mult1fandomwriter

[mult1fandomwriter]

Fuck Feelings ( JJ Maybank)

Pairing: JJ x Character

Inspired by: the song Heather- Conan Gray

Summary: Rose(character) is heartbroken because JJ has a girlfriend and she is trying to hide it. When it is revealed things between JJ and her get pretty heated

(I don't own the gif)

I sat at the old couch, at John B's house, mumbling a new rhythm for the song I was currently writing, with my guitar, right next to me. I remember my self having a passion for writing, since I was a little girl. I would always make up short stories of any kind and write them down in the notebook, I always carried with me. Later, at the age of 12, I discovered my hidden talent in music and had my parents buy me a guitar and pay for guitar lessons. So here I am, heartbroken, sitting on my own in John B' s living room, while my friends are outside enjoying their beer, doing the thing I love the most. Combining music with writing. It helps me take a break and relax, without thinking about my problems and how miserable I feel Without thinking about my parents, who I haven't seen in a month, because they are currently travelling around Europe, in order to "bring the spirit back to their relationship", as they told me when they announced me, that they were leaving. Without thinking about the blonde boy, who is sitting outside with his girlfriend, making my heart break in small pieces. I continue writing my song. It is inspired by him. Why would you ever kiss me? I am not even half as pretty, I am writing, remembering our kiss last week. Really though, why would he kiss me, when he had feelings for someome else? For Melissa. And why would he see me as something more than a friend, when he had her? God she is pretty...And I am nothing compared to her. Melissa moved here, in Outer Banks, about a month ago and from the moment JJ saw her, I could tell he was fascinated by her. Why blame him though? With her long red hair and her ice blue eyes, she looks like a damn godess. No wonder why he was immidiately attracted to her. They have been dating for about a week now. Six days to be precise. I haven't spoken to JJ since our steamy momemt at the beach last Saturday. That kiss meant everything to me, but apperantly nothing to him, considering the fact, that he asked Melissa out the next morning.

A few taps on the window bring me back to reality. I lift my head only to see Kiara tapping on the window, urging me to come outside. And so do I. I know it isn't a really good idea, but what else can I possibly do? As soon as I step outside, I am offered a beer from John B. "Finally my favorite Kook showed up" he says offering me a warm smile. "Hey, I thought I was your favorite one!" Sarah says with a fake hurt look on her face. I smile as John B leans in, connecting his lips to hers, kissing her sweetly "Always", he whispers. I catch my shelf smiling again at the way John B shows his affection for Sarah. I amhappy for them, because I've known Sarah for my whole life and she is one of my best friends, since she lives next door. John B and JJ have been my best friends since 3rd grade, when I met them at the beach. We've been inseparable since then. Later we became really close friends with Pope and Kiara too and now Sarah is part of our group too, despite her differences with Kiara, which are now solved. My feelings towards JJ changed, however. I want more from him and I thought he wanted too, with the constant touches and need to protect me and then that kiss. But as it turned out, JJ 's feelings were not mutual. My happines for the relationship of my friends is overshadowed by the feeling of a gap in my chest. I feel empty without JJ' s touch, without his kisses. I know of course, that I can not have that with him. "What were you doing in there for so long, Rose?", Pope asks me. "Just writing a new song", I reply while shrugging. I don't want it to seem like a big deal, because the lyrics are really personal. "I am already done with the music, but the lyrics are not finished yet". "Oh can I read it?", Pope asks with excitement in his voice. He is always hyping me up whenever I write a new song and he is always the first one to read it when it is finished, but I don't want anyone to lay eyes on this one. It is too personal. "No, not yet. Only when it's done. You know me", I reply chuckling so that I can sound cool and act like nothing is making me uncomfortable about this whole situation. I feel a cold breeze. " I am cold", I say, not really expecting a reply or something. Just to change the subject. "Yeah, me too.", says Melissa, with her annoyning voice. Why is she here again? Is she becoming part of our group now? JJ takes his hoodie off, revealing his grey sleevless shirt, underneath it. He takes it and offers it to her. Ouch...that hurt...I look away, as she takes it in her hands, ready to wear it. Sarah notices and gives me her "we'll talk about it later" look

Suddenly a rush of insiration hits me and I quickly grab my pen and notebook to add a few more lyrics. You gave her your sweater. It's just polyester, but you like her better. I wish I were Heather. I write concentrated, while a tear escapes my eyes. These lyrics describe my emotions. I am in a bad mental state. I want to be Melissa so bad. I want to be the one JJ hugs and kisses. I love him so much, but I am not good enough.

Looking up, I realisedJJ is eyeing me, a confused look on his beautiful face. Oh, he is so handsome. This is the first time I look at him in a week. I missed seeing his expressions change and I missed starring at those gorgeous blue eyes, I so much love. "Hey", John B says, "what's wrong Rose?". I do not reply, trying to stop the other tears that escape my eyes. But I can't. It isn't like me to show my emotions like this. I don't bother the others with the way I feel. Somehow, however JJ can always understand it, when something is wrong and we always discuss it privately. But this time I can't talk to him about any of it. "It's that thing you're writing, isn't it Williams?" JJ asks, calling me by my last name as usual. "It's none of your bussiness", I answer with a harsh tone. JJ' s eyes widen by my sudden outburst towards him. If he only knew how much damage he had done to me, he wouldn't be. "Give it to me. I wanna see it.", he demands. "NO!", I respond yelling, while more tears begin to run on my cheeks. "What the fuck is up with you Williams ? You stop talking to me for a week and now you will not let me read what you're writing. Do you think this is okay?", JJ snaps too, yelling at me, looking me straight in the eye. "Like you care about me not talking to you", I say sarcasticaly in a much lower voice. "Of course I fucking care Williams. You would not even look at me the entire time. Why?" "Why do you fucking care? You don't need me anyway, now that you have found a girlfriend, do you?" I know how jealous I sound, but i can't help it anymore. My four friends and Melissa look at as confused, although the last one looks pretty annoyed too. "Is that it? You act all weird because I have a girl? Or because that girl isn't you? It's the kiss, isn't it? Are you jealous Rosalie?",JJ replies with a tone of brag in his voice. He is being so mean and arrogant right now, like my feelings don't matter. He knows how I feel, but he doesn't care. This hurts. A lot. And the fact that he used my whole name, makes it worse, because I can tell how serious this is. All five of the others gasp when the hear about our kiss. "What the fuck?", Melissa starts talikng. "You want my man, bitch? Well it ain't gonna happen. He's mine.", she says looking at me. I give her a deadly stare, unable to speak. But it is good enough, cause if looks could kill, she would now be dead. I see as JJ turns around to look at his so called hirlfriend, his face red drom anger. "I am not a fucking object you can call your own!", he yells at Melissa. Her eyes open widely, scared of his angry outburst. John B interfears, trying to calm him down, but JJ, just pushes him away, turning his gaze towards me again. "Well", he says, "I am waiting for an answer Rosalie", he tells me angrily. I just stare at him, words unable to escape my mouth. "I...I am...I gotta go", I mumble looking away. "Rose", I hearKiara and Sarah say in unision, but I don't turn to look at them, alredy imagining the looks of pity for me im their eyes. I quickly leave John B' s house, while hearing him and my two girl best friends yelling at me to come back. I start running, in order to go home. I need to get away from here as quickly as possible. Oh, how emotionaly exhausted I feel...

Part 2 is out too

[mult1fandomwriter]

Fuck Feelings (JJ Maybank)

Part 2

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Character

I am finally home, after a 30 minute walk. I feel exhausted not only physically, but emotionally too. Especially emotionally. I can't believe what just happened. I don't know what's worse. The fact that JJ realised my feelings for him but didn't care? The fact that everyone found out about our kiss? Or the fact that I was so humiliated by the indifference of JJ about it?. I feel miserable. I want to cry so badly, but I can't. Instead I keep it all inside, feeling worse and worse as time passes. I decide to lay on my bed and fall asleep. It is currently 3 a.m. and I can't even close my eyes. I keep on thinking about everything that is wrong in my life. How did I end up like this? I really need someone to talk to. But who? I don't wanna bother Kiara or Sarah, even though I know, that after what they witnessed, they will be willing to listen and give me advice. But i don't want to become a burden. I could talk to my mum, I guess... If she were here of course. I can call her. But then again I don't want to make her listen to my problems. Even though I keep on thinking of people, who would be willing to listen to me, I know deep down, that JJ is the only one, to whom I can actually talk to, but right now am not able to. Groaning I get up, in order to take my notebook and finish the lyrics, since I was so emotional. However I realise, that I have left it back at John B' s place. I start panicking. I don't want anyone to read the lyrics, especially JJ, who so badly wanted to. I was in such a hurry to leave that place, that I didn't even remember to take the thing, that caused all this chaos. Chaos...yeah this was the right word for the situation I am currently dealing with. I just lay on my bed, praying, that one of my friends or Melissa will find the notebook.

The tapping of my window brings me back to reality, as I turn my gaze towards its direction, encountering JJ literally waiting outside. This can't be good. I open the window for him. He looks so tired. Red eyes,messy hair, but still gorgeous. "Hello, Williams", he greets me with a small smile. I can, however tell that he is upset. JJ hands me a black notebook. My notebook. Oh no... This is definitely not going to end up well. When I hesitate to take it JJ gets fruhstrated. " Come on Williams, it's just a notebook, take it". "Did you read it?",I ask, hesitation filling my voice. But I already know the answer. JJ looks me in the eye, with an expression I can't understand. "Yes, Williams, I did. I read that stupid song of yours". His indifference hurts me. I know he has realised that I wrote it for him, but he does not care at all. Why? My emotions cloud my judgement and I can't think clearly, so as soon as I open my mouth, I start yelling at him. "Why are you treating me like this JJ? You touch me and hug me, flirt with me, kiss me and then move on to Melissa, like nothing happened between the two of us. I have feelings, you know. I am a human. You can't play with my emotions, like that.", I yell loudly, tears rolling down my eyes uncontrolably. I don't want to cry in front of him. I don't want him to see how much damage he has done to me. When I see his expression, I start crying even more. He seems like he doesn't give a damn about me and what I am telling him. "Say something, JJ. Anything, I don't care!", I keep on shouting. "That kiss meant so much to me. I've been in love with you for so long. I... I thought you felt the same way, JJ. But you just got bored, I guess, and decided to play with me by kissing me, right?". And this is the moment when JJ snaps. "You think, that I don't care about the way you feel Rose? Who is there for you whenever you want to talk about something that bothers you, huh? John B? Kiara? Pope? Sarah? Nope. None of them. It's me. Me!". His voice is so loud and it's currently 3:30 in the morning, but at this point I don't care anymore. I just neeed to clear things out with him. I know, he is going to reject me and that I am going to regret confessing to him, but right now this feels like the right thing to do. JJ keeps on yelling at me. "I know you are writing the song about me, Rose and it kills me to know how much I have hurt you. That kiss was a mistake Rose. You need to forget it, because I already have. It is better for us both to not ruin our friendship, because of a mistake". His voice is softer and more calm, while saying the last sentence, but I can't help but keep on shouting. "A mistake? That's all for you? A fucking mistake? I just admitted that it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and you want me to forget about it? Why, JJ? Why her and not me? You barely know her, while I've been there for you the entire time. Is she better than me? Of course she is... She is so beautiful and I am nothing compared to her, but why do...?"

Suddenly JJ shuts me up, by pussing me against the wall nearby. I cringe at the pain I feel when my back meets the cold painted in a lightnshade of purple wall. I can't help but feel a little scared, by his sudden angry outburst. My chest hurts from crying so much. JJ looks at me, a hurt expression in his face. "Don't you ever think for a second that she is your superior. Don't compare yourself to her. You can't do that! You Rosalie...", he takes a breath, continuing, his eyes never leaving mine, while both his hands touch the wall at both sides of my head, trapping there with him. "You are the most beautiful girl in this whole fucking world. Look at you Williams", he says, lifting his palm to capture my cheek in it. I flinch a little, before his hand touches me. I hope JJ doesn't notice. But he does.I see as worry finds her way onto his face. "You're afraid of me", he mumbles, more to himself. "JJ, I don't...", I begin to say but he cuts my sentance again, by speaking. "I will never hurt you, you hear me? You mean so much to me Rose". The roles are now reversed and he is the one crying right now. He seems like he has so much to say, so I don't interrupt him. "I love you Williams". He sighs and my heart beat increases abruptly. "You mean the world to me. I can't lose you. Not you. That kiss Rosalie...that kiss felt like the only right thing I've ever done in my life. I want to give you more Rosalie, I really do. I care about you, but I am not enough. You are so beautiful and clever and...and...You are perfect and that's why you deserve so much better. I can't be what you want. I'm a fucking mess you are too good for me. I can't...". It's my turn to interrupt him, by throwing my arms around his shaking now body. "I want you the way you are. Not to change. All I ask from you is to be there for me. To be with me".

These words are enough for JJ. He quickly captures my face in his big palms and kisses me sweetly. I smile while kissing him. I missed him so much and having him here right now, with me is the only thing that matters to me. His head titles deepending the kiss and I feel his tongue swipe my bottom lip. I allow my lips to part, letting his tongue dance with my own. Kissing JJ like that feels so good. I feel like I am completed, like a gap has been filled. "Jump". JJ argues me to do, while having me pinned against my bedroom wall. I do as I am told, my lips never leaving his. His hands touch the fabric of my hoodie. He looks at me,as if asking for permission. I nod and he smirks, taking it off. His eyes widen when he realises I am not wearing a bra underneath my hoodie. "You're gorgeous.", he murmurs, while leading us to my bed. He lays on top of me, looking at me with adoration. His hands travel down to my chest squeezing my breasts softly, while his lips leave small wet kisses on my neck. I quickly undress his upper body, admiring the muscles on his sunkissed skin. He smirks seeing my expression and keeps on leaving small kisses on my skin. I moan as he finds my sweet spot right under my left ear. After kissing me there for a while, his gorgeous lips kiss their way down to my stomach, smirking whenever he hears the soft moans leaving my lips.

I close my eyes feeling exhausted and amazing at the same time. JJ seems to notice once more and brings his lips back to mine for one last time. "Get some sleep baby. You had a long day." Something in this nickname brings butterflies to my stomach. JJ grabs the blanket and covers our bodies, while hugging me. His strong arm finds his way to my waist and I lean onto his bare chest. "I love you Williams", he says stroking my hair softly. "I've always have loved you. It just took me a while to realise, baby." I can't help but smile at his words. "I love you too JJ", I reply looking at him, satisfied with the happy smile on his face. We stay like that for a few minutes, eyes closed. No words need to be spoken. We're both into each other's arms and that's all that matters. I am ready to fall asleep, when I hear JJ mumbling while still stroking my hair. "You are mine. Only mine and I am all yours." A bright smile finds its way on my face as I hear these words and remember the way he shouted at Melissa for calling him hers. I feel better than I've ever felt before, laying in the arms of the boy who broke my heart and then brought the pieces back together. The boy I so much love.

[mult1fandomwriter]

Fuck Feelings ( JJ Maybank)

Pairing: JJ x Character

Inspired by: the song Heather- Conan Gray

Summary: Rose(character) is heartbroken because JJ has a girlfriend and she is trying to hide it. When it is revealed things between JJ and her get pretty heated

(I don't own the gif)

I sat at the old couch, at John B's house, mumbling a new rhythm for the song I was currently writing, with my guitar, right next to me. I remember my self having a passion for writing, since I was a little girl. I would always make up short stories of any kind and write them down in the notebook, I always carried with me. Later, at the age of 12, I discovered my hidden talent in music and had my parents buy me a guitar and pay for guitar lessons. So here I am, heartbroken, sitting on my own in John B' s living room, while my friends are outside enjoying their beer, doing the thing I love the most. Combining music with writing. It helps me take a break and relax, without thinking about my problems and how miserable I feel Without thinking about my parents, who I haven't seen in a month, because they are currently travelling around Europe, in order to "bring the spirit back to their relationship", as they told me when they announced me, that they were leaving. Without thinking about the blonde boy, who is sitting outside with his girlfriend, making my heart break in small pieces. I continue writing my song. It is inspired by him. Why would you ever kiss me? I am not even half as pretty, I am writing, remembering our kiss last week. Really though, why would he kiss me, when he had feelings for someome else? For Melissa. And why would he see me as something more than a friend, when he had her? God she is pretty...And I am nothing compared to her. Melissa moved here, in Outer Banks, about a month ago and from the moment JJ saw her, I could tell he was fascinated by her. Why blame him though? With her long red hair and her ice blue eyes, she looks like a damn godess. No wonder why he was immidiately attracted to her. They have been dating for about a week now. Six days to be precise. I haven't spoken to JJ since our steamy momemt at the beach last Saturday. That kiss meant everything to me, but apperantly nothing to him, considering the fact, that he asked Melissa out the next morning.

A few taps on the window bring me back to reality. I lift my head only to see Kiara tapping on the window, urging me to come outside. And so do I. I know it isn't a really good idea, but what else can I possibly do? As soon as I step outside, I am offered a beer from John B. "Finally my favorite Kook showed up" he says offering me a warm smile. "Hey, I thought I was your favorite one!" Sarah says with a fake hurt look on her face. I smile as John B leans in, connecting his lips to hers, kissing her sweetly "Always", he whispers. I catch my shelf smiling again at the way John B shows his affection for Sarah. I amhappy for them, because I've known Sarah for my whole life and she is one of my best friends, since she lives next door. John B and JJ have been my best friends since 3rd grade, when I met them at the beach. We've been inseparable since then. Later we became really close friends with Pope and Kiara too and now Sarah is part of our group too, despite her differences with Kiara, which are now solved. My feelings towards JJ changed, however. I want more from him and I thought he wanted too, with the constant touches and need to protect me and then that kiss. But as it turned out, JJ 's feelings were not mutual. My happines for the relationship of my friends is overshadowed by the feeling of a gap in my chest. I feel empty without JJ' s touch, without his kisses. I know of course, that I can not have that with him. "What were you doing in there for so long, Rose?", Pope asks me. "Just writing a new song", I reply while shrugging. I don't want it to seem like a big deal, because the lyrics are really personal. "I am already done with the music, but the lyrics are not finished yet". "Oh can I read it?", Pope asks with excitement in his voice. He is always hyping me up whenever I write a new song and he is always the first one to read it when it is finished, but I don't want anyone to lay eyes on this one. It is too personal. "No, not yet. Only when it's done. You know me", I reply chuckling so that I can sound cool and act like nothing is making me uncomfortable about this whole situation. I feel a cold breeze. " I am cold", I say, not really expecting a reply or something. Just to change the subject. "Yeah, me too.", says Melissa, with her annoyning voice. Why is she here again? Is she becoming part of our group now? JJ takes his hoodie off, revealing his grey sleevless shirt, underneath it. He takes it and offers it to her. Ouch...that hurt...I look away, as she takes it in her hands, ready to wear it. Sarah notices and gives me her "we'll talk about it later" look

Suddenly a rush of insiration hits me and I quickly grab my pen and notebook to add a few more lyrics. You gave her your sweater. It's just polyester, but you like her better. I wish I were Heather. I write concentrated, while a tear escapes my eyes. These lyrics describe my emotions. I am in a bad mental state. I want to be Melissa so bad. I want to be the one JJ hugs and kisses. I love him so much, but I am not good enough.

Looking up, I realisedJJ is eyeing me, a confused look on his beautiful face. Oh, he is so handsome. This is the first time I look at him in a week. I missed seeing his expressions change and I missed starring at those gorgeous blue eyes, I so much love. "Hey", John B says, "what's wrong Rose?". I do not reply, trying to stop the other tears that escape my eyes. But I can't. It isn't like me to show my emotions like this. I don't bother the others with the way I feel. Somehow, however JJ can always understand it, when something is wrong and we always discuss it privately. But this time I can't talk to him about any of it. "It's that thing you're writing, isn't it Williams?" JJ asks, calling me by my last name as usual. "It's none of your bussiness", I answer with a harsh tone. JJ' s eyes widen by my sudden outburst towards him. If he only knew how much damage he had done to me, he wouldn't be. "Give it to me. I wanna see it.", he demands. "NO!", I respond yelling, while more tears begin to run on my cheeks. "What the fuck is up with you Williams ? You stop talking to me for a week and now you will not let me read what you're writing. Do you think this is okay?", JJ snaps too, yelling at me, looking me straight in the eye. "Like you care about me not talking to you", I say sarcasticaly in a much lower voice. "Of course I fucking care Williams. You would not even look at me the entire time. Why?" "Why do you fucking care? You don't need me anyway, now that you have found a girlfriend, do you?" I know how jealous I sound, but i can't help it anymore. My four friends and Melissa look at as confused, although the last one looks pretty annoyed too. "Is that it? You act all weird because I have a girl? Or because that girl isn't you? It's the kiss, isn't it? Are you jealous Rosalie?",JJ replies with a tone of brag in his voice. He is being so mean and arrogant right now, like my feelings don't matter. He knows how I feel, but he doesn't care. This hurts. A lot. And the fact that he used my whole name, makes it worse, because I can tell how serious this is. All five of the others gasp when the hear about our kiss. "What the fuck?", Melissa starts talikng. "You want my man, bitch? Well it ain't gonna happen. He's mine.", she says looking at me. I give her a deadly stare, unable to speak. But it is good enough, cause if looks could kill, she would now be dead. I see as JJ turns around to look at his so called hirlfriend, his face red drom anger. "I am not a fucking object you can call your own!", he yells at Melissa. Her eyes open widely, scared of his angry outburst. John B interfears, trying to calm him down, but JJ, just pushes him away, turning his gaze towards me again. "Well", he says, "I am waiting for an answer Rosalie", he tells me angrily. I just stare at him, words unable to escape my mouth. "I...I am...I gotta go", I mumble looking away. "Rose", I hearKiara and Sarah say in unision, but I don't turn to look at them, alredy imagining the looks of pity for me im their eyes. I quickly leave John B' s house, while hearing him and my two girl best friends yelling at me to come back. I start running, in order to go home. I need to get away from here as quickly as possible. Oh, how emotionaly exhausted I feel...

Part 2 is out too