myclovernew

[myclovernew]

when life gives you lemons (j. sinclair)

pairing : johnny sinclair x reader (no gender mentions)

tropes/genres : fluff, slight tw (parent death), best friend's cousin, very tom & jerry, teasing and banter

word count : 4.4k

author's note : ello everybody... first of all thank you so much for the love on my previous johnny fic! this one took me a little longer to write just cus i wasn't feeling my writing that much but hopefully it turned out okay (lowkey all over the place BUT)! secondly, i've seen the johnny sinclair x fem!reader discourse going around and wanted to clarify that this fic does not have any gender mentions for the reader, and i will continue to write my johnny fics so there are no gender mentions for reader. it is simply for whoever is reading it to interpret the character as they want, thank you!

*not edited as of 7/16/25

“congratulations, to the class of 2023!” our principal, dr. hayes, concluded his graduation speech before directing us all to stand up with the crowd erupting in applause. my peers turned rowdy, throwing their caps up into the air, colliding into each other’s bodies in tight hugs, and running around the grassy field. i, too, would have done something crazy, like stand up on the white, plastic chairs given to us for the ceremony, or hug the stranger next to me, but knowing that i had just barely completed my senior year with enough credits to get me by, i was just relieved i was graduating at all. there wasn’t much for me to celebrate other than the fact that i didn’t have to repeat this dreaded year. 

senior year was a rough one. everyone says your junior year is the hardest, but no one tells you how senioritis comes creeping up your back the second you let your guard down. or how you may or may not lose both your parents in a car accident. no one really tells you anything about how your life is supposed to or not supposed to go. that’s because no one really knows. 

i was actually doing really well the first half of my junior year. straight A’s with one B in ap us history. history was never my strong suite, but i still pushed through. i’d spend endless nights memorizing the dates and events that made up our country’s very important history, only to mix up names of wars and massacres and all the things that come with the rest of it. all of those seemingly important dates soon deemed themselves insignificant to me, though.  

february 14, 2023 was a day i’d never forget.

it started off a regular valentine's day, one that honestly hadn't changed at all every time it came around the past eighteen years. it would've been just any other day for me if i hadn't been living with two lovebirds, also known as my parents. the two were high school sweethearts, thus why they had this bright, burning spark going on for ages. a spark i envied. sometimes i wondered where they went wrong with me, how they ended up with a kid that nobody could ever possibly love.

although it wasn't completely like that, either. my best friend, mirren, was never short of confessing her love towards me. not in a "you're the love of my life and i want to make babies and grow old with you" type of way, but more so "you're the bestest friend i've ever had, how could i ever live without you" type of way.

mirren was sugar, curiousity, and rain. i liked having her around. i liked having someone to confide in, when it felt like i was all alone in the world.

mirren was there for me after my parent's accident. they had gone on a date my dad had planned for the two of them for valentine's day. the restaurant they had gone to was one where they had their first date, back in high school. except they never made it to the restaurant. i got a call at 8:02 PM from an unknown number. i never picked up unknown numbers. but they called again, i ignored it again. the third time felt too odd for me to let it ring through, so i picked up.

"is this y/n?" a cold, stern voice said through the other end of the phone.

"yes..." i hesitated, "who's asking?"

the rest of the conversation was hazy, like my brain purposefully cut out parts of it so i couldn't hurt myself trying to remember how it went.

"we're very sorry...."

"nothing more we could do...."

"at the scene...."

"gone."

they were gone.

mirren and i were in her room, where she was painting her nails on the floor below me, while i sat on her bed flipping through the millions of magazines she had collected.

"the offer still stands, you know," she chimed up.

"mm," i acknowledged, still looking through the seventeen magazine.

the offer mirren was talking about was joining her, and the rest of her family, at their private island for the summer. no matter how many times mirren mentioned stories of beechwood, the idea of a private island always baffled me. bess, her mom, was also aboard the idea and said it'd be good for me to get out of here for a bit. even if it's just for the summer.

i was grateful for the opportunity, truly, but i didn't know if summer vacations at private islands were my thing. my summers, before this one, consisted of helping out my mom in the backyard garden or playing volleyball with my dad at a nearby park.

"come ooonnnnn, it'd be like," mirren blew at her fingernails, "a hundred times more fun with you there."

"i just wouldn't want to intrude," i said, putting down the magazine spine-up on the bed.

"and you wouldn't," mirren said, standing up from her spot on the ground to look down at me, "trust me."

i did trust mirren, a hell of a lot even. she and i had been friends since the fifth grade, somehow ending up in all of our classes together up until high school, when she had to transfer out of the district. we still kept in contact, though, and we were still closer than ever.

"besides, my cousin johnny also brings a non-sinclair with him to the island every summer. though gat's basically part of the family at this point," mirren added on, trying to convince me further. i thought about it for a good twenty seconds and sighed.

"fine," i said, giving in as i sat up straight on the bed, legs and arms crossed.

"yes!!!! thank you, thank you, thank youuuu," mirren squealed, grabbing me with her arms and pulling me into a tight hug. i let myself melt in her embrace. god, this girl was a miracle.

with only three days of official notice, i had gotten packed and ready to spend my summer in beechwood with the sinclairs. i headed downstairs, bag in hand, and set it down to the floor in front of the door. then i looked back, taking in the gloom that had filled up the emptiness of my parents' presence in our home. my aunt up in canada insisted on me living with their family after the funeral, but i couldn't leave this house, these memories—them.

i snapped out of the thoughts of despair at the sound of a car honking. grabbing my bag off the floor, i opened the front door to see mirren, her mom, and siblings waiting for me in their car. taft was waving his little hand at me while mirren started getting out of the car to help me with my stuff.

and then it was off to beechwood island.

—

one by one, bess, liberty, bonnie, and taft stepped out of the boat and onto the dock. mirren followed, reaching for my hand to help me off after her. nerves rushed through my body, but excitement bubbled up within me in no time. i had thought the view from the boat was beautiful, but looking out to the water from land was on a whole other level. i couldn't believe this view was the norm for them.

"you okay?" mirren asked as we walked far behind the rest of her family. i looked up to her and nodded. "we're going to have so much fun," she continued, reassuring me, my hand still in hers as she squeezed tight.

with everyone already ahead of us, mirren and i walked up the grassy hill, coming face to face with a beautiful, mansion-like home. the area was bustling with people and playful dogs, barking around and chasing tennis balls.

"mirren, who is that?" i whispered, loud enough for only her to hear, though my eyes were still caught on a tall, blondie talking to what seemed like a mini version of him.

"him? that's my cousin, johnny. remember the one i mentioned?" mirren replied, giving me a confused look.

yeah, only like a bajillion times. mirren always talked about her summers at beechwood with her cousins, only failing to mention how absolutely gorgeous one of them were. well, that was a lie, her whole family was gorgeous. pale, blonde, and perfect hair must've been the requirement to be a sinclair.

"let's go, i'll introduce you to everyone," mirren grabbed my hand and began walking me over to the rest of her family. suddenly i felt quite overwhelmed. i didn't have much family back home, it was always just me, mom, and dad—mom, dad, and i.

although it was just me now.

sometimes i cursed my parents for not giving me a sibling. mirren used to tell me how jealous she was that i got to be an only child, and how she would love all the attention that came with it. i thought the opposite. i loved mirren, but i absolutely adored her little siblings, too. whenever i came over, mirren would drag us straight to her room, but i always made sure to acknowledge liberty, bonnie, and taft before heading up with her. taft was my favorite out of her siblings. the little was crafty, like mirren, and always made sure to give me one of his paper origami creations whenever i visited.

plenty of "nice to meet you's" and nods of acknowledgement went around as mirren introduced me to her aunts and grandparents. all beautiful, blonde and perfect.

"and theeese are my favorite people ever," mirren gestured towards the group. one by one, they introduced themselves. cadence, gat, and johnny. i looked at johnny a second longer than the other two, without meaning it, but i also couldn't help myself.

who knew summer vacation on a private island could be this fun? well, me, i knew that. i just never could have imagined actually being here. my days on beechwood routinely included endless hours tanning on the beach, ice cream for days, and messing with cady and gat, who by the way, totally liked each other. i asked mirren what their deal was and she simply shrugged and gave me a "hell, if i know" look.

i ended up spending a lot of time with johnny, surprisingly. mirren started disappearing on us, which i badgered her about constantly and only got giggles and "it's nothing's" out of her. and well, there was no way i'd be third-wheeling gat and cadence. those two always seemed like they were in their own little world away from the rest of us.

johnny was fun. we spent a lot of time out on the tennis courts where he taught me how to play and spoil alert, i was terrible.

"johnny, i don't think i'm ever going to get this game," i heaved, hands resting on my knees as i tried to catch my breath. "you're training me like i'm heading to finals next week."

"no, no, i really think you've got something special," he called back out from the other side of the net, waving around his racket in the air. i knew he was being sarcastic, but that's what i liked about him. we could joke around with each other knowing the other was almost never being serious. i couldn't always do that with mirren, knowing i'd probably hurt her feelings on accident.

"ugh, let's just take a break," i responded, heading over to the bench at the edge of the court. johnny set down his racket and walked over to sit down next to me, water in hand.

"hydrate," johnny said, holding the bottle out to me.

"thanks," i replied and gulped down what seemed like the entire bottle of water.

"okay, break time over," johnny said as soon i stopped drinking, getting up from the bench. i groaned and threw my head back in response.

"i am not getting up. no, actually, i can't get up. and that's because my legs quite literally have given up on me," i protested, looking up at johnny, who by the way, was barely even breaking a sweat.

"come on, we've barely been out here for, like, an hour," johnny threw back.

"yeah, more like three. we've been here since ten in the morning, johnny, and i bet you mirren is still in bed and asleep."

"you really can't get up?" johnny asked then.

"huh?" i looked at him, confused.

"your legs, they're not working?"

"i mean i'm tired, but i'm sure i can get back to the house just fine," i replied, wiggling my legs around to actually make sure they were still moving.

i looked back up from my legs to see johnny kneeling on the ground, back facing me.

"what are you doing?" i asked, mouth agape.

"just get on, will you?" he turned to face me now with a brow raised.

"no, johnny, i'm fine, seriously," i objected, but my actions proved otherwise as i tried getting up to walk away from the bench only to sit my ass back down, legs wobbling.

"see," johnny blew a breath out, "stop being stubborn and get on."

i knew there was no fighting him and that he'd get me on his back one way or another. i just decided to take the easy route as i let out an annoyed groan and hopped on his back, arms crossed over and around his shoulders.

"don't you dare drop me," i warned as johnny got up on his feet with ease. i knew he was athletic, but it seriously didn't even seem like he was struggling.

"then you better hold on tight."

"calendar, not calender," i pointed at the scrabble word johnny just put down.

"are you serious?" johnny looked up, "don't mess with me just because you want to win again."

"i'm not even kidding, it's spelled c-a-l-e-n-d-a-r."

"there's no way, i swear i've been spelling it c-a-l-e-n-d-e-r, like, my whole life," johnny ran a hand through his hair like he had just made a huge discovery that changed the trajectory of his world.

"sorry to break it to you," i laughed, rolling my eyes before getting up from the pillow i was sitting on.

"whatever, i never win when playing with you anyway," he complained as he got up after me.

"well, you're good at tennis and i'm good at scrabble," i reasoned, "that makes us even."

"does it, though?" johnny said, mockingly.

"i take that back, actually, i am better than you," i glared back at him, regretting being nice for even a second.

"i demand a rematch," johnny declared.

"in your dreams, blondie," i called out as i made my way out the door to go look for mirren, leaving johnny alone at cuddledown.

mirren had us split up for the lemon hunt, something about covering more ground. i wouldn't have minded if not for the fact that i literally did not know my way around this island even after being here for a solid three weeks. i circled the same little patch of grass before realizing i had passed by this little garden gnome three times already.

i looked down into my basket, counting six lemons. i wondered where mirren's grandfather could have hidden the one lime, and if it was even possible to find it at all. i didn't consider myself a competitive person, but finding the lime in my very first lemon hunt would have been quite impressive.

"y/n!"

i turned around at the mention of my name to see johnny walking towards me, basket full to the brim with lemons.

"here to snatch my findings, too?" i called back out, jokingly.

johnny let out a chuckle and shook his head. "no, but i do have a proposition," he insisted.

"and that is?" i tilted my head to the side questioningly.

"you see, i know you're probably helping out mirren," he started.

"mhmm."

"buuuut, i think i could be of more use," he continued, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"how, exactly?"

"i'll get you whatever you want," johnny looked down to my basket and pointed, "in exchange for the lemons."

"whatever i want?"

"anything."

i thought about johnny's offer, long and hard.

"i'm very sorry, johnny, but i don't think i'll be of much help," i said with a sickeningly sweet smile, before turning around to walk away, loosely swinging my basket around like bait.

johnny came running to my side like a puppy, quickly hooking on the bait i put out.

"come on, y/n, there has to be something you want," johnny pleaded.

sinclairs really did not play about their lemons.

"okay, there might be something," i confessed, still avoiding eye contact while swinging my basket back and forth.

"just say the word."

i paused in my tracks and faced johnny, having to slightly look up because he was so much taller than i was.

"johnny," i began, "do you think you could turn back time?"

johnny looked kind of dumbfounded, like he wasn't expecting me to ask of something so out of the ordinary. i was pleased that i caught him off guard, but i knew deep down that i wasn't kidding about what i wanted. i did want to turn back time. i wanted to go back, to that day, and stop my parents from ever leaving the house, from ever leaving me.

"come with me," johnny said after a few silent seconds, reaching to grab my free arm. i followed as he led me away, not saying another word.

—

"this, right here, is my spot," johnny declared, opening his arms wide as he showed off the view.

"your spot?" i asked, setting my basket down on the sand.

"yeah, i call it 'johnny's super secret and super awesome spot that nobody knows.'"

"'nobody knows,' seriously? not even gat? mirren, cadence?"

"not even them," he replied, shaking his head.

"why bring me here, then?"

"to turn back time, duh."

"okay, now i know you're messing with me, johnny sinclair, because time travel is so not real," i said, crossing my arms.

"i told you i'd get you whatever you want, didn't i?" johnny replied, brows slightly raised and a satisfied smile on his face.

i looked at johnny all skeptical, then turned away to scope out the place he had brought me to. there was a slight breeze in the air, the sun starting to set and the moon coming out to play. there was no sight of buildings or houses from this view, or any other human for that matter. just us and the sound of the ocean.

rocks of all sizes scattered the shore, waves crashing back and forth. from the water, about a half a mile of sand led up to a patch of grass and nature. johnny began to take his shoes and socks off, gesturing at me to do the same. i complied, really wondering where he was going with this.

"to the water," johnny announced, making his way towards the blue with a finger turned up in the air.

"water? johnny, it's quite literally freezing right now," i said, pulling my arms closer to my body in attempt to ease the shivers.

"just truuust me. we're going back in time, remember?" he called out, closer to the water now than he was me.

i rolled my eyes, not that he saw as he continued to walk away. finally catching up to him, i let my feet sink into the wet sand, watching as little crabs and seashells emerged with each encounter of water.

"now what?" i asked, looking up at johnny—who had his eyes closed?

"now we breathe," johnny replied, taking a deep breath in, then letting out. i did not take johnny sinclair as a "zen" guy.

i wasn't closing my eyes, but i started doing the breathing thing anyway. i had adjusted to the water temperature by now, and i continued to let in a deep, jagged breath and then slowly let it out.

"you're tensing up," johnny said from behind me now as he gently shook my shoulders, "just relax."

i closed my eyes, feeling comforted by his touch and the water beneath my feet. my shoulders sagged a little and i felt the tension exit my body as i continued to breathe in and out.

the sound of water splashing and wind whistling was almost hypnotizing. the two were harmonizing, giving rise to a rhythm that conjured from everything to nothing. my eyes still closed, i embraced the darkness, picturing myself roaming through an endless void. i walked for what felt like ages until a glimmer of light grazed my field of vision.

i started running towards it, like it was calling my name, only to realize it was. i could hear my mom, then my dad, calling my name.

"y/n... y/n!"

the voices got louder as i got closer to the light—and then i saw them. my parents, like they had never left. we were in the living room of our house, except everything was brighter and more radiant than i last saw it a month ago.

"oh, honey," my mom was sitting on the couch, mug in hand. she looked so... alive. her brunette curls were let down, not a single grey hair to be seen.

sitting next to her was my dad with a book in his hands. he was always such a reader, buying me books and lending me his own whenever he could.

i immediately threw my arms around them, hugging like them never before. holding onto them like my life depended on it.

"i love you guys so, so much," i cried out, tears uncontrollably falling from my eyes.

"we love you, and miss you, so much," my dad said, hugging me back.

and in the blink of an eye, they were gone again. there was so much more i could have said to them. how i wish they were here, how guilty i had felt having such a fun summer after losing them, how far i would go just to see them once last time.

yet, this was better than i had hoped for. i got to hug my parents, see them in all their glory, and told them how much i loved them. thanks to johnny, i was given at least that.

"soooo did it work?" johnny asked as we got out of the water. the sun was long gone, leaving us wandering in the moonlight.

"in a way," i said, making sure my face was void of any tears before facing him.

"does that mean-"

"yes, johnny, you can have the lemons," i rolled my eyes.

"yes!" johnny exclaimed, fist pumping the air.

"do you do that often?" i asked.

"do what? express joy?"

"no, idiot," i laughed at his remark, "do you come out here and do that often?" i explained, nodding towards the beach.

"oh," johnny understood then, "sort of. i did a lot more when i was younger. it helped me escape, you know? not from beechwood, but from life. the bad parts," johnny continued, walking with his hands in the pockets of his shorts, "my dad... he... he's not really a good person. made our lives a living hell. sometimes i just needed something to help me forget."

"i'm sorry he was so shitty," i said. and i really was sorry. he didn't deserve that. not him or his family.

"yeah... me too," johnny sighed as he sat down on the sand where we had left our baskets.

"i lost my parents," i said out loud after a couple of minutes of silence. johnny turned to look at me, but i kept my gaze on the water in front of me.

"when?" johnny asked, quietly, almost like he was nervous to talk about it.

"february, this year."

"god, i'm so sorry, y/n," johnny shook his head, hand running through his hair.

"me too," i whispered, returning his words from earlier as i let my gaze fall upon him again.

johnny was sort of, really, beautiful. the sun did him good this summer, leaving his freckled skin with a soft tan. the ends of his dirty, blonde hair curled up from the ocean mist. the water ahead of us was a color match for his blue eyes—eyes i wanted to get absolutely lost in.

and even in the dark of the night, he shined brightly.

"you're staring," he whispered, yet making sure not to break eye contact either.

"so are you," i countered.

"only because you are," johnny leaned in the slightest bit closer. something shifted in the air then. it felt like everything around us was moving while we were frozen in our own little bubble.

just us.

johnny made the first move. his hand hovered over my cheek before gently grazing over my lips, hesitant. words weren't needed to express how we both felt. in this moment, all we needed was each other.

i brought both my hands up to hold onto johnny's face, fitted perfectly against his curved jaw. then, i pulled him in closer. we were only centimeters apart for a split second before johnny placed his lips over mine. it started off sweet; small, shy pecks exchanged between the two of us. i let my hands wander down to the back of johnny's neck, feeling the curled ends of his hair tangling through my fingers.

"you're good at scrabble, but i think you're even better at kissing," johnny said, breaking the kiss.

"well, i think you're still better in the tennis department," i lied, giggling before i placed another soft peck to his lips.

"so you suck at tennis and you're a terrible liar, got it," johnny retaliated, hands still cupping my face.

"mirren's gonna be so mad at me," i sighed as i reached for my lemon basket.

"oh, she'll forget about this by the end of the week," johnny replied with a chuckle.

"johnny?"

"yeah?" johnny's face perked up at the mention of his name.

"thanks for today," i said, a smile forming on my lips, truly meaning my gratitude. johnny gave me a smile and squeezed my hand in return.

"anytime, y/n, with or without the lemons."

[myclovernew]

another johnny sinclair x reader? 😭

ill work on one!! hehe

[myclovernew]

Joseph Zada as Johnny Sinclair Dennis WE WERE LIARS 1.01 - Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

[myclovernew]

deep waters (j. sinclair)

pairing °❀⋆.ೃ࿔* : johnny sinclair x reader

word count °❀⋆.ೃ࿔* : 4.4k words

author's note °❀⋆.ೃ࿔* : the absolute chokehold joseph zada has on me right now is INSANE you guys like i needed to write this purely for my own delusions goodbye !!!! also lowkey rushed the ending cus i felt like this was getting too long pls #sorry butttt enjoy hehe im still a little rusty so i apologize for any inconsistencies or grammar mistakes </3 *not edited as of 7/3/25

summers on beechwood were always magical—are always magical. they've been that way ever since i stepped foot on this island back in summer 8. when i thought i had nothing left to live for anymore, he gave me a reason.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

summer 8

kicking off my sandals, i dug my feet into the sand, probably the softest sand i'd ever felt. the water was calm, a shade of blue so mesmerizing it felt almost illegal just to imagine myself getting lost in it. i closed my eyes and threw away all the thoughts that had been bottled up in that little head of mine since that day. my silence was concerning, according to mom. she didn't know, but i had heard her talking to uncle ed before we packed to leave for beechwood. i hadn't uttered a single word since dad passed; not when we got the news, not when my mother broke down crying, not during the funeral, and certainly not now—on this island.

like an otherworldly force, i felt myself inching closer to the water. with every crash of wave against my body, i moved a step forward, letting the water soak the bottom of the yellow, floral patterned sundress mom had picked out for me before we left.

eyes still closed, i kept my feet moving. the water had reached my fingertips now, but i didn't think to stop and leave then.

the water at my waist, swallowing half my body now. there was nothing that could stop me from letting go at this moment. from letting myself feel everything i hadn't allowed myself to feel before. i was becoming one with the water as it splashed against my chest. just two more steps and i would've been underwater. just two more steps and maybe, just maybe, i could forget.

the waves hit me once more, and just as i was about to take another step, i heard thrashing water from behind me. i opened my eyes and made an attempt to look behind me, only for the water to sweep me off my feet and drag me away along with it.

fully submerged under the water and eyes closed once again, i let myself fall back into rhythm with the waves. i wasn't even cold anymore. all i could feel was warmth and in the darkness of it all, i saw my dad's face as clear as day. i felt his arms around me and i let myself hold on tight, like i would never let go ever again. not like i did that day.

and then i was above the water, coughing and sputtering out the water that made its way into my lungs. my eyes were burning and everything was a blur. i was breathing again but i couldn't actually breathe. i just wanted to see my dad; i wanted to keep him close to me and i didn't want to let go.

i tried to make my way back into the water, but i was being held by a pair of strong, skinny arms. blinking rapidly, i attempted to wash out the salted water from my eyes and restore my vision. still seeing everything in a blur, the back of a blonde curly-head was the only thing i could make out clearly. the boy was dragging me out of the water along with him and as we made it closer to shore, i realized he was fully clothed, belt and shoes included. this boy was not supposed to be out in the water. in fact, he probably wasn't planning on it at all. not until he saw me practically drowning myself.

"oh my god, y/n!" i heard a woman's voice shout from further away. i didn't know who it belonged to, but i assumed it was carrie's, uncle ed's girlfriend, whose voice i heard screaming my name right after. before i could make sense of anything else, i slipped into the familiar darkness yet again.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

summer 16

"i don't want to go back this year, mom," i sighed and rolled my eyes as i spoke back to my mom, who was rummaging through my closet like a madman. i sat at the edge of my bed, glaring down at the empty luggage bag sprawled on the floor of my bedroom.

"well, you don't really have a choice now, do you?" she called back out, holding up a pink babydoll shirt with both her hands. "plus, your brother is going, too."

"yeah," i replied, "...that's cus he just wants to see cadence," muttering that last part under my breath.

"hm?" my mom said, holding my gaze now. i shook my head and got up from my bed, leaving her to continue whatever mission she was on to have me packed and ready to go in the morning.

i walked across the hall to my brother's room. door already cracked open, i told myself not to act surprised when i saw his bag fully packed next to the outfit he had neatly folded up and ready for tomorrow. i snorted at the sight, making him aware of my presence.

"leave, y/n," gat said, all annoyed and pissy. he was busy at his desk, writing into a journal or something.

"excited to see a special someone tomorrow?" i threw at him as i leaned against the doorframe, knowing it'd get a reaction out of him. and boy, was i right. he snapped his head back up from whatever he was working on to face me, a light blush grazing his cheeks. he didn't even have to answer my question because we both knew exactly how he felt.

"well what about you?" he cleared his throat, standing up a little taller in his chair, "are you excited?"

"me?" i tilted my head slightly in confusion.

"oh, don't act like you haven't been thinking about seeing him again all year," my brother replied, a smirk tugging at his lips as he crossed his arms against his chest, leaning back into his chair.

i quickly straightened myself up, feeling my body getting tenser from the mention of him. i'd be lying to myself if i said i wasn't thinking of him, because truth be told, i did. i really did. but i'd rather burn to death than admit that out loud, especially to my brother of all people.

i shook my head while rolling my eyes, not letting him feed on the pleasure of my apparent annoyance with the topic he had brought up as i turned to leave his room. i continued to walk back in the direction i came from, trying to ignore the wavering thoughts of a blonde curly-headed boy—and the rapid beating of my treacherous heart.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

the boat tipped slightly as uncle ed made his way out onto the dock. gat quickly followed out after him, leaving me contemplating alone in the boat. i knew i had to get up, but i couldn't risk seeing him again. i couldn't bare to see his face, knowing it would put my heart on the line—again.

we weren't even on talking terms anymore, not since that last week of summer 15.

"y/n? come on, we gotta go," gat called out, bringing me back to my senses and the reality i had to eventually face. i grabbed my luggage bag from the handles, holding on tight and praying to god or whatever other higher up to hold onto my heart like i was holding onto the bag my mom had packed for me.

i made my way up the grassy hill, taking in the familiar scent of salt air and ocean breeze. as much as i had convinced myself that i didn't want to be here this summer, that was simply a lie. i absolutely adored beechwood. it was straight out of a fairytale, a faraway land riddled with secrets and untold truths.

i looked up to see cady running towards gat with her arms wide open. fork found in kitchen. those two obviously had something going on, although i couldn't quite pinpoint exactly when it started because it's just been that way since forever. mirren followed close behind cady, throwing her arms around the both of them and into a group hug.

my heart skipped a beat when i let my gaze wander behind the rest of the group. there he was, standing there with a careless slouch and both hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts, staring straight back at me. johnny sinclair.

he looked away as soon as he realized we were making direct eye contact. dragging one hand out of his pocket and to the back of his neck, he awkwardly made his way towards the others. sure, we weren't on talking terms, but he was fine with gat. i don't think those two ever really went a day without talking to each other, even when they had arguments.

cady and mirren acknowledged my presence as our bodies clashed together in a warm, and very much needed, hug. i let myself melt in their embrace. gat was my brother, but these girls were like the sisters i've never had.

"tag, you're it!" cady let go of me and tapped gat's shoulder. we all started running, and in that moment, i forgot about all of my worries, all of my second-thoughts, and all about johnny. i ran like my life depended on it.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

it wasn't easy being around johnny in such close distance like nothing happened last summer. the others could sense the tension wafting the air, too, and tried to keep the conversations lighthearted. mirren went on about this older guy she'd been sexting recently while cady and gat unknowingly kept sending each other heart-eyes. i swear they were sickeningly oblivious about their feelings, but it wasn't my place to say anything about whatever was going on between the two of them.

i kept stealing glances at johnny, making sure not to look toward his direction too long each time i did. he was unusually quiet, and johnny sinclair was never quiet. he was known to be the life of the party with that contagious erratic energy of his. it was almost concerning, this silence of his, but i wasn't going to be the one to question it.

and like he had just read my mind, he got up from the beach towel and dusted off his shorts, his damp hair still dripping water from the ends. god he was beautiful, and that annoyed me. the light hit his skin in a way that made him glisten, like a calm lake reflecting the morning sun. his arms and legs were toned from all the tennis he played, and he was tall, so tall.

"take a picture, it'd last longer," johnny said, bringing up a towel to his hair to dry off, clearly directing his snarky comment at me.

damn it, i looked too long.

i rolled my eyes in response and laid back down on my towel, covering my face with the shirt i had taken off earlier to continue my sunbathing. usually i'd just have a pair of sunglasses to shield myself from the sun, but i needed something to cover the blush teasing my cheeks.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

johnny had given in earlier and actually said a word to me, but i was determined to keep my walls up. i didn't have anything to say to him anyway, so why should i even bother?

i had my own room at red gate, and thank god for that because sharing with gat would've been a nightmare. my room here was bigger than the one back home, not that i needed all the extra space. the queen-sized bed in the middle of the room had quite a fitting name, with sheer white curtains tangled with faux vines wrapped around the canopy of the bed. i had draped my walls with more of the vines along with various pictures of the liars and and my friends from back home.

i walked over to my desk in one corner of the room, gaze landing on a picture frame backside up in the middle of it. i flipped the frame to see a picture of johnny and i from a couple of years ago, in summer 12, his arm around my shoulders and the biggest, cheesiest smiles on both of our faces. he had always been taller than me, not that i ever had a chance at beating him in that department. and he had seriously grown into all of his features, while i still looked like i was stuck in this weird limbo between summer 12 and 14.

"we're heading over to windemere for a movie night if you wanna join," gat popped his head into my room, the sudden disturbance causing me to flinch and hurry to hide the picture behind my back.

"i think i'm done for the day," i said, a little too quickly, "i need to shower anyway, but you guys have fun."

"suit yourself," he said with the raise of his brow and a half shrug, then left without another word.

i let out a breath i didn't even know i was holding, quickly putting the frame down like how it had been earlier. grabbing a change of clothes and a towel, i walked myself out of my room and to the shower.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

it had taken me a good twenty minutes trying to get the warm water to work until i got impatient and settled for a cold shower. teeth still chattering as i wrapped a towel around my head, i reached over to the doorknob and pulled, only to be greeted by who i had convinced myself to be the last person i wanted to see.

johnny staggered on his feet, the weight he had put onto the door before i had opened it pulling him down backwards.

"j-johnny, w-what the-," i sputtered as he quite literally fell on his ass.

"jesus, you took so long in there i was almost certain you slipped and hit your head—are you shivering?" he stood back up, concern wrinkling his forehead as he looked down at me.

"i'm f-fine," i managed to reply, only for the stutter in my words to give away that i wasn't.

"you don't look fine," he said sternly. i didn't even bother to respond this time, wanting to just get out of there and back into my room. but before i could step out, johnny stepped in front of me to block the exit.

"johnny," i said, eyes shut and fists balled up at my sides, refusing to look at him any longer. i let out a deep breath, "m-move."

"or what?" i opened my eyes back up to look at him, gaze livid and glossed over with fury. but the fire in my eyes sizzled out just a bit as i made contact with his ocean-blue ones.

"i said move."

i was done playing these games with him.

"make. me."

oh hell no.

completely done with his bullshit, i didn't hesitate to use force and push him out of my way. it was a pathetic attempt, considering he was a whole foot taller than me and probably double my weight. he didn't budge, but that didn't stop me from continuously slamming my hands against his chest.

"why don't you just get it?!" i yelled out, "i don't-," my hands in fists once again, hitting him repeatedly, "want-," the towel wrapped around my head falling to floor in one last defeat, "to see you."

before my fists could make contact with his body again, johnny wrapped his hands around my wrists, stopping me from landing another blow. my hands unraveled in defeat, letting the tears i had been holding back since last year, to fall.

johnny pulled me in closer, still holding onto my wrists, snug against his chest. i stopped fighting back, letting myself let loose, just this once. he reeked of men's cologne and bad decisions.

"i hate you," i muttered against his shirt, sniffling.

"i know," johnny said, breathlessly and tightening his hold on me, "i know."

we stayed that way, clinging onto each other's bodies in silence for the next few minutes. our actions very telling of a million unspoken words. ten minutes had passed before johnny loosened his grasp on me, letting my arms fall back to my sides. with nothing else to say, he moved out of my way and let me go, doing something i should've done with him a long time ago.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

i was back in my room, trying to make sense of whatever had just happened. looking up to the ceiling with my back laying down on the bed, i replayed the scene over and over. god, i should've gone to movie night. why was he even here and not with the others?

a rhythmic knock sounded at my door.

"no, uncle ed, i do not want to discuss the political and economic state of the world with you," i replied in response, half-sarcastic yet jokingly.

"well that would make for quite an evening," a voice that wasn't uncle ed's responded, making it's way into my room.

"you know you really should work on your british accent," i threw back at johnny as i sat up straighter on my mattress. "it's god-awful," i said in an accent of my own this time.

"you're one to talk," he drawled out as he headed over to the chair by my desk. he made himself right at home.

"why aren't you with the others over at windemere?" i asked, letting my curiosity get the best of me.

"didn't like the movie they picked out," he replied, spinning around in my chair.

"which is?"

"1984."

"that story has a great message behind it," i said with a scoff.

"i'm sure."

"and you could learn a lot from it," i continued.

"mhmm."

"i don't even know why i bother," i muttered under my breath, rolling my eyes and letting myself fall back on the bed. i had tried making conversation with him, but that only made me want to rip my hair out.

"what's this?" johnny asked. i sat back up to look at whatever he was talking about. but before i could give him an answer, it seemed like he had already gotten one himself.

he stared down at the picture frame in his hands, gripping onto it like it was some sort of treasure threatened to be taken away from him. he had gotten so quiet all of a sudden that you could hear a pin drop in the room.

"you're missing a tooth in this pic," johnny broke the silence, holding up the picture with his finger pointing right at my face so i, too, could see my toothless smile.

visibly annoyed by his unpredictable reaction, i grabbed a pillow from behind me and threw it, aiming for his perfectly curled head. he let the picture fall to his lap before catching the pillow in one hand.

"oh, you're so on."

johnny set the picture back on the desk and got up from my chair, making his way towards me with the pillow, ready to fight back. i quickly turned behind me to grab another pillow in defense, but he was quicker than i was. i looked back in front of me only to be met with a soft blow to my face.

"i'm going to destroy you," i muffled, pillow still all up in my face.

"i'd like to see you try," johnny replied, cackling.

i took that as an invitation to not hold back. propping up on my knees to balance myself, i grabbed my pillow by the corners and swung—hard. johnny was so caught off guard by the strength i had actually put into my hit that he stumbled backwards from the edge of my bed and fell to the ground, going quiet.

"johnny?" i inched closer to the edge of my bed, genuine concern lacing my voice. one foot reaching over the side of my bed, my heart dropped as i saw an unconscious johnny sprawled on my bedroom floor. his body was limp, leaving a loosened hold on the pillow.

"oh my god, johnny," i quickened on my feet and hurried down to the floor next to him. "johnny, johnny! wake up!" i yelled out as i shook his shoulders. god, just how hard did i hit him?!

body half-hovering over his, i continued to shake him back to consciousness, cursing myself out loud for what i had done.

"please..." i begged, holding both sides of his face in the palm of my hands, praying for a miracle to occur as i shut my eyes.

"relaaax, you didn't kill me," johnny said hoarsely.

i opened my eyes, making contact with his half-lidded, ocean blue ones. for the first time in a long time, i was genuinely happy to hear his voice. i hadn't noticed i was crying until johnny winced as a teardrop fell from my face and onto his. my breath hitched as i swallowed the dreaded lump in my throat. we were close, too close.

i jerked myself backwards in an attempt to create some space between us, but johnny countered the action with his own, bringing me back down and closer to him than ever. i froze, knowing that if i moved even an inch then i'd practically be kissing him. but those thoughts soon escaped my head as i lost myself in his eyes. simply calling them beautiful would've been an insult, because they were so much more. they were a shade of blue i had never seen on anyone else, a blue so mesmerizing i wouldn't even mind if i drowned in them.

johnny brought up a steady hand to my face, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"you're beautiful," he whispered, staring back at me with a million unspoken and hidden desires. but i wasn't going to let myself fall for his sugar-coated words, not again. i pulled away from his grasp and got back up on my feet, facing my back to him and looking for an out.

"why do you keep pushing me away?" johnny asked, sounding almost hurt as he got up from the ground after me.

"me pushing you away?" i shot back as i turned around to face him again, baffled at the audacity he had to even question this.

"yes, you."

"sorry, asshole, but did you need me to remind you of summer 15? because i sure haven't forgotten," i scoffed in disbelief, letting my pent up emotions get the best of me. johnny got quiet. he knew i was right and there was nothing he could say that could prove otherwise.

"i told you that was an accident, i explained," johnny said then, trying to defend himself.

"accident? you told me you loved me, johnny, loved. and then i saw you kissing someone else the same night."

"she came onto me first, you know that. danielle's had a thing for me ever since the sixth grade, for fuck's sake."

"whatever, i don't even know why i try," i said, making my way out of the door this time.

"no, not whatever, y/n. you say you're fine, but you're really not. you wanna forget this? us? me? then go ahead. vow to never speak to me, to never look at me again. break my heart like it's yours to break. i told you i loved you and nothing has changed for me since then," johnny rambled on, following me out of the room, "god, i knew i was in love with you the moment i dragged you out of those waters. you were so little and already so done with life that i promised myself from that day on that i'd be there for you. i sat with you for weeks on end after that day, trying to get you to say something, anything. you were so vulnerable and i wanted to protect you, but the only thing i couldn't protect you from was myself. god, i'm sorry for hurting you, i just—"

i pressed my lips onto his, standing on the tip of my feet to grab onto his face and pull it to mine. not wasting a second, johnny held onto my waist with one hand while snaking the other to the back of my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair, lips hungrily on mine. he led me slowly back into my room, making sure not to break the kiss. i let myself fall back onto my bed, fisting my hands in johnny's shirt and pulling him closer, desperate to feel him all over me. johnny's hand was still in my hair, but the other had found it's away at the hem of my shirt, burning my skin with every faint touch. he released my lips and left a trail of kisses along my jaw, then slowly down my neck.

"don't stop," i managed to let out, feeling breathless from all the tension rising in my body.

"is this okay?" he asked, mid-kiss.

"more than okay."

johnny continued to pull my shirt over my head, leaving me feeling more exposed than ever. but a big part of me wanted to be vulnerable, to trust him—to just be with him.

i reached for the bottom of his shirt to do the same. i had seen johnny sinclair shirtless more times than i could recall off the top of my head, but this was different. i let my fingers flutter on his skin, which johnny audibly enjoyed more than i'd thought.

feeling the weight of his body over mine, i combed my fingers through those rebellious, blonde curls, using them to pull him closer to me.

"hi," he whispered, our faces barely just touching.

"hi," i whispered back.

our lips met again, slowly, then with a slip of tongue. i let out a small moan and felt johnny smile against my lips before continuing the kiss. that aching feeling continued to spread as johnny ran his hands over every inch of my skin, gentle enough not to hurt me.

"i love you," he paused, looking down at me with those compelling blue eyes, thumb grazing my cheek.

"i love you, too," i said with a shy smile, knowing that i'd meant it with all my heart. i loved johnny sinclair. love.

and i'd be loving him for a long time.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

[myclovernew]

hate you, love you [lee myung-gi]

⟢ pairing: myung-gi x fem!reader (basically replacing junhee as player 222 sorry jo yuri my queen)

⟢ fluff but a little steamy near the end...

⟢ word count: 4k

⟢ a/n: hai everyone this is my first ever fic here on tumblr and i haven't written anything in over four years so i apologize if the writing is terrible LOL squid game and myung-gi brainrot had me down BAD

the annoyingly cheerful music blaring at what felt like 7 in the morning woke me up. the last thing i could remember before falling asleep was getting into a white semi-van driven by a man in a red hoodie whose face i couldn't quite make out. so where in the hell was i now?

blinking a couple times before rubbing one eye, i slowly slid up to the point where i could feel the cold, metal backboard of the bed i was in through the thin polyester jacket i had on. that's when i realized i was in a completely different outfit than the one i had on the night before. looking around, i noticed others slowly waking, everyone in the same outfit as mine with only a slight difference. we were all numbered, and my number was 222.

a guy who was in the bed directly in front of mine started waking up at that moment, mumbling something incoherent to himself and then letting out a huge sigh. the number on the back of his jacket was 333. only when he turned slightly to his left is when i realized; i'd recognize that side profile anywhere.

"lee my-" before i could even finish calling out his name, the speaker sent out feedback indicating the start of something unknown. everyone was awake at this point, walking towards the center pool of people.

that's when an alarm went off, and an automatic door let in a group of eerily mysterious people dressed in pink jumpsuits, their faces covered by black masks with either squares or circles painted on them in white.

"i would like to extend a hearty welcome to all of you," one of the square guards started. i was watching from the foot of my bed, trying to scan the crowd to navigate that piece of shit. i can't believe that asshole is here too, i thought to myself while half paying attention to whatever the square guy is saying.

"everyone here will participate in six different games over six days." games? what are we in, grade school? "those who win all six games will receive a handsome cash prize."

now that's what i wanted to hear. when that salesman looking guy approached me a week ago, he had me play a game of ddakji, which i was a natural at. so of course i beat him on the first round. he gave me 100,000 won as a prize and a rustic brown business card with only a number on the back. i debated on calling the ominous number for days on end, but the final straw was having all 58 of my calls to that asshole myung-gi ignored. he had "borrowed" 500,000 won from me to kickstart a stock he was investing in and just never paid me back. a couple of weeks after was when i found out his dumbass had led a bunch of his stream viewers to invest in the wrong coin, causing a lot of not-so-happy, middle aged men struggling to make ends meet to go after him.

anyway, i was determined to make him pay.

a couple of people from the huge crowd started yelling out remarks, demanding for answers.

"what happened to my clothes?" "did you kidnap us?" "why are you wearing a mask?" "show your face!"

then one person started asking for their phone, insisting that they had to check the crypto market.

"player 333, lee myung-gi," the square guard had declared. my head immediately snapped up, eyes glued to the screen that had just turned on. a video of myung-gi started playing and it was him being embarrassingly bad at the same game of ddakji i had played with the salesman. i couldn't help but laugh to myself as hundreds of people watched him get slapped, how humiliating.

"current debt levels, 1.8 billion won." oh you had to be joking.

that made the measly 500,000 won he owed me look like nothing. no wonder he was ignoring my calls, the loser had absolutely no means of paying me back, let alone getting rid of his own debt.

i lost sight of myung-gi when the guards had us line up and sign what looked like a consent form to play the games. it seemed a bit excessive, but i guess they had to keep it all professional. we then had our photos taken before being led up multiple flights of pink, maze-like stairs.

all at once, three giant doors opened up to a large, sand-filled area. the guards instructed us to go in and stand behind the red line drawn on the ground. at the very end of the field was an enlarged cartoonish doll. what could we possibly be doing here?

i looked around for myung-gi again, hoping to catch him by surprise when he saw my face afters months of ignoring me.

"the first game is red light, green light," a woman's voice iterated through the speakers. red light, green light? i hadn't played that since i was a kid. "cross the finish line before the five minutes are up. if you do, you pass."

this honestly felt like a joke. why were we getting paid to play children's games?

"everyone!" i squinted my eyes to see a middle-aged man, his number being 456, run to the middle of the crowd. "everyone, pay attention!" he was waving his arms like a mad man to try and get everyone to listen to him.

"this is not just a game!" what?

"if you lose, you die!" there's no way that was true. did he mean get eliminated? they wouldn't really kill us, would they? i looked around to watch everyone else's expressions. some started visibly shaking, others shaking their heads in pure disbelief.

at that moment, the robotic doll turned around and put her hand up to her eyes.

"let the game begin."

the first "red light, green light" was said and everyone began to move. as soon as the doll stopped to look around, i stayed as still as possible. the man from earlier was still yelling at everyone to freeze, and something in me started to believe in what he was saying about the game. as i froze in place, i scanned the people around me. 239, 009, 176, 028, and 333. found you.

the next "red light, green light" played and i ran towards myung-gi. he might've been a crypto bro who practically lived at the pc cafe, but damn he was a fast runner. the next couple of "red light, green light's" went off and i was just about a feet behind him now. that's when a loud "bang" echoed throughout the hall. a gun shot. more gun shots sounded, followed by ear-piercing screams. stay still, stay still, i thought to myself.

then it went silent. everyone who was still alive was frozen in their places, not even moving when the doll said "red light, green light." my eyes focused on myung-gi. he was breathing so heavily i could hear him.

"red light, green light." the man from earlier, player 456, was the only one to move as he ran past all of us. "red light, green light." he moved a bit further, with his back facing us.

"the doll detects motion," he yelled out as he had one hand behind his back, moving it around to prove what he was saying was true. so as long as the doll couldn't physically see me moving, i would be fine.

"we're running out of time. we have to move!" shit.

"red light, green light." everyone moved then, finding someone bigger than them to hide behind. i was still behind myung-gi, who i admit was shorter than most guys here, but then again so was i. we were almost by the finish line, with a little less than a minute left.

"red light, green light." we moved again in a synced matter. but just as the doll was about to turn her head, myung-gi tripped on someone's foot. he's going to die, i thought. without thinking, i put out my arm, and grasped onto the back of his jacket.

"don't. move," i whisper-yelled, my teeth gritting against each other. myung-gi didn't make a sound.

"red light, green light," i let go and he regained his balance, the two of us crossing the finish line. i bent over, my hands resting on my knees as i tried to breathe normally again.

"y/n?" myung-gi questioned. i looked back up to him, scanning his face. as much as he was confused as to why i was here, he also looked relieved to see a familiar face.

"aren't you going to thank me?" i retorted. i did just save his life.

"oh, yeah," he said, his hand reaching the back of his head, "thank you. seriously." i sighed and gave him a slight nod. frankly, i was too exhausted and too desperate to get out of this place to even demand for my money back from him right now. he opened his mouth again, like he had something to say, but got quickly distracted by the ceiling of the arena slowly closing in. the game was over.

the guards had us all walk back into the room we woke up in. it was eerily quiet; people were scared for their lives. i just wanted to go home. i didn't even care about the money anymore. why would any of this even matter if i didn't make it out alive?

everyone made it back inside as the guards followed behind the last couple of players, stopping in front of the door they first walked out of. some of the players ran down to the middle of the floor and started kneeling to the ground, rubbing their hands profusely, begging to be saved.

"we are not trying to hurt you. we are only presenting you with an opportunity," the square guard declared.

"clause three of the consent form!" i turned around to look at the player that yelled this out. it was the same man that was helping everyone in the last game, player 456. "the games may be terminated upon a majority vote. correct?"

oh thank god. we actually had a chance at getting out of here before they had us all killed.

that's when the room went dim, and a golden piggy bank was slowly let down from the ceiling. even i was mesmerized, my eyes glued to the stacks of money falling into it. the guard then explained there was a sum of 9.1 billion won in the bank, and if we all wanted to leave now, it would be split by all current players. murmurs erupted, some people wanting to stay and play more games for the sum to rise, while others still wanted to leave.

"now, let's begin the vote."

the guards started calling out player numbers, starting from the last number, 456. the first vote was an X. each player received a tag with either an X or an O, indicating what they had voted for.

"player 333." i watched as myung-gi emerged from the crowd, and walked towards the buttons. i swear to god.

the sound of the button went off and so did a flash of blue light. he picked O.

he barely even made it through the first game without my help, yet he wanted to stay and continue playing? i scoffed to myself, he really did only care about himself.

"player 222." it was finally my turn. i walked up to the voting stand, confident in my answer. i hit the X button and received my tag. walking back to the group of other X voters, i looked over at myung-gi standing on the opposite side who was also watching me from afar. i narrowed my eyes and made a face full of utter disgust and disappointment, then looked away. in that moment, i regretted saving him at all.

the voting ended shortly, the O's winning by one point. we really had to stay and play another game. it was absurd to me, all these people being blinded by the money after seeing firsthand how one wrong move could literally get you killed.

food service happened after the voting and each person was given a meal. i walked back to my bed and opened up the metal box to find a layer of white rice, topped with an egg, sausage, and picked radish. it honestly wasn't bad at all. i was eating peacefully before myung-gi walked up, holding out his box of food and resting his arms on the foot of my bed.

"you want the radish? i know it's your favorite," i looked up at him, mid-chew of a mouthful of rice and egg. the radish was my favorite, but i was surprised he remembered that at all. without saying anything back, because i was still mad at him, i took the pieces of radish out of his box and put it in mine.

"are you mad at me?" i looked up from my food again. he could not be serious. we were making eye contact now, but the purple-ish, blue ring forming around his left eye caught my attention.

"what happened to your eye?" i asked, ignoring his initial question. i don't even know why i brought it up, i could care less about this asshole.

"don't worry about it." say less! i went back to eating my food, myung-gi still hovering, waiting for the answer to his question. i gave him a "what?" look with a shoulder shrug and seems like he took that for an answer because he turned back around and started walking away without saying another word.

i looked toward his direction ever so often after finishing up my meal. he really was a loser and didn't have anyone else here, not even someone to team up with. he sat straight up on his bed, poking at the rice with his spoon. a couple of hours passed by, and it was soon bedtime. the lights in the room dimmed and everyone was in their beds by this point. i pulled the thin cotton blanket over me and readjusted my pillow so it was leaning a bit against the bed board. i lay there on my back with my hands intertwined across my chest, closed my eyes and desperately tried to fall asleep. but it was one of those nights where your eyes were sleeping, and your body wasn't. hours passed and i was still awake. i tried turning to my side, readjusting my pillow again, but nothing worked. at a loss, i just kept my eyes open and stared at the bottom of the bed above mine.

the older gentleman to my right was snoring like there was no tomorrow, and a woman in her mid-20s to my left kept turning around every 5 minutes. even if i did manage to fall asleep, i probably would've woken up because of one or the other. that's when i heard someone nearby talking, or it was more of a loud whisper. i sat right up on my bed to figure out where the noise was coming from, only to see the source was right in front of me.

myung-gi was talking... but to himself? i slowly peeled the blanket off of myself and threw both legs over the edge of my bed. i stepped on my shoes without properly putting them on, and walked towards his bed, making sure not to make anymore noise that could wake up anyone else. i watched as myung-gi continued to blurt out sentences and random words in his sleep, but i couldn't quite make out what he was actually saying. his eyes were fully closed, but his eyebrows were at a slight furrow with sweat beading on his forehead. he looked like he was burning up. without even realizing, i reached my hand out to his forehead, hovering just an inch above it. i didn't even need to make contact with his skin to know he had a fever. i retracted my hand and bent down to my feet to fully put on my shoes before walking over to the door that led to the restroom. a guard was standing by the door and it took me a good 10 minutes for him to let me use the restroom, finally convincing him by saying it was that time of the month.

i grabbed a long piece of a paper towel, folded it, and let it run under the cold water for a bit. i walked back out the door without the guard noticing the paper towel in my hand and made it back to myung-gi, who was thankfully still asleep. i reached out my arms to place the towel on his forehead, but before i could take them back, myung-gi's hand wrapped around my left wrist. his eyes were slightly open, but i couldn't quite tell if he was actually awake or not.

"stay," he croaked, his voice coming out raspy. i stood there unsure what to do and his grasp still on my arm. "please."

well it's not like i could fall asleep anyway. i used my feet to take off my shoes and climbed into his bed, using his arm as a pillow. i cautiously turned to slightly face him, but myung-gi looked like he had already fallen back asleep. i turned back around, closed my eyes, and without even knowing it, fell asleep right then.

i felt warmer than usual as i started waking up to the same music that played when i first got here. eyes still closed, i turned over to my right side and felt even warmer. it was a nice feeling and i wanted to stay here just for a couple more minutes.

the chatter from the people around me woke me up. vision still blurry, i blinked profusely to make sure i wasn't hallucinating. i was looking straight at myung-gi, our faces almost an inch apart. his eyes were still closed and i could even hear his heartbeat; we were that close. we were also under the same blanket now, not knowing how i even got to that position considering he was hogging the thing when i first laid down.

i didn't know what to do. i didn't want to move now because then he'd wake up and i'd have to confront him. i just kept looking at his face, focusing on the bruise from yesterday, which was now a little darker in color. he didn't look like he still had a fever, but something in me wanted to check anyway. i freed my left arm from my own grip and slowly raised it up to his forehead, but before i could even check, myung-gi opened his eyes. i quickly dropped my hand and closed my eyes, pretending like i had never even woken.

fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit.

then i heard him starting to laugh, myung-gi was laughing at me. i peeked one eye open and he started to laugh even harder. now i felt myself heating up. guards please take me now, just take me now. as i was about to say something, myung-gi used the blanket to cover me entirely and pulled me in even closer.

"what the fuck are you do-" i tried to get out, but my voice got muffled by the blanket as he brought me in even closer. oh my god i thought i was going to explode.

"you hiding something under that blanket?" a voice questioned from outside. i took that as my queue to stay as silent as possible.

"no, why would i be?" myung-gi answered back.

"don't talk back to me, fucker. unless you want a matching black eye." oh, so this must've been the person that beat the shit out of myung-gi yesterday. myung-gi didn't respond this time, but i could feel his arm around me loosen as the footsteps got further away. i reached for the rim of the blanket and pulled it back down enough for my face to show. that was a bad idea, because i was just about touching his chest now.

"if you wanted a hug you could've just said so," he said sarcastically, a one-sided grin forming on his face as he looked down at me.

"in your dreams," i said, all flustered. i quickly pushed myself away before he could pull anything else and practically stumbled out of the bed. i didn't even look back as i put on my shoes and walked out to regroup with the rest of the players.

they had us get into groups of five for the second game, making it a game based on team effort. i teamed up with four older guys, one of them being player 456 from earlier. i was glad i didn't end up with myung-gi this game, because honestly i didn't know how to face him after last night. but i still found myself glancing over at him throughout the game to make sure he was still alive.

we both got through the second game, but it was still silence between us. i didn't go up to him and neither did he try and talk to me. i couldn't fall asleep that night either, but i didn't dare get out of my bed.

the next game came around quickly. i stuck with the group i had made during the previous game, and we quickly got the hang of this new game. we were placed onto a merry-go-round like platform and spun around until the music stopped. the speaker would blurt out a number and the same amount of people would need to run and find a room to stay in. if the room had more or less people than the number that was said, you would die. as a group of 5, we got through teams of 3 and 6 pretty easily. but then the speaker called out 2. i looked up as everyone paired up, and i had no one. my mind went fuzzy, everyone was running around screaming and looking for their friends. i felt like i was going to faint until i felt someone grab onto my wrist and started to drag me off the platform. i picked up on the pace and ran like my life depended on it, because it did.

we ran into a purple room and shut the door. my back was pinned to the wall as myung-gi still held onto my wrist. we were both trying to catch our breath, but then he leaned in closer. my body froze and we were only inches apart again. i was looking into his eyes, then panned down to his lips, just to trace back up to his eyes again. the door clicked shut and we were stuck in here. together.

in that moment, i felt his lips touch mine. i closed my eyes as i let myself melt into the kiss. he let go of my wrist and positioned one hand at my waist while the other creeped up the back of my neck. i could feel my shirt fleeting as his fingertips made contact with my skin ever so lightly. my hands made their way up his chest as i gripped onto his shirt and pulled him in even closer, deepening the kiss and eliciting a whiny moan from him. i wanted this to go on forever.

the door made another clicking sound, letting us know we could go back out. i loosened my grip before myung-gi could get his hand up any higher under my shirt.

"we have to," i let out, mid-kiss, "go." we both came to a stop then, realizing we had to go back out onto the platform. i quickly straightened up my shirt with my hands and reached up to myung-gi's hair which was looking all disheveled now to smooth it back out into his natural middle part.

"we're not done yet," he whispered into my ear as we walked out the door, parting ways once again.

that's when i knew i'd be getting a good night's sleep tonight.