multiuserbody

[multiuserbody]

I'm a certified AI hater

[multiuserbody]

Turns out I'm allergic to gluten. But it never showed up before.

[multiuserbody]

Reading my medical records and seeing a child youth and family worker clocking my mum's bs from literally 1 interaction is insanely validating.

My mum said that she thought she had a good relationship with me but also talked mad shit about me, a literal child at the time.

The cyfs worker noted that shit in official records (more precise wording but still).

I constantly feel like I don't perceive reality properly and have had my entire existence undermined for so long. It's so nice to see a third party basically be like yeah something's not right here just from 1 meeting with my mother. Even if it was over a decade ago it's still so validating.

[multiuserbody]

I was irreversibly changed overnight. Like a whole different person stepped into my body, but it's still me. Everything I cared about and valued changed. Beyond the apathy of depression. Beyond the hollows of grief. Despair. After fighting for myself for over a decade it's like everything in me gave up all at once. All the hard work to improve myself and my situation had suddenly felt wasted. I had made all the best choices I could, made hard choices, stayed out of trouble. Building up good habits takes time. It all felt pointless and wasted. I keep ending up with the same core issues regardless of what I do. It wasn't all wasted, I'm far better off than I was. But there are some things you can't change. Some damage can't be undone.

There's been only one other time I truly hit the worst emotionally and it ended with someone intervening; I was still young and had no freedom then. I decided I would try everything I could to make things better first and little by little things improved. Learning how to set boundaries, basic human maintenance, how to communicate etc. I ended up homeless more than once but no one was controlling me, I was the one making the choices for me. I was desperate for things to be better and I was putting in the work to direct that change. Good food, good sleep, good exercise, and clean space really goes a long way to helping you get better. I didn't try antidepressants until recent years and the way it altered my brain has permanently debuffed me. None of the antidepressants my doctor gave me worked, some with serious side effects. I don't regret trying them because if they worked I would be writing something very different. Trying everything from least risk to most risk really worked out for me.

Sheer willpower and the blind belief that things will change is what got me through. And things will always change. Focusing on what I actually had control over made it easier. The real basic shit helps a lot even though it's fucking annoying to hear. The physical side not only makes you feel a little less shit but also it's way better to feel like shit when you don't have to deal with the consequences of not dealing with shit. Everything seems so simple to me. You just make a bunch of choices. What sort of life do you want? What sort of person do you want to be? How do you get there? Just start making the choices that will lead you there.

There are some things that can't be changed though. Things that you will always struggle with. And I just don't want to deal with any of it anymore. I'm proud of how long I kept trying my best. Something in me snapped again like it did all those years ago. but for a while there were some good times. And I could have good times again. But nothing lasts forever. Everything will change. I don't want to go through it all again.

[multiuserbody]

The very thing that saved my life will be the very thing that kills me

[multiuserbody]

Annoying dissociative bs item of the day: when the you that went grocery shopping didn't get shit that you rn wanted to eat

[multiuserbody]

You know being called retard and shit when I was younger is making a whole lot of sense now I'm pretty sure my family is super autistic.

I've had people literally say to me they didn't think women could be autistic. My doctor reckons there's no point in trying to get a diagnosis because I won't be able to get any help regardless. Which considering I don't get any help with the dissociative identity bs makes sense.

Anyways I think I was destined to be a freak regardless of the trauma that I went through because I'm just wired for it lmao

I really don't blame the kids for not knowing what to do or how to react. I do blame the adults for being inconsistent fucks who treat people different based on their feelings about them.

Also I wouldn't even know what to do now to help a kid that was in the situation I was in tbh.

[multiuserbody]

I hope people remember that they themself and others have lives beyond the screen. Whatever you or they post doesn't reflect their entire life or what they do for a living. Especially with how syscourse or online spaces in general makes us too angry and think everyone who participates in it are "Ooh chronically online, don't have a life, go touch grass".

These people you disagree with, these people you incredibly dislike, are people like you too. They're obviously a little different, with their own knick knacks and quirks, but they're people.

Please take a moment to just pull away from the screen and just think a bit, especially when you're getting a bit too mean in your wording or getting too riled up.

Maybe also check if you need anything done today :] Have a good day

[multiuserbody]

People really out here mad that I'm saying being one dimensional and obsessing over one thing all the time is a bad idea. Like insulting me because you don't know how to have a personality or interests sounds like a self report ngl.

[multiuserbody]

Making your disorders your whole identity and spending your entire time talking about it, reading about it, and thinking about it is a bad idea. If you're just discovering that you might have symptoms or you're newly diagnosed/discovered then yeah it makes a lot of sense. Short term to figure out what's what. The moment you let yourself be entirely consumed by it you will run into trouble. Keep some balance in your life.

Things effect your entire life, yes. Please give yourself a break from focusing on those things.

[multiuserbody]

wheelchair users deserve a minimum of three wheelchairs to meet different needs. like, bare minimum of indoor chair, outdoor chair, and off road chair. chairs that meet different needs for transport, activity, positioning needs, energy levels, etc.

there is not "one chair" that can meet every need. wheelchair users deserve to have multiple chairs that meet specific needs, no matter how complex their seating/positioning needs. we deserve to at least have a backup if our chair breaks that is just as suited to our needs.

[multiuserbody]

If anyone finds this account once I'm dead

Use it

Twist it

Grow it into something else

Please I beg for someone to

Give me a life once I die

Rewrite my reality for your sick entertainment

[multiuserbody]

Always just speaking into the empty

Always praying for some response

Only echoes dare to greet me

But I can't ease my pain

[multiuserbody]

I'm getting closer to the edge of total self destruction

I'm left alone in the same way I've always been

Everything I had to offer the world has been sapped from me

Everything the world had to offer has been cursed for me

[multiuserbody]

The very foundations that people say make people, people

What does it mean to be human?

And if I don't feel?

And if I don't know what family bonds look like?

And if I don't know anything about the world?

Would you call me human or a monster?

[multiuserbody]

I feel responsible for ruining what should have been a nice day. I'm struggling to get rest. I'm struggling with my mental. We were supposed to have a date today. Luckily the guy is really understanding. I do feel bad about the messiness of this all. For the guy and for my alters. No amount of understanding makes it suck less.

Edit: everything went to shit because he had the patience of a sandfly and the understanding of someone who's determined to make everything fit their perception of reality

[multiuserbody]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.