kicking my butt. I can hear the people who see me daily saying "but she's always so happy". See the crazy thing about depression is you can be happy and upbeat 1 second and crying 2 seconds later.

I've been reading my bible more and working on my personal relationship with God and with him I AM going to make it through this. But babyyyy it's been a struggle!

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A glimpse of me.

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The Haves and The Have nots Finale Rewritten

*Still begins with Candace and Benny rushing to Hanna's nothing here changes until Hannah and Candace are on the porch*.

Hannah: You almost got another baby killed.

Candace: I know mama. I can't keep living like this.

Hannah: Just finish the plan.

Candace: mhm *rolls eyes*

*Candace walks off dialing a number into her phone*

*Police office walks up to Hannah and that conversation stays the same.*

*Benny indeed meets Tanisha and his son and that conversation stay the same as well.*

Flash to David Harrington's Mansion

*Wyatt's Death scene stays the same only minor differences are made.*

*Jim Storms out of the house upset and distraught. David tries to stop him but Jim speeds off. He goes straight to the prison.*

Flash to Veronica's house

*Laura talks Samuel into being intimate in Veronica's walk in closet.*

*Veronica has the discussion with Marco about his money but asks for proof of the murder.*

*Veronica goes upstairs to get half of Marco's money and overhears the two.*

*She goes crazy and kicks the 2 out calling them dumb and firing the duo.*

Flash to the Malone's Bar

*Candace walks in*

Candace: Mitch you knew about this?

Mitch : You need to leave I'll call you later.

Candace: No, you can tell me right now.

*Vinny walks up*

Mitch: leave her alone she has nothin to do with nothin.

Candace: Why did you try to kill my brother? I did you all a favor.

Vinny: Mama Rose's favors aren't mine.

Candace: demands to talk to mama rose

*Vinny has his goons grab her to put her out.*

Mitch: let her go Vinny.

Vinny: I will kill the both of you.

*outside of bar Candace is spewing*

*up comes a speeding car. Out hops Landon*

Landon: He's so Glad that you finally changed your mind!

Candace: How did you find me? I said I'd come, but I told you to meet me at the hotel.

Landon: I told you that we could track you.

Flash to Veronica's place

* (side note) Jeffrey never trusted Tanner in the first place so he gave Tanner Veronica's Address instead of David's"

*Tanner Calls Jeffrey and tells him he left the package at the front door.*

*veronica hears someone on the porch and goes to the door. looks down and see the package addressed to Jeffrey.*

*Veronica calls Jeffrey*

Veronica: Son, someone delivered a package to my house with your name on it. this better not be one of those nasty toys that you are into.

Jeffrey: Mom I don't care.

Veronica: Boy what's wrong with you? Did your little girlfriend break up with you?

Jeffrey: Mom Wyatt is dead.

*Veronica hangs up and laughs*

Flash to the Jail

*Katheryn walks into meeting room*

Katheryn: Jim if you had me pulled out of my cell so you could beg for money again I'll turn back around.

Jim: Kate Sit Down!

Katheryn: Kate? laughs * looks at jim's face and notices that it's wet from him crying*

Jim...what's wrong?

Jim: it's Wyatt.

Katheryn:*smirks* what? Did he try to kill you again?

Jim: Kate he's Dead

Katheryn: Jim how?

Jim: Overdo...

Katheryn: yells *inaudible* This is all your fault. I asked you to have him comitted. I asked you to leave him in jail and take up for what he did. *Starts punching him in his hurt arm* I begged you to go to his condo and you said no. This is TWO KIDS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! GUARD!

*Jim leaves*

Flash to Hanna's house

*Benny and Tanisha set up another meeting.*

*Tanisha leaves. Hannah says goodbye to her Grandbaby and the goodbye is interrupted by a call.*

Hannah: Hello?

Katheryn blubbering: Wyatt is gone...He died.

Hannah: How? What happened?

Hannah: There was a shooting at the brownstone could it be related?

Flash to the Malones Bar

*Mitch finally able to have his phone Dials Mama Rose and tells her what happened. He passes the phone to Vinny.*

Vinny: yes mama?

*hears inaudible yelling from other side of phone*

*Vinny makes a call*

Vinny: You Coward. You shot at the wrong house GET BACK HERE NOW.

Sandy however has other plans.

*Sandy shows up to Rianna's home.*

Rianna: you need to leave.

Sandy: *gloating* I just killed your little boyfriend.

Rianna crying: GET OUT NOW!

Sandy: No. I'm hungry, go make me something to eat.

*Sandy sits down*

Rianna: *Pulls out gun*

*Sandy stands putting his hands up*

Sandy: woah, woah, woah. What are you doing with that? You better know how to use it.

Rianna: 3. 2...

Sandy: 1 *jumps at Rianna*

Rianna *jumps and pills trigger multiple times*

Sandy: *with blood coming from his mouth and wounds* You shot me and all I ever did was love you.

*Sandy dies*

Flash back to Katheryn's jail cell

* In enters Katheryn*

Diamond: What's wrong with you?

Katheryn: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Diamond: What's your problem?

Katheryn yells MY SON IS DEAD!

Diamond: Just like my niece Lizzie Castillo.

*Katheryn gasps and gets strangled the same way.*

Flash to the Cryer mansion

*Hannah arrives and finds Jim drinking and crying.*

Jim: What are you doing in my house?

Hannah: *looks at floor* I'm sorry to hear about Wyatt.

Jim: Thank you, now I'd like to be left alone.

Hannah: I have something to grab.

Jim: drunk rambling Amanda would still be here if it wasn't for that STUPID BITCH that you call a daughter and I wish Wyatt had killed your son.

Hannah: You're upset and I understand that. I really do. *curls lips* but watch what you say about my children.

Jim : I'll say whatever I Want in MY house.

Hannah: This is Mrs. Cryer's home.

Jim: *mocking her* And you can Get out of Mrs. Cryer's home.

Hannah: After I grab what I came for.

*Hannah walks upstairs reaching the top of the steps Jim runs after her. They fight and with all her might Hannah Pushes Jim down the stairs. Jim flips and hits his head on the wall breaking his neck. Jim lays there dead*

Flash to Veronica's home

*Veronica too curious decides to open Jeffrey's package*

BOOM!

Flash to Hannah's home

*Benny's phone rings*

Benny: Hello?

Candace: Benny, I'm Going to DC

Candace: hold on Benny it's Mama, don't hang up!

Candace: Hello?

Hannah: It's done!

Candace: the plan?

Hannah: it's done!

*Candace back on phone with Benny tells him what Hannah said.

the scene ends with the police taking a statement from Hannah and leaving. *

The next morning

*The news shows the deaths from the previous night. Camera flashing to each remaining character.*

*Jeffery is crying while Madison embraces him as they watch the news in Madison's apartment.*

*David watching the news pulls out Erica's photo from his wallet.

*Benny is at the park with Tanisha and their son.*

*Candace walks into the front doors of the white house and Charles greets her with a kiss.*

*Hannah has that board meeting and Fires everyone on the board because they are dirty and the money is now all hers. Then we flash back to a scene that is new to viewers of Hannah and Candace.*

Hannah: Child you're gonna get yourself killed messing with all these strange men.

Candace: Mama I know what I'm doing Jim isn't my first mark.

Hannah: Those are some powerful people.

Candace: Then help me.

Hannah: I'll befriend the Mrs, only to keep you Safe.

*Flashes to present day*

*Hannah is smiling and the camera watches as Hannah drives off leaving the Cryer mansion*

The Haves Nots now being the ones who have!