myjourney-mythoughts

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I'm really really scared..

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I'm so tired and in pain, I can cry for the whole night. Getting my period started to feel like a fucking punishment every month. I feel like my body is broken and it's not able to do what it is supposed to do. I can't do this any more seriously.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

Life update: nothing is going on, and nothing has changed.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I'm so anxious my head is spinning

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I'm not sure if my partner is an optimistic man or a delusional one. Lol

[myjourney-mythoughts]

My period will start in a few days. I don't have high hopes since we did nothing. But deep down, I'm waiting for a miracle.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

At this point, I'm not sure what's worst, my depression and anxiety or my "unexplained" infertility. Lol

[myjourney-mythoughts]

So this month we're not doing anything. No medications nor any kind of procedures. It's day 15 of my cycle, and I can feel the ovulation pain. It's kinda weird because it feels more painful than usual, and it feels more intense, similar to the ovulation pain I had while taking Femara.

I'm taking my vitamins, the folic acid, and everything else. I'm trying to stay relaxed and not overthink things. If nothing happens, that will be okay.

I think maybe in July we'll try the IVF if nothing happens before.

It's weird how I feel stuck in life in general because of this. It's all I can focus and think about. It consumes every single part of me.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I just need to make my peace with the idea of IVF. It's the only option now. My heart aches thinking that.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

Period sucks. I'm tired and I'm in pain. I'm very emotional.

Anyway, I decided to see another doctor for a second opinion (third or fourth opinion but whatever). I just need to be totally in peace with my situation and to know that I did everything I could do before starting IVF. I have an appointment tomorrow evening. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for or what I really want from this. It's just sad. Everything feels dull.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

So, after the failed IUIs, our only option now is IVF. and of course, it's not covered by the insurance.

Now we have to wait a few months to save some money. And it's fucking expensive. and all the shots and medications it's alot.

The idea of IVF scares me really bad. I don't know why. It's just complicated and a lot.

It's kinda good that we have to take few months break from trying and doing all that shit. I feel emotionally drained. And lonely.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

Just another failed IUI. I'm exhausted

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I feel hopeless.. devastated

I think I'll take a pregnancy test the first thing in the morning tomorrow. I don't know, but I'm not very optimistic. especially with all these cramps and shit

[myjourney-mythoughts]

Day 12 post IUI, I feel crampy and crapy :( i really hope it's not a period symptom.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

10 day after IUI. I'm stressed. My sleep is kinda messed up because of how stressed i am. And I just took my last progesterone tablet.

I think I'm having a little cramps, which might be normal at this stage and also can be period related. Can't be sure. I feel bloated. Like really bloated for the past two days now. Other than that, I don't have any other symptoms.

God please let it happen this time.

يا رب يا رب يا رب

[myjourney-mythoughts]

Today is the ninth day post the IUI. And I'm STRESSED. I don't have any symptoms of anything yet. My mind keeps thinking and thinking. I'm noticing everything in my body trying to see if there is anything changed.

I'm just really really scared. I wish time can move faster and thing will turn out great.

I really don't want to think about whag gonna happen if this doesn't work out.

[myjourney-mythoughts]

I've been having the worst sleep ever. I can't fall asleep, so I'm in bed for hours. And when i fell asleep, I woke up every hour or so. I'm exhausted, and I don't know if it's my anxiety or a side effect of the medication .. I just want a good night of sleep to rest my body and mind properly..