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Life feels like it has wore off. Ironic, cause even an old jam jar is still alive.

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“No, you don’t understand.

I really tried this time,

I really tried,

This is as good as i can do,

And i still failed.”

-The Simpsons.

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Who, where, why.

You live, everything seems real. And then at one point you accidentally stumble upon a smell, or a photo, a picture, and it touches something deep inside. It's like touching a bare wire. It penetrates through and through. This can be called an association that awakens strange feelings. Your head is spinning, you're bursting from the inside. You get lost in space, in time. And at this moment, this nasty feeling overtakes. Where am I? Who are these people with whom I communicate every day. Where I am, what's around me, what year it is. What am I doing here. It's like the world you're living in right now is just a dream. And you keep trying to wake up, but it doesn't work out. A mute cry of despair gets stuck somewhere in the throat. It feels like you're homesick. But the house is not in physical terms. A house is a certain time, a certain atmosphere, a place. Home is the place that when you think about it, you realize that it will not replace anything. And you feel how the soul aspires there. But the place to which she aspires so much, I'm afraid has long gone.

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The feeling.

That feeling that appears unexpectedly. It's like a snake. It gets inside, and you feel it in your gut. You can't describe it. It's like animal fear. You're sick from the inside out, but you're still sitting as you were, and you can't do anything. And it's growing and growing. The palms become even colder than they were. You get a fever, but it's not hot at all, on the contrary it's cold. You want to get out of your skin. You can hear your heart pump in your head. The air still enters the lungs, but only now there seems to be not enough oxygen in it. A few moments later, you are again overtaken by what has been oppressing you for so long. Gnashing your soul with his claws again. However it already seems like something right and usual. And in the end you continue to live, because it has already become a part of your life, a part of you, your happy moments.

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2022👋🏻

Everything in this life happens for any reasons. Those events don’t care if we like them or not. They happen cause they must appear once in your life, maybe more, to make you learn and understand better this world.

The same i can say about 2022. It was the hardest year of my life. I faced my fears, my biggest fails, the worst side of me. In the first part of 2022 I was just falling somewhere, deeper and deeper, and it was getting darker and darker. I was hurting people i love, without even realising. I was ruining myself. And one-day, one of the worst days this year, helped me. Yes, you see, it was bad, but made good for me. I woke up. I started to do something, tried to get up. I’ve missed the point, where I lost myself. But i created the new one. And im still continue to develop myself. Im trying to realise that past is past, and it doesn’t exist here and now, it doesn’t exist in future. Past is only staying in our memories. My biggest mistake was to regret about past and compare it to present. Time doesn’t wait. Sometimes to continue your life, you need to just cut all those feelings.

So in the end i want to say that even 2022 was the worst year due to world events and personal reasons, in the end it gave me a lot. I’ve learned more about people, world, myself. This year i’ve met the weakest version of me. However im grateful to 2022 cause in the end I received the better and a stronger me. If i wasn’t ready to meet 2022, now im ready to step in a new chapter of my life, and im feeling confident. There is still a lot to reach, but that’s what life is given for.

Life is a game, the end of which we all will reach. Purpose is not about who reached the end first. The point is about who played the best.

And remember, everything happening has its own reason to appear.

-Muffin.

Happy New Year, wish you all the best✨

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The return of Veterans

A little introduction, to what this post is referred: in the class we`e read a text about American veteran, coming back to Vietnam, to remember his life during war.

In my opinion, we are all people, who are defined by their past and present. There is no right side. We all are following what we think is right. The same we can say about the war. People have choice. But whatever choise they will do, it`s will be wrong compare to other side. So in the end we choose what we think will be better, what the others tell will be better.

All our choices, conflicts, good moments, are our memories which are the part of us, which will stay with us forever. Memories is not always only the good. And our personality is a combination of all it.

There are some places, which are very important to us, cause this place might have been the one, whic has changed us.

Time passes, things are changing. Thats why i think that it,s good if veterans can feel free, to come back where they feel they need to. There shouldnt be judgement, it`s will be better if you can see the situation from their point of view, however it is almost impossible as we are all different and have a different life experience.

I was glad when ive read about this American veteran who came back to Vietnam, place where he changed, and wasnt judged by the locals.

-Muffin

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Brodskiy `Pilgrims`

My dreams and feelings for the umpteenth time come to you dear pilgrims. AT. Shakespeare

by the lists, point, by churches and bars, by chic cemeteries, near Grand Bazaar, peace and grief by, near Mecca and Rome, blue sun palim, Pilgrims are on the ground. they maimed, horbatы, hungry, half-dressed, their eyes are full of sunset, their hearts are full of dawn. They were singing the desert, lightning flash, stars tremble over them, and a hoarse shout them the birds: that the world will remain the same, Yes, remain the same, dazzling snow and questionable tender, the world will be a liar, the world will be eternal, may be, postizhimыm, but still endless. AND, means, will sense belief in themselves but in God. And then …, there were only illusion and the road. And to be on the ground sunsets, and be above ground dawns. Fertilize its soldiers. Approve its poets.

1958 Today in my ;ittle post with my opinion, i want to analyse poetry of Brodsky which is called "Pilgrims" and was written in 1958. I attached it just below.

Before i will start i want to say a couple words about the author. I can not write everything here, so you should defenetly read heis full biography. It is a person who went through a lot of different things in his life, however he didnt give up and even more he achieved even more. This poem was written when he was 18 years old, which points us to the fact that he grew up early.

As we can talk for an infinity time about the biography of Brodsky, the same i can tell about his poem. We can analyse from the side of literary devices, which we can find in every line, like personification or anaphora. Personaly i like to analyse the sense, and how the poem can be connected to the author`s life.

The Pilgrim's Way in this poem is the life of Brdsky, who was forced to wander and look for a new place to live after he was expelled from his native country.

The poet wants to convey the infinity of the world and at the same time its depravity. He makes it clear to the reader that it is impossible to see all the beauty sitting still.

When the author mentions that the pilgrim's eyes are full of sunset, it is only because they see all the depravity. It seems to people that the world is changing every day, but only pilgrims see that everything goes in a circle, and this is the difference between people and pilgrims, pilgrims do not live by illusions.

This shows that at 18 years old, Brodsky already understood the world, and on the place of illusions he chose the route of pilgrim. Even in the future, he wont be someone important in USSR, and either USA, and this is what a real pilgrim is. A real pilgrim doesnt have home.

-Muffin.

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Pilgrimage

What are we composed of? Feelings, emotions, life experience, our knowledge or believes, people who surround us or world? Can we define ourselves by the goals we want to achieve or by our past that we`ve experienced? Ask a simple question who are you, is it someone you want to be, how can yo achieve a better version of you?

Just for a moment stop your every day routine, dont let your surroundindg to make a squished lemon from you. Stop till its not too late and ask yourself, the real you, the one you hided deep in your heart from everyone else, ask if your current life and your destiny is what you really want. And be honest to you. Sometimes by achieveng something that the others want from us, we are losing contact with ourselves, we are forgetting about our real values. In that case i think a pilgrimage would be the best solution to save you and your inside world.

Pilgrimage is a journey made by a pilgrim, where you go to new unknown places. During this journey you can search for something holy in terms of connection with God. You can search for your new meaning of life, you can search for a better version of yourself. It can transformate your personality into something much more better. Your life vision and knowledge spectrum will grow up, by having new experience. Pilgrimage can be a kind of retreat from your daily life. Of course to make it work you should have a dedication for it. After starting it, you can come back into your daily life, but when you feel like you found what you were searching for, and you are ready.

Pilgrimage is something that i woud want to do. As a religious person, I would travel throught all sacred places. I would listen to my feelings and intuition, and go to places that i feel like i need to go to. Just imagine how much experience it would give you.

We all have just one life, and i thing the point of it is to find what we call `the meaning of life`. Try the taste and feel the connection with past, present, and future through piligrimage.

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Perhaps the best thing, it's just sitting late at the open window, around anyone except you and the Moon. You sit and look at the open window at her, and listen to your favorite music. At this moment you are thousands of kilometers away from reality and present, in distant hidden corners of your feelings and memories, in your little world, which no one will ever know about.

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Positive Psychology

In 1854, psychology became a field of experimental study. Since then people percieve this word and connotate its meaning, as a science which is trying to find any issues in people`s mind set and their altitude. More than for 60 years psychology working within the desease model. However this model got good results within those 60 years, and now there are solutions and treatment for sufficient quantity of them.

By working with this model psychologists forgot about three important things. First what they forgot-is moral. Second, they forgot about improving normal lives. Ant the last one, the third, there goal was to find solution and fix the problem, but not really make people happier.

What if can change psychology mission of making people less miserable, on the mission of making peoples lifes happy. Martin Seligman said that we can break down happy life into three parts: pleasant life, life of engagement, the meaningful life. He made a parallel between problems of psychology with problems of technology, and mentioned the words of Laura Lee: "design and, I believe, entertainment and technology, can be used to increase meaning engagement in life as well.".

So in the end Positive Psychology is based on considering human strengths and weaknesses equally together,to really understand ourselves. And now we can replenish the list Ten reasons to be optimistic` with the eleventh-technology, entertainment and design.

All this can change the direction of psychology into something, which will really make people happier.

Source: TED talk The new era of positive psychology` by Martin Seligman.