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October 3, 2016

When you grow up as a child who never fully understood the concept of permanence, it’s difficult to hang your running shoes after the race. Running finds a home in your reflexes when everything starts to become overwhelming. Everyone else did it. Your mother left and your father escaped to another city. They taught you that it was perfectly normal to pack your bags and leave before things got bad.

But one day, the urge will come to a slow stop.

Somebody will teach you how to stay. I found him early. I was sixteen years old, arrogant with the belief that I was ready for an all-consuming, ground-shaking kind of love. But here I am now. Two years later, I find myself at a standstill. 

I need a new pair of running shoes. Leaving hurts, but staying is harder.

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oh how things change,

i can't, i don't know, i don't know how to hold all these emotions. i was so used to the world from taking and taking, and now it just keeps giving and giving and i thought for a long while i thought that i would never feel anything new again, but all this feels so new to me even the familiar and mundane things feel new - a sense of significance in a different way, a deeper sense of richness. i'm not sure where i'd be and i felt so lost for a long time, but somehow it doesn't feel so scary anymore.

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Jack Gilbert, from Collected Poems; “Measuring the Tyger”

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— Kelsey Danielle, from “Life And Other Things.”

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How to Save Your Own Life, Erica Jong

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and the voice is always there, in the back of your head,

“just one more time, then we’ll stop”.

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Simone de Beauvoir, from Diary of a Philosophy Student: Volume 2, 1928-9; Monday, November 5

Text ID: —I have so much love in me that I would like to cry;

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every day i get my heart ripped out & every day i simply just continue

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the whale, scene 51

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why does it feel like people have to be so mean to get somewhere? time and time again, it's not something i want in my life but is constantly being shoved into my face

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and this sucks but the reward is that you get to be a person in the world

Look. Look. I think the hardest thing about your twenties is the shift from getting shoved towards new frontiers of maturity by, like, puberty and education and the logistics of gaining independence, to you having to shove yourself. It’s a mental recalibration from “you grow up whether you like it or not” to “you can and should keep evolving, but now you have to choose it. And you have to choose it a half-dozen times a day in increasingly annoying ways. And this sucks but the reward is that you get to be a person in the world.”

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{short cover} moving closer by never the strangers

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a life so lacking and yet feels enough

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life's a circle, and the thing about circles is they always come around. everything eventually comes around, and all of this, every bit of it, is for love.

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i would like to spend the rest of my time loving things. so i will.

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when the time comes, i'll love you and i'll mean it

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oh if only you knew yae, you will always be the best part of me.

“if i hadn't met you, then i don't think anyone would've ever made me feel like this,"