my-unaddressed-letters

[my-unaddressed-letters]

I am now facing the skies of Manila. And if I'm that far away from him now, I should not let him reach me in any way, shape, or form anymore.

With how things turned out today, I don't think I should worry that much about being alone anymore.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

Sometimes, I cling onto revisiting this memory, reopening old wounds. I am so attached to someone or an idea of this someone that I barely even interacted with in the most miniscule amount of time and I have last talked to for years ago now. Am I doing it to justify the pain he gave me? Did I let him wound me or did I do it to myself? Why do I revisit these thoughts and memories? Maybe it's a way for me to reassure myself that somehow, some time, someone liked me. As their love interest, or a potential girlfriend, or even just a crush, or a seemingly interesting person to spend their lonely sad life talking to, or a stranger to share a small part of their boring day with, or a dumbass to play her feelings with. Still, fuck you jonathan. And be good to your wife.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

I'm sorry.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

Even if they tease me with you, the world still rotates around its axis. The bees will look for pollen. The sun will rise at the east and set at the west. You have your eyes set on that girl you like, and the earth still revolves around the sun.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

I bet he never thinks in his wildest dreams that someone would fantasize of him as they try to reach their high for completion at night on their bed before they sleep.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

Why am I looking for you whenever you're not around? Why am I looking forward to seeing you? To talk to you? To simply have your presence around me? I shouldn't have these thoughts. I am easily swayed by platonic and non-romantic quips, shenanigans, and other things. I don't like these thoughts, I don't like to entertain, acknowledge, and accept them. But I'm thinking about them, they've been crossing my mind, they show themselves right in front of me. I can't escape them, I'm running away from them. I don't like them. I want to fight them. I want to prove they're not true. They're not true...

[my-unaddressed-letters]

I quite like it whenever we banter. I admit I look forward to the very first one each day and the following ones. I love it when you teach me things. I like it when you agree with me. I like it when you look at me or even just in my direction. I like it when you try to make me laugh just to tease me that I'm crazy for suddenly laughing without a reason. I liked that one time you bought me a drink. I liked the time you took me to look in a bookstore together. I may continue on with my list but in the end I know that I should not and don't want to entertain these thoughts. We work together. You like another girl. You're not leaving very soon unlike the guy I like. It will make me awkward; and you...

It is just unacceptable. My brain or heart or whatever it is must just be confused, right?

[my-unaddressed-letters]

C's friends stopped by. I envy their closeness. I can never be that close to him. I always see how excited he is on the very thought of them like a dog wagging its tail on its owner.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

He turned his back as he lowered down to pick up a heavy box. A simple gesture yet I am smitten whenever I see him do this. Is it because it can indicate a gesture of manliness which may be seen as attractive? Perhaps. Especially that one look at this man and I assure you you will describe him as effeminate. Time seemed to stop when I observed him at that very moment. But I can surely tell you there is nothing sexual in it. In fact, I somehow can never have sensual thoughts about him in the slightest. It is odd. (Surely some of us who have the knowledge about sensuality have even little thoughts together with the person we like).

[my-unaddressed-letters]

This guy I truly have my eyes on, let's call him Mister C, wore something cool today. He wore jeans and rubber shoes—which I surely am aware gave you thoughts such as "what's cool with such clothing?"—well it must be the first time I saw him wear such clothing since I usually notice him wearing black pants and black socks like a college boy (there's nothing wrong with looking like it by the way). I haven't had the chance to compliment him about it though. I wish I had but, what difference will it make?

[my-unaddressed-letters]

I have read my first entry once again. I pondered upon it. How preposterous of a notion for me to have even a minuscule of affection towards you! I truly am easily swayed. Yes. How horrible indeed!

[my-unaddressed-letters]

With all the men you jokingly tease with me, I admit I quite fancy you. You make me laugh and I quite find that charming. Although I know that you only do it mainly to get through the mundane and mediocrity of everyday office life. Maybe that is also the reason why I have these thoughts on you. The mundane mediocrity of everyday life surely does wonders to the mind. Don't worry, I only fancy you because of that reason alone. In other aspects, for instance I don't really find your high probability of inflicting violence that charming. I know fairly well you set your eyes on someone and I certainly have my eyes on another.

[my-unaddressed-letters]

Unamusing fleeting thoughts that frequent my mind that is simply plagued by an uneventful life. Apologies for the cheesyness, cornyness, and the absurdity of them all.