mysecretdiary-95

[mysecretdiary-95]

via weheartit

[mysecretdiary-95]

[mysecretdiary-95]

World suicide awareness day. Shout to all the people who made it to now and fight everyday to find a purpose, reason why they are here. To those we lost to suicide, know you are loved and your story lives on to be told. May we grow, strive, prosper and flourish for years to come. Through dark times to find the light and know hard times will pass and the good will come. Since I was young, I was constantly at war with myself, battling my inner thoughts and second guessing myself in life. I never thought I would make it to 24. I fought, I conquered and overcame. Through the love of my daughter and the support from friends and family. I pushed myself to allow growth, encouragement and love. Here’s to my past, present and future self. You are a bad bitch, and you survived. We made it

[mysecretdiary-95]

[mysecretdiary-95]

Top pic 2014, bottom 2019.

5 years difference in a photo. The top picture I was alone, miserable, trapped & lost. I was in a relationship with a man who I saw myself in that moment but never anything long term. No ring, no engagement just a lot of empty words & unkept promises. Losing him was the start to finding myself, rebuilding the foundation for my life, & finding my true purpose. I left a life that I knew I could’ve spent with a man catering to me but that also meant he had full control who I was and who I strived to be. First comes love and then comes a baby. The man I chose to have a baby with, the man I thought i’d spend the rest of my life with- were 2 different men. He’s a good father but we just weren’t meant for each other. 9 months after having my daughter, I struggled being a new mom, having to adjust & adapt on my own was hard on me mentally, physically & emotionally. It took a toll on my relationship & pushed us to a point where we couldn’t be a family just 2 strangers raising a child. He found someone while we were together & I knew his heart wasn’t with me. At the expense of his happiness, I chose to let him go, let us go. I remember the nights I laid in bed crying, longing for the man who I loved to come back and for us to rebuild. I don’t sympathize to that point of my life. I empathize it as a giant upbringing in my life. I was pushed into situations that made me uncomfortable that allowed me to grow, I was forced to break out of that comfort and made me mentally stronger. The relationship affected me a lot. I compared every man to him, every argument turned into a bigger one involving my past. Fast forwarding to 2019, I stopped looking for love. I started living life for me and doing things that make me feel whole and happy. Living came first and love could find me after. I strived to be a good mother, daughter, friend & potential partner to someone. In time, I found someone who loves me unconditionally, accepts for all that I am & all that I can offer, who understands that my time with daughter is important & establishing myself is one of my top priorities. Gods got a plan. Take your time. There’s no rush & most importantly don’t force it

[mysecretdiary-95]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[mysecretdiary-95]

How to self cope

After a death, a horrible break up, or major life events that affect us on our everyday living from our normal routine. You usually will go through a time period where you aren’t yourself and you wish life would pause in that moment but it’s doesn’t. Life will go on and it will go on with or without you. And it moves fast, change starts to happen. Next thing you know, you are forced to continue and adapt to a life without having that special person, relationship or thing that once was in your life, or made a giant impact on it. It’s hard thing to accept, understand and on top of it all to deal with a life event that keeps us stuck in that repeat of that moment. It will replay in your head like song lyrics or a catchy tune.

God gives us difficult situations to shape us in every mentally, emotionally and physical way to prepare us for life- also known as growth. It’s uncomfortable and it’s a difficult thing to go through. Without hard lessons and tough situations, there’s no growth. Without growth, your are stuck in what feels like a never ending cycle of wanting and wishing for a change that may never come. It starts with you, your outlook on life and how you chose to deal with these hard times.

Some of these tips, tricks and advice may help you. Some of these will be completely useless. Everyone is different in there healing and coping. It’s nothing to ashamed or embarrassed about. Find what works for you and stick to it. Try it a couple times, before moving on to the next thing on the list.

- Blast music. Your favorite artist or genre and just turn up the volume and jam out. In your room or car. Just do it.

- Take a warm shower with nicest smelling soaps, bath bombs, body scrubs.

- Face mask!

- Read poetry, quotes, or books.

- Eat some fresh fruit and drink tons of water.

- Put on some comfy clothes and slippers. Enjoy the day inside.

- Do something you love. I hike, draw, blog, go on solo trips, or netflix binging.

- Beach trips, starry nights or scenic views. Embrace that moment and be present.

- Travel. There’s more to life than sitting on a couch.

- Eat something sweet.

- Get ready for the hell of it. Take some bomb ass photos!

- Journaling; by far my favorite. I always come up with random thoughts or ideas for future things or topics to write about.

- Watch your favorite movie. Comedies will turn my mood around instantly.

- Light a candle, especially the good smelling ones from Target are life.

- Socialize, go out with friends. The best encouragement, love and support come from the environment that’s around you.

- Spray your favorite perfume and put on some lipstick. Remind yourself you are a boss ass bitch and don’t let anyone tell you different.

- Go for a walk.

- Go to the park and look at dogs. What’s better than people watching and petting cute doggies.

- Exercise! Better for you mentally, emotionally and physically.

- Focus on every good aspect of your life from all that’s around you, and good things that will come to you.

- Gratitude journaling or practice gratitude, write all the things that bring you joy, happiness, and self love. Every morning when I wake up i always say 10 things i’m grateful for.

- Praying, allow god to know you are thankful for all the things he has given you or people came across in life no matter how big the impact and life lessons you gone through and will go through in the future. It’s all about trial and error, especially in life. And of course another day on this beautiful earth with the people you love.

- The law of attraction. This put me in whole different perspective on my everyday living. If you haven’t watched the documentary, “ the secret” on netflix. You definitely should. It tells you what you put into the universe, is what you get back. Manifest what you want out of your life. You give off negative energy, you will get negativity back. If you are positive, you will get positive energy.

- Reminders notes, I have a whole list dedicated to all things i’m happy for in my life, surrounding my life, and continue to be in my life.

- Cute plants or bouquets of flowers around the room. Just like plants we shall bloom or flourish too.

- Some time in the sun. Absolutely love this one.

- Family time, being around your loved ones during hard times will help you.

- Meditate and breathing exercises. Every night before bed. I practice about 15-20 minutes of both of these. Helps clear your mind and will help you fall asleep.

- Yoga and stretching, best to do this before working out or getting out of bed.

- The one people talk about the most changing yourself. Get a haircut, dye it, change your wardrobe, your way of thinking, who you are as a person, the environment you surround yourself in. Good changes come from and start within yourself. Trust the process.

- Retail therapy but don’t go outside your budget means. Pay your bills and then have fun. Or go broke over those heels. Your choice.

- Art. Draw, paint, design or sketch.

- Smile, it’s the best accessory to wear.

- Make a list of anything and everything that makes you happy. Its a reminder why you are here and continue to live everyday.

- Write down a goal or make a vision board.

- Do one thing you’ve put off; a gym day, a late payment, or a day for yourself.

- Practice self love and care. Know your worth. People will see it and respect it.

- Go to events, concerts, games, amusement parks. Have fun and live alittle.

- Set boundaries, understand there’s people on your sideline who’s willing to support, encourage, and love you. If they don’t congratulate you for your success, achievements, or goals you’ve met. They probably weren’t on your team to begin with. Give credit where credit is do. Wish well on others and send it with peace, love and happiness and let it be. Karma is a thing. BE KIND.

- Write a paragraph to someone you love or care about. You never know who’s going through a difficult time. Be a friend, a shoulder to learn on and an ear to listen. It’ll make a different in both yours and their life.

- Respect yourself, how you present yourself is how others see you.

- Don’t become a revolving door or door mat to people who serve no good purpose or intention into you life and well being. whether it’s family, friend or partner. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES. I have a good heart, intentions but horrible judgement. I always give people the benefit of doubt and second chances. Don’t cross an ocean for someone who isn’t willing to cross a puddle for you. Learn it from me, and ghost them immediately.

- Remember to be kind and take time for yourself. It’s okay to put yourself before others- to be selfish and indulge in your own wants and needs but be minimal and have good judgement on it.

- Learn from the lesson and grow from it or that person. You have the power to allow who you want in your life and the choice to decide if it’s worth keeping them around. It’s okay to remove toxic family and friends.

-it’s okay to not be okay. Everyone has bad days but it’s doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. Everything is temporary. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

I am no therapist, or licensed. I’ve been in full remission from major bipolar depression, severe anxiety for almost 5 years now. These are tips that have became great learning tools and coping mechanisms that have worked for me over the years and continue to help me through hard life lessons over the years.

[mysecretdiary-95]

“I didn’t realize it, but the days came along one after another, and then two years were gone, and everything was gone, and I was gone.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, Babylon Revisted

[mysecretdiary-95]

grief


/ɡrēf/


noun


deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.



Grief is a response to a loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond, love or relationship was formed. There's no instructions, directions or guideline to follow. You grieve at your own pace. There's 5 stages of grief ( anger, guilt, denial, bargain, depression and acceptance ) that are stages we go through to learn how to live without the one we lost. Although, people who are grieving do not go through all the stages in the order or experience all of them.


Grief is strong, powerful, and often times overwhelming. it's a natural reaction to a loss. Grief isn't just a death of a loved one but it's a loss of a relationship, job, or even a heartbreak. In my case, it's a loss of a loved one. Mourning goes hand to hand with grief, while grief is a personal experience, mourning is how grief and loss are shown in public. Grief and mourning happen during a time period called bereavement. Bereavement is refereed to the time when a person experiences sadness after a passing of a loved one. Whether it's a brief meeting to a long lasting relationship, everyone will show grief and mourn in their own way. 


A friend once told me "always show grace, and allow those who are the closest and weren't closest to the one who passed to mourn and grieve." It changed my perspective, as I know, my loved one once lived through them at one point during their life and made an impact. At first I was mad, and often at times felt posting about the passing was for likes, popularity and a contest. It's not, it's their way of mourning. As time passed, I became more accepting and allowed them to show their love, respect and memories of the one who passed without judgement and harsh words. 


Grief is described as waves to most but for myself, it's an earthquake. Some days i'm steady, other days it's followed by after shocks which I call triggers, moments and bad days. There's days I come to terms with the passing, i began to live and enjoy life and then, there's days that I have to scream in my car, or silently cry in my bed. Let me tell you once again, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO GRIEVE AT YOUR OWN PACE AND HEAL AT YOUR OWN TIME! Don't let anyone tell you how and where you should be in your grieving process.


People wonder how long will the grieving process will last, or when the stages will start to subside. The reality is, there's no time limit, there's no period of time where you just stop or wake up and decide today's the day to get over it. It is said that, "Grief is the amount of love you had for the one who passed." Understand there's a huge difference in grieving and becoming depressed. It is normal but please don't let it overwhelm you and seek help if needed. After the passing, you go through days and often think of what you could've, would've and should've done differently. If you showed more love towards that person would it change the circumstances and or the situation. God has a plan for everyone and unfortunately, no one lives forever and he doesn't prepare us for situations like this. It's the hardest pill to swallow. 


One thing, i've learned since the passing is to be kind to others and most importantly to yourself and always be present in that moment, memory or day. Time is very limited and tomorrow is never promised.