myparalysis

[myparalysis]

Lmao this American girl walked up to a Hungry Jacks (Burger King) register with her drink and really, really loudly (I was at the other side of the place) proclaimed: “I asked for Lemonade, you gave me Sprite” in a really bitchy, entitled voice.

The cashier (and everyone within earshot) just looked at her like “the fuck is wrong with you”

In Australia, Sprite IS lemonade as far as we’re concerned.

Enjoy your 90c refund you cheap ass ho.

[myparalysis]

guys: fight each other all the time

girls: support each other and share hand cream

[myparalysis]

imagine having foreign relations like this.

[myparalysis]

[myparalysis]

Understanding consent is as easy as FRIES.

Consent is:

Freely given. Doing something sexual with someone is a decision that should be made without pressure, force, manipulation, or while drunk or high.

Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they want to do, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before or are in the middle of having sex.

Informed. Be honest. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, that’s not consent.

Enthusiastic.  If someone isn’t excited, or really into it, that’s not consent.

Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean they’ve said yes to others (like oral sex).

[myparalysis]

the olympics aka athletic girls are hot and im really gay

[myparalysis]

“go hang a salami” backwards is “im a lasagna hog" and that pleases me

[myparalysis]

always something by gallery 

[myparalysis]

I am not a waste.

Even if my potential doesn’t fall in line with what society wants. Even if I can’t see the good I do in this world. Even if I don’t feel like I contribute anything.

I am not a waste.

[myparalysis]

All animals go to heaven is just illogical planning. You’re telling me every crocodile that ever lived is in heaven? Heaven must be swarming crocodiles. Does that sound like heaven to you? Thousands of millions of crocodiles?

[myparalysis]

Big shout-out to Unity Autoworks in Brooklyn Park for doing this.

[myparalysis]

Charming Illustrated Cinemagraphs Reflect The Idyllic Mood Of Lazy Summer Days

by Rebecca Mock 

[myparalysis]

s/o to mentally ill dropouts, y’all are loved and are still worthy of respect and compassion

[myparalysis]

when u show love to your pet and they end up sitting on your lap but u got things to go do

[myparalysis]

I had to babysit my girlfriends cat.

[myparalysis]

did I ever mention that I know someone whose family owned a zombie dog because that’s some real shit that I get to delight with at parties

[myparalysis]

so I need a bulk supply of this card